‘That when he saw me...’
‘I know.’
It was himself she had reminded him of at her interview, Sev thought as he held her.
‘How do you know?’ Naomi asked.
‘Because it happened to me.’
CHAPTER EIGHT
SEV NEVER TOLD anyone this.
Ever.
It was one of those private pains that for Sev had been better dealt with alone.
He just didn’t want Naomi to have to deal with it alone, though, and so he worked out how best to tell her what had happened to him.
‘You’re right I don’t let others know about me very much...well, not the private stuff...’
‘I beg to differ—I order condoms for you. I’ve dumped two women on your behalf...’ She tensed at his emotional approach, trying to keep things light, to somehow keep back because, even though she had spent three months wanting to know more, suddenly he felt too close.
It was going to be hard enough already—saying goodbye.
What would it be like to know more about him and then be apart?
‘You don’t have to tell me.’
‘I will, though.’ He looked at her sad brown eyes, which had always melted him, and he knew why now.
He had spent his adulthood avoiding feelings yet lately he felt like a Bunsen burner had been turned on under his emotion button and he just wanted her to feel better, or rather not so alone in this.
He lay on the bed beside her, on his back, and unlike in her apartment it wasn’t a smooth move. Yes, she was naked under the sheets, but it mattered little. This conversation was way more intimate than sex and the closest he had ever been with another.
Sev turned his head to face her. ‘Do you remember when I spoke about the computer in the office at home and you picked up on it?’
‘The one at your school?’
‘You were right,’ Sev said. ‘There was an office where I lived. I was raised in an orphanage.’
She just looked back at him.
‘I didn’t know if I had parents.’ He couldn’t properly tell her a little without telling her a lot. ‘There were four of us who grew up together,’ Sev said. ‘We were as good as brothers and we spoke about everything but never that.’
‘What?’
‘That dream, that hope of being a part of a family.’
He saw her mouth move as if she was about to cry again.
‘I get it,’ Sev said. ‘Daniil and Roman were twins and so, though we were all close, they were true brothers. Then there was Nikolai and I. He felt like my twin—we were the other person in the other’s world and we looked out for each other. All four of us said that we didn’t care who our parents were and that we didn’t care if no one chose to adopt us. I said it all the time but I know I was lying and, looking back, I guess that they were too. Daniil finally did get adopted. He said he didn’t want to go but, I’m sure, only because it meant leaving Roman.’
‘They split up the twins?’ Naomi asked, and Sev nodded but he tried not to dwell on it and to tell Naomi only what was relevant.
‘Before that, though, I was good at reading and I would read stories to them at night. We laughed at them but in my head my mother was a princess and it was safer that we were apart. Well, I thought that till I was about seven. Then I decided my parents were poor and couldn’t afford to feed me but they cried at night for me, or at least on my birthday. I would make up in my head that they were waiting till they could afford to come and get me. I made up so many reasons as to why we were kept apart.’
‘I did that too,’ Naomi admitted, and she rolled onto her side and faced him. ‘I thought it was distance, or work pressure. And he fed me excuses as well—that it was my mother’s fault, or his wife who stood in the way...’ She looked into Sev’s lovely grey eyes.
‘A few years ago I found my mother. She had worked as a prostitute and was in a home. I also found out I had a half-sister called Renata, who was quite bit older than me. I didn’t know what to do.’
‘You didn’t know whether to make contact?’
He could see the confusion in her eyes and he knew he had to explain better, and that meant going back, which he hated doing.
‘Sev?’
‘Okay,’ he sort of snapped, but he was actually having to drag it out and make himself out a fool. And then he remembered her tears—the thick, heavy tears she had shed—and he pushed on.
‘You think I am rude and antisocial?’
‘I wouldn’t say that exactly.’ He could be a little too social at times, but she gave him a small nod because, yes, he could ignore the niceties at times.
‘Well, had you known me a few years ago you wouldn’t hesitate to answer that question. I lived in an orphanage till I was fifteen, then a boarding school, which was hell if you were on a scholarship. So I’d always go to my books and computer. Then I went to university and my room was a quarter the size of this. I studied maths and the people I studied with were the same. I got an internship and was doing really well, but I still rented a room in a house with five guys who were as computer crazy as me.’
Naomi frowned, unsure where this was leading.
‘We didn’t talk much, we didn’t eat together. On weekends I’d go to a bar and hook up, which was the best bit of the week. On the Monday it all started again. Then one day I got an offer to go to Dubai to discuss a design.’
‘Allem?’ Naomi checked, and he nodded.
‘I’d never flown before and Allem flew me first class.’
‘Wow!’
‘No,’ he corrected. ‘It was excruciating for me. The whole trip pushed me out of everything I had ever known. I had never eaten with a family before or received a gift but Allem and I did get on and he taught me a lot of things. And so when I found out I had a family I went to Allem. He is good with his family so I asked his advice. Allem said not to be too pushy, to take a gift and some flowers, to understand my mother might be embarrassed or upset at first. I did everything I could to make our meeting go smoothly. I asked the staff at the home to tell her I was coming so that it wouldn’t be a shock and then I turned up on time.’
‘What happened?’
‘I was nervous.’ He took her hand and placed it on his chest. ‘Thump-thump-thump,’ Sev said, at a rate far more rapid than his current heartbeat. ‘I walked in and I was surprised. She was very thin and for the first time I saw someone who looked like me. I recognised her.’
‘How old were you when you went to the orphanage?’
‘Two weeks old, yet I felt as if I recognised her and I’d never felt that before in my life. I forgot to be calm and I went to embrace her but she pulled back.’ He thought about that moment for a while and then he told her the rest. ‘She looked at me and said, “I didn’t want you then and I don’t want you now.”’ Sev looked at Naomi and said it in Russian just so she could try those words on for size. ‘Then she must have seen the suit and the flowers and the gift I had bought and she asked if I had money, which I did by then. Now she is in a nicer home and drinks better vodka but she didn’t want me then and she still doesn’t want me now.’
‘Maybe she—’
‘No.’ He would not make up excuses or fairy tales again. Never. ‘Do you know what? I’m grateful for those words. I really am because I knew there and then where I stood and it would seem that you know now too.’
Naomi nodded.
‘It’s better to know than to dream.’
‘I don’t know if I agree.’
‘What happened last night?’ Sev asked again, and now she was ready to tell him.
‘When I got there I saw people heading to the beach and I saw that they were having a party for his fiftieth.’ Naomi said. ‘I just dropped the cake and ran.’
‘Did they see you?’
‘No.’ Naomi shook, not in answer to the question, more in confusion. ‘I don’t know, maybe it was a surprise party and—’
‘No.’ He would not let her have hope. ‘If it was a
surprise, why wouldn’t his wife have asked you to come?’
‘Stop it.’
‘You need to be tough,’ Sev said. ‘You need to worry only about yourself from now on.’
‘Is that what you do?’
‘Absolutely.’ Sev nodded. ‘I don’t care for anyone, I don’t want to care for anyone, and I don’t want anyone ever to rely on me.’
‘So you don’t care for your friends?’ She didn’t believe him. ‘What about Allem?’
‘Oh, Allem says that he wants to be friends and all this talk about me coming for a holiday and taking us out on the water...’ Sev shook his head. ‘He wants me to call him more and to talk about things other than work.’
‘Yet you don’t?’
‘Not really. He’s married now, things are different. I ask after Jamal and I go out to dinner...’ he nudged her ‘...even the theatre, but I know it will change again. Come March they will have the baby. Just stay back from people, Naomi.’
‘I’m not like that.’
‘Become like that, then,’ Sev said. ‘I work on it. Sometimes I get drawn in, but I generally choose not to.’ He looked at her. ‘Take only what you need from people and give no more than you’re willing to lose.’
‘That sounds selfish.’
‘No, it’s not. I don’t care for family, or deep friendship. I don’t want romance and sex is still the best part of my day or week.’
‘People get hurt,’ Naomi said, thinking of the tears of some of the women she had dealt with but more thinking of herself. ‘That’s what I was worried about when I said no to you.’
‘What? That I was going to turn into some raging monster?’
‘Emotionally hurt,’ Naomi sighed. Sev wasn’t even from Mars, more like the next galaxy.
‘From the start I make it very clear sex is all I want. As I said, only gamble with what you’re prepared to lose. You can choose not to throw your heart in the ring. Expect nothing from anyone...’ he gave her a smile ‘...while demanding excellent service.’
‘I don’t get it.’
‘Take your father, for example. Tell him that if he wants a relationship with you then he has to be the one to make a continuous and sustained effort.’
‘But he won’t.’
‘Then you know.’
‘I might never see my sisters.’
‘So?’
‘I don’t want to be like that.’
‘It hurts less,’ Sev said. ‘Call him now and tell him you’re gone and tell him why and then see what happens. Do it now—I’ll be beside you. Grow some balls, and if you think you can’t then borrow mine...’ He took her hand and led it to his, and he did so without thinking.
They were on a bed together and he took her hand and placed it there and then he muttered something and went to push her hand back.
Naomi kept it there.
‘I didn’t come for that,’ Sev said.
‘I know.’
‘I was just making a point.’
‘I get that.’ Yet her hand remained.
He was semi-aroused, she could feel that.
So was she.
That little trip for Naomi had happened not by the guidance of his hand but earlier, when he had been talking about not throwing your heart in the ring. Naomi had lain there listening but her mind had wandered too. A part of her regret for the other night was that she’d denied herself also.
She wanted Sev, she wanted those lips back on hers, and to give in to the want that had never left since the day they had met.
Could she, as Sev had suggested, take her heart out of the ring?
And as her hand moved over his crotch, Sev conceded to himself that, even though he hadn’t come in for that, he had become turned on, which was why his hand had led hers there. Not consciously, more just a natural extension of the feeling between them.
‘Naomi,’ Sev warned as she continued to explore him. ‘I won’t let it go down a third time.’
‘Third?’ Naomi frowned.
‘You were hot and naked under those sheets that morning when I called you from Rome,’ Sev said. ‘Do you want me to remind you of the second time?’
‘No.’
‘I’m not making a move on you again,’ Sev said, and she felt him harden further to her touch. ‘You want it, Naomi, then you come and get it.’
He was the most arrogant person she had ever met. He slapped her hand away and sat up, but only long enough to take off his top, which he threw down on the floor, and then lay back.
She had seen the top half of his body many times, usually when he wore a face full of shaving cream, but now he was very unshaven and he lay on his back, looking up at the ceiling, and that body was hers to explore.
If she so chose.
No kiss.
No turning towards her.
No making this easy.
‘I mean it,’ Sev warned. ‘You can make the moves now.’
‘What, you’re just going to lie there?’
‘Yep,’ Sev said. ‘I’ve tried being nice and look where it got me. It’s your turn to seduce me.’ He stretched and closed his eyes. ‘If not, I’m going to sleep.’
Naomi lay there on her side and looked over and conceded that she had probably used up rather a lot of chances with Sev.
She went to his mouth and kissed him but Sev did not kiss her back. It was a surprising turn-on, just working his relaxed mouth, tasting cognac at 7:00 a.m., and he was as bad as he was delicious.
Naomi kept waiting for him to reach for her, to respond, but he didn’t, he just allowed her to do what she would.
It was an incredible turn-on and she kissed him deeper, sexier, using her tongue to try and get him to respond, but only the deeper breaths from Sev gave any indication of a response.
Two indications, Naomi amended as she knelt back on her heels and planned her next move. She could see him straining beneath the denim and this time she went for his belt.
He made it about sex.
Just about sex.
It was incredibly freeing.
And to see this once apologetic person relaxed in herself was surprising for Sev.
When he opened his eyes there was just enough light in the dim cabin that he could see her feminine outline. Combined with the recent feel of her naked breasts on his chest, he was fighting himself not to reach out and touch her.
He loved the bold her.
She dealt with the belt and zip and her hand slid in, feeling him hard and waiting, and his silken pubic hair made her throat close up. Naomi tugged at his jeans and Sev rebuked her.
‘I was going to do you fast that night,’ Sev said, lifting his hips just enough so she could strip off the bottom half of his clothes.
He gave her nothing except his deep voice but it was more than enough to turn her on, especially as he was naked now and fully erect. He was talking to her in a way she’d never heard. Oh, she’d had the odd reprimand, they had occasionally tipped into a row, but now it ended in bed.
‘I was going to take you fast and then I was going to make up for the lack of foreplay...but you said no, that I had to go.’
‘Okay...’ She didn’t need reminders but maybe she did because she was rocking on her heels as she took him in her hand.
‘And,’ Sev continued his sensual berating of her, ‘you think I just wanted a quick come when I was on the phone that time, but then you’ve never been spoken dirty to by me. You have no idea what you missed out on that morning...’
He said something in Russian, something filthy. It had to be, because her hand tightened her grip on his cock and she tightened inside. Naomi was possibly following orders, because she was climbing on top of him to sit on his thighs.
‘Condom,’ Sev said. ‘Then I want you to get on and...’ He switched back to Russian and Naomi, a touch frantic, reached for the bedside table but, no, she didn’t deal with his in-flight toiletries!
‘Where?’
‘By the shower.’
‘You’re a
bastard, Sev.’
‘Yeah, but you’re going to go get them,’ Sev responded. ‘And put the light on on your way back.’
He didn’t make her beg; he made her eager.
Sev made her want of him clear because she stood in the bathroom and saw a face in the mirror that had forgotten tears. She had never seen herself wanton. Naomi located the necessities and was back in a matter of seconds with her breath coming too rapidly.
‘Lights,’ Sev reminded her just as she reached the bed, which meant she had to turn around.
‘Walk slowly,’ he said, once she had turned the lights on and his eyes feasted as she did so. He could see how aroused Naomi was. Her face was flushed, her nipples erect and her eyes, when they met his, were glittering.
There was such a prickle of anticipation from her head to her toes that when she touched his cock, she thought there might be a spark of electricity, but instead it was warm and moist, only not moist in the way Sev wanted.
‘Wet it first,’ Sev said.
‘I thought I was the one doing the work.’
‘Do as you’re told.’
She laughed, at herself, at any thought that Sev had come in here to make love to her, and it helped that this was not what that was.
She lowered her head, knowing it would be sexual bliss. Taking charge once more, he positioned her so that she straddled his face. He didn’t touch her, or reach to taste her, but that only served to incite her desire. She was moaning to the taste of him, the need for the intimate touch of him which he persisted in denying. Then, as she took him deeper into her mouth, he pulled at her hips and halted her again.
‘Turn around.’
He, rather than the motion, made her feel dizzy.
She sat on his thighs, giddy and more turned on than she had thought it possible to be.
Sev tore open the wrapper and held it out to her. ‘Put it on.’
‘Are you going to say no to me at the last moment?’ Naomi wondered aloud.
‘Why would I say no to you?’ Sev asked, watching as she rolled the condom down his thick length. ‘Now get on.’
Oh, he was more than making sure that yes meant yes.
Naomi went to do that. She lifted her hips and he suddenly spun her around and pinned her on her back. Now Sev was on top.
The Cost of the Forbidden (Irresistible Russian Tycoons) Page 9
