Another picture…Annie’s fourth birthday. All she wanted was a princess cake. That’s it. She asked for nothing else. I got her the biggest princess cake I could buy, and we ate on that damn cake for days, the three of us.
Another image…Annie learning how to ride a bike. Look at me, Kish! I’m doing it! I’m doing it!
Annie putting a flower in Beth’s hair after our day in the park; Annie lying in my lap while we watched movies; Annie offering me the first cookie she ever baked with her mom, gooey and not quite done, and the best cookie I ever had.
Did I even have a life before Annie came along? I can’t seem to find any of the images flashing by that didn’t have her in them. Annie meant more to me than I’d even realized, and I think I know why. Before her, my life was pale, colorless, and out of focus. She painted my world when she came into it, as silly as that sounds.
I loved her and she loved me back. By doing that she taught me something. She taught me that you can love someone unconditionally, flaws and all. Before her, I didn’t think it was possible, so I had avoided love at all costs. Not because I was incapable of loving, it was because I didn’t think anyone was capable of loving me that much, something I learned from my parents. No one knew the fucked up childhood I had. I never talked about it, not even to Cooper and Joe. They were my best friends and they knew me better than anyone, but I never let anyone dig too deep. Not deep enough that they could see the emptiness that I felt day after day. Living under my parents’ roof all my life taught me that image was everything. I allowed people to see only the top layers of me, only letting them get skin deep. Beth was the first person that I offered an opportunity to dig deeper. Hell, I gave her the damn shovel and encouraged her to dig as deep as she wanted, because if I ever wanted to peel away her layers, I was going to have to let her peel away mine.
We did that, Beth and I. We peeled away the layers until there was nothing left to reveal, one sad, fucked up, complicated, heartbreaking layer at a time. None of that would have happened if Annie’s love hadn’t happened first. I knew that as sure as I knew I was standing in this hallway waiting for my life to change.
Movement from the corner of my eye caught my attention. I couldn’t focus on it, though. I pushed the images aside and zoomed in on this moment in time.
Say something, Annie.
When her eyes found mine, her chin wobbled.
I crumbled.
A tear slid down her cheek. I watched it until it held on at the base of her chin. Another tear, opposite cheek, slid down her cherubic face. Another tear behind that one. Then another. Then another.
Say something.
“You’re my br-brother?” Her face was red and splotchy.
Don’t cry. The words…they were right there…but I couldn’t grab hold of them.
“Are you?”
I managed to say one word that sounded like it had been raked over crushed stone. “Yes.”
She ran to me like a runner off the starting line. I caught her and held her.
The world stopped spinning and I let myself breathe.
Several minutes passed and all the while I clung to Annie, afraid to let her go for even a second. Beth stepped out of the doorway and into the hall. She smiled at me and between Beth’s smile and Annie’s hug, I was sure heaven couldn’t be any sweeter.
And then Annie whispered, “I always wanted to belong to you.”
“You belong to me, punkin. You belong to me.”
“Stuck like glue?”
Something warm and wet slid down my cheek. “Stuck like glue.”
Beth
The wind howled as I made my way up the front porch steps. I knocked on the door with my foot because I was juggling the dinner plates Sal sent home with me while also trying to keep my purse strap from sliding off my shoulder. It slid anyway and lodged itself in the bend of my arm. My hair whipped around my face, stinging my skin every few seconds, making it impossible to keep my eyes open. With the weight of my purse, I felt the Styrofoam plates slipping out of my arms.
“I got it,” Hayden said, catching the plates before they tumbled to the ground and carried them inside for me.
I pulled my purse strap back up and brushed the hair out of my face. Closing the door behind me, I leaned against it in relief. “That storm is moving in fast.”
“The weatherman is saying the worst of it will be arriving in about fifteen minutes.”
“It feels like it’s already here,” I said, pushing myself off the door. “When I left the diner the wind wasn’t this bad.”
“It’ll get worse before it gets better,” Joe chimed in. “Reported wind gusts of fifty to seventy miles per hour. The good news, though, is that it should pass over quickly.”
“I don’t like storms, Mommy.”
“It’ll be okay, sweetie. Aunt Beth brought dinner home for everyone and we’re all going to hang out together for a while. It’ll be fun.”
It had been six weeks since Molly was allowed to leave the hospital and when she got out, she and Annie came to live with me. I had insisted. I didn’t want her left alone during the day because she was still recuperating and I think Annie was afraid to be left alone with her mother in case something like what happened before happened again. Nobody wanted Annie to relive that. I’m certain that was the sole reason Molly relented. I can’t blame her for resisting at first. No one wants to feel like they are a burden on someone else. But I wanted to take care of her. So far it was working out perfectly. I started working at Sal’s Diner again and whenever I had a shift Ms. Sophie, Lily, or Maggie would come over to sit with Molly. This arrangement served two purposes. One, I knew Molly was being looked after, and two, Molly was getting to know everyone really well. Some days turned into a gathering, like today. You could set your watch by Hayden showing up. He was here every evening by six o’clock. Joe and Cooper would get off work and come straight over because Lily and Maggie would be here. Ms. Sophie usually came over every day, whether I had to work or not, although, tonight she was noticeably absent. “Where’s Ms. Sophie?”
“She had to leave,” Cooper said. “Something about getting to the pharmacy before they closed and before the storm hit.”
“Oh,” I said, moving to the kitchen to help Hayden hand out dinner.
“Who got the hamburger steak with grilled onions and gravy?” Hayden asked.
“Yo, that’s mine,” Joe answered. “Maggie, what did you get?”
“I got the cheeseburger,” she said from the living room. “With jalapenos.”
“Lily, I think this is your club sandwich and chips.” When I got to the one I knew was Annie’s, I said, “And who wanted the chicken fingers and fries?”
“Me!” Annie answered. “Did Sal remember the honey mustard?”
Hayden held up a clear plastic cup with a lid filled with yellow sauce. “It’s right here, punkin.”
We all gathered in the living room. Some of us sat on the couch while others spread out on the floor, using the coffee table to set their food and drink. By the time we finished eating the storm was on top of us. The wind was ferocious, the rain pelted the windows, thunder rumbled angrily, and the lightning was so wicked every time it flashed Annie covered her eyes.
Cooper dialed Ms. Sophie to make certain she had made it home safely and she assured him that she was “snug as a bug” and already had a kerosene lamp burning on the kitchen table in case the storm knocked the power out.
“I don’t like storms,” Annie said.
I scooped her up and placed her in my lap. “I used to hate them, too, now I love them.”
“Why?”
“I’m not sure. I guess because whenever it storms like this we tend to huddle together, like we are now. I also like the sound of rain. And the thunder…my mother used to say God was moving his furniture around, and when lightning flashed, He was taking our picture.”
“My mother used to tell me God was bowling whenever I heard thunder,” Cooper said, looking off like he could vi
sualize the memory. Lily put her head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her.
“See, Annie? Storms don’t have to be scary.” Of course that would be the moment the electricity went out.
“Kish!”
“I’m right here, punkin.” Hayden lifted her from my lap. “Do you have any candles?”
I stood and then Hayden handed me his phone. “Use the light from this so you can see your way around.”
I placed battery operated candles meticulously around the house, all bedrooms, the bathroom, and several more scattered throughout the living areas.
“I brought the photos of Annie I took last week,” Maggie said, pulling out the pictures from a manila envelope. “I really like how they came out.”
Even though we only had the glow of the candles, there were enough of them that we could see, and what I saw were amazing pictures. Some were in color and some were in black and white.
“These are beautiful,” Molly said, picking up each one.
“I can’t take all the credit,” Maggie said, winking at Annie. “I had a beautiful subject.”
“I wanna see!” Annie said, sliding off Hayden’s lap and onto the floor. She stared at the photos for a long minute, and then said, “I look pretty.”
“Yes, you do,” her mother said.
I noticed Cooper rubbing Lily’s belly. She was showing now and I had heard that pregnant women glowed, and that was certainly true in Lily’s case, but what about expectant fathers? I was pretty certain Cooper was glowing, too.
The two of them were all snuggled up together and I guess I was smiling because Hayden leaned in and whispered, “Thirty-four.”
“What?”
“That smile…is number thirty-four. Up until tonight you had thirty-three different kinds of smiles. That one right there,” he said, pointing to my lips, “is number thirty-four.”
“Hey, how about we play a game?” Lily said excitedly. “Beth, do you have any board games?” I was still holding onto Hayden’s words, so I found it difficult to respond to Lily.
He counted my smiles?
When I didn’t answer she prompted again, “Beth?”
“What? Oh…um…yes. I think I have some in my closet. I’ll go see what I have.”
I was walking down the hallway while Joe began telling a joke. “Why do fish live in salt water?” he asked. “Because pepper makes them sneeze.”
I chuckled to myself and when I reached my bedroom, I automatically reached for the light switch.
“Let me guess, you tried to turn on the light,” Hayden said from behind me.
I startled and spun around, my hand over my chest. “My goodness, Hayden, you scared me.” A flash of light lit up the room for a couple of seconds, creating an eerie scene.
Hayden closed the door. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
Heart rate under control, I asked, “What are you doing?”
“I need five minutes alone with you.”
“Just five?” I teased.
“No, but I’ll take what I can get.” He walked towards me, and the closer he got, a tingling sensation in the pit of my stomach emerged. Before I could blink he pulled me to him like I was made of nickel and he was made of steel. Everyone knows what happens when two metals meet.
Hayden gazed at me while I gazed at him, and for whatever reason, one night a couple of weeks ago came to mind. He came to pick me up from work and we drove around a bit before heading home.
“Tell me something,” he said. “Do you ever think about the future?”
“Yeah, sometimes.”
“Do you ever see yourself being married?”
“For the longest time I didn’t think I would ever get married,” I answered truthfully. “My life was a bit of a mess,” I said with a semi-smile. “Now, though, I see it more of a possibility.”
“What about children? Can you see yourself with kids?”
“Yes.”
“How many?”
I hesitated even though I knew the answer. I didn’t know how Hayden felt about having children. His childhood wasn’t a happy time for him. The only times he ever reflected on his childhood with enthusiasm was whenever he talked about Cooper, Joe, or Ms. Sophie.
“Don’t think about it, Beth. Give me the first number that comes to mind. How many?”
“Four. Two boys and two girls.”
He grinned. “What if you have three boys and one girl?”
“I guess I’ll have to leave it up to fate, then.”
“I guess so. Do you ever think about where you would like to get married, like in a church or–”
“You know,” I said, interrupting him. “The house we used to have, before the fire, that’s where my parents got married. They couldn’t afford to rent a venue, so they got married in front of our fireplace. They used to tell us that story a lot. I dunno…” I said, shrugging my shoulders. “…maybe that’s something I would like to do…get married in the house that my husband and I would call home and raise a family.”
Hayden nodded. “Nothing fancy, then? What about your dress?”
“Nope. I want simple…simple ceremony, simple dress, with only my closest family and friends present. I know most girls dream of wedding gowns and all that stuff, but honestly, I don’t care about any of that. Although, now that I’m thinking about it, I do want twinkling lights lit up all over. That’s my only must-have request.”
“Why twinkling lights?”
I turned my eyes towards the nighttime sky. “Because…they’re magical.”
Hayden’s voice brought me back to the present. “Have I told you lately how proud I am of you?”
“I know you are. I’m kind of proud of myself.”
Hayden held my face in his palms, brushing my lower lip with his thumb. “I’ve wanted to kiss you since you walked through the door this evening.”
I tried to resist showing my satisfaction. It slipped out anyway. “That long, huh?”
He nodded. “It’s been torture.”
I had every intention of teasing him, to prolong his torture, but his lips descended on mine and all other thoughts vanished from my mind. He kissed me patiently, like all our friends weren’t waiting for us in the other room.
Everything about him felt calm, and I silently pleaded with my heart to slow down, to match his pace. His hands started to roam, caressing my hair with one hand while splaying his other hand across my lower back. My heart rate was now a runaway train.
“Hey!” Joe shouted. “You guys bringing a board game or what?”
Hayden broke the kiss and I made another silent plea. No, don’t stop. I need more.
Rather than pulling away immediately, Hayden repositioned his hands on my cheeks, and stroked my lower lip with his thumb, exactly the way the kiss had begun. For a few silent moments, he stared at me, his clear blue eyes holding me captive. His brow furrowed, his eyes closed, and a deep sigh escaped his lips. His forehead pressed against mine. I could feel his tension…the calmness from before was gone.
“Soon,” he said. He then kissed the top of my head and released me. “So,” he said, moving towards the closet, “what are our choices?”
I needed a minute to catch my breath. Knowing we weren’t alone, though, and knowing we had already been gone long enough, I swallowed the disappointment and answered, “Candy Land and Sorry. I have Monopoly, too, but that’s a bit mature for Annie, don’t you think?”
“We can alter the rules for her. We’ll grab all three and let Annie decide.”
Hayden took me by the hand, and together we stole a couple more seconds alone as thunder rolled in the distance. Another flash of light lit up the room, illuminating Hayden’s face. He was smiling.
A sly smile snuck across my face, like a nudge and a wink.
Good one, God, I thought. I’d like a copy of that one if you don’t mind.
Beth
Bills don’t pay themselves, so over the next several days I pulled double shifts at the diner. Plus,
I wanted to do what I could to help Sal since he was so gracious to me when I needed a leave of absence, however, I was exhausted and needed a break.
Fortunately, I only worked the morning shift today and was on my way to clock out when Sal came up to me. “I was wondering if you would do me a favor.”
“Sure, Sal,” I said. “What’s up?”
“I baked this cake for a friend of mine who’s having some kind of event this evening,” he said, holding up a pink cake box. “He was supposed to come by here to pick it up, but he called and said he wouldn’t be able to make it. He asked if I could have it delivered for him. You wouldn’t mind delivering it for me, would you?”
“No, not at all.”
“Great.” Sal handed the box to me. “Here’s his address. It’s not far from here.”
“No worries, Sal. I’ll drop it off on my way home.”
“Thanks, hon. I appreciate it.”
I grabbed my purse and put my apron in my locker. “No trouble at all. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Okay, thanks again, hon.”
I followed the directions on my GPS. It brought me to a cottage style house that sat back a good distance from the street, nestled between oaks and pines. The house itself was big, yet it also held a certain amount of old country charm. I followed the pathway leading up to the wraparound porch and before I could knock someone opened the door.
I blinked in confusion, stood back to reread the house numbers again, checking it against the address Sal gave me. It was definitely the right address.
“Delivering a cake?” Hayden asked, opening the door wider to allow me room to enter.
“Uh, I’m doing a favor for Sal. He asked me to deliver it. What are you doing here?” I asked, awkwardly holding the pink box in my hands, which Hayden promptly took from me.
“I was finishing up some renovation work the owner asked me to do.”
I stepped further into the room. It was an open concept design with a large family room that flowed into a large eat-in kitchen. Vaulted beamed ceilings, large picture windows, and what looked to be brand new hardwood floors. “It’s beautiful,” I said, setting my purse alongside the cake box Hayden had placed on the kitchen counter. “How long have you been renovating out here?”
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