For a while they sipped their drinks in silence. He could feel her tension—it almost vibrated off her—and it was there in the tautness of her face reflected in the glow of the single lamp on the bedside chest next to her.
‘You did a great job tonight, Chloe.’
Setting her empty mug aside, she shrugged. ‘It was touch and go. I was grateful for your help. I know Angela wanted to be at home but, given the signs on her last scan, it may have been wiser had she stayed in hospital.’
‘That was the consultant’s call. Not yours.’
‘Yes. I know.’
OK, so she wasn’t blaming herself for the sudden deterioration in Angela’s condition, which had been one of his fears. If that wasn’t the issue, what was it that had upset her? Careful not to scare her by holding her down, he leaned across her to put his mug next to hers. Moving back into place, he slid an arm around her shoulders and drew her closer, cradling her head against his chest. With one hand he stroked the loose locks of her glossy, ebony hair.
Chloe held herself stiffly against him, but he didn’t move, just waited, offering comfort, revelling in being able to hold her for the first time. The fact that she hadn’t immediately pulled away was a major breakthrough. Even if she wasn’t actively participating.
‘Relax,’ he murmured, keeping his voice low. His heart clenched when she drew in a ragged breath, only for it to shudder out of her. ‘You’re shaking. Don’t you like being hugged?’
He thought she wasn’t going to answer, but when she finally spoke, he had to strain to hear her whispered words. ‘I’m not used to it.’
‘I hope to be doing it a lot…if you’ll let me,’ he told her softly, careful to keep his hold loose so she didn’t feel restrained.
He wanted answers but knew he had to be calm and patient, however frustrating it might be. Until he knew what had happened in her past, he didn’t know what he was working against, what could alarm her or having her backing off. He felt like he was walking on eggshells.
‘You are an incredible midwife, Chloe,’ he praised, returning to their former conversation.
‘Thank you.’ He heard the surprise and pleasure in her voice at his compliment.
‘I’ve worked with many people in different places who “do midwifery” but you are a proper midwife for all the right reasons and in all the right ways. I admire your desire to let things develop naturally for both mother and baby, using as little intervention as possible and putting the mother first. The care here is very patient-led and holistic. It’s refreshing. And it’s a real pleasure to work with you and Kate. You really believe in what you are doing. It’s not just a job.’
‘Not to me. I enjoy what I do.’
‘It shows.’ He continued stroking her hair. ‘What made you choose midwifery as a career?’ he asked, knowing when he felt her stiffen that he had touched something raw inside her. ‘Chloe?’
A deep painful sigh escaped her but she didn’t pull away. He waited, hoping she was coming to trust him enough to confide in him about something important to her. ‘I came home from school one day to find my mother lying on the floor, bleeding.’
The words cut through him and he smothered a groan as it dawned on him what seeing Angela must have meant to Chloe. ‘Tonight made you remember.’
‘Yes. For a moment I froze, and it was as if I was reliving it.’ A tremor ran through her and he instinctively cuddled her closer. ‘I was ten. My mother was six months pregnant.’ Her voice was flat but the underlying emotion was obvious and Oliver ached for her. ‘I called the ambulance but it seemed to take ages to come. The person on the phone told me what to do, and I tried…tried to keep calm and help. My mother survived, but it was hopeless for the baby.’
So she had become a midwife, needing to do all she could to help others as she hadn’t been able to help her mother? ‘It wasn’t your fault, Chloe,’ he reassured her, his voice rough.
‘I couldn’t do anything. I let my little brother die.’ A sob of guilt was barely suppressed at her confession.
‘Chloe, you were a child. You were not responsible, not to blame,’ he insisted, wanting to ease the pain she had buried all this time and which had come back to haunt her after finding Angela in a similar situation. ‘With the knowledge you now have, you know that even the best professional could not have saved your brother. Sometimes these things happen, a fluke of nature.’
‘He killed him.’
Oliver hesitated, not sure if she knew what she was saying, or whether the trauma the ten-year-old child had endured had made her confused. ‘Who did?’ He moved his fingers under her hair to soothingly massage the back of her neck.
‘My father.’ She sucked in a ragged breath, still tense in his arms. ‘He’d gone off on one of his rages. He hit her, she fell…and he kicked her in the stomach. That’s why she miscarried. He said he never wanted the baby anyway. He left her to bleed to death, wanted them both to die, and he went out fishing. If I hadn’t come in and found her…Later he blamed me for saving her.’
‘God, Chloe.’
This was the first real confidence she had ever shared with him. Instinctively he gathered her unprotesting form closer still, breathing in the fresh apple scent of her hair and skin. What she had told him was shocking enough, but the way she had recounted it, as if such violence at home had been nothing unusual, made him feel sick. What must it have been like to grow up in that kind of environment? And then it occurred to him that he may have unwittingly discovered the root of the problem. Was the dark spectre in Chloe’s past her father? If so, it made sense that she never wanted to speak of her childhood. It seemed that every time he came closer to an answer, all he found were more questions.
Oliver couldn’t bear the thought of Chloe being hurt in any way. Yet someone had hurt her. And the prime suspect was her father. It tore at him that she had been emotionally and physically dominated by someone who should have loved and cared for her. No wonder she didn’t trust those emotions. Or men. Despite everything she had been through, she had survived and triumphed, at least in terms of her career, her friendships, her hobbies. But she had closed her mind and her heart to love, men and sex. He had yet to find out the full details of what had happened, but he desperately wanted to teach Chloe that she could trust him not to hurt her or control her, that it was safe to experience with him all the things she had banished from her life until now.
‘I’m sorry,’ she murmured, making him frown.
‘There’s nothing whatever for you to apologise for.’
She relaxed more against him. ‘Thank you for being here this evening.’
‘I’ll always be here for you, babe.’
As he spoke the words, he knew how much he meant them. While part of him was scared of what he would be taking on by pursuing things with Chloe, he recognised that he was in too deep, his emotions and his desires ensnared, to back away and let her down. Lost in his own thoughts, he dropped a kiss on the top of her head, his free hand moving to whisper up and down her bare arm.
Something had happened to him the day he had met Chloe. Her friends said she was special and the more he came to know her the more he knew that was true. From the first moment he had been drawn to her. He thought back over the pleasant but meaningless relationships he had been involved in over the years. Most had been brief and temporarily satisfying, but had never filled a hidden void he had never allowed himself to acknowledge until recently, when the urge for a different and settled life had brought him back to Cornwall.
With Chloe, the smallest, most seemingly insignificant progress felt like the greatest victory of his life, and just being with her made him happy. Yes, he wanted to make love to her, but what he felt with Chloe, what he needed with her, was about so much more than sex. For the first time in his life he wanted a woman for more than a mutually enjoyable but short-lived affair. Chloe was more. So much more in every way. Yet the responsibility of all that meant weighed heavily on him. He didn’t doubt his steadfastness. He
wanted to settle down, to have a family of his own, and he knew that when he found the right woman, he would be loyal and faithful and loving, in for the long haul. Was Chloe the one? Could she see beyond the Fawkner name and the old reputation to the person he was inside?
With his mind occupied, Oliver held Chloe until she fell asleep. Nothing would please him more than to slide under the sheet and stay with her all night, but he knew what small communities were like and he wasn’t prepared to make her the subject of unwitting gossip. He wanted people here to see him for what he was now. If and when Chloe asked him to stay of her own free will…well, that was a different matter entirely. Regretfully, he eased away and slipped on his shoes. Making sure she was comfortable, he watched her sleep, his chest tight with longing and his growing feelings for her.
Turning away, he used the pad and pen Chloe kept on the bedside chest to write her a note. Leaving his message where she would find it when she woke up, he bent and kissed her lightly on the forehead before switching off the lamp and leaving her room. After checking that her cottage was secure, and that the two cats had fresh water, he took Chloe’s spare keys, let himself out and locked the door after him.
He walked the short distance up Bridge Street to the flat Nick had arranged for him to rent until the end of July. Soon he would have to make more permanent plans. But even knowing he wasn’t going to spend many of the few hours left of the night asleep, he couldn’t think about anything now. His mind was too full of Chloe.
‘I hear you had an eventful night,’ Kate commented with a sympathetic smile when Chloe arrived at work the next morning.
‘That’s one way of putting it.’ Yawning, Chloe sat down at her desk. ‘Angela Daniels got out of bed to visit the bathroom, had a dizzy spell, fell to the floor and caused the already damaged placenta to rupture. It was only thanks to the air ambulance that we arrived at the hospital in time. I’m going to ring and see how she’s doing.’
Kate gestured to the desk. ‘Oliver left a message for you. He said he knew you would be worried, so he phoned St Piran first thing. Angela had a stable night and she’s doing well. The baby is fine. It’s all in the note.’
‘Thanks.’
Tears stung Chloe’s eyes and she looked away from Kate’s knowing gaze. Oliver had been wonderful the previous evening. She hadn’t felt at all scared when he had held her. Far from it, actually. She had felt safe and secure, so much so that she had confided to him about her mother’s miscarriage. Oliver had been so understanding and supportive. And then she had fallen asleep in his arms! She couldn’t believe it. Despite only having a few hours of rest, she had awoken feeling relaxed…and strangely disappointed to find herself alone. Opening her eyes to the sun-filled room, her gaze had fallen at once on the note he had left for her.
I hope you slept well. I made sure all was safe and secure before I left—and both Cyclops and Pirate were fine. Thank you for sharing part of your past with me. I’m always here for you when you feel ready to tell me the rest. You are a terrific midwife and an amazing woman. I’ll see you later, babe. Call me if you need anything. Love, Oliver x
It made her smile just thinking of him. He was nothing like she had first imagined him to be when he had joined the practice. Lauren and Kate were right. There was so much more to him than the sexy surfer image. He was smart and funny, kind and thoughtful…all qualities that came naturally to him. But always there was that underlying thread of intimacy, of warmth and caring, that made her feel both nervous and giddily excited.
Remembering how he had signed the note made her think of claiming the kiss he had left her. Which made her think of kissing in general. After her lesson the previous evening, when he had shown her how magical and arousing it could be, how wonderful he tasted, how incredible he made her feel, she could kiss Oliver for ever. She felt hot and tingly just thinking about it and she couldn’t wait to do it again. Funny that she had never been interested before, had never spent a second considering it, and now, thanks to a few hours and a couple of kisses with Oliver, she could think of little else.
Chloe worried that Oliver saw more than he should. He was frighteningly attuned to her, the only person who saw deeper than the surface veneer she had worn for more years than she could remember. She had a few close friends, including Kate, but it was Lauren who knew more about her than anyone. Yet even from her she kept back an awful lot. That Oliver saw the person inside both scared her witless and made her feel secure, cared for, warm.
Although Oliver was aware of her inexperience, and now knew about her mother losing the baby—and why—she was worried that if she did bring herself to confide more about the nature of her childhood, she would drive him away. He had said he wanted to know, that nothing would change how he felt, but she wasn’t so sure. She was ashamed of her past, of her father and the legacy his brand of abuse had bestowed on her, and she wasn’t sure she could handle the emotions that might flood out if she unlocked things she had kept hidden so deeply inside her for years.
‘Oliver told me he’d sorted things out with Nick about the antenatal work.’ Kate’s comment drew her from her reverie. She looked up, saw her friend’s brave smile, and knew the situation with Nick still hurt her. ‘I think the compromise will suit everyone—and our Friday meetings should be more comfortable.’
‘I hope so. Have you spoken to Nick?’
Kate averted her gaze. ‘Only in passing—about work. That’s an improvement, anyway.’
‘Kate…’
‘I know, my love. But Nick has to come round to things in his own time. He’s not ready yet to consider letting Jem into his life.’ She sighed, sipping her coffee. ‘I know people see Nick as being aloof, and he can be, but I’ve know him a long time, known the losses and disappointments he has endured, the responsibilities he’s shouldered. He finds it hard to address his feelings—to open himself up to more hurt and loss.’
Chloe nodded. It was true that there was much she didn’t know about Nick, or his relationship with Kate. She just thought her friend deserved someone who would make her happy rather than bring her so much angst and uncertainty.
‘How are things going with you and Oliver?’ Kate asked, changing the subject.
Again Chloe fought a blush. ‘OK.’
‘You’ve been seeing him?’
‘Yes.’ Closing the file in front of her, Chloe folded her arms and leaned on the desk. ‘He’s been very patient, very kind. I’ve really enjoyed his company.’
‘That’s wonderful!’ Kate smiled in delight, a twinkle in her eyes. ‘He’s a very genuine man. Not to mention an exceedingly handsome one!’
Chloe couldn’t deny that, even if she did still wonder why he wanted to be with her when any number of women would be after him. She met Kate’s gaze and felt warmth stain her cheeks. ‘He kissed me.’
‘And?’
‘I liked it,’ she admitted.
She had more than liked it. She was impatient to kiss him again. And, she realised, she was coming to more than like Oliver, too.
‘I’m really pleased for you, Chloe. You deserve to find happiness.’ Kate paused, her expression turning serious. ‘If you feel something for Oliver, if he is awakening you to the things you have missed and never known before, don’t be too scared to go for it. He’s a good man. He’ll look after you.’
‘That’s what Lauren said. But what if he is just passing through? What if he leaves Penhally when his contract ends and I’m nothing but a diversion?’ she asked, acknowledging and voicing her fears aloud for the first time.
‘I believe Oliver is far more serious about you than that. Have you asked him why he came back to Cornwall?’
Chloe shook her head. ‘No. We haven’t discussed that.’
He had told her all about his childhood, funny tales from medical school, snippets about his London life, but he had never said if he was back in Cornwall for good. She was scared to ask, scared to be told he would be leaving soon.
‘Don’t lose this chance, my
love. See Oliver for the man he is. Something special, someone special, doesn’t come around very often.’ Kate paused, a sadness and depth of experience in her eyes that made Chloe believe her friend was thinking about Nick. ‘Ask yourself what you want most, how you feel when you are with him—and how you would feel if he did leave and you had never taken that risk.’
The phone rang then, announcing that her first patient had arrived, bringing an end to her conversation with her friend.
Kate gathered up her things. ‘I’m off on my home visits. If I have time, I’ll call in at the Trevellyans’ farm. Fran was sounding down last time we spoke and I’d like to check up on her. My first visit is to Susan Fiddick.’
‘I thought she went to the hospital yesterday.’
‘She did…and the scan shows the baby is still breech. But she insisted on coming home, ignoring St Piran’s advice for the Caesarean.’ Kate looked concerned. ‘I’m hoping to talk her round—and Nick said he would speak to her as well.’
Chloe offered a sympathetic smile. However natural they tried to keep the whole pregnancy and birthing process, sometimes it wasn’t easy matching the woman’s wishes with the safest care. Not when nature intervened and things didn’t go according to plan.
‘Good luck. I hope everything works out.’
‘Thanks.’ Kate paused on her way to the door. ‘I hope things work out for you, too. With Oliver. Think about what I said, my love.’
And think she did. Throughout a morning busy with appointments at the surgery, followed by an afternoon of home visits around the district, Oliver was never far from her mind. When she arrived back in Penhally, she was running late, with time only to sort out her paperwork and grab a quick snack before her evening duty at the well-woman clinic. Things were winding down in the surgery when she went in, but Sue was behind the reception desk and waved her across.
Brides of Penhally Bay - Vol 2 Page 56
