“Explain it to us anyway,” Marilee urged. “We suspect that this has something to do with your father, but…”
“It has everything to do with my father!” he burst out. “I love Julia,” he admitted with feeling. “I really love her. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”
Ivy shrugged. “I still don’t understand the problem.”
He shoved away, running both of his hands through his hair as fury and frustration hit him. “I can’t love her!”
“But you do love her,” Marilee argued.
He swung around, his eyes furious. “I’ll hurt her.”
They were all silent for a long moment, trying to figure out what he was telling them. But Ivy, Marilee, and Daisy only shook their heads, denying his fears. Ivy stood up and walked over to him, putting her hand on his arm. “Tony, give yourself more credit. You’ve never hurt any of us. You’ve never even been tempted to raise your hand to us and we annoy you on a daily basis. You’d never hurt Julia. Not in a million years.”
He glared back at her. “Ivy, my father beat my mother almost every week of their marriage. He let her die of cancer rather than pay for her medical treatment. I have the same temper that he had. Who knows what might spark my temper and…I could just go off! That’s what my father used to do. He was fine one moment, laughing with my mom or teasing her and…” he shrugged, rubbing a hand over his face. “My mom might not have cooked dinner exactly as he wanted or she’d set the table wrong and he’d lose it, start smacking her around. It was horrible but…I could do that too. I get just as angry.”
Daisy disagreed. Tony rarely lost his temper and when he did, it was more of a silent fuming anger. “But you’re not your father.”
He pushed away from the counter. “I can’t risk it! I can’t risk hurting her!”
“You won’t.”
All four of them turned in surprise at the new voice. Julia was standing in the doorway.
“We gotta go,” Ivy muttered, wide-eyed. Marilee and Daisy grabbed their stuff and were gone in less than thirty seconds. Meanwhile, Julia’s eyes never left Tony’s.
When the steel door to the back slammed shut, Julia stepped into the kitchen. Silence reigned for a long moment until Julia put her purse down. The leather on the metal sounded loud, almost brutal in the strained silence between them.
Then Julia walked over to stand in front of Tony. Without warning, she slapped him as hard as she could.
Tony stared at her, stunned for a long moment. Then his jaw clenched. Still silence. Julia’s eyes filled with tears as she waited.
“Please, Tony. Say something because I can’t…” she stopped, her fingers trembling as they covered her mouth. “I can’t do that to you again. Hurting you hurts me, Tony.”
He pulled her into his arms, holding her close as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Why did you do that?”
She wrapped her arms around his waist. “Because I love you so much. And you just admitted to your friends that you love me but you’re afraid you might lose your temper and hurt me but I know you won’t ever do that and that was the only way I could show you that you’d never lose your temper with me. You might get angry but…!”
His arms tightened around her and she sobbed. “Please, Julia. Don’t cry. Please don’t cry!”
“You’re going to leave me because you think that you’ll hit me.” She pulled out of his arms and looked up at him, her hands fisting on his shirt. “You won’t! I know you won’t ever hit me! You’re the sweetest, kindest, most amazing man! You don’t hit women! You don’t even hit men, Tony. I can slap you all night and I know that you won’t hurt me back!”
His fingers tightened around her upper arms as he shook his head. “I might! And I would rather cut off my own arm than to hit you, Julia.”
That declaration only made her cry harder. “I know that. I know you won’t hit me. You won’t hurt me. I know it.”
“How can you be sure?”
She closed her eyes, hurting because he was hurting. Her fingers twisted the material of his shirt as love for him choked her, made her feel as if she were both floating and sinking at the same time.
When she pulled herself together again, she looked up at him, her eyes clear and unflinching. “I know because you’re a strong, powerful man. Men who beat their wives, are insecure, horrible people. That’s not you.”
He stepped away, locking his fingers together behind his neck as he paced. “Julia, you know how to run a restaurant better than anyone I know. You’re brilliant with the staff. You’re amazing with the customers. But you don’t know the psychology behind why a man beats a woman.”
She stared at the blackened… thing on the counter, her heart aching for what he was going through. “I don’t know what motivates a man to hit a woman, or even a woman to beat a man. I just know that you aren’t that kind of coward. You wouldn’t do that to me, Tony.” She took a deep breath. “And now that I know that you feel the same way about me,” her chin went up a notch and she glared at him, “I’m not letting you go.”
He spun around, looking at her. “Go? Where would I go?”
She laughed, feeling liberated now. “I don’t know. You’ve been pulling away from me for the past week. And now I know why. Now that I understand, I’m going to fight you. I’m going to fight for us!”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “Yeah? Why is that?”
She smiled through her tears. Tears of happiness and horror, exhilaration and hope. “Because you love me too much. You love me so much that you were going offer me the job of National Manager just to push me out of your life. I’d be traveling, away from you so that I wouldn’t be around.” Her voice cracked with her statement. “You were trying to protect me. And protect yourself.”
He stared at her, suddenly realizing that she was right. That was exactly what he was doing. The job he’d talked to Jason about, the traveling had all been his way of ensuring that Julia was out of town more often. “You know about the job?” he asked, wary now.
She laughed, moving closer to him. He backed up a step, but she wiped the tears from her eyes and followed him. “Yeah. I know about the job. You told Jason that I was perfect for the job. He called me the other day to ask me about my thoughts on it, thinking you’d already discussed it with me.”
Tony’s face barely moved, but Julia saw the cringe. “Sorry about that.”
“You should have told me,” she said. He backed up again.
Tony watched her carefully, trying to figure things out. “You’re not going to hit me again, are you?”
She laughed, her eyes lighting up with happiness. “Tell me you love me again.”
He shook his head. “No.”
Julia shrugged, happiness bursting throughout her whole body. She understood now. She could work with this, she could talk to him about his concerns. They had a future together!
She smiled when he looked down at her, that stubborn look in his eyes. “Doesn’t matter. I know that you love me.”
He sighed, his back against the wall with all of the schedules pinned to it. There was nowhere to go. “Julia, just because I love you with every cell in my body, doesn’t mean that we can…”
She lifted up, putting her fingers to his mouth. “Stop, Tony,” she whispered. Standing on her tip toes, she kissed his jaw. “You love me. I love you. We’re getting married.”
He groaned and pulled her up into his arms, kissing her as if there was no tomorrow.
Julia loved it. She loved him! She loved the way he kissed her and held her. He was so gentle, so sweet and commanding. She loved him so much, her body and heart ached.
But suddenly, she was put down onto the metal countertop and Tony pulled out of her arms.
“No!” he growled, running a hand through his hair. “No, Julia. You can’t do this. We can’t be together any longer.”
Julia was stunned for a long moment. But when the initial surprise wore off, her smile came back. Tony watched her,
then shook his head again. “I know that look, Julia. It isn’t going to work.”
She laughed. Tony’s body instantly began throbbing with lust as he watched her throw back her head, giving him a full body laugh. She even lifted her legs as the laughter hit her hard. When she looked at him through those pretty lashes, he knew he was in trouble. “Tony, you’re not going to hit me. I don’t know all the details about what your father did to your mother, but you’re not him. You’ve grown into a handsome, wonderful man. A man with integrity and honor.” She stopped and took off her sweater.
“What are you doing?” he demanded, his eyes following her hands. When she reached behind her and unclipped her bra, he raised a hand. “Julia, stop! This isn’t going to work!”
She glanced at his groin, noticing the heavy erection pressing against his jeans. “Looks like it’s already working.” She smiled as she dropped the lace bra to the countertop beside her. “Why don’t you come closer? Maybe you could stop me from…” she didn’t say a word, just jumped down from the countertop, her fingers moving to the waist of her skirt. “No, you couldn’t stop me.”
Tony groaned, but he couldn’t look away. When her skirt dropped to the floor, his eyes traveled up her stocking-clad legs. No, those weren’t stockings, he thought, trying to figure things out. But the way she was moving, turning so that he could only see her back now…thigh highs. Yeah, was that the name?
“Damn it, Julia! This isn’t…!” He couldn’t speak when she slid her fingers along the silk of her panties. Her thumbs hooked into the sides, then she pulled them down. Her sweet ass was there. Right there. Bending, she gave him a view, then stood up slowly, her silk panties dangling from her fingertips. Then…she tossed them away.
“Julia!” he growled. But that sound was also her triumph. He stepped forward and took charge, taking her into his arms and pinning her against the countertop with his chest against her back, his hands sliding down her arms to cover her hands, pressing them against the metal counter. “Want to play?” he asked, his voice husky and heavy. His hands skimmed back up her arms, then down her naked back and Julia loved the way the cold metal against her stomach and chest contrasted with the heat of his groin pressing against her bottom and his hot hand against her back.
“Yeah. I want to play games,” she told him, wiggling against him.
He fumbled, grabbing a condom out of his wallet and tore it open. He had to struggle with his zipper and Julia was no help. Spreading her feet wider, she peered over her shoulder as she continued to press against him, teasing him as he tried to hurry and release his erection.
As he did, she thought she’d burst into flames. She peered over her shoulder, watching him roll the condom down his length. She would have turned around and watched, but he kept one hand on her back, pinning her against the counter.
“Hurry, Tony,” she whispered. His fingers slid into her heat, teasing a moan out of her.
“You’re wet, honey.”
“I want you, Tony. I will always love you.”
His fingers stilled with those words, but she pressed against his hand and he started up again. “I love you!” he said and pulled his hands away. His erection replaced his fingers and she gasped as he filled her up. Deeper and deeper and she shifted, taking all of him.
“Yes!” she sighed, her fingers spreading wide against the metal. “Tony, yes!”
His hand came around to the front of her and she shifted, giving him better access to that nub. But he ignored it, moving in and out of her slowly. His fingers moved higher, sliding under her body. She pressed her chest more firmly against the metal, not wanting his fingers on her breasts. “I can’t take it,” she told him, closing her eyes. But he only laughed, bending lower over her.
“Give over, Julia,” he whispered in her ear, nibbling her delicate skin. “I always get my way.” His fingers found her nipple and she groaned. “And you love it, don’t you?”
“Yes!” she gasped, shifting her hips, urging him to move faster. But his other hand gripped her hip, controlling the pace. After their time together, he knew her too well. Tony knew exactly how to move to make her crazy, to prolong the pleasure. Every once in a while, he was fast and furious, but when he was slower, building up the passion, the explosion was that much more intense. Julia loved both ways, but the frustration level on the slow buildup was hard to take, although incredibly exciting.
“Yes. I love it!” she moaned, gasping when his thumb flicked against that sensitive nub. “I love the way you touch me, Tony. I love you! I love you so much!”
He pulled out and she almost panicked, thinking he wasn’t going to finish. But this was Tony and he wouldn’t do that to her. He pulled back and spun her around, setting her back up onto the counter, then slammed into her once more. “Look at me,” he ordered.
Julia laced her fingers in his hair and pulled herself up, matching him thrust for thrust. “I love you,” she repeated. And with every thrust, she told him again until it was a chant that she couldn’t stop. When she shifted, pushing her body against his in the way she loved so much, the shift took her over the edge and she gasped as the climax washed over her. “I love you so much,” she whispered, her arms tightening around his neck. It seemed as if her words magically brought him over the edge as well and he thrust into her once. Twice. And then he froze as he experienced his own orgasm.
Julia didn’t move. She couldn’t. Tony was holding her so tightly, she could barely breathe, but she didn’t want to. She loved him and loved the way he was holding her.
“You okay?” he asked, his lips kissing her neck and her shoulder.
Julia didn’t answer. She only tightened her arms around his neck, pressing her face against his shoulder.
“Julia, you’re making me nervous.”
He pulled back despite the death grip she had on his neck and looked down at her. “What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”
She laughed, but it was more of a sob. “You’d never hurt me, Tony. I know this. I trust you so completely. Why won’t you trust yourself?”
“It isn’t…”
She put a hand over his mouth, stopping his denial. “It’s exactly that, isn’t it?” She looked up into those green eyes that seemed to be so brilliant when he created fabulous foods. “You don’t have confidence in yourself. You have created a string of fabulously successful restaurants, possibly saved more than one small town that needed the influx of tourists’ dollars, hired people off the street, literally in my case, and improved so many lives. And yet, you’re still afraid that your father, a man who doesn’t deserve a thought in your mind or a place in your heart, will rule your life forever.”
“He doesn’t…”
“He does. Your father controlled your mother and now he is controlling you.”
Tony stood up and pulled away from her, adjusting his clothing. Julia watched him for a moment, thinking she was losing him. For the past…however long…she’d been naked in his arms and unselfconscious of that fact. Tony always made her feel strong, powerful, and sexy when she was naked. But at this particular moment, she felt vulnerable in ways she never had before.
She quickly reached down and pulled on her own clothes before turning to face him again.
“Julia, you have to understand…”
“No!” she snapped, furious as the panic hit her hard. “Tony, I don’t have to understand. I already understand enough. You’re scared! You’re scared of a man who has power over you.”
“My father doesn’t have power over me!”
“Think so? Then marry me!”
“I can’t!”
That hurt more than she wanted to admit. “Then he’s still ruling your life,” she pointed out softly. And with that, she turned and walked out of the kitchen. At the doorway, she paused and glanced over her shoulder, “I’ll get Mike to cover for me tonight.”
“You’re not working?”
She paused, hearing the anger in his voice, but she knew that was Tony’s way of covering for
more powerful feelings. “No. I need some time to figure out what I’m going to do.”
He stepped forward and she looked at him, pleading with him to say the words that would set him free. That would set both of them free!
“Julia, I won’t risk hurting you.”
She smiled sadly. “You are hurting me right now, Tony. I love you. And I know that you love me. I love you so much, and I’m terrified that you’re going to let your father control our happiness and future.”
With that, she walked out.
Tony watched her, feeling like she’d just kicked him in the teeth. She wasn’t right. His father was in prison and wasn’t controlling anyone. Tony was in control of his own life and he’d vowed never to hurt a woman the way his father had smacked his mom around. He’d accepted his life, that certain personality traits were passed down from one generation to another. He might know intellectually that hitting a woman was wrong, but in the heat of an argument, something inside of him could snap.
He wasn’t aware of how long he stood there, but eventually, the nightly prep staff started filtering into the kitchen and began working on the evening’s specials. They were busy and Tony couldn’t stand there in the middle of them doing nothing. And he wasn’t able to cook anything either, which infuriated him, because cooking had always been his outlet.
When he burned a whole batch of mushrooms for the night’s specials, he gave in. “You’re in charge,” he told his sous chef and stomped out, furious and ready to…he wasn’t sure what. He had no outlet now.
He walked out of “Desire”, staring at his car. But he couldn’t do that. He texted Ivy and asked if Gunner was there with her. The immediate text back was, “Julia would be a better option.”
He couldn’t see Julia. He would promote her and get them back on a friendship basis, but she would be traveling more often so they wouldn’t see each other as much. No more late night dinners together, no more quiet mornings just holding hands while they sipped their coffee and read the news. Nothing would be the same, but she would be safe.
Tony drove home, but only prowled the big house restlessly. Nothing in his fridge inspired him either. He pulled on running clothes and headed out. No destination in mind, just running. He pushed himself harder and harder, going up a mountain path and then down again. When that didn’t stop the thoughts of Julia, he pushed harder, heading towards the upper ridge. It took all of his concentration to not fall and kill himself, but on the run back down, he felt better. More clear headed.
Seduced (The Lottery Winners Book 8) Page 11
