by Debra Lee
Now he wondered if his life was about to make another positive shift in direction. He was optimistic that it was when he left for the hospital.
***
Carol’s day went from bad to worse. The staff meeting had finally ended. But not in the way Carol wanted.
Everyone blamed her for the budget cuts that were announced. None of them seemed to care that she received her orders from a boss, too.
Now she saw the middle-aged bank president pacing in front of her desk. Carol had no delusions about why he was here when she greeted him with a stiff, “Good morning, Chester,” and proceeded around her desk and sat.
“Sorry for showing up at your work place,” he said with a regrettable sigh.
Carol recognized the look in his eyes. She’d seen the same lowering of the eyes a few times before on other married men she’d attempted to date. The ones who felt guilty just anticipating what they were contemplating doing with her. The rare breed who were doomed to be faithful to their wives till the end.
Carol wasn’t in the mood to hear what line Chester would choose to break off their date. She was going to make this easy for him.
“If you’re here to beg off on our date, don’t bother. We’re all wrong for each other.”
She could’ve sworn she heard him breathe a sigh of relief. She did see the tension lines on his brow and around his mouth smooth out.
“Well if that’s what you think, then I suppose—”
“That’s what I think,” she said and opened a file on her desk. “Now I really have a lot to do, Chester.”
“Say no more.”
Carol didn’t. She wouldn’t waste her breath.
The stack of files she’d plopped on her desk when she came in from the staff meeting waited her attention. So she hadn’t lied to Chester. But the work would wait until later.
Mary should be on her way home by now and Carol was anxious to see her. She needed one of their private chats. A sure bet on keeping her from sinking into a state of depression after the morning she’d had.
***
Ellie Webber stood at Mary’s living room window watching with an anxious smile as the handsome young man helped Mary out of the car. Then she saw him reach into the back for the baby.
If Ellie didn’t know better she’d think they were a family. A nice looking one too. But she did know better. As much as Mary had insisted it was best she and Kyle Frederick hadn’t gotten married, Ellie wasn’t fooled. She knew Mary would fall on her knees and bless the Lord if Kyle came back to her.
As far as Ellie was concerned it was just as well he didn’t come back. Mary deserved a man who could return her love with all his heart. A man like the one who was gazing at her as if he worshipped the ground she walked on, Ellie thought as she watched he and Mary cross the parking lot and start into the apartment building.
Once Mary introduced Reilly to Ellie he promptly handed Jena to Ellie, excused himself and left the apartment.
“He really seems like a nice young man,” Ellie told Mary as she cuddled Jena to her chest.
Mary grinned as she began clearing the living room windowsill of three healthy African violets. She needed to make room for the flowers Reilly went to fetch from his car. The arrangements had arrived at the hospital as Mary was leaving and she hadn’t opened the cards to see who sent them.
She knew the bouquet of white carnations was from Kyle without looking at the card. It did surprise her that he remembered they were her favorites. But when Reilly came in the door with the flowers an uneasy feeling went through her.
“Where do you want ‘em?” Reilly’s words were thick. But then he was holding the balloon strings between his teeth while he balanced three bouquets in his hands.
Mary rushed to retrieve the two baskets of colorful flowers. She sat one on each end of the windowsill, then leaned over to smell the sweetness of each.
Reilly placed the carnations in the center. Mary stared at them.
There was no desire to smell them or gape at their beauty. After all, they were rather dull. And at that moment she remembered. Carnations were not her favorite flowers. It was Kyle who always chose carnations whenever an occasion called for flowers.
“Here you go,” Ellie said as she carefully put the baby in Reilly’s empty arms before he had a chance to protest. “Now I’ll just be making lunch,” Ellie added before disappearing around the corner.
Reilly could see Jena was not going to make this easy for him when she began kicking and whimpering.
“Ssh, Uncle Reilly won’t bite,” he told her as his body began swaying in an attempt to soothe her. But instead her frustration intensified.
“She’s hungry,” Mary explained and relieved Reilly of the baby.
With a sigh of relief, Reilly said, “I can handle that. I should be going anyway.” He thought he saw disappointment creep into Mary’s expression. “I have to stop by the paper. My leave of absence ended yesterday.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? I told you Carol could’ve brought us home.”
“It’s no big deal. I’m just goin’ back a day later, that’s all.”
“Well I hope you won’t get in trouble.”
Reilly smiled. “You worry too much, Mary Murray.”
For a brief moment Mary gazed into his eyes. But Jena began to fuss again and the gaze was broken.
Reilly left and Mary took Jena into the spare bedroom she had turned into a nursery. She and Carol had done the redecorating together. The walls papered with dancing teddy bears had been Carol’s idea, everything else Mary’s. The rocking chair was a gift from Ellie. A spare she had in her apartment.
As Mary situated herself in the padded wooden rocker, her thoughts were on Jena as she watched her take nourishment from her body.
Mary wanted everything she’d had as a child for her daughter. Not the new toys that infiltrated the marketplace each year. But the security of a home and loving parents she had always known would be there for her.
Mary could provide the home. The option of two loving parents remained in limbo. Of course Jena had a mother who loved her, and always would. Mary suddenly felt her heart spasm. The pain almost brought tears. Jena would not have her father available all the time.
Was a part time father better than no father? Mary was certain it was. But could she handle that kind of an arrangement? Could she watch Kyle come and go when she knew he was going home to someone else?
Kyle had his own family now. Would Jena always come second to the daughter Kyle had with his wife? Her answer brought more heartache and tears.
She heard Ellie exchange words with Carol and used the back of her hand to quickly dry her cheeks, then put on a brave smile. The next second Carol poked her head around the nursery door.
“Okay to come in?”
“Sure. We’re just having a little snack,” Mary told Carol and glanced down adoringly at Jena.
Carol walked straight to the window. “What are you trying to do, suffocate the thing?” she said and opened the window.
“It is warm. Ellie said the super’s working on the air conditioner.”
Carol started to move away from the window but took another look. Beyond the steel fire escape landing stood a thick cluster of mature trees.
She turned back to Mary. “Maybe the super ought to work on getting locks on the windows in this place.”
Mary hadn’t given it a thought until now. Carol was right. If someone wanted inside they had easy access.
“I’ll talk to Jake.”
“You mean they haven’t fired that lazy jerk yet?”
“His brother owns the building, Carol.”
Mary noticed Carol suddenly staring at her exposed breast Jena was eating from. “Pretty awesome isn’t it?”
Carol wrinkled up her nose. “Personally I think it’s disgusting. What’s wrong with sticking a bottle in the kid’s mouth?”
Mary grinned as she shifted Jena to the other side.
“Do you want to hold her wh
en she’s finished?”
“No.” The word came out with so much force Carol saw it startled Mary. “Well I mean she’s so little. I might drop her or something.”
“You’ll do just fine.”
“Isn’t it time she goes to sleep? I need to talk to you.”
Mary looked up at Carol and smiled. “Go ahead and talk. Jena won’t understand.”
“I can wait ‘til we’re alone.” She glanced at her watch. “Shoot, I have to go. Do you need anything?”
“No. Ellie stocked the fridge. I think she’s making lunch now. Sure you can’t stay? She’s a great cook.”
“I have an appointment. How ‘bout dinner? I can pick up a pizza and we can pig out and watch old movies.”
“Sounds great,” Mary said without taking her eyes off Jena as she shifted her up on her shoulder to burp her.
“I’ll see you later then,” Carol bid from the door.
“Bye.”
Carol waited for Mary to at least glance her way to go with the bye, but Jena had captured all of her attention and Carol turned on her heels and left.
***
It seemed like ever since Reilly first laid eyes on Jena he saw babies everywhere. They were in cars he passed, in strollers, and in the arms of the two women he saw as he crossed the street and went in the front door at the paper.
The smile on his face had nothing to do with being happy to be returning to work. He actually believed his cheerful mood had everything to do with seeing so many babies. From the moment he held Jena in his arms, this strange yet wonderful feeling stretched through him.
If he didn’t know better he’d swear he knew what a new father felt the first time he held his son or daughter. Awesome and weird, Reilly thought since he never considered becoming a father. Fatherhood was for other guys. Men who grew up believing you got married, had kids and worked at a regular job. If you were lucky you retired at sixty two and looked forward to grandchildren and their children.
But that wasn’t Reilly Jackson’s future. Or was it? It wasn’t as if he planned to fall in love with Mary either. But he had. And now he had these strange feelings about fatherhood. But why weren’t they scaring him? Why wasn’t he running for cover? The answer was simple. Reilly Jackson had no desire to run.
***
Kyle Frederick was struggling with fatherhood more than he expected to be. But then most men don’t become a father twice in the same day unless they have twins.
Elaine put Lisa down in her bassinet and turned to Kyle with that look in her eyes. The one he recognized to mean it was question and answer time.
“Are you still upset with me for naming her Lisa?”
Not the question Kyle expected. But the one he preferred.
“I just don’t see the point in naming our baby after Elvis Presley’s daughter. But no, I’m not upset. Lisa is as pretty as Gretta.”
“I’m glad you finally agree,” Elaine said with a triumphant smile. But Kyle knew it was only temporary. “If it’s not the name then what’s bothering you?”
Kyle stood next to her and reached for her hand as they gazed down at their sleeping baby. She appeared peaceful. That’s why Kyle led Elaine out of the nursery and into the living room. He didn’t want Lisa to be startled by the inevitable anger he knew Elaine would display when he told her.
Chapter Nine
“Crust is too thin,” Carol complained as she took a second bite of her pizza.
She sat on Mary’s living room carpet watching the opening scene of Gone with the Wind, while Mary was huddled in the corner of the couch with her feet tucked underneath her as she read. She was so involved in Reilly’s book that she could have been in the room alone. Carol soon sensed as much.
“Aren’t you going to eat? It’s really not that bad,” Carol said and started to take another bite, but stopped. “Mary?”
Mary finally peered up at Carol who had her mouth twisted with annoyance.
“What? What’s wrong?”
“You haven’t heard a word I said since I got here.”
Mary reluctantly put Reilly’s typed pages aside, apologized to Carol, then reached for a slice of pizza from the box on the coffee table.
“What’d you want to talk about anyway?”
Carol started to relax. Finally she could get Mary’s opinion on how she had handled the budget cuts at her staff meeting that morning. She could tell her what a disappointment Chester Allen turned out to be. But before she could say a word, Jena’s whimpers filtered through the baby monitor that sat on the couch cushion next to Mary.
“I’ll be right back,” Mary said, already rushing off to tend to Jena.
Carol chewed off another hunk of pizza as she turned back to the television screen. It was a first, but Scarlet O’Hara was unable to hold her attention. She was bored and certainly not in the mood to wait around while Mary spent the next hour feeding and fussing with Jena. Besides, she had plenty to keep her busy at her own apartment.
She’d go home and put her collection of rock-in-roll records on the stereo and tidy up the place while she listened. Maybe she’d treat herself to a bubble bath and a glass of wine. Anything was better than watching Scarlet throw herself at Ashley Wilkes.
The instant Mary cradled Jena in her arms the whimpering stopped. Mary rocked her a few minutes and she was sound asleep again. After carefully putting her down in her crib she stood watching over her while she slept.
The sound of the apartment door closing reminded Mary she had left Carol waiting.
Mary returned to the living room and cleared the coffee table certain Carol got bored or remembered she was suppose to be somewhere else and left. Mary had come to accept these sudden disappearing acts a long time ago.
In their college days Carol ended up in someone else’s dormitory often. Every night was party time for some students, Carol included. At least one night a week Carol would drag Mary away from her studies to attend a party. Only nine times out of ten Carol would disappear shortly after arrival.
Sometimes Carol found someone of the opposite sex appealing and left with him. It was rare to see her again before dawn. Other times she’d just return to their room and watch old movies.
Mary remembered spending hours looking for Carol the first time she disappeared. Mary was frantic with worry by the time she returned to their room where she found Carol fast asleep.
“Don’t get all bent out a shape,” Carol said when Mary began reaming her out. “I wasn’t about to interrupt you when I decided to leave with the way you were falling all over Einstein.”
“I was not,” Mary had protested. The next second she blushed because she knew Carol spoke the truth.
That night Mary and Carol came to an understanding. Or Carol had.
“Look, Mare,” she began, “I’ve spent most of my life trying to adjust to new rules. Once I turned eighteen I made a decision. If I want to do something I only need approval from myself.”
“You could at least have had the courtesy to let me know you were leaving.” Mary had made clear once again. “I was worried.”
“I’m sorry, Mare. I really am. But when I decide to do something I’m not making any promises I’ll take time out to let you know.”
Mary didn’t like it but was too tired to argue.
As the years went by there were times when Mary always knew where Carol was. Then there were those other times when she’d disappear for days at a time without a word. Upon her return Mary would insist this was irresponsible behavior.
“Maybe by your standards, but not mine,” Carol always responded.
Mary eventually learned not to expect an apology. And even though she would never allow that sort of behavior from herself, Mary reminded herself she was raised under different circumstances than Carol.
From what Carol had told Mary the majority of her foster parents were only interested in their monthly checks from the state. Most of the time Carol had to fend for herself. One family never permitted her to speak unless sp
oken to. Another allowed her to come and go as she pleased. Actually, they preferred she disappeared for long periods at a time so they wouldn’t have to feed her.
She only had one set of foster parents Mary ever remembered Carol speaking of with affection. But the bread winner of that family was transferred out of the state and Carol was once again placed with another family. This new family had children of their own. The teenage son had taken a liking to Carol. So much so that he gave her a crash course in sex education every time his parents went out and left him in charge.
Mary shrugged off the chill that coursed through her thinking about Carol’s horrendous childhood and stopped thinking about it.
She put the remaining pizza in the refrigerator and went back into the living room. Reilly’s book called to her.
Mary never professed to be a ferocious reader but in comparison to what she had read in the past, nothing gave her the kind of jolt Reilly’s book had. She couldn’t wait to tell him.
***
“Don’t worry about it, Mom. Yes, I’ll give Jena an extra hug and kiss from you and Dad.”
The knock on Mary’s door forced her to cut into her mother’s chatter on the other end of the telephone line. “Have to go, Mom. And sorry I woke you. Love you, too.”
Mary quickly put the receiver on the wall hook in the kitchen and dashed toward the door. She answered the continued knocking with a rushed, “I’m coming.”
The minute she swung open the door and saw Reilly’s eyes widen she remembered she wasn’t dressed and quickly tied her robe together over her flimsy nightgown.
“Sorry to wake you,” Reilly said. “But when you called last night you said you needed to see me first thing in the mornin’.”
“So here you are. But you didn’t wake me. I was on the phone with my mom. She fell and broke her ankle and I called to check on her.”
“That’ll put a damper on your folks plan to come up and help out with Jena.”
“Mom’s really disappointed. She was looking forward to a few weeks spoiling her first grandchild,” Mary told him as she headed toward the kitchen, Reilly on her heels. “Now they’re insisting I bring Jena to Florida for Christmas.”
