I began crying again, but motioned for him to go on.
“It’s important that you know that Ulysses didn’t get him. No one hurt him. He just died in his sleep, and he didn’t suffer. And as much as we loved him, we have to let him go—”
“He’s my baby,” I sobbed. “I can’t let him go. I won’t!”
“We’ll see him again, at least you will, in Heaven,” Theo said gently. “He never did anything evil or hurtful, so he’s there, if there is a Heaven, Sar.”
“You’re right,” I said, wiping at my eyes, grabbing at the comfort in that belief with both hands. “He’s there. Suri will watch over him, until you and I get there someday.”
Theo hugged me. “I want to put him in Danial’s graveyard. I’ve ordered a rough stone, and I’m going to carve it myself. I’ve told T that I need a week off, and he said Terian can cover for me—”
“Is that safe?” I said, looking at him in surprise. “You were already shorthanded—”
“T isn’t Danial,” Theo said harshly. “He wants to make enough money to live, and that’s it. We’re going to work hard for the next month, and finish the outstanding cases. And then we’re only going to take on enough work so the three of us can make a decent living. All of us want to have a life besides work, something Danial never seemed to understand. Terian’s got a baby coming, and T wants to have some downtime, too. He’s been working sixteen hour days for most of the past six weeks, and at least a few hours on every weekend. And I need to be there for you, and for Elle. We’ve lost so much. I don’t want to lose you too.”
I hugged him tightly, and didn’t say anything, fresh tears rolling down my cheeks.
* * * *
That very afternoon, we buried Devon. The weather was fitting, as it poured rain and sleet for hours. Terian made a deep grave as he had before for Suri, the whirlwind churning up the half-frozen earth and mud. We placed our son’s ashes into the hole, crying anew at the wrongness of that little wrapped bundle down in the cold earth.
“Titus cremated him earlier, under my supervision,” Theo murmured to me. “It’s safest for Devon.”
I didn’t know what that meant, and didn’t want to ask. Theo had said earlier he didn’t want to hear any shit about God, or anything religious, that any God who would take his son from him was a grade A bastard he wanted nothing to do with. I didn’t fight him, knowing it would be useless. Instead, Terian spoke some good things about Devon, and so did Cia. Theo and I stood together with Elle, the other foxes, Theoron, Sundown, Brian and Demi behind us, as Tears filled in the hole. There was only a rough stump where the grave was to mark it, though Theo told me again discreetly he’d already ordered the granite, and that it would arrive tomorrow. I nodded absently as he hugged me close, too worn out to speak.
Later, we went back to Danial’s, and had a somber gathering in the great room. Everyone gave condolences, and I nodded in return, hugging them back as they hugged me. I got through most of it in a daze, and didn’t remember afterward who had even been there, or what they had said to me. All I could think of over and over was that Devon, my baby, was dead. I’d never see him grow up, or smile again, or come to me with a mouse he’d caught, so proud, with his tail in the air like a banner. What hurt me most was that I’d never seen him in human form, only as a lion cub. Now I never would.
Everyone left around four-thirty. I sat for a while, trying to think of what needed doing, trying to make myself move. But even Theo coming to tell me he had to go and pick up Jenny at the airport later that evening didn’t get much reaction from me. My only thought was why couldn’t he send someone else to get her, and then deciding it didn’t matter, anyway.
Terian came in after Theo left to check on security, and took my hand, saying he was very sorry. He also slipped me a vial filled with a little liquid.
I looked at it with revulsion, then at him, not bothering to hide my suspicion.
“It will help you sleep,” he said quietly. “Take it, if you need a night’s sleep with good dreams. Sleeping pills knock you out, but you don’t get to dream, and not dreaming at all can mess you up—”
“I don’t want to dream again, not ever again!” I hissed at him. “I don’t want any vials, Terian! No more potions! Nothing good ever comes of them!”
“I talked to my father,” Terian said, looking earnest, and apologetic. “Titus showed me what happened, Sar. I made that first potion that you took
wrong—”
I hate you, you bastard, for bringing this up now of all times. “Well, that isn’t a big fucking surprise! Didn’t your clients ever complain about all the screwing up of spells you always seem to be doing, Tears?”
Terian’s eyes flashed red, then they softened as he continued. “It was trying to combine the wings, and the Heart’s Truth potion into one. They separated out, when I put them in the vial to give to you, those years ago. And no matter what I did, they wouldn’t mix! So I used another ingredient to bind the two spells together, a plant called, appropriately, ‘bindweed.’ But it didn’t just bind the two spells together, it make the one stronger. What you share with Theo is real, Sar, but you were bound together much tighter than normal—”
“Do you have a point in here somewhere?” I said harshly, interrupting him.
“My point is Titus said he’ll finally break the last part of the spell tonight,” Terian said quietly. “He also said to tell you he was sorry it’s taken so long. But he doesn’t know how this will affect you both. So please call me, if you need me to teleport you to Hayden. I’ve put in place some barriers on teleportation in the house that will stop anyone but Titus and me—”
I nodded, but thought to myself there was no way I was calling him. I could teleport myself, thanks very much. I wasn’t even happy he knew about the bond being broken. But it had sounded like Titus had needed Tears to show him what he’d done, so Titus could undo it. I couldn’t fault him for that.
“—ok?” Terian finished.
“Sure,” I agreed absently. “And I’m sorry, for coming down on you. I’m just upset.”
Terian left soon after, and I was again alone. For a long time I did nothing but stare into space, marking the passing of each moment like it was a milestone of achievement that I kept existing in this world without Devon. But the more I sat, the more I realized I needed to do something. So I picked up the phone and called Dev. He listened, and said he’d do it. After, I headed to the couch, and took a long nap.
Later that night, when Theo was picking up Jenny at the airport, Devlin, I, and Serena walked slowly through the bitter cold to the cemetery. When we arrived, I laid the mass of white flowers that Devlin had purchased for me on the snowy grave.
White roses. Devon and I had gotten them from Theo when my baby was still growing inside me. Devon was getting them this one last time from me, in remembrance. Then I was never going to have another white rose within my sight again, if I could help it.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there with you today,” Dev said softly, hugging me. “I wanted to be, very much. I’m glad you asked me here tonight, so I could pay my respects.”
“Theo did it on purpose, held the funeral in the daytime, so you couldn’t be there,” I said emotionlessly. “Don’t feel bad. I needed this anyway, to pray, to take some comfort in my beliefs. I need my faith now more than ever.”
Serena made the sign of the cross, and the three of us bowed our heads. We recited the Lord’s Prayer, and Devlin recited a poem by a woman by the name of Hitchcock, called “Ascension”. I recited one called “If You Go First and I Remain”. And finally, Serena said a prayer asking God to watch over Devon, and to be with us all, but especially Venus, in her time of loss.
I felt fresh tears on my face, and looked over at Dev. In all this, I hadn’t thought of her, not once. Deep shame flooded me to the core. “How is she, Dev?”
“She’s been crying quietly since three a.m. this morning,” Devlin said, his expression haggard. “Nothing I did or said would mak
e her stop. Nothing anyone said or did would make her stop.”
“Why didn’t you call and tell me?”
“Titus said she was fine, there was nothing wrong with her. We didn’t understand why until T called, and said Devon was dead.”
I swayed, and Devlin steadied me with his hand. “Come home with me now. Please, Sar. Let me take care of you—”
“No,” I said reluctantly. “Theo needs me now, like you did back in September. He’s lost Danial, and he’s lost our son. Elle needs me, too. You need to take care of Venus—”
“Bring Elle to live at Hayden,” Devlin urged, hugging me tightly. “Come home tonight with me! Don’t stay here! Please, Sar! It isn’t just me who is worried. Titus sent his sympathy too, but even he said you shouldn’t be here unguarded, with only Theo, T, and Elle! Lash hit the roof when I told him you might stay here tonight. It was all I could do to make him swear he wasn’t going to break out of jail to drag you back to Hayden!”
I didn’t want to hear about Titus or Lash. I had to be here with the man I called my husband. I’d screwed up enough this whole year, I was not screwing this up, too. “Terian is back, and he’s guarding Theoron and me,” I said wearily. “He’s been staying in the upstairs bed at night, and sleeping days with Sundown, whenever he’s not out with either of them at meetings. I’m safe enough. I can teleport if I need to. Danial’s home was the only one that wasn’t attacked yet, for whatever reason.”
Devlin didn’t release me. “The roses are partly from Lash, too. He asked me to tell you he was sorry about Devon. He said he liked him a lot, that he would’ve taught him too, like he taught Theoron, when it was time and if he’d wanted to learn, no matter what Theo said.”
I felt a fresh stab of pain, because Devon wasn’t ever going to be learning anything again.
And I’d never got to hear him call me “Mommy,” or hear him tell me he loved me. I’d thought my tears were used up, but I found a fresh untapped reservoir inside. For a while, I cried, and Devlin held me, Serena hugging me too.
Finally, I let them both go and dried my tears. “You should call Titus, have him teleport you both back,” I managed, my tone bone weary. “I need to get back to Theo.”
Devlin nodded, and gave me a last chaste kiss on the cheek. “Call me please,” he instructed, his golden eyes worried. “Every day you stay here, and every night, Sar. I want to know you’re safe. You don’t call, and Titus is going to show up wherever you are, to make sure you’re okay.”
“Okay,” I agreed, hugging him.
I walked back to the house after Titus had come to get them. I could’ve teleported, but I needed the break. I didn’t know what to feel, what to think, what to care about. I felt like I’d lost everything that I’d really cared about, so what was safe for me to love anymore? I’d been bereft when I’d met Danial, depressed, but I’d had my pets, I’d had my house, and my memories about Brennan, as well as some good friends, and neighbors.
What did I have now? I’d lost all my close human friends, I’d lost my house, I’d lost my child, and I’d lost Danial to the coma-like sleep he was in. And my parents—my parents still weren’t talking to me, after hearing what I’d done with Lash. I still didn’t know if Theo had told them, or they’d somehow figured it out on their own. Either way, I’d have to call them now.
Walking improved my spirits, as my usual optimism tried to emerge. I had a home here still, if I wanted one. I had a home at Hayden. I still had Elle, Theoron and Venus. I still had a lot of non-human friends, and Sundown, who was at least partly human for now, even if she might not be after she had her baby. Theo and Dev were healthy, and Danial might still recover. Lash would be getting out of jail in a month or so, and coming back to Hayden. He wasn’t dead.
There was still hope.
I entered the house and went directly to Elle’s bedroom to check on her. She was asleep in her clothes, wads of tissues around her, her face still red from crying. I covered her up, and threw the tissues away. She didn’t awaken as I kissed her forehead, and so I left her there undisturbed.
I called my parents next. My stepfather picked up, and when he heard what I had to tell him, he made my mother pick up. When I told them Devon was dead, my mother started crying, which made me start crying again. I somehow got out that it had been a natural death, if a child’s death could be called natural; that no one had hurt him—that he hadn’t suffered. There was beginning to be some small measure of comfort from that for me.
“I’m sorry,” my stepfather said gruffly. “When is the funeral?”
“We had it earlier today,” I said. “I’m sorry no one called you. I can teleport you to his grave if you want to visit him tomorrow. We had him cremated, and Theo’s carving a stone—”
“Are you back together?”
I was pretty closed off emotionally, but that comment still seemed odd to me. “Back together?” I said blankly. “What?”
“Do you need us to come and get you?” my stepfather said gently, some of the gruffness gone. “You need family around you now. If Theo and you still aren’t talking, if you’re not together anymore—”
“We’re talking,” I said, not wanting to talk about this now at all. “I’m okay. I’ll call you if I’m not, promise.”
“Listen,” Chris said. “Your mom needs me, and she’s crying hard, so I’ll say this quickly. We’re both sorry we haven’t talked to you for a while—”
Only a month or so, Stepfather-Dear.
“—but we thought you needed to work out things with Theo. Danial called us in late October and told us about your house burning, that you were okay, but you were going into hiding. He said that you wouldn’t call us for a while, that there was a dangerous man hunting you and he, and that you wouldn’t be visiting us, either, until it was safe.”
How had I missed calling my parents through all of this? Because I had been so preoccupied with my own troubles. Fresh shame flooded me. “That’s true. He’s still out there. He’s attacked Devlin at least four times, and Danial’s been hurt badly. He’ll recover, but—”
“What could hurt a vampire? Sunlight? Did someone stake him and miss?”
I began to shake thinking again about Danial, and knew I had to get off the phone before I broke down crying again. “Listen, I have to go. I don’t want anyone hurting you, and for all I know this phone is tapped, and I’ve already said too much. So keep that special gun Theo gave you this summer handy, and your cell phone within reach. Don’t let Mom walk the dog by herself in the woods. In fact, don’t let her walk out of sight of the house. Buy a treadmill. If you see anything out of the ordinary, anything at all, call Hayden immediately—”
“Danial gave the phone number to us, when he called. He’s called here once a week for the last few weeks, telling us how everyone was, so we wouldn’t worry about you—”
I felt a fresh rush of feeling for Danial; he’d done his best to protect my parents, to try to make them as safe as he could, while not making them too scared. As usual he’d had taken up the slack for me when I’d been too busy thinking about my own problems with Theo. My eyes welled up thinking of my beloved vampire lying alone at Hayden, unresponsive, with no one to comfort him.
Focus, Sar. You can go to pieces after you’ve hung up the phone, but not until then. “Good. Call if anything strange happens, and we’ll bring you to Hayden to stay temporarily. It’s safe there. I finished getting furniture, so you’ll have a place to sleep. But—”
“No ‘buts,’ Sarelle,” my stepfather stated, his tone gruff again. “We love you, and we’ll be here if you need us. We’ll call if there’s a problem, and evacuate, though you know your mom, and you’d better make sure you lay in a supply of cat food for her twenty cats, because she won’t be leaving them or the dog behind—”
“I will,” I said, my voice cracking with emotion. “Please be safe. ’Bye.”
Totally exhausted, I took a long hot shower, dropping my clothes in a pile on the bathroom floor. After p
utting on some pajamas and my black velvet robe, I went in to the great room with my novel and a blanket to wait for Theo, knowing I might have an hour’s wait in front of me. Before I’d read ten pages, I was fast asleep.
I dreamed of being chased relentlessly through a forest. No matter how fast I ran, I couldn’t get away, the hot breaths of my pursuer louder and louder behind me. Just as I turned and screamed, I awoke, gasping and flailing, my heart beating rapidly.
I checked my watch trying to calm myself and got more worried. It was ten to three in the morning! Where were they?
Apprehensive, I changed back into my regular clothes, slipping the small knife Lash had given me onto my belt. If something bad had happened, I didn’t want to be lounging in a nightgown; I wanted to be prepared. I sat back down on the couch to wait.
A half hour later, the front door closed with a slam. Theo came sauntering in, reeking so strongly of sex I could smell it as a human. I knew who he’d most likely been with, and that for whatever reason, this time it hadn’t just been sex in animal form. I was irritated immediately, because it was obvious he’d done it on purpose. But strangely, my jealousy felt more like an abstract concept than like my real feelings. Some of that was the loss of Devon, but it was almost as if I’d known this was coming, though I couldn’t say why I felt that way.
Theo stalked over to me, and gave me a smile that was more arrogance than anything else, as if waiting for me to accuse him. I didn’t say a thing, unwilling to give him any satisfaction. The result was surprise and also annoyance. He’d planned to get a rise out of me and I wasn’t giving him any reaction.
Even if I wasn’t going to scream at him, I wasn’t going to stay silent. My name was Sar, after all. “You didn’t have to sleep with Jenny to not be with me anymore. You could have just told me to leave, and not come back, and I would have not been here when you got back tonight.”
Tempest of Vengeance Page 3
