by J. Thorn
See? She didn’t need to say that. She just had to get a little dig on me.
“So how is it that you came to Estacada looking for me? Because I initially thought one thing, but now I can see I was mistaken.”
Okay, I had no idea what point she was trying to make, but I knew she was implying that I am an idiot. However, one thing was certain; she didn’t know anything about Morgan. That had to be important.
Now, say what she would— Damn! Now I was thinking like her. I don’t think I’m the kind of gal that would say “say what she would” any more than I would say “Be that as it may.”
Great, now I am spacing out on myself!
So the point that I was trying to make is that her not knowing about Morgan seemed to be important. Since we were going to be bound to answer questions again in a minute, something like that could wait. Let her pay for it.
“You want to know something like that…ask in about ten minutes or whenever this little parlay is over.”
“Parlay? Where on earth would you pick up a word like that?”
“I’ve seen the Pirates of the Caribbean movies.” Take that Little-Miss-Smarty-Pants!
“Yes, well, be that as it may (See!), perhaps I have underestimated you. I can assure you that I will not be doing so from here on out.”
Hmm, I wondered if that was a good thing or not. The best thing about having people think that I am a bit ditzy is that they have little to no expectations. Having this self-proclaimed Queen of the Zombies thinking that I am a threat might come back to bite me in the ass.
“…so when we resume this little mutual interrogation, you are now aware of the rules.”
Damn! I was really going to have to stop that. I seem to always space out when people say something important.
“Fine.” I tried my best to make that sound confident. I think Adrianna’s lips curved up in a very slight smile. So she was back to being the spider.
“We each have two questions remaining,” Adrianna said. “Once we have finished, we will both be free to go our separate ways. However, I want to extend an offer to you right now.”
“I’m listening.” Focus, Ava.
“Come with me.”
That was not at all what I expected. What on earth could she want or need me for. And I was pretty sure that Belinda had at least implied that she was evil.
“Why?” That seemed like a simple question.
“Like you, I believe that I will save an answer like that for when it counts for something.”
I began to feel a tingle in my head. It was like this one time when I was really little, like six or seven. We went to visit some relative who was dying and all the kids were told to stay outside while the grownups talked. I came to this fence, and above the barbed wire was this single strand of silvery wire. One of my cousins told me that it would bite me if I touched it. For the rest of the day, I stayed away from the fence, but my mind had to know how a fence could “bite” me. I guess you already figured out how it went from there, so I don’t need to share. Anyways, the rest of the day I had this tingle in my hands. Right now, I had a very similar feeling in my head.
“…and perhaps we could ask your little human friend.”
I told myself I was going to listen. And she mentioned Lisa; that meant it was something really important.
“What?” When Adrianna smiled, I knew that she had just used my tendency to daydream against me.
“I said that if my plan is to work, I need to find a virgin and perhaps we can talk with your little human friend.” There was that smug look that I was really starting to hate. “Now, how is it that you came to Estacada looking for me?”
This was my chance to play it cool. I had seen plenty of movies where the evil villain would ask the hero a question and the hero would answer it in such a way that it wasn’t really a lie, but it didn’t provide much help or insight. Unfortunately, I didn’t have any fancy-shmancy screen writers feeding me dialog. I was on my own here.
I glanced outside and noticed my Corvette. I had it! My ‘ah-ha’ moment bloomed in my head like those videos that are sped up and show flowers opening almost instantly. I was all set to answer the question. The words ‘In my car’ were on the tip of my tongue when I felt a jolt of pain to my head.
“Somebody was about to be deceptive,” Adrianna said with a snotty little laugh.
At least now I knew why she had been giving me those dirty looks earlier. She had been trying the exact same thing. Maybe she wasn’t going to lie, but she was certainly not going to say the whole truth. I formed the answer in my head and waited for another brain jolt. Nothing.
“I was looking into a report that zombies had been spotted in the area.” I waited another second for any pain, but nothing happened. Ha, take that!
“I see.” That was all she said, but I didn’t like it. Had I been that obvious? I was pretty sure that I only thought that ‘Ha, take that!’ remark.
Oh well, now it was my turn and I only had this one last question that I could be guaranteed any sort of truthful answer. I was already very aware that this Queen of the Zombies would lie to me the first chance she got. And that is when it came to me. I had a question that I could ask her that she couldn’t just weasel out of. The only problem was that I wasn’t sure if it would do me any good. Oh well, here goes nothing.
“How did you become the Queen of the Zombies?”
Bingo! Not only did I get to see this prissy piece of Euro-trash actually do a spit-take with her coffee, but the look on her face was something that I might cherish forever. I already shared how I was basically a pirate’s dream in my freshman year with my sunken chest. Well it was that first day back to school of my sophomore year that gave me one of the first such moments in my life.
From the time I was in about fourth grade, one boy in particular had made it a point to try and make my life a living hell: Mike Meyers (no relation to that monster from the Halloween movies, but there wasn’t that much difference in my opinion). It graduated over the years from tugging on my ponytail to noogies. But in my freshman year, he cornered me with his little pack of goons. I didn’t know what he had in mind, but I was braced for the worst. He leaned in, and with that day’s lunch of fish sticks on his breath and in his teeth, he said for all to hear, “I was gonna give you a titty twister, but I don’t have all day to find ‘em!”
I don’t think the flames on my face went out for a week. For the rest of the year, I heard things like “Ain’t that false advertising when you wear a bra, Ava?” When I came back the next year…guess who was standing in the doorway as I walked in to school?
Focus, Ava! Now is not the time to be letting your mind wander. I folded my hands on the table in front of me and flashed my best smile at Adrianna, who was wincing. Guess she was trying to lie.
6
Like A Virgin
“I was born in a village just outside of Naples, Italy,” she finally began after a very long pause and a few more winces. In fact, she paused for so long that I was momentarily afraid that I had spaced out again and she had already answered. “I was named Adrianna D’ Assandrio and the daughter of a whore…”
Geez, I hated my mom when I was growing up, too, but that’s kind of harsh.
“When I was sixteen, I was wed to the son of our village elder. He died two weeks later and I was blamed. His grandmother came down from Rome just before the funeral. She went into the tomb, and when she came out, she claimed that I had murdered my husband.
“A day later, I was thrown in to jail and sentenced to death. I was to be burned at the stake for my crime at sunset. All those stories about witch trials that happened in this country are almost funny. Had any of those accused actually been witches, they would have never been killed quite so easily. I was not about to be executed by these simple fools.”
Adrianna took another long pause. I could tell that she was having a rough time telling me this stuff. I imagine that she was not the sort to share a bunch of her personal life with o
thers. I began to wonder if she had ever told this to anybody.
“I had to cast a summoning if I was going to escape this. The problem with that is the fact that demons don’t care much for the daylight. It tends to make them weak…”
I was really glad that there was some sort of force—ju-ju or whatever you call it—compelling Adrianna to tell the truth, because this was starting to seem like a load of horse puckey. And the way she mentioned summoning demons, like it was no big deal, was loading my brain up with some questions for Morgan. In fact, the next time I saw her, she had some serious ‘splainin’ to do.
“…when the deal was made, I must have been careless with my words. A demon is always looking for an angle to give you what you ask for without giving you what you want. I made a mistake somewhere.”
I sat there for a few moments, waiting to see what else she would say, but she didn’t say a word. She was done. I know that I had drifted a couple of times, but nothing serious. I considered all that she had told me. I didn’t see where there was anything in the narrative that was going to help. Maybe I should have asked something else.
“So,” Adrianna said with her Cheshire grin as she flipped that one long lock of hair that hung down in her face, “now I guess it is my turn to ask my last question.”
Once again, Adrianna was silent. I imagine that she was trying to find that perfect question. She wanted to make sure that she asked something that gave her some relevant information. The only problem with that was the fact that I wasn’t all that relevant.
“What would it take for you to join me?”
That question hung in the air, and I bet the look on my face was priceless. I hated the fact that this was the end of our session. And hadn’t she implied earlier that she wanted me to join her? I think so, but that was one of those Ava moments where I had let my mind wander way down the path. Still, it never even came to me in the slightest to ask her why she would want me to join her.
I gave the question some thought. Actually, I gave my answer some thought. It was almost like playing a game of hide-and-seek with this ju-ju induced pain. I was not anxious to experience that feeling again. That was probably one of the biggest reasons I was so careful not to have children. I’d been to the hospital with a friend of mine once who was going in to labor. She was one of those workout types. If I had a dollar for all the times I’d heard her say, ‘No pain, no gain!’ I could have given up waitressing.
She had her baby in her actual room. I don’t know anything about having babies. I guess I expected them to rush her off to the delivery room. This place didn’t have one except for when there was a problem. I guess the thing was for the woman to have the baby in her actual room; something about making it a more ‘complete and relaxing experience’ for the mother and baby. Personally, I don’t think a baby cares where it is born.
I made the mistake of staying in her room because I just assumed that sooner or later they would take her out. There was this one moment where she let loose with this scream. It started as a low moan that grew to a growl that changed to an oh-my-God-this-thing-is ripping-me-open shriek. I doubt anybody even noticed me leave. She never did call me again.
So I let my mind ease towards what I thought might be an answer, but was a little shaky about just how little I was going to say. When I let the answer fully form, I waited for a second. Then it was my turn to smile big and let her feel a bit concerned.
I watched her eyes. I wanted to see her reaction. I wanted to put it in a bottle and spray it on my pillow.
“Nothing.”
It was even better than I had hoped. You know that thing they do in cartoons where somebody gets hit in the mouth and all their teeth fracture and then shatter and crash down leaving nothing but a gaping hole? Well if her face was made of glass, it would have been all over the floor.
There was just one problem. I was expecting her to say something snotty and that would be that. What I got was a look that I am pretty sure could have done damage to a regular human. In fact, I am certain that when she shot that look at me, she expected me to burst into flames or something.
“Fine,” she said.
Crap, there was that deep voice lurking under her regular one again. Yep, she was mad.
“If that is the way you want things, know that I will not be extending this offer to you again. Once we leave here, I will consider you a threat.”
“So what does that mean?” I asked.
“No more questions, Ava. You are on your own from here on out.”
“Well then…maybe I will give you a little bit of a warning,” I blurted. For the life of me I have no idea what possessed me to open my mouth, but here we were, and I had her full attention. “I will give you twenty-four hours to leave. I don’t care what you do someplace else, but you aren’t starting some silly zombie apocalypse here in my neck of the woods.”
“That is cute,” Adrianna said. She didn’t smile anymore, and for some reason, that really bothered me. “But perhaps it is time to give you a little warning. I am The Queen of the Zombies. I was made immortal by a demon and have existed for hundreds of years. You are…nothing. We are no longer bound to one another, and once you leave these premises…”
She let that hang in the air. It was not a threat. She was telling me that my ass was in serious trouble. I was considering just how the employees here a Voodoo Doughnut would feel about me moving in.
“Oh, you think that I care about you?” Adrianna laughed. And now I wished she wasn’t doing that. “You serve me no purpose whatsoever…but your little friend…she is just a child, true?”
“You touch her and I will rip you apart,” I hissed. And as if to support that threat, my fingers and toes went switchblade. To add a bit of impact, good old sharkmouth decided to show up.
“My, my!” Adrianna had the sense to look worried. “That is something new. I am almost sorry we don’t have a few more questions.”
“Mrrglph,” I said. Dammit! That was probably the wittiest comeback I’d managed to think of in my life, and it was wasted on my sharkmouth. And wouldn’t you just love to know what I was going to say.
“Trust me when I say that she won’t feel a thing,” Adrianna said as she stood. I was immediately struck by how cruel life was when somebody that is obviously so evil has curves like this lady. It just isn’t fair!
I started to get up, and then I guess I saw Adrianna for the first time as she really exists. Her perfect skin was mottled and gray, her stylish hair hung in greasy clumps. Those eyes that were so shiny and a deep chocolate-brown flecked with green and gold were milky and oozing dark liquid that ran like tears down her face. Funny thing, now her hands which had been her worst feature were actually her least icky. There was one other unfortunate aspect to the change.
My knees buckled, and the closest thing that I can compare it to for a human is to suddenly be dunked in a vat of Godiva fudge. I heard a wet splat and was embarrassed when I looked down to see a long line of drool hanging from my lower lip.
“Out!” a voice barked.
Both Adrianna and I looked up to see the vampire that I’d noticed working back in the doughnut kitchen standing in front of the counter. She had obviously put the whammy on the girl behind the counter, because she was standing with a blank look that I’d seen on Lisa’s face more than once when Belinda had been near.
“Get in your kitchen, little girl,” Adrianna said with almost none of her regular voice. It was almost fully the deep, bass sounding one now, and it had a dry echo that you felt in your teeth. Well…at least I did.
The vampire paused as if she was unsure. Then, like all vampires do (although I’ve only met a couple, so perhaps I am being unfair), this one obviously felt it was dealing with an inferior being. She let her fangs show and her eyes went a really pretty shade of ruby red. I guess she was still seeing the glamour version of Adrianna. Perhaps she wasn’t paying attention to the dark swirly stuff that was flowing off her like steam. Whatever it was, the vampire just d
id not think it through.
It launched across the room in one of those movie-style blurs. I only had enough time to appreciate that Hollywood had done a good job of capturing that aspect before the two were face-to-face. The vampire opened its mouth and plunged into Adrianna’s throat. I was super jealous. In this state, she smelled so yummy that I was already deciding the best way to deal with the whole ‘Queen of the Zombies’ problem: have her for breakfast. (See what I did there?)
I guess vampires don’t have the same taste palate as we ghouls. She flew back and began spitting and hacking like a cat with a monster hairball. Seriously, at one point, she was scrubbing at her tongue with her hands.
“What are you?” the vampire managed after hawking up a big tar-like glob that hit the floor and actually dissolved through the tiles in a steaming, bubbling flash that left a lingering smell better than any bakery.
“Silly little vampire,” Adrianna cooed. Yeah, cooed. Hey, you weren’t there, but that is what she did. “I am The Queen of the Zombies.”
And seriously, when she says it, you can actually hear the capitalization of each word. Yeah, even the word the; it’s crazy. Somebody has a pretty high opinion of herself…besides me that is.
The vampire seemed confused. It appeared pretty obvious that she didn’t know a zombie queen from a drag queen at this point. And typical of a vampire, she considered herself at the top of the food chain.
“Well I don’t care what delusions you live under, this location has rules. If you are part of this community, then you are bound to them just like any other ghost, ghoul (she glanced at me, yay!), or goblin. The magic here is older than time and binds us all to its rule. This is a place of peace. Wars have ended at these tables and you will not violate the sanctity of the ju-ju…”
I had to stifle a giggle. I’m sorry, but just say those last few words out loud, ‘you will not violate the sanctity of the ju-ju.’ Come on, it’s a little funny. Like aardvark, I can’t say that word without at least smiling. Tell me I’m not alone here. Somebody at least nod. Fine! But I bet you didn’t say it out loud or you’d totally be on my side.
