by J. Thorn
Starlene clutched the door handle. The metal was cold as a morgue slab. She wanted to run, Randy would grab her and hold her, she could cry on his shoulder and everything would be okay and all the bad stuff would go away and—
Running would show a lack of faith.
God in His mercy would never allow harm to come from the other side of the grave. And surely the dead were beyond sin. Even a soul damned for all eternity should have its license to harm revoked.
Maybe these souls were good souls, Christian folk who had gotten lost on the way to Rapture.
The knock came again, vibrating the air of the room. The deadscape experience had been subjective, a strange and short nightmare, a contrived memory that would have faded with time. This was real. This was happening.
Before she could talk herself out of it, she twisted the handle and let the door swing open.
The boy was on his knees, his face as white as the porcelain sink. The hand that had tapped at the door was poised in the air, quivering. His dark eyes were wild and lost, his lips trying to form words. The sun cut an orange slash between the curtains, the light parted the boy’s hair, specks of dust spun in the air.
“Deke,” she said. “Where have you been?”
His mouth gaped. He was a beggar asking for impossible things. She wanted to reach out to him, but was afraid of what he might do. She had read his case history, and had even built part of it. Sociopathic behavior couldn’t be flipped on and off like a light switch, no matter what Kracowski believed.
The door to the linen closet was ajar. Deke must have hidden there since he’d gone missing the day before. The cottage windows were easy to break into. Starlene had forced her way inside several times after misplacing the house key.
His silence was eerie, so she spoke in her authoritative counselor voice. “What are you doing here?”
Deke still didn’t speak. Sweat beaded the boy’s skin, and though his face looked young and frightened, his eyes were those of a ninety-year-old man’s staring down a terminal disease. The bathroom smelled sticky sweet with vomit.
And something else.
Starlene stepped forward, pores tightening on the back of her neck, the hairs like electric wires.
Deke shook his head. “It wasn’t me,” he whispered, one eyelid twitching, his fingers trembling.
Then Starlene saw what was in the bathtub.
She put her hands over her face, trying to block the red images that spattered her mind. She backed down the hall, begging her legs to work, shouting at her feet to stop being so heavy, wanting nothing but the door and the lawn and a sane sky overhead and no more ghosts and no red things in the tub and—
Hands clutched at her before she reached the front door, two or a thousand. She screamed again and slapped the hands away.
“What in God’s name?” Randy said.
“In there,” she gasped. The words tasted of Ajax cleanser. Randy disappeared into the bathroom, then came back out moments later.
“Whatever it was is gone,” he said. “Spider? Or a mouse? We get a lot of mice out here.”
How could he not have seen it? Smelled it?
“The tub,” she said.
“Nothing in there.”
“Where’s Deke?”
“Deke? You know he’s gone missing, don’t you? Are you okay? You don’t look so hot.”
She pushed past him into the bathroom, bracing for the nightmare vision that awaited. The tub was empty, except for a bottle of shampoo that had fallen from the shelf and her damp towel hanging over the shower rod. No mutilated corpse, no gleaming bones, no blood running in rivulets down the shower curtain.
And no Deke.
She yanked open the door to the linen closet.
Nothing but towels, extra toilet paper, first aid supplies, and tampons. No hideaway teenager.
No dead body.
No ghost.
She turned and went into the living room. Randy followed, waited until she’d taken a bottled water from the refrigerator and downed half of it, then he said, “Not again.”
She sat in the thrift-shop armchair and picked at the cotton. “What do you mean?”
“You saw the man again, didn’t you? The one from the lake, the one you nearly drowned yourself over. The invisible man.”
“No.” The carbonated water’s bubbles bit her throat.
“Look, Starlene, you don’t have to lie to me. I thought we had something going between us. A little thing called ‘trust.’“
“Trust lasts about as far as you can throw it.”
“Trust me. Tell me.”
“So you can laugh at me again?”
“I don’t think it’s funny. I’m worried about you. You need to get some help.”
Her laughter was as brittle as thin ice. “Help? Maybe I’ve had too much help.”
“Tell me what you think you saw.” He sat on the plaid couch. The pattern clashed with his checked shirt and sandy eyebrows. His face was square, precise, not the kind of face that would forgive foolishness. Randy was a rock.
But so was God a rock.
And the deadscape was a hard place.
And she was caught in between.
The ghosts weren’t imprisoned in the basement of Wendover. They had been set free by electromagnetic energy or evil forces or the will of the Almighty. The dead had taken up their robes and walked.
“Deke is dead,” she said.
“He ran away. He’s done that before. Usually he goes to town and breaks in somewhere and steals some beer, and the police find him sleeping it off behind a dumpster. We’ll find him.”
“You won’t find him. He didn’t run away. He ran here.”
Randy leaned forward. “Here?”
“I saw him in the bathroom.”
“Saw him? But he couldn’t have escaped. You’ve only got one door.”
“Maybe he didn’t need a door.”
“Honey, we need to get you to the main building. You need to see somebody.”
“You mean, besides somebody who doesn’t exist?” The image of Deke on his knees, skin like snow, one hand holding—
Silver and red.
She closed her eyes. “I’m okay. I stayed up too late, that’s all. I need a nap before my shift.”
Randy’s gray eyes narrowed. The square slab of his face softened. “You sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah. Really. If a shrink can’t sort things out for herself, she’s not got much of a career ahead, right?”
His face split into a smile. “That’s my girl.”
He patted her hand, leaned forward, and for a moment Starlene thought he was going to kiss her, but he gave her a brief hug and stood. “When do you go on duty?”
“Four.”
“I’ll buy you a cup of coffee, then. Enjoy your nap.”
“Randy?”
“Yeah?”
“What are you hiding from me?”
“Nothing.”
“You work with Kracowski a lot. What’s he up to?”
“I don’t know anything. Remember when I told you not to ask too many questions?”
She nodded, pressed the cold water bottle to her forehead, and reached for the Bible on the end table. The wall between them was as invisible as a faded ghost, but might as well have been miles thick. How far could you throw trust? “Sorry I scared you.”
“We’ll find Deke. Don’t worry.”
“I’m not worried.”
“The Lord is my Shepherd—”
“I shall not want.”
He was gone, and the cottage was silent besides the hum of the refrigerator and the soft rattle of leaves against the foundation.
She would have to face it sooner or later.
She would have to look in the mirror, to see if her eyes were bright and her skull cracked and her brains sliding from her face.
She would have to stare herself down and give herself a good scolding.
The bathroom door stood open. The linen closet was as she had left it. The tub wa
s empty. Deke no longer haunted her.
She twisted the tap on the sink, splashed cold water on her face. The woman in the mirror was pale, eyes wild, but she had seen worse. She patted herself dry with a towel, then saw the disposable Gillette razor she’d used to shave her legs the day before.
The handle lay beside the toilet, the head torn, plastic bands curling. The blades were gone.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Freeman couldn’t concentrate on the history lesson. Ever since group homes had been turned into charter schools, with shrinks and teachers teaming up to make a bad situation worse, education had become yet another weapon the system used against you. Take the history teacher, for example. He might as well have “This space for rent” stamped across his pasty forehead, but he got to decide who was smart and who had a future and which kids were failures. All because he wore a necktie.
Leave it to a loser to be able to pick out the other losers. The teacher’s voice was like chalk on a blackboard as he talked about patriots sneaking onto somebody else’s ship and dumping tea into the Boston harbor. Creepy little vandals. And now they were hailed as heroes.
People sure didn’t know much about heroism back then. The patriots even dressed up as Indians, that’s how pathetic they were. The teacher was calling them Freedom Fighters. If you did that kind of thing today, you’d be called a terrorist and locked up for observation with no attorney. Or shot on sight.
Well, the winning side always wrote the history books and freedom was subjective. Being confined in a group home with barbed wire around the perimeter, right here in the Land of the Free that God had blessed above all other countries, didn’t seem a bit contradictory to the teacher. Having Social Services telling Freeman where to live wasn’t exactly what the Constitution meant by the “pursuit of happiness.” The First Amendment didn’t prevent shrinks from getting an endless ride inside his head.
To Freeman, it seemed the only people who got to do what they wanted were the grownups and the ghosts.
At least Vicky was in this class. He tuned out the squeaky teacher and looked at the back of Vicky’s head. The sun was in her hair, and the air around her almost shimmered. She sat in the front, by the window, an accident of alphabetical order. Freeman was always stuck in the middle of the class. But at least he had a good view of the mountains from here, and the fence that kept the world a safe distance away.
Vicky dropped her pencil, bent from her desk, and winked at him. He tried a triptrap, caught something about doughnuts, so he smiled and then the door opened and a man in a blue suit and sunglasses entered the classroom and whispered in the teacher’s ear.
Suits meant something at Wendover, so the teacher listened, then said, “Class, we’ve had an emergency and everyone needs to report to the dorms.”
The class erupted with murmurs of glee and gossip. Isaac slapped his book closed and stared at Freeman as if this were all his fault. Isaac was way too serious about learning. Or maybe he was scared by the “emergency,” because, even if he thought Freeman was hogwashing about the deadscape, Isaac had to admit that things were getting pretty weird around this place.
As the kids filed out, Freeman went to Vicky’s desk. “What is it?” she whispered.
“What do I look like, a sawed-off Nostradamus or something? Ask Dipes, he’s the one who can see the future.”
“Oh, so you’re in one of your patented mood swings. And you’re going to make sure everybody suffers a little.”
Why was she mad at him? He thought they were friends, maybe even more than that after this morning, when they had shared a “special moment.”
Girls. Who could ever figure them out?
“It’s okay to be afraid,” she said.
“I’m not afraid,” he said, even though the man in the suit and sunglasses was headed straight for him. And The Suit had the Trust written all over him, from his buzz cut to his creased jaw to his shiny shoes. Even his cologne was by the book, making a weak attempt at feigned personality.
“I’ll be thinking about you,” Vicky said, and then the man had a hand on Freeman’s shoulder and Freeman thought about ducking and running for the door, but what was the use? The room was a prison and Wendover was a prison and the world beyond the electric fence was just a bigger prison, because he’d been condemned to a life sentence inside his own skull.
“I owe you a penny,” Vicky said, and lightning flashed across his soul and his skeleton rattled and ten thousand elves in cleats stomped across his skin. She had triptrapped him.
The Suit said, “Mr. Mills, you need to come with me.”
Not a question. Not a request. Just a fact of life.
The Suit led him past the teacher, who was rattling some papers in a bottom drawer. Freeman couldn’t resist a Pacino wisecrack. “Guess this means no homework?”
The teacher got busy erasing the chalkboard, even though nothing was written on it. Freeman looked back at Vicky, who flashed him a thumb’s-up. The inside of his brain itched and he had no way to scratch it.
In the hall, The Suit stood even taller, his leather shoes squeaking as he marched Freeman in a familiar direction.
“You can take your hand off me now,” Freeman said, trying to be Eastwood-cold. “I’m not running.”
The Suit said nothing, having used up his requisition of syllables. What did they teach these guys in Secret Agent School, anyway? Besides how to keep from smiling. Back in the good old days, before Mom died, men like The Suit would sometimes stop by and visit his dad. Even at age six, Freeman knew these guys were bad news. They all smelled of hidden ammunition and secrets.
“I know the way,” Freeman said. “Room Thirteen. I’ve spent some of the best moments of my life there.”
They passed Bondurant’s office and a couple of classrooms. The door to Kracowski’s lab was closed. Freeman wondered how many people would be on the other side of the two-way mirror this time. No doubt the mad doctor had rounded up some spectators for his favorite rat’s next run at the maze.
The Suit tapped on the door to Thirteen. The wing of the building was empty. You could almost hear dust collecting in the corners. The electronic lock beeped, then the latch clicked like an executioner’s pistol.
“Hello, Freeman,” said Randy.
Freeman disliked Randy not just because he was a jock, but because he had the chin of a Secret Agent type. He wore his chin as if it were a boxing glove. Randy had the double disadvantage of being a counselor.
“Let me guess,” Freeman said, climbing onto the cot while The Suit waited by the door. “Either I’ve just been selected as the next contestant on ‘Fear Factor’ or the doctor’s going to put the screws to me again.”
Kracowski’s voice descended from the hidden speaker in the ceiling. “We would never do anything to hurt you, Freeman.”
He flipped a bird at the mirror. “Hitler was sincere, too. And those guys who dumped the tea in the harbor. And God. And all the other bastards back through history who messed with innocent people.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way. I thought the last treatment would have helped you overcome your anger.”
“Oh, I’m not angry. I’ve never been better.”
Randy rubbed Vaseline on Freeman’s temples and attached the electrodes. Then he tapped the flesh on the inside of Freeman’s elbow, drew out a syringe, and injected an iridescent, syrupy substance.
“Seriously,” Freeman said. “You don’t have to sell me on the idea. I believe I’m better.”
“No, you don’t.” Kracowski took on that familiar tone of all the shrinks who had ever subjected Freeman to their utter sincerity. The tone of smugness, rightness, absolute certainty. A tone that God Himself might use if He ever bothered to speak.
“Do we need the straps?” Randy asked the mirror.
“How about it, Freeman?” Kracowski asked.
“I promise to behave.”
“We only want you to be better.”
“I know. You and all the other brain po
lice. Did it ever occur to you that I’m happy being a suicidal manic depressive? And if you just want to help me, why do you make me take ESP tests?”
Randy put a hand on Freeman’s chest and forced him onto his back, then unreeled the canvas straps from beneath the bed. Freeman stared at the ceiling tiles, trying to picture the strange gizmos and wires of Kracowski’s machines. The walls must be filled with them, too, the electronic bloodstream of the SST equipment. All connected to those big tanks and computers in the basement, which was the heart of the mad doctor’s monster maker.
While the brain lay behind that mirror.
Freeman craned his neck to stare at the cold glass as Randy attached padded cuffs to his ankles and wrists. Clint Eastwood would never let them see a flinch. Clint would think of something clever to say, as if living or dying were pretty much the same to him.
“What do you have in mind this time, Doc?” Freeman said. “Want me to bring back a little souvenir from the deadscape? Maybe your Momma?”
“Freeman, you need to relax in order for the treatment to be effective. This is important.”
Randy made a final check on the restraints. He pulled a hard rubber mouthpiece from a drawer and pressed it into Freeman’s mouth. That meant a major shock was coming. Freeman waited until Randy was gone and the door had closed, then pushed the mouthpiece out with his tongue.
“Who you got over there with you, Doc?”
“Just a few . . . friends.”
Freeman tried to think of something wise-assed to say, like “With friends like yours, who needs enemies?”, but that was too corny, and besides, the Vaseline made his skin itch and his chest ached and he realized he’d never been this scared in all his life.
Not even when Dad had locked him in the closet for two days.
Not even when Dad cornered him with the blowtorch.
Not even when he came out of one of Dad’s treatments and carried the razor into the bathroom where Mom—
No, that never happened.
Then his thoughts turned to broken bits of alphabet as the juice hit and the lights dimmed and his ears crackled and buzzed. The scream didn’t come from inside his throat. Instead, it clawed its way from the center of his brain, writhing like a fanged worm, chewing up his hippocampus and thalamus and vomiting pain against the curved plates of his skull.
