by Lois Richer
“Shay?” Nick waited for her to look at him. “I’ll stay. If you want me to.”
“Yes,” she said very quietly. “I do want you—to be there.”
He caught the slight hesitation, but there was no time to think about that. He followed her into her office and while she dialed, he pushed a chair next to hers. When the questions began, he grasped her hand in his and held on all through the heart-wrenching process of reliving the worst days of her life—again.
And that’s when Nick realized that leaving Hope and this amazing woman was going to be the hardest thing he ever did.
But he couldn’t ignore the only opportunity God had given him to care for his family.
Could he?
*
Three hours later, all joy in her afternoon’s achievement had drained away, leaving Shay tired and defeated. Nick hated that.
“I doubt they’ll catch him,” she said as she hung up the phone. “I couldn’t give them enough. I don’t know enough.” She ran a hand through her copper curls, rubbing her scalp to ease her tension. “Or if I do, I can’t remember.”
“You did the best you could.”
“It wasn’t enough. They know it and so do I. I should have tried harder to figure it out back when I was going through it. I shouldn’t have been so afraid.”
“Anyone would have been afraid, Shay. Anyone would struggle as you have if they’d gone through what you did. Don’t beat yourself up with what-ifs.”
“I’ll try not to.” She summoned a tired smile. “Thank you for staying with me. I appreciate it.”
“That’s what friends are for.” Which was true, except that Nick felt guilty for saying it because he knew he wanted to be a whole lot more than just Shay’s friend. He returned his chair to its rightful place facing her desk then followed her to the front office. He paused by the door. “What now?”
“I’m going home to take a nice long bubble bath. Maybe that will ease this crick in my neck.” As Shay locked the door she exhaled a puff of air that rustled the damp strands of hair on her forehead. “It’s so hot today. I’m glad I left Hugs inside with the air on.”
She would go home defeated and probably spend the night dreaming about the creep and the terror he was causing someone else. Nick couldn’t allow that.
“I can trump the bubble bath,” he said as he waited for her to unlock the car.
“Right this minute a bubble bath sounds like heaven to me,” she said. “What have you got in mind?”
“A swim. At the lake.”
“The lake, huh?” Her green eyes flickered with interest.
“Think about it.” Nick figured he’d have to sell this if he wanted to spend more time with Shay this evening—which obviously, against his better judgment, he did. “Cool, refreshing water lapping over you. A soft breeze floating through the pines. You can swim, relax and work out the kinks. Hugs could run around—” Nick blinked. The wimpy name had slipped out without him even thinking about it. Because that was Shay’s name for her dog. Because she’d chosen it with love.
Man, he cared a lot for this woman.
“Mmm. Perfect.” Shay closed her eyes and stretched. “You’re right, the lake will be far better than a bubble bath. When would we go?”
“I’ll pick you up in half an hour.” He hesitated, wishing he could spend the evening alone with her but knowing that his mom desperately needed some free time. “Do you mind if I bring Mags? Mom could probably use the break.”
“Of course I don’t mind. Swimming will be good for Maggie.” She nodded. “I’ll put a picnic together. We could roast some hot dogs if you build a fire.”
“Now you’re getting the picture.” Nick paused, unsure of the words that would tell her how deeply affected he was by what she’d done today. “I can’t thank you enough, Shay. Seeing Maggie walk those few steps this afternoon—it was incredible.”
“No thanks needed. It’s my job.” She grinned, her green eyes sparkling. “I love that kid. And her faith is incredible. Georgia would be so proud of her.”
“Yeah.” He swallowed hard.
“Yeah.” Shay touched his arm then got into her car. She cranked it a couple of times before the engine caught.
“You should get that checked,” he told her.
“I’ve had it in the shop several times but they never find the problem. I guess I’ll have to take it in again.” She revved the motor. “See you in half an hour,” she called before driving away.
“Yes, you will,” he promised. As he drove home, Nick caught himself whistling the melody to a hymn and realized belatedly that it was “Only Believe,” a song he hadn’t heard since he was a kid. “All things are possible,” the lyrics claimed. “Only believe.”
All things?
Nick wasn’t sure he understood that. This morning he’d received an email from his football squad wanting to know if he could start work a month early. The bonus the organization was offering was substantial enough to make him seriously consider it, despite his overwhelming reluctance to leave Hope and his family—and Shay.
Maggie was doing so much better now. Daily she grew more independent. As for his mom, well, Nick had talked to Heddy Grange about finding people to help with Maggie after he’d gone. That eased Nick’s mind. His team’s offering of a bonus would solve another worry; that cash would make a nice dent in the purchase price of a new minivan for his mom so she could retire her problem-plagued vehicle.
But no matter how he spun the benefits of that offer, Nick couldn’t find a positive in leaving Shay. Talking to her, sharing their problems, finding ways to surmount them—that part of his life had become more important to him than he’d ever imagined it would.
Because Shay Parker was more than his friend.
Nick sat in his mother’s yard and let the knowledge seep into his soul. He admired Shay’s giving heart and the way she refused to back down. He treasured the way her enthusiastic laugh bubbled up from deep inside and spilled onto everyone around her. He adored the way she included all people and didn’t care about opinions. How could he feel anything but the deepest respect and affection for a woman so generous she had to help every child she encountered?
But even if Nick did believe he could have a relationship with Shay, he wouldn’t dream of asking her to leave her new life and the joy she’d found in Hope. And he couldn’t stay here without a job.
For a moment he let himself dream of Shay with him in Seattle, riding up the Space Needle for dinner, cheering for his team, walking through the fine spring rain.
All things are possible? Not this time.
*
“This is one of those memory-making nights,” Shay murmured, staring into the dying embers of the campfire. “In fifty years, I’ll lie in my bed and still remember how bright the stars shone, how sweetly the birds sang, how fresh the air felt on my skin. Mostly I’ll remember how alive I feel.” She turned her head toward Nick. “Thank you for you suggesting this.”
“I’m enjoying it, too,” he said. Enjoy seemed such a tame word. He’d never laughed as hard as he had watching Shay and Maggie revel in the buoyancy of the water as they turned somersaults. When he couldn’t match their feat, his two ladies had splashed him mercilessly.
And Nick loved every moment.
“This is a God time,” Maggie said, scooping another charred marshmallow into her mouth.
“A ‘God’ time? What do you mean, Mags?” A flush of amazement filled Nick at his niece’s certainty of God’s leading in her life. She sounded exactly as Shay had years ago in high school, when her faith was so strong his felt puny beside it. Lately Shay had begun to sound confident in her faith again, which made Nick very happy.
Maggie pointed up at the full moon. “That’s what tonight feels like to me. Like God is here.”
Shay brushed the damp curls off Maggie’s forehead and hugged her. “How did you get so smart about God, Maggie?”
“My mom.” Maggie peered into the night sky, her voice very soft
. “She told me lots of things about how God loves us so much.”
“Your mom was a smart lady, honey.” Nick swallowed hard, thrilled that Georgia’s very strong faith still lived on in her child’s heart.
“Grandma teaches me, too. She knows lots of stuff about God, too.”
“Like what?” Nick prodded.
“Grandma said that if I had questions, I should ask God about them. So I do.”
Such easy faith. A flush of shame suffused Nick that he’d ever doubted God.
“I was worried when Pastor Marty talked about God’s plans for us.”
“Worried?” Nick frowned. He didn’t want his niece worrying about anything. “Why were you worried, Mags?” Nick asked, anxious to hear what she’d say. Shay seemed captivated, too, for she leaned forward, arms clasped around her knees and waited as Maggie assembled her thoughts, her face scrunched up with the effort.
“I couldn’t figure out why He made it so I couldn’t walk.” Maggie’s forehead furrowed. “Sometimes it’s hard to understand what God’s doing.” She peered at Shay, her eyes earnest.
“Yes, sometimes it is very hard,” Shay agreed, her face solemn.
“Grandma told me, ‘You don’t have to understand. You just have to work hard and trust God to do the rest.’” A huge yawn interrupted her words.
Shay snuggled Maggie against her side. “That’s right, Maggie. Are you warm enough?”
“Toasty.” Maggie rested her sleepy head against Shay’s shoulder.
Do your part. Trust God to do the rest.
Nick suddenly felt himself getting angry. Trust God to do the rest. Wasn’t that what he was doing? He believed that job had come from God. So why didn’t he feel at peace?
He faced the same quandary with Shay. He cared so deeply for her, but the thought of promising her anything and then failing her—something inside him twisted into a knot.
He just couldn’t, wouldn’t do that.
“I think Maggie’s asleep,” Shay murmured. When he didn’t answer, she looked at him. “Why are you so quiet, Nick? Are you okay?”
“I’m thinking about what Maggie said.”
“In regard to your dad?” Shay asked. “You told me once that you wanted to reconcile with him, that you hoped you would someday be able to rebuild a bond with him.”
“I’m not hoping for that anymore, Shay,” Nick told her grimly.
“Why not?” Her wide emerald eyes brimmed with innocence.
“Because my father doesn’t want anything to do with any of us.” The words spilled out of him with an acrid bitterness Nick hadn’t realized he still clung to.
“You don’t know that,” Shay protested.
“Actually I do know that.” Nick didn’t want to risk Maggie hearing this so he lifted her from Shay’s arms and carried her to the truck, where he settled her on the backseat. After ensuring he had a clear line of vision to the truck, he returned to Shay. He stabbed at the fire viciously as he sat down, struggling to tamp down his anger.
“Nick—” Shay touched his arm for a moment, her eyes brimming with empathy.
“You can’t tell Mom any of this.” He locked her gaze with his. “Not one word.”
“Okay.” She looked mystified by his harsh tone.
“After Georgia’s death, I hired the same private investigator that tailed you in New York to find my father.”
Shay’s eyes widened but Nick kept going. Better to get it all out in the open.
“I thought that surely, after all these years, he’d be over whatever he’d been going through, that he’d finally want to know us, his family.” He snorted his derision. “Turns out I couldn’t have been more wrong.”
“Oh, Nick.” Shay scooted closer so she could slide her hand into his. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah.” He exhaled. “He said he had his own life now.” He threaded his fingers through hers. “My father,” he said, enunciating the words, “didn’t want the responsibility of a family and never had, even though he had five kids. It didn’t matter that we’re all grown now, that we didn’t want anything except to know our father. He said he’d made a clean break when he walked away years ago and he had no regrets.”
Shay said nothing, simply held his hand. But Nick could feel her comfort as a tangible thing. Perhaps that was why he had to say it all, to release the pain in one torrent of bitterness. Maybe then he could heal. Maybe.
“I tried to show him pictures of his grandchildren,” Nick muttered. “But he pushed them away. Can you imagine not wanting to know Maggie?”
“No, I can’t imagine that,” Shay whispered. “It’s his loss, but we should feel sorry for him.”
“Sorry?” Rage burned in Nick’s heart. “Why?”
“Because your father hasn’t the slightest clue as to what he threw away.” Shay leaned in so her face was inches from his. “He has no idea that he has a wonderful son, a son who gives deeply of himself to others. A son the whole town is proud to call their own.”
“Thanks,” Nick said, looking away from her as if he didn’t believe what she was saying.
“Don’t thank me. It’s true, Nick.” Shay grasped his chin and turned his face toward hers. “The fact that your father doesn’t get it, even after all these years, is sad. But it’s no reflection on you. Let it go.”
“I don’t know if I can,” he admitted.
“You have to. Hate is corrosive. It will ruin your life.” Her fingers brushed his chin.
“But he—”
“God has blessed you with a wonderful family, with a community where you are appreciated.” Her voice softened. “Think about that, and leave your father to God.”
As Nick stared into Shay’s eyes, the longing to kiss her grew until it was an ache that had to be satisfied. He leaned forward and covered her lips with his, seeking the comfort she offered, but asking for more than that. Asking for a response that would show she felt the same rush of joy that he did whenever they were together.
He felt her still then felt the slight tremble ripple through her. He shifted to move away, but then she was kissing him back, her hand curling around his neck, moving into the kiss, gently, without fear. She tasted of toasted marshmallow. Her skin felt soft as silk against his five o’clock shadow.
When Nick finally pulled back, Shay wore a bemused look.
“You’re the best friend I ever had, Shay.”
“Me, too,” Shay said in a slightly choked tone.
Friend. But he ached to be so much more than that.
When Shay shivered, Nick wrapped an arm around her and drew her against his side. They sat there silent.
“The team wants me to start work a month early.”
“Oh?” Shay’s body tensed.
“They’ve offered a really good bonus if I show up a month early.”
“In two weeks,” she whispered. “After the Fourth of July.”
“Yes.”
She tipped her head to study him. “Will you go?”
“I don’t have a choice.” She didn’t argue but still Nick felt he had to defend his decision. “Mom needs a new car. The old one’s ready for the scrap heap, but her pension check won’t stretch enough for a new one. I can’t leave her with an unreliable vehicle.”
“No.” Shay said nothing else. But she didn’t move away either. Was it because she was comfortable with him? Because she knew she could trust him?
But should she trust him if he was just going to leave?
“What else?” she whispered.
“Cara needs to get out of that apartment and into a house where the twins can thrive, but her husband just got laid off.”
“Oh,” Shay murmured.
Nick could feel her withdrawing.
“It’s not that I want to leave Hope,” he tried to explain. “But I can’t take the risk of trying to start a new business or waiting for a job to find me. I’m the one my family depends on.”
“Your mom depends on God,” Shay reminded in a soft but firm tone.
“You’re a lot more than a friend to me, too, Nick.” She bit her lip, lifted her head and stared into his eyes. “I care about you more than I have ever cared for anyone but Dad.” She touched his cheek.
This woman had his heart. He couldn’t bear to think about leaving her.
“Lots of people have long-distance relationships.” Her whisper warmed his heart—how he wanted more with this special woman.
“I don’t think I’m one of those people, Shay,” he said, wishing it wasn’t true with every fiber of his being.
“Why?” Her fingers curled into his as she met his gaze head-on, her green eyes swirling with questions.
“I’m terrible at relationships.” He shook his head when she smiled. “I’m serious, Shay. You and I—we’ve always been friends.” He gulped. “But there’s a lot you don’t know about me.”
“I doubt that. You’re the most trustworthy person I know.” She leaned her head on his shoulder.
Nick’s heart almost burst at the vulnerability he saw on Shay’s face. Vulnerable, yet she trusted him enough to bare her heart to him. He had to be honest with her. She deserved nothing less that the complete truth.
“Tell me,” she invited.
So Nick did. He told her about his last two relationships and how he’d failed to be who the person he’d loved said she needed.
“I’m just like my father,” he said, his teeth grinding as he got the words out. “I don’t want to be, but when push comes to shove, I get cold feet, just like he did, and rather than risk making a mess down the road, I walk out before I hurt someone.”
Shay was silent for such a long time, he finally turned his head to look at her. She was grinning.
“This isn’t funny,” he said.
“Yes, it is, Nick. It’s very funny that you of all people—Mr. Responsible—would think that you failed someone. It would never happen,” she said. “Not if the moon turned purple. Not if we had a month of Sundays. Not even if someone mistreated you. It just isn’t in you to dump your responsibilities.”
