“I think you’d look pretty cute in that shirt,” Mr. T says, giving him a big, frightening smile.
Scavy isn’t sure whether Mr. T is coming on to him or if he’s just so comfortable with his sexuality that he doesn’t fear calling another guy cute.
Rainbow paces impatiently behind them. “Are we ready? Let’s go.”
Scavy stands. He’s able to walk just fine, but light-headed and in quite a bit of pain.
“I’ll be ready in a minute,” Scavy says, holding his side. “We got a plan for getting there faster and shit?”
“Yeah,” Junko says. “But it’s not going to be easy, and we’re not sure it’s even going to work.”
“It’s probably impossible,” Rainbow Cat says.
“What are you two fools talking about?” says Mr. T, waving their comments away. “With the T-2000 on the job, ain’t nothin’ impossible.”
They explain the plan to Scavy. While the punk was out, Junko had come across a group of smart-cars on the freeway. If they can get to those then it is possible that they can drive to the evacuation zone. But there is a problem. The smart-cars have become infected with the zombie virus.
Smart-cars were invented a few years before Z-Day. They were state of the art solar-powered vehicles with organic implants. The vehicles were designed so that they could drive themselves. Because they were fitted with human brains, grown in a lab, the smart-cars were basically living beings. They could think, feel, communicate, and even love. Unfortunately, they could also become infected by the zombie virus.
When Z-Day struck, even the smart-cars were not safe from the hordes of zombies. They were cornered, ripped open, bitten, infected, and joined the ranks of the living dead. And because they were created to last forever, without requiring fuel or much repair, many of the smart-cars are still around, patrolling the zombie wasteland.
Junko had seen undead smart-cars on Zombie Survival in the past, but contestants had never tried to ride them before. They were always run over by them if they got too close, then the vehicle would futilely try to eat their victim’s brains. Because they do not have mouths—normally fed a protein fluid inserted through a slot on the dashboard—eating brains was not possible.
“The problem is,” Junko says. “They will attack us on sight. Even if we manage to get inside one of them, we have no idea how we’ll control it.”
Many smart-cars weren’t even fitted with steering wheels. Their insides look similar to the backs of limousines. The brains of the smart-cars were programmed to be experts at driving. It was said that using a smart-car was the safest way to travel. That is, until they turned into mindless brain-hungry zombie cars.
Junko, Scavy, Rainbow, and the T-2000 walk down the freeway through the city, keeping a look out for the smart-cars. The undead vehicles are no longer in the same spot that Junko had last seen them in. They’ll have to seek them out.
“They could be long gone by now,” Rainbow Cat says.
“We’ll find them,” Junko says.
The four contestants cross a freeway overpass, scanning the interstate below. The road stretches for miles, overgrown with weeds so thick it’s like a brown forest dotted by hundreds of wrecked rusted-out vehicles.
A section on Mr. T’s robot body opens and a pair of small binoculars come out. They raise themselves up to Mr. T’s eyes, then he scans the distance.
“The T-2000 don’t see nothin’ out there,” says Mr. T.
The other four of them stare up at him, surprised to see the binoculars attached to the inside of his chest.
“What else can you do?” Junko asks.
The binoculars fold themselves back into his body.
“Well,” Mr. T says, “the T-2000 wasn’t designed to look pretty. The doctor who built this body designed it for missions near the outskirts of the Red Zone, and so it’s been equipped accordingly.”
“Got any weapons hiding in there?” Scavy asks.
“All the T-2000 needs is Brick and Mortar.” Mr. T holds up his two fists. “Those are the names of Mr. T’s fists.”
“Why do you call them Brick and Mortar?” Rainbow asks.
“Because they’re tough like brick and mortar,” Mr. T says.
“But your fists are made out of steel,” Rainbow says. “Isn’t steel stronger than brick?”
Mr. T pauses. He scratches his chin.
“Hey,” Mr. T says. “Mr. T never thought of that before. You’ve got a point.” He thinks about it a bit more. “But Mr. T’s fists can punch through brick and mortar, so maybe the names make sense after all.”
“If you say so,” Rainbow says.
He doesn’t like her snarky tone.
“Mr. T does say so.”
Ahead, the party of four come across a horde of zombies crowded in a circle, gathered around something.
“What’s that?” Rainbow asks.
“Not sure,” Junko says.
Mr. T uses his binoculars.
“It’s strange,” Mr. T says. “The center of the mob is wide open, as if something is holding them back.”
Getting to higher ground, they look more carefully. In the middle of the mob, there is a girl lying on the street. The zombies are after her, but something is keeping them from getting to her. It’s as if there is a twenty-foot barrier around the girl, but nothing looks to be there. There’s no railing or glass stopping them. It’s as if an invisible wall protects the girl.
“She’s one of the contestants, isn’t she?” Rainbow asks.
“She was,” Mr. T says. “Look.”
His binoculars shift over to Rainbow and she looks through to see blood on the pavement by the girl’s face. She’s dead.
“I don’t remember her,” Junko says. “What was her name?”
“Wendy,” says Mr. T. “I’m surprised she lasted as long as she did. Back at the hotel, she was a sorry sight.”
When Wendy awoke back at the hotel, she was so frightened she couldn’t speak to anybody. Perhaps she could have joined somebody’s team if she had spoken up, but she couldn’t get the words out. When she saw Oro escaping out of the side door, she followed after him, but he wouldn’t let her follow for very long. She was on her own.
The weapon they had given her wasn’t exactly a weapon. It was a lawn gnome. She assumed it had to have been a mistake, then she assumed it had to have been a cruel joke. She wondered what she was supposed to do with it. Smash zombies over the head with it? Poke them with the pointy red gnome hat? The weapon assigned to each contestant was supposed to match that person’s fighting capabilities. She didn’t understand how they could think she would be capable of fighting off hordes of zombies with a ceramic gnome.
“I don’t need a weapon to fight them,” she said to herself. “My greatest weapon is my faith in Jesus.”
Religion was rare on the island of Neo New York, especially in Copper. But Wendy was a devoted Christian. Her mother and her mother’s mother were all dedicated to the faith. They had passed down their only remaining copy of the bible to her. It was a book that guided her through her life.
“You have to go to school,” her mother told her. “I don’t care what those bullies did to you.”
Young Wendy looked up at her mother. Her eye swollen and black. An agonizing pain in her privates.
“But they’ll hurt me again…” Wendy cried.
Her mother handed her the precious family bible.
“Have faith in Jesus,” she said. “He will protect you from the heathens.”
“But he didn’t protect me yesterday…”
“That’s because you didn’t have strong enough faith!”
Wendy looked down at her scabby knuckles.
“Okay?” her mother said.
“Okay,” Wendy said.
Wendy’s school wasn’t really a school. There were only five students who were taught by a lady from the back of the porch outside of her shack. Three of the students were her children. She taught the other two students for a small monthly fee
from their mothers.
Unfortunately, the school wasn’t on the best side of town. Wendy was often attacked on her way to and from school, by teenaged gang members or angry old men, who wanted inside of her. She could have tried to sneak through the back streets to get away from them, but her mother told her all she needed was faith and nothing could harm her. But every time, no matter how much she believed Jesus would deliver her from harm, she was raped by different attackers. Sometimes she was even assaulted more than once in a day. When she would arrive home, her mother would have no pity for her.
“It’s because you lack faith,” her mother would say, and if Wendy ever argued back she would be beaten.
She grew up and got a job in a soup kitchen, but her problem never changed. She was still attacked on the street. Her frail body and cowering posture made her a perfect victim. Predators seemed to be drawn to her. Every day, she believed with all her heart that Jesus would protect her. Some days she would get away with no harm done to her, other days she would come home with a ripped dress and a black eye. The last man who attacked her had a white suit and a white goatee. The next day, she awoke as a contestant on Zombie Survival.
In the zombie wasteland, Wendy knew that she had to believe in Jesus more than she ever had in the past. She had to have faith so no harm would come to her.
As she walked down the street in the Red Zone, she moved with confident strides. She did not take a safe route, because she believed that would show a lack of faith. She went straight toward the goal. With all her heart, she believed Jesus would save her. With all her heart, she knew no zombie would lay a hand on her body.
Wendy didn’t have her bible on her, nor her crucifix. This worried her at first because her mother had always told her that carrying a holy symbol or being in the presence of the bible would increase her faith. These things would give her power, but she had none. This worried her greatly.
When she encountered the first zombie, her faith was put to the test. A zombie was standing in her way, growling, calling out for her brains. She paused for a moment. Without a holy symbol, she wasn’t sure if her faith would be strong enough. So she closed her eyes and put all of her soul into her faith. She visualized the beautiful magnificence of Jesus. She let him into her heart, filled herself with his love, and knew that he would let no harm come to her. She kept on her path, marching directly toward the living corpse.
Then something miraculous happened. As she approached the corpse, the creature got out of her way. It cowered before her, trembling at the might of the holy spirit filling her soul. She smiled as she moved on. For once in her life, her faith was strong enough to protect her. When she looked down at the lawn gnome, she discovered she did have a holy symbol in her possession. A blob of brown paint in the gnome’s coat looked exactly like a crucifix. She hugged the gnome close to her body. She knew that Jesus had come to her in the form of a lawn gnome.
Then she came across a large mob of zombies. They barreled through the street toward her. As she arrived to them, they moved aside, opening a path for her to go through.
“You were right, mother,” Wendy said to the heavens. “All I needed was faith.”
She walked all day with no incident. She didn’t run into any other contestant. Every zombie cowered before her faith. She knew she would be the winner of the contest, because she had Jesus on her side. At night, she bunked down in a hotel room, without even locking the door. She held her gnome tightly to her heart.
“You’ll save me, Jesus. I know you will.”
“Wait here,” says Mr. T. “The T-2000 will be right back.”
The others stay back as Mr. T goes down toward the zombie mob. A camera ball floats after him. He punches his way through the crowd until he enters the open circle. The zombies don’t follow him within. Junko, Scavy, and Rainbow come in for a closer look. Mr. T examines the girl’s body, digging through her pack. He tosses the pack aside and takes a lawn gnome lying by the girl’s side. He lifts it up, inspecting each side of it. When he moves it toward the zombies, they back away. He moves away from the dead girl, back toward the others. As he moves, the open circle moves with him.
“What is it?” Rainbow asks.
Junko squints her eyes. “I don’t know, but whatever it is the zombies won’t go near it.”
As Mr. T moves far enough away from Wendy’s body that the invisible perimeter no longer protects her, the zombie horde pounce on top of her. They screech with excitement, rolling over one another, as they tear apart her flesh to get to her brain.
When Mr. T arrives to them, they all stand within the protective barrier. Zombies quickly surround them. Scavy, Junko, and Rainbow Cat stand back-to-back, aiming their weapons at the shambling corpses. But the zombies keep their distance, they do not attack.
Mr. T holds up the lawn gnome.
“They did it…” he says.
“What?” Junko asks, looking back and forth between the gnome and the undead.
Mr. T explains, “The doctor who built the T-2000, he developed a technology that could keep zombies at bay. Mr. T guesses those scientists in Neo New York got it up and running.”
Junko takes the gnome from him. A camera ball overhead zooms in on it.
Mr. T continues, “Inside this little guy, there’s a device that emits a sonic wave that the zombies just can’t stand.” Mr. T takes back the device and bounces it in his metal hand. “This one’s emitting a pretty low frequency, so it only holds them back a dozen feet or so. But with a more powerful emission this thing could hold back at least a square mile, or even protect an entire city.”
“This technology could save the world,” Junko says.
“If those suckas bothered to use it,” he says. “Mr. T don’t think those fat cats in Platinum care about saving the world at the moment. They’re more interested in their own well-being. The only thing they care to use it for is as a mere toy on this vile television show.”
“So we can use this to get safely to the helicopter?” Rainbow asks. “And even if we don’t get to the helicopter, we can still use it to get out of the Red Zone, can’t we?”
“The T-2000 isn’t sure how long the power supply will last,” says Mr. T. “If it’s solar powered then it will last all the way to the coast, but that’s doubtful. It’ll likely only last for a few days. Maybe less.”
“Knowing Wayne,” Junko says. “It will likely be less.”
“So if this thing protected that girl from the undead…” Rainbow asks, looking back at the mound of corpses attacking Wendy’s body. “Then what killed her?”
Wendy had made it a third of the way to the evacuation zone. Mobs of zombies followed her, surrounded her, but they could not touch her. She believed her faith in Jesus was protecting her, but the power that held the zombies back was really a device hidden inside her lawn gnome.
Then Wendy came across a pack of mechjaws. They growled at her from a distance. When the girl saw these hellhounds, snarling and gnashing their teeth at her, she did not fear.
“Have faith,” her mother’s voice said in her head. “And Jesus will protect you.”
Wendy had faith. She marched forward, directly toward the mechjaws. Then the Gatling gun on one of their backs whirred in a circle. Bullets sprayed into her body. She looked down at the holes in her chest, blood dribbling down her blue dress. Then she fell back into a pool of her own blood.
As she lay dying, she looked up at the clouds. Tears drained from her eyes.
“I’m sorry, mother,” she said to the sky. “My faith wasn’t strong enough.”
The mechjaws growled at her from the distance.
Her last words were, “My faith was never strong enough.” Then the gnome rolled from her limp hands.
“Her body was riddled with bullet holes,” says Mr. T. “I think those cyborg zombie dogs got to her.”
“We have to be careful,” Junko says. “This thing might protect us from the zombies, but it doesn’t protect us from the mechjaws.”
&nbs
p; Mr. T grunts in agreement. “And we should watch our backs. A pack of those things might still be in the area.”
The other three nod their heads at the cyborg.
Mr. T gives them a thumbs up.
Then he gets run over by a truck.
The SUV-sized zombie smart-car plows through the zombie horde, slams into Mr. T, taking his body across the field with it. The lawn gnome flies out of Mr. T’s hands, soaring through the air alongside severed zombie body parts. It lands several yards away, on the other side of the mob.
Junko, Scavy, and Rainbow Cat suddenly find themselves in the middle of the zombie horde without protection. The zombies fill the open space between them.
“Go for the gnome!” Junko yells.
The Japanese woman’s chainsaw arm roars into life. She slashes her way through the corpses, taking off limbs and heads. Behind her, Rainbow Cat swings her machete, chopping at the limbs coming in from the back. Scavy stays between them, using the butt of his rifle to push the corpses back.
Mr. T opens his eyes to find himself several yards away from everyone else. He’s lying in the dirt, watching the zombie SUV tearing across the field. It curves around, then speeds toward him.
As he gets halfway to his feet, a mob of corpses tackle him. They pull his machine body to the ground, piling on top of him, as the vehicle barrels toward them.
Mr. T looks up at a zombie on his chest. It chatters its teeth and shrieks in his face.
“Brrrraaaainnns!!” the zombie cries in a high pitched voice.
The zombie bites down on Mr. T’s head, but it’s teeth can’t break through his skin.
“You can’t bite through Mr. T’s head, fool!” says Mr. T.
Then he headbutts the zombie in the face.
“Mr. T’s head’s not made of metal,” he says. “But it might as well be.”
He headbutts the zombie again, so hard it breaks open the creature’s skull.
Zombies and Shit Page 27
