by Tanu Jain
Dull colour ran up her face as she remembered his tenderness as he had tucked her in. Had he stopped detesting her? Another thought crept in. Was his tenderness only because he had been feeling guilty for taking her virginity?
Times had changed and a girl’s virginity was no longer as important among royal families as it had been in olden times. Maya and her group of friends had often joked about it, having got rid of theirs early on.
But Gauri had never been tempted to follow suit. Now she realised that she had always been attracted to Vikram and that was why she had never been tempted by another man. She was glad that it was Vikram who had taken her virginity. But where they went from here she had no idea.
She scampered out of the bed and was dismayed to see that it was almost noon. She had slept for almost twelve hours. Despite the long hours she had slept, she felt an ache deep inside her and her body buzzed with an unfamiliar longing. Showered and dressed, she went out with trepidation.
But the sitting room was empty.
The maid who had helped her dress came in, carrying breakfast. ‘Good morning, Yuvrani ji! Maharaj Saheb told me not to disturb you. I have brought your breakfast.’
Gauri shook her head. ‘I’m not hungry. I’ll just have some tea.’
But the maid said, ‘Ji, Maharaj Saheb specifically asked me to see that you ate properly. Please eat, otherwise I’ll be in trouble.’ She seemed genuinely scared of disobeying Vikram.
Vikram’s arrogance did scare everyone, Gauri thought wryly. Though she stood up to him bravely, she, too, sometimes found him intimidating and overbearing and she still couldn’t digest the tender side that Vikram had exhibited that night.
Gauri downed some breakfast just to appease the maid. She was nervous about meeting Vikram and wondered where he had gone. But she didn’t feel like asking the maid about him. She decided to go to her father’s room.
On the way she saw a couple of doctors wearing tense expressions, hurrying inside. She was immediately assailed by a terrible fear and rushed in.
‘What’s wrong with Baba? Is he all right?’ she asked tremulously.
The doctors seemed to be carrying out some kind of tests. The consultant looked up and said, ‘Relax, Yuvrani ji. He’s fine. The nurse reported that his eyelids showed a slight movement, and so we are carrying out further tests.’
‘Does that mean he is coming out of his coma?’ Gauri asked, hope burgeoning inside her.
‘We don’t want to get any false hopes up but…’ The doctor left his statement unfinished with a slight smile.
Gauri felt happiness bubbling up. Vikram should be told.
‘Have you informed Maharaj Vikram Pratap Singh?’ she asked.
‘Yes, Yuvrani ji. He was here early morning and we told him about Maharaj before he left for Delhi.’
‘Delhi? He has gone to Delhi?’ Gauri felt as if she had been slapped. Vikram had gone without informing her. He hadn’t even shared the news of Baba’s improvement with her.
The next moment she collected herself. Why should she have expected things to change? He couldn’t be blamed. His tenderness of last night was probably because he had been feeling guilty for taking her virginity. His notions of honour and responsibility must have weighed him down and in the cold light of the day he must be regretting his uncharacteristic behaviour. He must have gone in order to avoid meeting her. He was very probably thinking of a way out of their current predicament.
She squared her drooping shoulders. She wouldn’t burden him with this additional load. Next time she saw him she would pretend to have forgotten the events of last night. She would act blasé and experienced. She swept away the terrible yearning that suddenly swamped her.
She had learnt the fruitlessness of yearning for anything. Life had always mocked her yearnings, snatching her dreams and smashing them to smithereens.
She sat down beside her father’s bed and took his hand in hers, willing him to consciousness. She muttered all the prayers she’d learnt as a child. Again and again. She felt calmness seeping in. Her Baba would be fine soon.
Her eyes roamed over her father’s gaunt face, and memories came rushing in. He had always been an extremely upright man who had lived with the values of honesty and integrity. He had only once strayed from his upright path when he had a one-night stand with Gauri’s mother. And Gauri knew that the greater fault had lain with her greedy mother. But he had spent his life trying to atone for his mistake. He had valiantly owned up to an illegitimate daughter and handled public criticism and brickbats with courage.
Gauri had never run to him with tales of her grandmother’s beatings and Maya’s cruelty but a couple of times he had discovered her crying her heart out and had hugged her and consoled her.
Gauri remembered him telling her that ‘Sukh and Dukh’—good times and bad times—were two sides of the same coin. They were the result of one’s karma or deeds and that no one could escape them.
What was important was how one behaved during these times. One should maintain equanimity in happiness as well as sorrow. She had taken this lesson to heart and had tried to follow it as much as possible. It had given her the courage to face terrible adversities and remain full of hope. She thought of her brother. Vikram might scoff at her, but she knew in her bones that he was alive and would be found. She only had to somehow convince Vikram to start investigations.
Feeling too restless to sit, she got up and went out towards the stables and on an impulse asked the stable boy to saddle her mare for her. It was afternoon but the breeze felt gloriously fresh and invigorating. Gauri felt the cobwebs in her mind being blown away. She would face the future bravely. Whatever hand fate dealt her she would play it with spirit.
The mare galloped hard and, being an extremely experienced horsewoman, she let the horse have its head. The estate had acres of lush greenery and, riding across old forgotten paths, Gauri lost track of time.
Suddenly she heard the sound of hooves and, turning her head, saw Vikram galloping madly behind her. Gauri’s heart leapt but then she noticed that he looked angry and was gesturing at her to stop. Defiance filled Gauri and, tossing her head, she urged her horse to gallop faster.
Vikram had gone to Delhi to solve a major crisis which had erupted in one of his hotels. He hadn’t wanted to go. The sight of Gauri, naked and sleeping like a baby, had almost weakened his resolve but the frantic pleas of his secretary had forced him to go. He had left without telling her because he hadn’t wanted to disturb her sleep and he hadn’t called her because he was feeling at a loss about what to say. But he’d rushed back by helicopter as soon as he’d finished, impatient to meet Gauri and see what further progress Kaka Maharaj had made.
He was deeply perturbed to find that though Gauri had spent the afternoon in her father’s room she hadn’t been seen for the past three or four hours. He’d instructed lackeys to look for her.
A sudden impulse had him walking to the stables and he’d learnt that Yuvrani sahiba had gone riding. He’d followed and had been furious to see Gauri riding leisurely, not a whit worried about the time. And now she was deliberately defying him and galloping wildly. He spurred his horse on and his powerful steed soon overtook Gauri’s. He forced her to stop and slid down. Holding the reins of her horse, he held out his hand, and Gauri was forced to dismount.
They were both breathing unsteadily and Vikram’s eyes blazed furiously at her. ‘Have you lost your mind? Why are you galloping like a madwoman?’ he demanded.
Gauri covered her disquiet at Vikram’s abrasive tone and tossed her head and answered, ‘Just to remind you, I am a very good horsewoman. I was merely enjoying a good gallop.’
‘You’ve been away for nearly five hours! Why the hell did you go without informing somebody?’ he all but shouted.
‘I had forgotten that I was living in a prison and that I had to report my each and every movement. Don’t worry, next time I’ll make sure I leave a note detailing my comings and goings.’ Gauri’s anger increased, too
. He was the one who had disappeared without informing her and he was angry with her.
Vikram was livid. He had been out of his mind with worry and she didn’t care a whit. No one answered back to him and here this chit of a girl was not only answering back but was rudely accusing him of having imprisoned her. He wanted to shake her.
He had spent the entire day seething with sexual frustration, trying to forget the feel of Gauri’s luscious body and fighting the overwhelming guilt filling him. The sweet taste of her mouth and the perfume of her body were imprinted on his senses. Sweat beading her brow and upper lip, she looked delectable. Her lips parted slightly and her tongue snaked out to wet them and Vikram was lost.
His loins stirring with desire, he bent and took her lips. He caressed them softly and then with increasing passion as desire leapt between them. Her innocent response fuelled his passion, and he drank from her lips like a thirsty man. Her mouth was warm and sweet and could give even the sweetest confectionery a run for its money. He wanted to go on kissing her.
Soon it wasn’t enough. His hands roamed her body and when he found her tight nipples she moaned.
He broke the kiss and with an urgent movement pulled off her T-shirt. He gazed reverently at the rounded globes in his hands, demurely covered by a cotton bra. Unfastening the bra, he lowered his head and kissed them teasingly. She whimpered and he took the nipples one by one in his mouth and lovingly laved them. Her body seemed to fold under the onslaught of desire and she buckled.
He caught her and gently lowered her on the fragrant grass. Placed on the dewy grass, her heated body sizzled against the wetness, and when she shivered he tightened his embrace and plundered her lips. Heat rose, and Gauri could feel their bodies flaming as white-hot desire exploded between them. His erection pressed against her and she gave herself up to his kiss.
Her hands moved of their own accord as they trailed across his muscular shoulders. She shuddered as she felt the restrained power of his sinews and then her hands moved lower across his lean torso and reached his narrow hips.
Suddenly she felt his hand inside her jeans and her insides clenched. A warning voice appeared in her head and when, with butterfly touches, he reached the nub of her desire, panic set in. She came out of the thrall that she was in and, pushing him away forcefully, rolled away. She jumped up and turned away from him. She crossed her arms over her naked breasts and tried to gather her composure and steady her breathing.
Waves of mortification washed over her. He had kissed her in anger because she had dared to answer back and she had responded like a wanton and had let him kiss her and almost let him make love to her. He must be likening her to her mother. She shrank into herself and wanted to slink away, but before she could even take a step Vikram caught her arm and wrenched her around.
Vikram was exerting immense control over his desire to yank her back in his arms and finish what he had started. Her dazed expression, swollen lips and her bare breasts almost broke his control but, willing down his desire, he gathered her in his arms and hugged her till she stood still in his arms. She deserved an apology for his loutish behaviour.
‘I’m sorry for kissing you like this. Finding you gone made me lose my control and your defiance didn’t help,’ he added wryly, the words almost sticking in his throat. Never before had he offered any explanation for his behaviour.
He held her away from him, looking down at her with an intense expression. Gauri remained standing, her arms still covering her breasts, tense and still. She stole a glance at him and then lowered her eyes. Her mind felt blank and she was at a loss about what to think and how to behave.
Vikram debated what to say to her. She looked so young and nervous and so incredibly beautiful. And she aroused all his protective instincts. He wanted to kiss her and reassure her that everything would be all right. But he knew he would have to take it slowly. It was uncharted territory for them both. He righted her clothes and tucked the tendrils of hair which had escaped from her plait behind her ears and said gruffly, ‘Let’s go!’
He helped her up her mare and then vaulted on his horse and they rode back to the stables. They found Mahipal Singh waiting for them. He bowed low before them.
Gauri slid down her mare. ‘What is it? Is anything wrong? Is Baba fine? Why are you waiting for us?’ she asked, paling with worry.
‘No, no, Yuvrani sahiba! There is nothing to worry about. I just wanted to talk to you about something,’ Mahipal Singh said reassuringly.
Gauri looked at him questioningly.
Vikram said, ‘Yes, go on.’
Mahipal Singh said, ‘Maharaj, there is a Hanuman man-dir around two hours from here. It is highly revered and it is said that whoever goes there has his prayers answered. And today is Purnima and a very auspicious day. If Yuvrani sahiba could go there I’m sure our prayers will be answered and Maharaj will recover.’
Gauri looked at the faith shining in Mahipal Singh’s face and immediately decided she would go.
‘I’ll go! In fact I think if I leave right away I will be able to reach in time for the evening darshan.’ Elation filled her. Her Baba would soon be fine.
Vikram looked at Gauri’s elated face and the protest on his lips died down. Maybe their faith would work. He would leave no stone unturned in his efforts. ‘All right, you go and get changed. I’ll make the arrangements,’ he told Gauri.
Gauri’s heart stopped beating for a moment. He was coming with her.
‘You don’t have to accompany me. I can go by myself. You must be busy with your work,’ she protested.
Vikram narrowed his gaze and said silkily, ‘Do you think I’ll let you go alone?’
‘You still don’t trust me? Do you think I’ll vanish?’ Gauri retorted heatedly.
‘Why do you have to argue over everything? Can’t you just once say all right and agree?’ Vikram asked, sighing.
‘I don’t argue over everything. You…’
Mahipal Singh chipped in, ‘Maharaj saab is right, Yuvrani sahiba. You should not go alone there. The temple is in the midst of wilderness.’
‘Don’t dither! Get ready as fast as you can. I don’t want to be late in setting out,’ Vikram admonished.
‘I don’t dither. It will only take me two minutes to get ready,’ Gauri flamed.
Vikram had wryly realised that Gauri would never let him have the last word. The only way to shut her up was to kiss her and he couldn’t do that in front of Mahipal Singh.
So he contented himself with a firm glare and merely retorted, ‘Just get ready!’
Gauri hurriedly chose a red-and-green churidaar kurta from the vast array of clothes in the wardrobe. She washed her face, applied a moisturiser and brushed and tied her hair into a plait and went out. It had taken her all of ten minutes to get ready.
She was used to getting ready in a jiffy. She had never been one to spend time preening in front of the mirror, looking at herself from various angles as her sister Maya was wont to do. Gauri’s childhood had been spent hearing her grandmother’s cutting comments about how her looks would be her downfall. She had called her beauty accursed and, to escape her censure, Gauri would downplay her looks, tying up her hair in an unflattering bun and shunning all ornaments, even earrings. The nose pin was the only ornament she wore and even that she had eschewed ever since she’d run away.
She came out and stood on the porch, waiting for Vikram to arrive. He was pleasantly surprised to find Gauri waiting for him—he had never come across a woman who could be ready in just a few minutes. Gauri was a revelation in more ways than one, he thought.
Dressed simply in the red-and-green churidar kurta she looked sensational. He suddenly realised that most of the new clothes he had ordered for her were red.
Her favourite colour had been red. Whenever Madhav had bought anything for her, he used to buy it in red. Maybe that thought had subconsciously influenced his choice. She had newly plaited her hair and it hung down her back like a thick rope. Her ears were bare and it only
accentuated the purity of her profile.
She looked about sixteen, unspoilt and innocent. Innocent she was and unspoilt she had been till he had taken her. His guilt would be forever burnt in his memory and he wouldn’t forgive himself for hurting her thus.
His face tightening with emotion, he guided her into the waiting car.
The car began moving and Vikram said, ‘Try to sleep. You must be tired after all that horse riding. I’ll wake you up when we reach there.’
Gauri felt irritated and her emotions were in danger of spilling over. He was always arrogantly telling her to do this or that. She knew Vikram couldn’t help being domineering but she wouldn’t let him browbeat and dominate her.
She flared at him, ‘Thanks for your concern. I’ll sleep when I feel sleepy.’
Vikram looked at her in exasperation. Her fists were clenched and her lips were set in a thin line. She was looking away from him. She always interpreted his words wrongly. He only wanted to ensure that she rested and didn’t feel tired but she always ended up making him feel domineering and arrogant.
And he wanted to kiss her senseless.
But he controlled the urge and said conversationally, ‘Tell me about what happened after you met Mrs Singh.’
Gauri was silent for a moment but then answered hesitantly, ‘She treated me like her daughter. She helped me to complete my school education and then to become a lawyer.’
‘Why did you want to become a lawyer?’ Vikram asked, intrigued.
‘While staying with Mrs Singh, I met many women, most of whom had been cheated and abused by their husbands and families. She would help them rebuild their lives but I realised that these women needed legal help, too, so that they could lead better lives. So I decided to become a lawyer,’ Gauri said with a sigh, remembering the lost and depressed women she had often encountered.
