by Amy Lane
Oh Holy God! Chris was cupping his balls now, with his free hand, and the feeling was… was….
“Christian!” He wasnt even shouting a warning, he was just begging, pleading, thanking Christ! As he spilled, spilled into Chriss gulping mouth, and as soon as the first burst hitChriss mouth, the thing in his hand gave a big throb and spilled hot come all over his fist.
Neither of them could stop coming. They twitched, they shuddered, they came and came until finally Chris shoved reluctantly at Xanders hand at the same time Xander reached down to Chriss shoulder to make him stop. Sensitive, tender, and Xander stopped immediately and so did Chris, and in a moment, Chriss head was up, resting on Xans sweaty shoulder.
Chris grunted then, and opened his window, because the upstairs was stuffy, even with the A/C, and some more of that warm valley air rushed in over them, tainted, thank heavens, with the coolness of dawn.
“Come back,” Xander complained, feeling piteous, because they were both used to sweating, and he didnt care how hot it was. He wanted Chriss touch on his body as he lay there, replete and amazed.
Chris did, laying his head on Xanders shoulder and rolling into him, touching lips in an openmouthed, languidly passionate kiss. Xander fell into it without protest. Chris tasted like Chris —like sunshine and cookies—but now he also tasted dark and bitter, like Xander, and the result was powerful and good. Xander tried to surreptitiously wipe his hand on Chriss sheet as Chris deepened the kiss, though, and Chris backed up with a grin.
“You think? Really?” he chided, and then hepulled Xanders hand up around his shoulders and started suckling on Xanders fingers, one at a time, and at the webbing between his thumb and forefinger, and at the sticky palm, and Xander groaned because, dammit, he was getting hard all over again.
“Oh God, Chris!” he complained, and Chris popped his index finger from a pouty, swollen, come-glazed mouth and looked at him with pure sin in his well-dark eyes.
“You ready to go again?” he asked breathlessly, and Xander chuckled, helpless, as always, before that boundless enthusiasm. “Thinking so!” Xander muttered, and Chris grinned and turned in his arms, kissing his shoulder, and then his neck, and then his chest. His mouth closed on one of Xanders dark pink nipples, and Xanders cock woke up and screamed like sex had just been invented and he was pissed at being left out.
Chris chuckled then, and kept suckling until Xander —still wet and sticking from just spending in Chriss mouth—writhed and groaned on the bed.
“You want to come again?” Chris asked wickedly, and Xander whimpered. Honest to God whimpered.“You do?Cmon, Xander. Weve been waiting to do this for actual years. Let me hear it!”
“I want to come again!” Xander confessed, as Chris drew a wicked fingertip from his belly button to his erection.
“Good,” Chris said, chuckling.“Because Ive been studying up, and Ive got a whole different way to make you scream.”
What a Long Strange Trip
BY THE time Chriss parents returned that week, Xander and Chris had washed all his sheets and his comforter and his pillowcases. Twice.
And Xanders too.
By strict “penetrative” standards, both of them were still virgins then, but by the standard that mattered—that they were both willing to put their bodies into the others hand and expect tenderness, passion, and pleasure—they had a lifetimes foundation of experience, and they used it as often that summer as they possibly could. They started driving to the foothills in the dark hours after work, to find a corner of the world where they could make out and not be recognized if they got caught. (Chris joked that summer that he was spending half his check on car fresheners, a crack that never failed to make Xander blush until Chris had to kiss him senseless.)
Finally, in August, they packed up the Toyota with bedding and clothes, and Xanders graduation gift from Andi and Jed, a complete set of luggage.
“We know youll be leaving, sweetie,” Andi had said then, tearing up because thats what she did, “but you need to know that youll always have a home with us. You never have to live out of a garbage bag again, okay?”
Xander had nodded, speechless, and hugged her, and he hugged her the same way as they were leaving. He had seen his mother, on occasion, as she wandered through the neighborhood, high, or drunk, often with a different man shouting at her to hurry. He could barely remember a time when he had felt anything for her but fear and disgust. One night, not long after hed come to live with Chriss family, Andi had heard him crying, and when shed sat by the head of the couch and stroked back his hair, she asked him why.
Im a terrible person. I dont deserve to be here.
Youre a sweet boy. Tell me what you think youve done wrong.
Shouldnt I at least miss her? She was a good mom, once. She used to feed me and stuff.
Andis hands had stilled on his hair. She deserted you, Xander. The part that you should miss, she died, and youve mourned her and lived without her.The part thats left, that part doesnt know you, and you have the right to walk away.
The luggage had the Edwardss family address printed on it. The message was clear. He and Chris might have been going away, but he wasnt walking away. He had a home. He had a family. And Andi was right.He wasnt going to live out of a garbage bag ever again.
Both of them had been hugged fiercely by Andi, and Jed, and even by Penny. Penny, who had grown to five ten in her sophomore year in high school, stood on her tiptoes and kissed Xander, on the cheek this time.“I love you like a brother,” she whispered, and Xander wondered why shed had to say that. What other way would she love him?
They drove over four hundred and fifty miles down the California coast that day, and they had just made it to the beach at Carlsbad and checked into a hotel there, when Christian had produced lubricant and a porn video on his laptop that gave step-by-step instructions.
Xander topped first.
Christian squatted patiently on his hands and knees, holding the thick sheets of the hotel bed in his fists, while Xander kissed down the smooth bumps of his spine, the vulnerable curve of his shoulders, the slight indentation of his long waist. Chris started trembling when Xander got to the muscular plane of his backside, and Xander gave a playful nibble at whereChriss ass met his inner thigh and disappeared into the secret hollow where all good things were possible.
Chris made a hissing sound and groaned into the pillow.“You, uh, gonna touch my asshole anytime, Xan?Kinda dying here.”
Xander laughed helplessly—Chris could do that to him. He reached under Chriss body and gripped him, stroking slow and strong, which was how Chris liked it. Chris moaned and grunted and thrust his hips in rhythm, and Xander fumbled with the lube tube with his other hand. He managed to spill some down the crack ofChriss ass, down Chriss balls, and on his fingers all at one go. Chris made a little whimper, and a giggle, and then Xander snicked the lid closed before he dumped any more of the stuff, and played carefully with the puckered little entrance that all that lube was designed for.
Chriss whole body shuddered, and he went limp, practically boneless, the only part of that sturdy, powerful body that was active was his thigh muscles, bearing his ass up for Xanders leisure. Xander took his time.
First he simply rubbed it, again and again, until Chris purred and thrust back against the blunt tip of Xanders finger as it rubbed over. Xander watched in fascination as his finger disappeared, and Chris made that crooning noise in the back of his throat.
“Mmmmmmm… mmmmmm….”
Xander was forced to chuckle.“Good?”
“Mmmm… better… more.”
Xander stretched, carefully, more, and then Chris started giving instructions.
“Another finger, yeah? Mmmm… yeah. Good.Okay… deeper… deeper.God!”
“Does it hur—”
“You felt that?”
“Yeah… does it hurt?”
“NO… push on it AGAIN!”
Xander did, and Chris begged, so he added another finger and spread them, and
Chris whimpered.“God, Xan… Im such a cock- whore, I know it, but could you… do you think you might want to… please, Xander, please?” He practically sobbed into the pillow, and Xander?
Well, Xanders entire body had been flushing hot and cold for the past fifteen minutes. His balls were throbbing between his legs, and his cock?It was painfully full, even more so because hed been dripping a steady stream of pre-come almost from Chriss first pleasure sound. If all Chris had wanted was for Xander to finger-bang him and stroke his cock, at this point, Xander probably would have come all by himself, without a touch anywhere.
But Chris wanted Xander to fuck him, and that? Oh God. It was awe-inspiring. He positioned himself carefully, and at the first touch of his head to Chriss stretched, slick opening, Chris whined.“Jesus, Xander, what have I ever done to you?”
“You loved me,” Xander replied gruffly, and then he thrust quietly in.
Chris stretched easily, stretched, stretched, “Gaaaaahhhh… thats wonderful!” stretched until, pop! Xander was inside. Chris buried his face in his sheets and pounded the pillow with his fist, chanting hoarsely, “More, more, more, more, deeper, deeper, deeper, deeper… oh, God, Xander, would you fucking move?”
Xander snapped his hips back and forward, because he had to, because Chris was begging him, because his cock ached, and he hungered to bury himself in his lovers body, and he had no choice.
“Yes!” Chris howled.“Yes! Again!Harder!”
And Xander complied, harder, and harder, and again, and his eyes rolled back and his hips just started to piston, and Chris begged him, loudly, hoarsely, without shame. Xander was aware that Chris had moved his hand up and was stroking himself off, even as he begged Xander to thrust some more.
The thought made the tingle start, up under Xanders balls, and he managed a “You coming anytime soon?”
“Been coming… need the big kahuna, or Im gonna fucking lose it!”
“All I can do is harder—”
“Make sure you hit that spot!”
Xander did. He angled his hips and made sure he nailed that spot, and nailed it hard, and again, and again, until Chris screamed, honest to God screamed, his voice hoarse and muffled by his pillow, and Xanders entire body went cold, and his vision went black, and everything in his universe centered around his balls, and his cock, and dumping come into Chriss ass.
He came so hard he almost passed out.
When he was done, he collapsed sideways, and watched detachedly as the dark spots did the Macarena in front of his eyes. He was brought to earth slowly byChriss hand on his face, and although he moved slowly, he did manage to trap that hand against an already stubbled jaw.
“Going to live, big guy?”
Xander blinked sleepily at him and smiled.He wasnt sure what was in his smile, but Chriss bemused smile suddenly became darker, intense, and Chris claimed his mouth hard, and a little bit desperately. They were both sweating and sticky, and covered in lube and come, but Chris opened his mouth and mashed that clean, hairless, muscled chest against Xanders, and Xander engulfed him in a deep, shivering kiss. They didnt necessarily pull away so much as fall apart, lulled by soft pillows and the threat of sleep.
“That felt amazing, Xander. Do you trust me enough to do that to you?”
Xander was too sleepy, too replete to freak out about trust. All he knew was that Chris had trusted him, and what theyd just done… it had been amazing. Glorious. Beautiful. He owed Chris.
“Yeah,” he said, without thinking about it.“Tomorrow. After we go surfing.” Because the hotel was right across from the beach, and surfboard rentals. Theyd planned to be there for three days, just to go surfing, because the sea was crystal blue and the sky was, too, and the idea of being free inside that world of blue had made them howl and laugh and roll down the windows for most of the trip down Highway 1.
Chris laughed softly, and pressed his hand next to Xanders jaw again. Xander seized it and kissed it as he closed his eyes.“I didnt need a date and a time, Xan—just an affirmation.”
Xan fluttered his eyes open, and saw a brief breath of something like worry or anxiousness pass over Chriss face.He didnt understand it then. As they grew, as their education progressed, and the full weight of their careers landed on their shoulders like a clanging anvil, he would understand it, but now, he assuaged it with all he had.
Years later, it was still the only bandage he had.
“Love you, Chris. You know that, right?”
That anxiousness eased, and Xander felt the top sheet and comforter pulled up around his waist, and then Chris settled into his arms.“I love you back, Xan. Dont forget it, ever, okay?”
“Mmm… kay.”
THEY surfed the next day. They surfed until their bones turned to overcooked macaroni and their muscles turned to melted cheese, and all they could do when they trudged back to their hotel under a sky of velveteen black was shove some salami in pieces of French bread and eat, and then pass the carton of milk back and forth until it was gone.
They managed a shower and then fell asleep limply on top of each other, like jungle cats in the heat, and woke up with the sun pouring down on them from the skylight.
They were both wearing underwear, and that was it, but Xanders stomach was nearly howling with hunger, so they kissed briefly then dressed and went out for breakfast.
When they got back, they looked at each other in confusion.
“Sex or surfing?” Chris asked, putting his thumb on it exactly, and Xander gave a crooked grin.
“Sex in the morning, surfing in the afternoon?”
Chris shook his head and grinned back.“Surfing in the morning, because once we hit the sheets, I dont think were going to stop.”
And so it was.Chris didnt push to top that night, nor the next, nor even for the rest of the road trip.He just… explored. Used the lubricant and tested the boundaries, stretched, stroked, made Xander come. It took Xander a week to figure out that hed taken Christian, possessed him, pinned him to the mattress with a hand spanning between his shoulder blades, or one giddy time, with Chriss thighs over his shoulders, and one of his inhumanly large, attenuated hands pressed at the base of Chriss throat, in the center of his chest, and Chris hadnt taken him like that yet, not completely, not at all.
It was after that moment face to face, somewhere in Oklahoma, where the air conditioner had broken down completely, and they were left sopping and flopping in the inhuman humidity, that Xander said something about it.
“You dont trust people easy, Xan. I know it. I could be the one person in the world to ever see your face when you dont know whats on it. I could be the one person in the world you ever touch skin to skin like this.Do you think I want to fuck this up?”
Xander was forced to, in the span of a heartbeat, reassess everything hed ever assumed about the nature of love.
He was hurting Christian by his lack of trust, and he thought Christian had been hurting him by his lack of commitment. All the love, the hand-holding, the sweet touches of lips to skin—all of it meant nothing in the face of their insecurities. Xander blinked once, looking at the face of his best friend, the man he would love for his entire life, and he was a frightened kid, fucking around at fucking around.
He blinked again, and he was what Christian needed him to be: a man in love.
“You could never fuck up loving me,” he said throatily. “You never could.Its not in you. You grew up knowing how to do this, you see? I took the high school crash course, and Im learning the rest by feel.You… if I like it, keep doing it. If Im all soft and boneless, ask me, and Ill tell you—”
“Yeah, but Xan, I beg you!”
Xander flushed.“Then Ill beg you,” he promised, hoping he could keep that one.“Ill beg you. Iswear, next time we do this, Ill beg for your cock in my ass, right?” If those were the words Chris needed to hear, well, those were the words Xander would say. Anything to make Chris know that he wasnt alone in this. Xander needed his touch, craved histouch, just as much as Chris n
eeded Xanders. It was only fair, right?
Two nights later, they were just west of North Carolina. Xander told him to stop at a hotel, because, he lied, he didnt want to have to deal with dorm people or moving in when it was all dark.
The truth was, he wanted Christian all to himself just one last time, dammit. One last time before they were the freshman dream team for UNC, one last time before they had to hide every touch of the hand or brush of lips on skin from the rest of the world.
The day before,theyd been coming down from Kentucky, and theyd gotten lost in what felt like an endless horizon of thick trees. Christian had been driving, and hed gone into a turnout to turn the car around, and theyd gotten out a map to check and see where they were. (Ten years later, Chris would never be without the latest smart phone, just to make sure he never got them that ass-fucking-lost again.)
Christian had been a little panicked, and Xander, for once the lighthearted one, had tried to jolly him out of it.“Cmon, Chris. Were going to be okay.Weve got three-quarters of a tank of gas, even if we turn back around to go to the next gas station.”
“Yeah, but we didnt plan this trip so we could spend it fucking lost!”
“Well, duh! Butwere not lost!”
Chris had glared at him, annoyed. His hair had been pulled back into a ponytail, and some of it had curled out of the queue to pester his face in the humidity.“Yeah? Well,where in the hell are we?”
Xander smiled.“Together.”
Chris made a show of redoing his queue before he let his smile escape.“Together?”
“Yup.” Xander had to smirk—he knew he had the guy by the balls.
