by B. T. Narro
Outside, the storm raged on with lightning continuing to strike and wind whistling constantly. But I could feel my body temperature rising, and fast. I didn’t even want to think about how quickly I would be ready to go back out there; it was far faster than I wanted. I wasn’t worried at all about Exo finding us in here. We were safe. Hungry, but safe. And quite cozy with Lisanda pressing against me.
“This is much better,” I admitted through a whisper, the shivers now completely gone.
She took in a deep breath as if to say something, but then I heard no words. It was the first breath of hers I noticed that had no tremor since we’d entered the shelter. She took another, slowly letting the air in, then letting it out again. I found my body mimicking hers. It was relieving to focus on nothing but each other’s breathing.
“Do you think Kory is still alive?” Lisanda asked optimistically.
I wasn’t as hopeful. Something told me he was long gone. “I don’t think so.” It ached to say.
Lisanda let her head rest fully on my shoulder. “I’ll always remember him,” she whispered.
I felt regret we’d left so quickly. Though, I’d realized by then that Lisanda was in more and more danger the longer she spent in the same room as Exo. I wholeheartedly believed now it had been a good idea to escape while we could, but once she was safe in the hall I should’ve gone back to help Kory.
I said nothing of this to Lisanda. I didn’t want her to think I blamed her for taking my hand and pulling me with her. I appreciated it. She could’ve run on her own, but she wanted me to come with her.
“You shouldn’t blame yourself for this,” Lisanda said, turning slightly toward my ear. I could feel her warm breath.
“What are you referring to specifically?” I turned my head to speak quietly into her ear as she’d done. “There’s a lot I blame myself for.”
“Everything. None of this is your fault.”
I understood she was trying to make me feel better, but it wouldn’t work unless it was the truth. “A lot of this is my fault. I started this whole thing by taking you from the palace.” I then realized I’d never apologized for that. “I’m sorry for doing that to you.”
“Don’t be. Maybe Varth Farro has grown impatient and left.” Her tone was facetious.
I smiled. “One can surely hope.”
“If you want to apologize for something, then the tarp is a good place to start.”
A belly laugh rumbled out of me as the memories came back. I felt my laughter shaking her slightly.
“I’m sorry for that,” I said.
“And reaching your hand up my legs to steal my purse after we’d just met!”
Oh, that! I’d forgotten about the thigh purse. “I’m sorry for that, too.” I tried to speak sincerely, but I was holding back a laugh, and the smile on my lips was made clear by my tone.
“You don’t sound sorry!” Lisanda had the same tone as me—I could hear her smiling.
“I am!” I truly was, but for some reason I was laughing again.
“Now you’re laughing!” I could feel a suppressed laugh from her, tightening her stomach in short bursts. Though it made no sound except a windy breath in my ear. It reminded me of her giggle I’d heard on the horse on the way to my farm.
Her fragrance came back to me, flooding my senses. I wasn’t sure if the memory of us on the horse had triggered it or we’d been close long enough for me to smell her through the scent of the rain. Whatever it was caused my heart to dance around in my chest.
Something told me to kiss her on the cheek that was right there begging for my lips. Before I had the power to fight it, I’d already done it. A quick peck just in front of her ear.
Now my heart was tumbling down to my stomach. What did I just do?
But before I had time to say something, I felt her kiss my cheek back. She mostly got my hair coming down near my ear. I barely felt her lips, but the gesture was enough to send my heart into a flurry.
My grin had subsided. My laughter was dead. I couldn’t think.
I sat there in terror with her on my lap. Our breathing was quick now. Our chests pushed against each other. I could feel my heartbeat in her bosom. We said nothing.
Then she kissed me one more time, farther from the ear, right in the middle of my cheek.
Suddenly our lips connected like two magnets pulled apart and then let go, and I could feel her moan into my mouth.
No thoughts, no words, just her lips mating with mine and mine with hers. They pressed and played with each other. It was a longing buried deep down that finally had been unleashed. Now that it was out, it hungered for more. I couldn’t stop.
A voice grew louder: Idiot! Pull away; I kissed her harder. Push her off you; I held her tighter. Pull back; I tilted my head to get a better angle at her full lips. Stop! I didn’t. Pull away from her! Stupid, stupid, stupid! Pull away!
Louder it became, but the longing for her grew with it, fighting back.
Her lips were soft and firm at the same time, pressing against me wildly almost like we were wrestling, but so sensually it sent waves of pleasure down my whole body.
Then our lips abruptly parted with a loud smack, and my shoulders snapped back. At first I thought the voice had won, that I’d pulled away from her. But then I noticed her arms pushing me away and her legs peeling off me.
“No!” Lisanda shouted with dismay. “No, no, no!” She slid down my legs, maneuvering around to face the other way. “I told you not to fall in love with me!”
And as quickly as it had come, the longing was buried once again.
“You think this is my fault?” I screamed after her. She was halfway out of the small cove now. I scrambled to follow her.
“You kissed me first!” Lisanda shouted without looking back.
Did I? I couldn’t even remember now. I did kiss her cheek, but I definitely couldn’t recall how our lips met. I realized then how bad this was.
She got to her feet back out in the wind and rain and started to run. I jumped to my feet and ran after her.
“Wait!” I called.
She stopped and turned petulantly with fury in her eyes. “What?”
“I…” I was startled she’d actually listened to me and stopped. I didn’t know what to say. “Where are you going?”
“Back to camp! And you’d better keep your distance. I’m not talking to you anymore.” She spun back around and started into a jog.
I knew she was right. We shouldn’t be near each other, at least for a while. But it was hard to let her go like that—so angry with me. I did let her go, though, trailing behind once there was some distance between us.
Did I really kiss her first? Was she counting the kiss on the cheek? If so, that wasn’t fair to use as judgment. She’d kissed me twice.
But how did our lips meet? I honestly didn’t know.
It felt as if my heart had been ripped in two, half of it swallowed by my stomach, half caught in my chest. What a mess.
Chapter 25: Enclosed
Soon, the shivers returned as we hustled back toward camp in the rain and wind. Lisanda didn’t even turn once, giving me no view of her expression. Though I could see it from her scrunched shoulders—she was deeply agitated by what had happened.
My emotions shifted back and forth: pity when wind stormed through us and I watched Lisanda tremble, my eyes on her bare shoulder; but then back to frustration as I thought of how she blamed me for the kiss. My feelings twisted inside my stomach, mashing together the more I shivered.
Mixed with hunger, it felt like a storm was thundering within me just as hard as it was around us.
I tried to forget about what had happened, knowing there was no sense in dwelling on it. I knew that heat was the only way to melt away this miserable feeling. That, and something to eat.
My spirits lifted when the rain finally stopped and the wind began to slow.
We were near camp by then, but still Lisanda hadn’t checked behind her! I wondered if she even c
ared if I was there? Could she really be that upset? I didn’t understand it. She was kissing me back with the same ferocity as I’d kissed her.
I felt a chill down my spine as I thought of something. Could Lisanda be more upset with herself than she was with me? She was a princess scheduled to wed a prince, yet she’d kissed a farm boy—one she’d called a vile reprobate not long ago.
It seemed to make sense the more I considered it. It was probably shame she was feeling. It was a humbling thought that, in my miserable state, made me loathe myself and her.
Relief temporarily overwhelmed my misery when I saw Kalli lying beside a fire. Quick as a cat, she jumped to her feet and ran toward us. Tears were streaming down her cheeks but fury was in her eyes. It was even worse than what I’d seen in Lisanda’s the last time I’d gotten a glimpse at her face. Lisanda must’ve seen the fury as well, for she stopped and ran the opposite way, back toward me.
“You little shits!” Kalli yelled, weeping loudly as soon as she got the words out. “I thought you were dead!” She threw her arms around me and kissed me on the cheek. “Are either of you hurt?”
I returned her hug. “We’re fine, Kalli. I’m so sorry.”
To my surprise, Kalli turned to Lisanda and startled her with a sudden embrace.
Lisanda jumped at first but hesitantly brought one arm around Kalli’s back as she shivered into my sister. Then Kalli noticed her shoulder and pushed her away gently to get a better look. The light from the fire wasn’t enough to see much besides that her skin was exposed—a lot of skin.
“Bastial stars, what happened to the tunic?” Kalli asked, wiping away tears.
“I’m sorry, Kalli. I ruined it.” It was the first time I’d heard Lisanda speak in an hour. Her voice was painfully weak, like she would collapse any moment.
“Don’t apologize for that. I don’t care.” Kalli’s eyes darted between us. “Come, both of you.” She grabbed our wrists. “You need to change out of those wet clothes and sit by the fire. I’ll prepare some food. I can see the hunger on your faces.”
Being dragged beside Lisanda, I snuck a glance at her face that I’d been dying to see since our kiss, looking for insight to her thoughts.
Her eyes were low, avoiding me. Or maybe they were just unaware of my glance, focused inward in reflection at what had happened. Her expression looked a lot like shame, but it also could’ve been quiet misery, or any number of things. There was no way for me to know.
“I don’t have anything else to wear,” Lisanda muttered to the ground.
“What?” Kalli turned. “I didn’t hear that.”
“She doesn’t have another dress,” I said.
Kalli’s hand came up over her mouth. “And I don’t have anything else out here that fits you.” She shook her head. “No matter if it’s too big as long as it’s dry, right?”
“I don’t mind too big.” Lisanda kept her eyes on the wet dirt. She definitely was avoiding me.
“Let’s get you a towel and something else to wear.” In a motherly grab of Lisanda’s hand that matched my sister’s tone, she took the bedraggled Princess with her toward the trees.
Kalli’s affection was a welcome relief compared to the interminable anger she’d shown earlier. I knew it just would take some time for her old self to come back—or perhaps the worry that Lisanda and I had been killed had done it.
I sat near the fire and shivered as I waited for my turn to dry and change in the ring of trees surrounding our belongings. Kalli came out with a completely different look on her face than when she’d entered. She was shaking her head at me, concern furrowing her brow.
She sat beside me and whispered, “I got her set up with a towel and a new dress. What happened to that girl? She’s completely changed. Where were you?”
“That man came back—the one who found us before Sannil left. He brought others, and they took us to some hidden cavern in the mountains.”
Kalli’s eyes widened. I could tell she’d already jumped to the worst possible outcome for Lisanda.
I spoke before it would trouble her anymore. “They didn’t do anything to her…sexually.”
Kalli let out a loud breath of relief. “So what happened? Was she hurt?” Her eyes flooded over my body for a quick examination. “Were you?”
“We’re both fine.”
Confusion creased her brow. I could tell more questions were coming. So, I grabbed her hand to stop her before she could ask.
“Let me just tell you everything. It’ll be easier that way.”
She nodded and leaned over to kiss my cheek. “Yes, please do.”
I told her everything I could remember, every detail of the conversation about desmarls, the alliance, and anything else that came to memory, even if it didn’t seem important. I was hoping she could help me figure out if my theory of the surrounding territories aligning against Goldram was crazy or logical.
But when I was finished, she just stared at me as if I was leaving something out.
“Exo didn’t burn her or anything?” Kalli asked eventually.
“No. She wasn’t hurt, just a scrape.”
Kalli tilted her head. “And nothing happened after you escaped?” She quickly answered herself, “Something must’ve happened. I can see it on her face. She’s in anguish about something, and it couldn’t have been from that ass-grab by that one man. This is something far worse, but nothing you’ve described…oh, do you think stumbling over the dead bodies up the stairs did this to her?”
“No. We never fell or saw anything, and she wasn’t like this after that.”
“So, something must’ve happened after you left.”
Hot anxiety burned in my stomach. I knew Kalli wouldn’t give up until I told her about the kiss. Even worse, I knew how she would react.
Kalli gasped. “Did you kiss?” Her face held surprise, but I noticed an eyebrow slowly lowering, getting ready for anger.
How did she know? I immediately was aware of my beating heart. It felt like I’d been caught in a lie. I guess it sort of was that. I’d refrained from divulging the truth—not much different. Kalli’s mouth was hanging open. She was ready to judge me, perhaps already had.
I lowered my head with a sigh. “Yes.”
She leaned in close to whisper, “On the lips?”
“Yes.” I lowered my head even farther but kept an eye on the trees ahead, making sure to watch for Lisanda coming out.
“Dammit, Jek.” Kalli leaned away and sighed. “She kissed you back, didn’t she?”
“Yes.” I was fully aware I was beginning to sound like a dim-witted child repeating the same answer. But I had no idea what else to say.
“Stupid.” Kalli shook her head furiously. “You’re both stupid.”
“Yes,” I muttered.
“What did she say after?”
“She yelled at me like it was my fault!” I expected some sympathy.
“It is your fault!”
My head dropped again.
My sister put her hand on top of mine and her tone sweetened a bit, now between patronizing and comforting. “If some pretty young man had his eyes on me the same way you’ve had your eyes on her, I’d start thinking about kissing him, too. But she’s not just some girl, Jek.”
Kalli playfully tapped my temple. “You have to keep that in mind. She’s what you need for the cure. Stop looking at her like she’s anything else or this is going to be a lot harder. Given her reaction, it’s clear she’s well aware of that. You should be, too.”
I nodded, knowing Kalli was right. Though, I still didn’t know exactly how I was looking at Lisanda in some special way. Was I just supposed to not look at her? It seemed like an impossible task. How could this work without me looking at her?
Just then, Lisanda emerged from the trees wearing Kalli’s black dress that was far too big. Lisanda held the bottom of it to keep from tripping, which only bunched the rest of it up more. With the low light from the fire and her dark hair, she looked like a cluster o
f shadow, moving carefully toward us with her eyes at her feet. I wondered if she finally would glance at me.
I got up and walked toward her, somewhat nervous knowing we would pass on my way to the wall of trees where I would dry myself and change.
The moment was tense, like staring at someone aiming a pulled bow at me. I couldn’t help but divert my attention to her face, checking for the slightest look.
She walked by me without a glimpse or a word. It even seemed like she was holding her breath until we were clear of each other.
It made my heart ache.
After changing and an awkwardly silent meal, my body was eager for rest. Though, with my darkness awaiting, my mind wasn’t nearly as eager as my sluggish body.
We put the fire out. The longer it burned, the higher the chances someone could find us, and that someone probably would be Exo.
We decided to sleep within the cluster of trees nearby that would hide us from view. But we quickly found that the three of us couldn’t fit with all our belongings there, even if we all lay on each other’s limbs. Knowing Lisanda and I should keep our distance, but being reluctant to have her sleep on her own, I knew the best choice was for the two women to stay in the trees.
I left and went to a smaller cluster of trees circled against the mountainside farther down. There was plenty of room for me, though not much for anything else.
I lay down to rest and began the difficult task of trying not to think about the images I’d seen of Exo’s mutilated face and the dazed man with the shield getting killed.
As I began to drift into slumber, the realization that I was getting there made my heart jump. I battled to ignore the fear clutching my stomach tightly, but it only got worse the closer I came to sleeping. I was so tired, though, I couldn’t even lift my head if I tried.
Then something told me I should not only lift my head but open my eyes as well. With terrible dread I listened, struggling with all my might to sit up.
