“You’re pushing my back against a wall. I vowed to you the day you were born—” she throws up her hand silencing me.
“You vowed to protect me from everything. Guess what Blaine, you’re off the hook. I got stung by a bee when I was eight. See? Couldn’t stop it. I got my heartbroken at eighteen in college when I didn’t tell anyone about a boy was seeing.”
“Give me his name,” I say interrupting her.
“It’s water under the bridge, Blaine. You can’t protect me from everything. I know you want to but you can’t. Karsci has a story to share and I think she deserves to be heard. Really, truly heard.”
Dia’s eyes lock onto mine and she gives me the same face our mother gives when she wants my agreement.
“Fuck!”
Red walks in just in time to save me the trouble of denying my sister once again.
I’ve spent my entire life never wanting her to feel a single ounce of pain, yet here a woman I let in my bed posed the biggest threat to my sister that anyone has ever done. She’s gotten closer to all of us than we have ever let in.
I’m the fool.
Well, sweetheart, fool me once, but you won’t get a second chance.
Chapter Eleven
Karsci
Never cage a lioness for she is too fierce to ever be contained.
A calm washes over me listening to Dia talk to her brother. While I’m ready to have him end me, I would like the opportunity to explain myself. Not for me, but for him to at least know what really happened.
I have lived a thousand lives and died a thousand deaths waiting for a feeling like he has given me. Never did I think I would have a single moment of freedom in my life.
Blaine gave me that even if he regrets doing it.
I don’t need his forgiveness. There is no justification for what I planned to do. What I need is to relieve him of the guilt I sense inside him.
This has absolutely nothing to do with him. In fact, I shouldn’t have been at the race that night. I already know who was behind the wheel of the Camry that night.
It was a warning from Titus to get in line.
The calls at work just asking for me to hang up told me all I needed to know. Titus was watching my every move.
Blaine was not part of my assignment. He wasn’t even the target. He simply is collateral damage.
Blaine leads me to his bike where he straddles it and starts the engine.
“Climb on,” he commands.
“Don’t I need a helmet.”
“A lid is there to protect a brain. You goin’ after my sister tells me you ain’t got shit upstairs. There ain’t nothing to protect. We wreck, well I’ll consider it God’s way of doing the dirty work for me.”
His words are harsh.
The hatred in his eyes cuts me to the core. There’s a storm inside his gaze that is swirling to suck me up and spit me out, damaged beyond repair.
Situating myself behind him takes a minute with my hands tied together. He takes off without warning and I find myself fighting to hold his shoulder as best I can. My balance feels off as he speeds down the road.
It’s reckless.
He didn’t wear a helmet either and I can see him close his eyes from moment to moment like he needs this ride to either calm him down or amp him up.
As much as I have betrayed him I’m sure it’s the calm he’s seeking. I should have told him the truth. I shouldn’t have gotten involved with him in the first place. More so, I shouldn’t have allowed myself to care for him or his sister.
Targets, marks, numbers, assignments, I needed it to all remain clinical and distanced from my heart. Except I didn’t and it’s killing me inside to know I’ve hurt people I truly care for.
The bike feels like a beast under me. It’s angry as we roar down the road. The feel of the wind whipping my hair into my face is brutal but a reminder I’m still breathing. Which means I still have a chance to at least make things right with Dia and Blaine before Titus or the Hellions send me to meet my maker.
For a moment, I close my eyes. For a split second, I think about what this would be like if I wasn’t Karsci “Fox” Sheridan. For this brief time, I let myself forget that I had to choose between my body and my blade. In this memory of my mind, I pretend I’m his and he’s mine. We’re on this wild ride together, no past, and nothing but the future in front of us.
It’s not long before we’re entering the gates of the compound. The flags flap in the spring air with the American flag in the middle, with the POW/KIA flag flying to the right, and the Hellions insignia flag to the left.
The flags that represent freedom, honor, respect, and loyalty taunt me. I’ll never be free. I had a taste of all of these things only to have to give it all up for Titus Blackwell.
When he stops the bike, I not so gracefully climb off.
He cuts it off and climbs off himself. Stretching his shirt slides up and reveals the v of his legs, only making me wish I could have been with him one more time. I wish we had just one more good memory.
Fate, she decides everything and for me it’s always something bad instead of all things good.
Yanking me by the wrist, he leads me inside the clubhouse. Inside the tables by the bar have been lined up and a slew of bikers are all seated waiting for our arrival. Beside the man-bun wearing president that is Talon “Tripp” Crews, Blaine’s father sits his mother.
Blaine pushes me harshly forward.
“Take a seat,” Tripp orders and I comply.
Dia rushes in before anyone else can speak.
“You have to listen to Karsci. You can’t just take Blaine’s side,” Dia defends me.
Tripp holds up his hand silencing her. “Not your place.”
“The hell is isn’t,” Dia challenges. “Ya’ll aren’t in the cave having sermon. This isn’t club only business, Momma’s here.”
“Dia Nicole, stop speaking,” Doll, her mother orders and she immediately closes her mouth. “We’re going to hear all sides, if you can’t keep your emotions at bay then you’ll be leaving.”
She nods and Doll turns her attention to me.
“From the information I’ve gathered from my daughter, you were hired to kill me,” Doll speaks with a steel resolve I have never encountered in another female.
I swallow the lump in my throat.
“Say the words, Karsci. I want my son, my husband, my club to hear you own it, every fuckin’ word,” the blonde woman challenges me. She is every bit the tiny tornado I was told to expect her to be.
“I was sent here on Titus Blackwell’s dime to befriend Dia, kill her, and in your grief I was to find the opportunity to take you to Titus where he would kill you.”
The chair I sit in, spins around scraping harshly against the black and white tiled floor. Blaine’s face meets mine in a blaze of pure fury.
“You came here to kill my sister and my mother. You fucking—”
“Blaine, stand down,” Tripp orders and Blaine immediately silences. “Turn her back around.” Blaine again follows the order. I can sense his fury behind me. It’s coming off him in waves and the energy in the room is so tense I feel like we might all explode.
“How did you get tied to Blackwell?”
I blow out a breath. I’ve never talked about it. Not how it began anyway.
Ever.
I told Dia what she needed to know on a basic level.
Now, I’m expected to tell a room full of strangers, all who rightfully so want my head on a platter.
I blow out a breath. Blaine deserves to know the truth. I am doing this for him.
“I was eight when my parents were killed in a car accident. My sister was twelve at the time and we were sent to live with our Uncle. He worked for Titus. Rather than deal with us, he sold us to Titus for his own retirement package out of the business. He got to be free and my sister and I became property.”
Doll’s eyes grow wide as she listens to me.
A man with a patch that says Swift is typing away on a computer, no doubt using the dark web to sort out whether I’m being honest. He looks to me and locks his gaze on mine.
“Full name, date of birth, and social security number.”
I give him my name, date of birth, but I don’t know my social since I have never used it.
“We didn’t go to school,” I turn back to Doll and Tripp to continue my explanation. “We lived in a basement together with only each other.”
Tears prick the back of my eyes and I push them down.
“My sister, she was a princess in the making before our parents died. She used to be in beauty pageants. I was too but I never got the sashes and crowns like Sammi did. When we arrived, Titus gave her an option to earn our keep. I was too young he said but in time I would have to repay my debt to him for food, clothing, shelter, and any other incidentals.”
I lose the battle on my emotions as I remember my beautiful sister and the things they did to her. The tears fall hot on my cheeks. Sammi had so much life and a future ahead of her and Titus took it all away.
“She was given a choice. The same choice that was given to me when I became a woman too. I could earn my place on my back or by my blade. I chose to be a taker of life so that I could have control of my body. My sister, she wasn’t as strong.”
Swift clicks away on his keyboard.
In a moment, he turns the screen to me. In front of my face is pictures of my family before we were broken apart by a tragedy. He clicks a button, the face of my sister beaten to death stares back at me. Her dead eyes are open, lifeless.
I cry out as the pain is too much.
I couldn’t save her.
“They raped her in front of me and beat her until she stopped breathing. She died trying to stop me from having to take my first job, to do my first kill. Sammi died to save me from the very life I have no choice but to live. Her sacrifice can’t be in vain if I die by Titus’ hands too.”
Dia breaks away from Red and comes to me wrapping her arms around my shoulders. I have never let anyone in. I have never had anyone try to comfort me since Sammi.
“I owe Titus Blackwell seven more jobs, but by the time my expenses for each task are calculated through I’ll probably have to complete ten before I’m free.” I pause feeling like the whole room is hanging on my every word. Looking up, I see they are. “Truth is, I doubt the son-of-a-bitch will ever let me be free.”
Tripp studies me and looks to Swift who nods.
“Did he ever touch you?” Tripp asks as Blaine moves in closer, standing in a manner that towers over me.
“Beat me, yes. Rape me,” I sigh, “not yet. That too is a matter of time since you want to know everything about the man.”
“How many kills?” A man with the name Tank on his cut asks.
“Forty-two.”
Tripp rubs his chin in thought.
Doll hands me a tissue from her purse. “I’m truly sorry about your family and your sister. I have to say your life hasn’t been easy, nor your jobs.”
I nod. “While I truly did come here with bad intentions, after getting to know both your son and your daughter, I knew I wouldn’t complete the task. The pressure has been on and my window of time was closing in. It’s why I told Dia the truth and we planned to at least shake Titus off for a bit. Obviously, things didn’t work out like planned.”
“Clearly,” Blaine mutters angrily behind me.
“There is nothing I can say to make you believe me. I can’t change the circumstances that brought me here. I can only hope that my end comes quickly.”
Blaine moves the chair back and stands in front of me. He reaches out pulling me to stand. His hands wrap around my throat. The pressure is intense, but he doesn’t close off my airway. This is just a reminder that he’s the one in control.
“You should be so lucky that I would end you quickly, but darlin’ I wanna make it slow, and I want you to feel every ounce of pain I inflict. You may not have family left and you may have been given this shit path in life, but I know family. I know fucking loyalty.”
His grip tightens and I gasp for air surprised by the man in front of me.
“I fucking know family. You put a knife to my sister’s throat. You came here hell bent on bringing my family to our knees. You’re shit, Blackwell is shit, and I vow to end you all.”
He closes my windpipe. His eyes lock on to mine. “Thank you,” I whisper before closing my eyes. “Thank you for letting me have a moment to be nobody but yours.”
He releases me harshly and takes off. I didn’t get to see him one last time. I cough as air fills my lungs again.
“Give him time,” Doll tells me. “He’s a good man and you must mean something to him for him to be so angry.”
Tripp stands and walks around the table to me. He pulls a knife from his side. I tense waiting for the pain. Closing my eyes, I prepare for the end. Except he doesn’t kill me, instead he releases me.
“The hardest thing a man can face is seeing when he is wrong, admitting it, and making amends. You were wrong. You came here, you faced it. You tried to make amends and while I don’t agree with you and Dia having some half-cocked plan to get Titus pacified temporarily. I understand you were trying to help my daughter.”
“You’re turning me loose?”
He smirks and he looks just like Blaine. “Fuck no. Way I see it, you aren’t safe away from here, but I’m not going to make waves for Titus yet. We need and expect you to report to the Salty Dog as usual. If Titus calls in on your time line, then you call me from the burner phone Swift will give you. Hopefully by the time he puts the pressure on we’ll have a plan in place to keep everyone involved safe while ending the tyrant.”
I nod understanding.
“I would say it’s nice to meet you Amanda, but it’s not.”
I blink not following.
“You’re back to the alias. No one knows Karsci but Titus and we’re gonna keep it that way.”
I sigh not sure what to say or do.
“You’re not alone anymore. The Hellions have your back. You’ve got family,” Dia says giving my shoulders a squeeze.
Tripp shakes his head. “My daughter has your back. My club does not. You gotta earn that shit. Let this be the only warning you’ll get and be fuckin’ thankful you’re gettin’ it. You cross my club or my family again, I’m gonna personally turn you over to Titus and ask to watch him end you.”
I don’t know what to say. I swallow hard. My mouth feels dry. What did I expect? Truthfully, I expected to die.
“Understood,” I mutter.
Dia rushes to my side. “They got a big bark, Karsci, but when they get to know you, they’ll see what I see. You have the heart of a lion who never gives up or backs down. In time, it’s all going to be okay.”
It has been so long since anyone has been in my corner, I don’t even know how to feel.
Chapter Twelve
Blaine
A lion is only as strong as his pride.
It’s eating at me.
I got played.
The vixen wasn’t at all who she pretended to be.
I knew it.
But to have it come so close to costing me everything burns deep.
Outside, I yell.
I scream until my throat burns.
She pushes every button I never knew I had. In the blink of an eye, I lost control. I have never put my hands on a woman. I have never dared cross the line to killing a woman.
Until today.
Today, I was ready to end her.
This is not the man I am. This is not the legacy I was given to carry on. Yes, she crossed my family, but what choice did she have? She could have explained her situation to me. Then again, how much time have we had together? Not just time between the sheets, but real time building trust and getting to know each other. Hell, I’ve never even taken her on a date.
It’s all twisted inside m
e like a tornado spinning rapidly out of control.
I want to beat the shit out of someone.
Myself.
I put my hands around her throat.
I squeezed.
I yell until I can’t yell anymore. In all the anger, I lost the man I am. The man I was raised to be. The level-headed man to listen before he reacts went out the door seeing the knife to my sister’s throat.
When I turn around my dad is leaning against a pole with my sister, my mother, and Fox all watching me cautiously.
I move in long strides to her.
Stopping in front of her, my dad pushes off of the pole ready to pull me off her I’m sure.
“Karsci,” I say her name bitterly. Looking to my mom, she seems to know the war inside of me and nods her encouragement. “I was raised to admit when I’m wrong. As a man, I should have put a bullet in you. My hands, my size, my strength are not something you should feel powerless against. I went too far.”
She blinks.
The hatred boils rapidly inside me.
“I hate you with every part of me. However, I’m man enough to say I was wrong to put my hands on you in an act of violence. For that I apologize.”
She looks up at me and tears fill her eyes.
I am unfazed.
My dad steps up to me. “Good. I’m glad we could clear the air. While we sort shit out, Karsci will continue her alias and life as Amanda. Since you two have a history that I am sure Blackwell is aware of, she will be under your protection.”
The rage inside of me has me balling up a fist to swing at my own father. Fox reaches out and grabs my fist, holding it down. I want to jerk it away from her touch as if she’s scalding me, but the other part deep inside never wants her to let go.
Is this how shit will always be? Some mixed up shit-storm of emotion.
“This is not optional, BW. It’s a club order and I expect you to protect her as property of the Hellions MC.”
I stare at my dad with venom.
My mom steps closer. “May I have a word with my son please?”
At her request, Dia takes Fox by the hand to guide her back to the clubhouse while my dad kisses my mom on the forehead and goes about his business.
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