by Tara Brown
Redeemers
The Devil’s Roses
Tara Brown writing as TL Brown
Copyright 2014 Tara Brown
http://TaraBrown22.blogspot.com
Amazon Edition
This ebook is a work of fiction and is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author. No alteration of content is permitted. This book is a work of the author’s crazy mind—any similarities are coincidental. Any similarities are by chance and not intentional.
This book is dedicated to the readers who loved The Roses and begged for more. Thank you for the support and the dedication. You have always been there for me and I am grateful. This is one hundred percent for the readers.
Cover Art by Once Upon a Time Covers
Edited by Andrea Burns
Other Books by Tara Brown writing as
TL Brown, AE Watson, Erin Leigh, and Sophie Starr
The Devil’s Roses
Cursed
Bane
Witch
Hyde
Death
Blackwater
Midnight Coven
Redeemers
The Born Trilogy
Born
Born to Fight
Reborn
The Light Series
The Light of the World
The Four Horsemen
Imaginations
Imaginations
The Blood Trail Chronicles
Vengeance
The Single Lady Spy Series
The End of Me
The End of Games
My Side
The Long Way Home
The Lonely
LOST BOY
First Kiss
Sunder
In The Fading Light
For Love or Money
Prologue
A lost cause
I still can’t picture the view, not the way Lorri saw it. I sit on the hilltop and close my eyes, with her voice echoing shitty remarks in my brain—but nope.
I still can’t see it.
The lush garden is never going to be there for me. I will never be pure enough to see it. I have enjoyed taking lives. My heart is tainted forever. The fae will never trust me. Not with the stench of death lingering all over my skin.
Nope. It’s always going to be this desolate place where the sand and wind have eroded the beauty. I’m a little scared the whole world might look like this soon if we don't stop Lillith, but I don't know how. I think she’s winning. Not just because we can’t find her, but also because I can feel the beauty in the world slipping away. I don't remember when it was, but not so long ago I was in a city and it was destroyed. Bombs and sickness had ruined it. The images are hazy in my head.
I don't even remember which city it was.
But it isn’t just the outside world leaving me. I know the beauty that might have once existed inside of me is also fading. I can feel the closing off of my heart. I don't know when it started or how. I just know one day I wasn't there. I was a shell of a person, detached and empty. Now I’m stuck this way. Hollow.
Nothing thrills me anymore. Apart from killing—that's always managed to make me happy in a sick and twisted sort of way. Well, killing and Blake. They still make me smile when nothing else touches me. I have seen nearly every mile of this world but the beauty and adventure doesn't register. Traveling this much is a feat I had once assumed would take me ten lifetimes. Those were all lifetimes I had anticipated and planned for.
Oh, the plans I had—Doctors Without Borders or the UN. Of course I sort of always messed around with the possibility I would end up being a GP or something ordinary.
I had prepared for a world that will no longer exist very soon, and prepared myself to be a person I can never be. I could never heal anyone or contribute anything to this world, because now instead, I kill and take away, even from the people I once loved.
I don't remember when it got this way.
I suppose some of it was when Henry left us. Looking back now, I think I noticed then that things started to decline, our moods and our motivations. I don't remember when he left Shane’s; I just know he did. One day he was gone and I assumed it meant we had lost the war with Lillith, a war we still haven’t even started fighting. Lorelei said he went back to the garden to be with his family. The garden that is apparently right here, in this very spot. But all I see is a blood brothel and sand.
I wish the fae would let me sneak a peek so I could know if Lillith is hiding in there. She is either here in the desert that is somehow secretly the Garden of Eden, or in Ireland. I can’t get to either place. In Ireland all I see is the castle where life was lost, mine particularly.
Through everything I went through in becoming one of the Roses, I still managed to be me. But that died at the castle. That ended when Lorri killed me and made me this.
I think we need Henry back. I think he’s the answer to where Lillith is. I have a deep hope that if we find her and we end it all, we can somehow go back. We can find our way back to being normal.
Shit!
My red boots fill my view when I look down the mountain pass. They bring a sad smile to my lips every time I put them on. Sisterhood of the bloody boots . . . damn I miss her. I miss them all. I miss every face that has become part of the wallpaper of the dead in my mind. Lydia and Annabelle hurt the most, apart from one face. That one stands out in the crowd inside my mind. Mostly because he left me with everything and nothing. He gave me his entire heart and soul and left before I could use his gift.
My eyes drift to the sunny sky, and every time I wonder if he sees me looking up at him. I don't look for God or any other person in the world—just him. If I could go back, I would change everything. I regret everything. I would have resisted Aleks and Shane. I would have made Dorian tell me how he felt when there was still a chance for us.
His death and the image of taking Ari’s baby from her—they are still the worst moments, even after everything else. They will burn in my mind for the rest of my life.
I pull out the one thing I should have given Ari in the end. Dorian might have left it behind for me to give to her. It might have been his dying wish but Momma Holt got it wrong when she said it was for me.
I know I should have given Ari the feather but I didn't.
I couldn't.
It was mine—he left it for me. Even though I’ve told myself a hundred times not to keep it because it’s wrong morally, and creepy on a whole level I don’t like to think about. Sniffing my mom’s things in a zippy bag when she was dead was one kind of crazy. But running a feather from a dead guy’s wings across my lips is another. And not just any dead guy, but the one who was also the father of my closest friend. It’s all a mess and I’m convinced now it won’t ever be anything but a mess.
We are a mess. None of us has a hope of saving the world.
Redeemers . . . ha!
Lorri went and made us into avenging angels who can’t ever die, but she forgot to mention the part where we would live on and suffer. It is the cruelest fate.
And no matter how many times I tell myself not to dwell on Dorian, I do. And when his feather touches my lips and I close my eyes, I swear I can feel him in the air around me. His cocky attitude and sarcastic mouth taunt me. I insist I can hear his accent and see his obsidian eyes. I know I can smell that sweet musk and I taste the kisses we sha
red. Every one of those felt wrong then. I was betraying someone by kissing him. Shane and Aleks, and even myself.
I look at the white feather and hate myself but not for the reason I should. I should hate that I kissed him at all or that I even have the damned feather. But instead I hate that I never melted into just one of those kisses, just once. I hate that my heart’s palpitations are always false alarms that he has come back for me when I hear a voice similar to his or see the back of a man I swear is him.
I hate that my heart breaks all over again every time I am wrong and he hasn't made it back here.
Most of all, I hate that I believe he somehow will come back for me. If ever there was a man capable, it is he.
In the end you see things the clearest. The world is in trouble and if I had those last minutes with him, I wouldn't have wasted them like I did. I wouldn't have wasted a single moment with him.
The wind rustles around me, bringing someone with it. Dread fills me, but thankfully when the air calms I can tell it’s just Blake. He lands with a melancholy sigh, resembling the sigh resting upon my own lips.
“She’s still working in that coffeehouse. Two of my favorite things in one place—Alise and coffee. It’s like my own brand of hell.” He is still in love with my sister, painfully. We are quite the pair, he and I. “Five months at the same place—you know what that means?”
I shrug. “That she has broken her record of maintaining a job at one place? I believe the previous record was that summer we were fifteen. Mom made her get a job at the ice cream shop on the wharf and the record there was seven weeks, wasn’t it?”
“You’re an ass.” He gives me a look. “It means we’ve been this—whatever the hell we are—” he looks down at his hands, “for a year and a half almost. Seventeen months to be exact.”
“What?” I shake my head. “No way.” He doesn't respond, just stares out at the desert like he’s lost. So I ask again, “Seriously? Oh God. That's a bit depressing.” The forlorn look on his face tells me it truly has been seventeen months. I look back at the desert. “Well, that means you’ve been watching her from the shadows for fifteen months then. That’s got to be a record, right?”
He scoffs. “I wish. Longest time spent Alise watching to date is all of 2006 up until 2012. This is paltry in comparison, but having had her makes it all that much worse. I can still taste her.”
I ignore his comment. I don't like to imagine him and my sister. He still feels like he’s mine and she ruined him somehow. “Why do I think it’s only been weeks since we changed?” I run my fingers over the feather. Blake’s the only other person in the world who knows the story.
“I don't know. I get that way too and then I go and see Alise and I feel better. I remember things suddenly. Everything gets clearer.” He glances down on at my feather with a grimace. “It’s creepy that the feather used to be part of his wings. Is a white feather like a gray hair? Are you snuggled up to a gray hair from an old man?”
“I don’t know. He only had one.” It takes me a moment to laugh.
“I still can’t believe you miss him. The impossibly rude and completely untrustworthy Dorian?”
“Don’t say that. We were wrong about him.” I turn and look into his eyes. “None of us knew him, apart from Lorri, I suspect. He was a different man than he pretended to be. You never saw it. But when I did, I almost died. His love is something I don't think I will ever comprehend. He knew every single angle of my face, every tear I’ve cried, every-everything. He saw it all. He was watching me and I never even knew. He was watching me before my mom even died—in the other life.” Every time we reference anything, it happened in another life. Ari’s nasty skills at making the world look like a kaleidoscope has clustered the last couple years into a repetitive decade of hell and loss. “He watched me and he loved me and he never told me because of Aleks. His loyalty speaks volumes of his character.”
“It’s still super creepy. Mr. Mac was watching girls too. He loved them. Look what happened to them.”
“You suck.” I laugh, shoving him. “I mean he was watching over me. He made sure I was safe, always. He was always there but I never knew.”
“Still creepy.”
“Duly noted.” There is no argument on the validity of the creepiness. I have been the creeper in the forest, watching people from the outside. I know how creepy it is. “The point is, he would risk being creepy for me.”
He nods at the feather. “What’s up with you and Mr. Awesome? Did you tell him about the feather yet?”
“Not much and no—hell no.” That's when the ball drops for me. I don't know when I’ve even seen Aleks lately. “It’s gotten kind of weird. I have a terrible feeling I have become the chick in the movie I hate. The girl who has the super-sweet guy who loves her more than anything, only wants to be with her, has never hurt her, and has forgiven everything. But she doesn't want him. She wants the one she can’t have, so she’s miserable for the rest of her life.” I drop my head in defeat. “Only she never has to live for eternity. It’s a mere sixty years of loneliness and heartache.
“Awwww.” He chuckles. “You like bad boys instead of the nice boys. I never would have imagined that.”
“I don't. I swear. He isn’t bad. He’s conflicted. That's not the same as bad. He has issues and baggage.” He doesn't look convinced. I lean in, grinning. “I’m not the kind of girl who likes bad boys, that’s Alise. So guess what that makes you? Besides, Dorian isn’t a bad boy—he’s just got baggage.”
Blake rolls his eyes. “Oh wow. He only hits me because he loves me, huh? It’s always the same with you suckers for abuse.”
I give him the look, the one I reserve for assholes that are about to die.
He laughs harder, lifting his hands in innocence. “I was kidding. I know he wouldn’t ever hurt you. No one with any intelligence would hurt you.”
“Right now it’s fun being me because of the small things. They’re the only things getting me by.” I look out over the desert. “The funny thing is now when I think about Dorian, every action that before was horrid is now sweet and passionate.” I look back at him. “Shit, I really am one of those girls.”
“No way.” He cocks an eyebrow. “Firstly, you’re badass and you know it. So if he did hurt you, you would cripple him for life. Everyone knows that. You always were the only thing that could hurt Dorian. Secondly, he’s dead. You don’t have to choose between him and Aleks. So it’s cool to crush on a guy who no one got but you. Oh, and your boyfriend. Since they were besties and all.”
“Wow, not getting laid is making you mean.” I scowl. “You get that besties word from stalking Alise.”
“See now, that was mean spirited. What I said was reality.” He points. “Mean spirited and it shows I nicked your soul with that last comment.”
“If I had a soul.”
“We have a soul.” His eyes grow concerned. “We all do. There is no way I am soulless after everything we have been through.”
I shake my head. “I don’t know. Sometimes I think I’m detaching. Getting cold.”
He laughs. “Trust me, this isn’t a new look for you. You like to talk with your hands. It’s your thing. It was before too.”
“Whatever.”
He laughs. “Now who’s stealing lines from Alise?”
I make a W with my fingers. “WHATEVER!”
“You’re a loser.” He nestles into me and we sit in silence. The desert is busy. Trucks, camels, and people are mulling about. The blood bank of doom is up and running, regardless of the fact we just closed it down a few months ago.
“As soon as she gets here, we go in.”
He nods and starts playing in the sand dune, running his fingers through it, and finding the odd stone. He tosses one in his hands, as if testing the weight of it. “Do you think we’ll ever be done being this? Like it’ll go back to normal one day?” He throws the stone and we both watch as it sails across the desert, hitting a car at least five miles away. The sound ec
hoes across the sand.
“Be done being angels of mercy?” I shake my head. “I don't think so.”
“There is no mercy in any of us. I have noticed that. Did you see how far I threw that?” He grimaces. “Shit! That was like a bullet. It’s still echoing.”
“Yup.”
The whole thing would be funny if it were under any other circumstances.
“Do you think there is something we’re supposed to be doing? Like finding Lillith is part of it, but we need to figure the rest of the puzzle out?”
I nod.
He sighs. “It seems like every time I try to focus on the whole thing, my brain gets heavy and tired or distracted. I feel like we are missing the mark. I tried telling Lucas yesterday—I think it was yesterday—and he told me I needed to get laid. He said the Lillith thing would work itself out. But I don't think it will.”
“Me either.”
Warm, dry air swirls around us, interrupting our thoughts. Before either of us can say another thing, she’s there standing in front of me, but I would swear I don’t even know her anymore. Ari winks at me in an overly confident way. “Let’s do this.” She’s cocky and full of herself now. She turns and looks at the buildings below. “How many times are we going to shut down this same shit hole?”
Blake leans into me. “She seem more like Dorian lately?”
“Shhhhh.” I nudge him as she points at the buildings. “We’ve been here before, right? This is the one we closed down like two months ago. I’m not crazy, right?”
Blake rolls his eyes. “You’re crazy either way.”
Ari looks at him with black daggers. “Don’t make me beat you around this desert.”
He opens his mouth but I stand up and snap at them both. “Let’s get this over with!”
Ari gives me a look. “You two are in shit moods today. What’s your deal?”
“Nothing.” I shake my head, pocketing the feather. “No deal. Just ready to end these assholes and go home.”
