by Katie Ford
“Ali, stop,” I say firmly. “I’m not going to let your book get tossed. I have influence over the board. I can change the rules. Like I said, this is my company and I call the shots.”
But the beautiful girl raises tear-filled eyes to look at me.
“Why haven’t you, then?” she asks softly. The girl pauses and licks her lips. “Did you ever care about me?”
I do, and that’s the problem. My feelings for her confuse the hell out of me. Because being with Ali is like being in the orbit of a supernova, and I need Ali to know, now more than ever.
“I care for you. A lot,” comes my low voice. The words are nothing compared to what swirls in my chest, but it’s a start.
She frowns. “You do?”
“I do. I’ll talk to the board, get them to change the rules or make an exception for us,” I growl.
Ali takes a step back. “I know you mean well, but it’s okay,” she says softly. “I don’t want you to sacrifice your career or reputation for me. Maybe Julie hasn’t told anyone. Maybe she won’t tell anyone.”
I run a hand through my hair, inexperienced with being open and expressing my feelings. “No, that’s not it,” I swallow, feeling vulnerable. “Being with you has been amazing, sweetheart. More than you can imagine. Even when we’re just having lunch together, it’s been better than anything I’ve ever had.”
She smiles wobbily. “You’ve been with a lot of girls. I’m not special.”
I’m suddenly afraid of losing her before I even have her.
“But you are,” I say fiercely. “I’ve been with a lot of women, but none of them have made me feel like you do. It’s always just been about sex with them. With you, it’s different.
“Well, we have had a lot of sex,” she says softly, flushing red.
“No,” I say fiercely once more. “It’s more than that. Way more. You mean something to me, sweetheart, and it goes beyond the physical. It goes beyond my cock or fingers in your pussy. It’s way more than that.” I reach for her, and when she doesn’t resist, I tug her to me. “I’m falling for you, and I want to be with you, sweetheart. Do you understand? Please help a poor soul like me.”
And before Ali can answer, my head drops to capture hers in a deep, passionate kiss. Because I need to show her how much I care through the stroke of our lips. But to my surprise, Ali pulls away gently, her caramel eyes filled with emotion.
“I’m sorry, Chris,” she says softly. My heart begins to crack, anticipating her words. And they come like a hammer on my dreams, smashing them to smithereens. “I can’t do this. My career means too much to me. You understand, right? I mean, you built this company up from the ground. You know what it feels like to want something so badly that you’d do anything to make it happen.”
“I know what that’s like,” I say fiercely. “I’ve poured my heart and soul into this business, and I would have done anything to make it successful. But I feel that way about you too. Together, we can be successful, me as a publisher and you as an author. I’ll talk to the board sweetheart. Please, just give me a chance to make this right.”
But Ali’s not listening, and she shakes her head slowly.
“No Chris,” she murmurs, smiling sadly. “It’s not necessary.”
It feels like she punched me in the gut. “It is!” I exclaim. God, I sound desperate. But that is actually what I am.
Unfortunately, the brunette’s on a different plane, and she shakes her head once more. “We can’t fix this. I just have to hope that ending things is enough to convince your board to keep my book in the upcoming catalog. I won’t jeopardize this, Chris. I can’t. I’ve worked too damn hard to get published, and I can’t risk it.”
I finally understand that I’m a fool for ever developing feelings for a woman. I feel like a balloon that’s been punctured and is slowly deflating. What the fuck? This is so fucking unreal. Usually, it’s me giving the send-off, and not the other way around.”
“So you don’t want to be with me,” are my harsh words.
“What?” she asks, confused. “Of course I do.”
My snort was sardonic. “I just poured my heart out, and you rejected me, sweetheart. What’s a man to think?”
“That’s not what I’m saying, Chris. I do like you.”
“If you ‘liked’ me, then we wouldn’t be having this conversation. You would let me try to fix it.”
Fuck, even I can tell our words are going nowhere. Nothing’s making sense anymore, and I can see it on her face.
“Fine,” Ali says, frustrated. “You’re right. I don’t care about you the way you care about me. I’m not ashamed of what we’ve done, but I don’t want it to leave this office. I don’t want to be with you out in the real world. That’s why I don’t want you to go to the board. I don’t want to risk it because I don’t want them to say we can date. And I don’t want to date you. There, are you happy now?”
Her words slice my insides raw. She’s the first woman I’ve ever had genuine feelings for, and yet she’s thrown them right back into my face, landing in a gloopy mess all over my cheeks and chin. Funny how the world works.
“Okay,” I growl, staring daggers at her. “Then I guess we’re finished here.”
Ali nods. “Can I fix my clothes please?”
I motion to the bathroom. She picks up her bra and panties from the floor and sails inside to make herself presentable.
Ali doesn’t take long to get her clothes on. She won’t even look at me when she returns.
“Goodbye, Chris,” she says in a brisk voice.
“I’ll walk you out.” Even though she just ripped out my heart, I still want more time with her. How fucked up is that? It’s like I’m a masochist for pain.
“Chris, come on,” she says impatiently. “Let’s not drag this out.”
I ignore her. We walk to the door, but I pause before opening it. “I’m really sorry about this Ms. Hartman. I meant everything I said.”
She turns to me then, brown eyes so trusting that I catch my breath.
“I know,” she says softly. “Me too.”
And the last remaining parts of my heart break at her words. Because she meant what she said. She doesn’t care about me, and I have to accept it and move on. I swallow what’s left of my dignity and open the door.
Every eye in the office is glued to Ali as she walks out. “Nothing to see here,” I growl like an angry bear.
Most of my employees avert their eyes, but some still linger with curiosity. I give the stragglers a hard look until their heads snap back forwards, intent on their computer screens.
And after she’s gone, I walk back into my office and slam the door. How did my day go from amazing to a fucking disaster in less than an hour? Because when Ali called me earlier, it was like a sign. Listen to that. Me, the big bad boss, believing in “signs” like some kooky teenage girl. But somehow, the woman’s turned me into a pile of mush because I didn’t realize that our encounter was going to lead to this. Me, spilling my heart out. Not just my heart, but my guts. And all of it trampled on and thrown back into my face like it was worth nothing.
Fuck me. Fuck this.
But I can’t blame the gorgeous girl for the situation. I did tell my employees they could walk in whenever they wanted. And Trevor usually just tells people to walk in unless he knows I’m busy. So it’s kind of the way things are always done around here.
But now there’s a fucking mess out there I need to deal with. Shit. A knock on my door stops me from spiraling into insanity.
“Come in,” I growl. Under my breath, I add, “Thanks for knocking.”
Jenny stands at the door looking at me askance. “Hey boss.”
Fuck this shit.
“How bad is it?”
She doesn’t say anything, which means it’s really bad.
“Goddamnit,” I curse.
Jenny holds up both hands palms out.
“It’s not as bad as it could be. We got a gag order on everyone before it spil
led out of the building. At least social media won’t get a hold of this.”
“That’s good. What else?”
“The board is meeting in two weeks to talk about Ali’s future with Carmichael Publishing.”
“They can’t drop her book,” I say fiercely.
Jenny sits down. “They can if they want to. You know that. This isn’t a one-man dictatorship. Carmichael Publishing runs according to rules that you set up as a precaution. You’ll have to convince them to change the guidelines about intraoffice dating.”
I laugh bitterly. “No, I don’t. It’s pointless. Ali ended it so we no longer have a problem.”
“Oh shit,” Jenny gasps, one hand going up to clap over her mouth. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine. It wasn’t a big thing.” Liar, liar, pants on fucking fire.
My editor sighs. “I’ve known you for a long time, Chris. I know you cared for her more than any of your other girlfriends.”
I partially glower.
“Says who?”
Jenny rolls her eyes.
“Come on, I’ve been here for five years. I know you, boss. I know how much you liked her. Anyone could tell, it wasn’t exactly subtle.”
Oh fuck.
“You’re right. I liked her. Key word being ‘liked’ and not like.”
“And she bailed?” Jenny asks, one eyebrow shooting towards the ceiling.
“She doesn’t feel the same,” I growl, hackles rising.
“Hmm,” Jenny says thoughtfully. “I would’ve thought she did with the way she looks at you. But maybe my radar is off.”
“Maybe,” I say, but her words give me hope. “Did you talk to Steven?” I ask abruptly. Steven is the head of the board.
“Yeah. He said to continue working on Ali’s book for now. If we do keep her, we’ll have to stay on deadline anyway. If we drop her, this work will be for nothing, and we’ll have to eat the cost.”
“Shit,” I say. “Fuck shit fuck.”
Jenny shrugs. “At this point, it is what it is, boss. Not that they’re interested, but I’m definitely going to tell the board I want to keep the book.”
“You go to bat for the book,” I say. “I’ll wipe my hands of it.”
“But you love this story!” Jenny gasps.
“I do, but I like Ali more, and if I have to step back to get her published, then that’s what I’ll do.”
Jenny just shakes her head again.
“Like I said, Mr. Carmichael, you really like this woman. I’ve never seen you this go this ga-ga before. But we don’t have to make any decisions now. We have two weeks before the board meets, and we’ll come up with a game plan before then.”
I sit down at my desk with a heavy sigh. “I just don’t want to ruin Ali’s life.”
“I know,” Jenny says comfortingly. “We’ll figure this out.”
I nod, and Jenny shoots me one last look of pity before leaving. Because Ali may not like me, but my heart won’t stop wanting her. And if I can’t have her … the least I can do is to make her dreams come true.
CHAPTER 10
ALI
I hold back my tears until I get out of the elevator.
It was all lies. Everything I told Chris.
I sit down on the closest bench and bury my head in my hands. How could I have let things go this far?
Hearing Chris say he was falling for me was amazing, and then I had to go and ruin it by telling him I felt nothing for him. Why, oh why did I do that? Of course, I have feelings for him! I’ve never adored anyone this much.
Because it’s true. In my short life, I’ve had a couple relationships, but they were nothing. I never had sex with those boys, and it was more along the lines of puppy love than anything else. By contrast, this was completely different. Being with Chris was like standing in the eye of a hurricane. I could only see him as my thoughts swirled and emotions flew. He had command over my body, brain, and heart … and now I’ve fucked it all up.
Because my ambition got crossed with love. After working so hard for so many years, I didn’t want to come this far to lose my chance at being a published author. All I had to do was keep my hormones in check, but look how that’s turned out. I’m absolutely miserable and about to collapse from heartbreak and stress.
With trembling hands, I pull out my phone and dial Darla’s number.
“Hello?” she chirps.
“Darla,” I say between sobs.
“Ali?” she says, alarm clear in her voice. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”
I take a shaky breath. “I messed up, Darla. Can we meet?”
“Of course,” she says immediately. “Come to my office right now. I’ll tell the guards to let you up.”
I thank her and blow my nose noisily. Darla’s office is only a few blocks away, so I walk there as quickly as I can, fighting back tears the entire time.
When I get to her office, I knock on the door, feeling more composed. But as soon as she answers, the tears come flooding back.
The petite redhead ushers me inside. “Ali, talk to me. What’s going on?”
I don’t even try to mince words.
“I slept with Chris.”
Darla looks confused. “Chris? Who’s that?”
“Chris Carmichael,” I say pitifully. “I slept with the CEO of the company that’s supposed to publish my book.”
Surprise and disbelief flitters across her face. “Oh, Ali. When did this happen?”
I bite my lip. “That first meeting we had. And then again when I brought the contract. And almost today.”
“Ali!” Darla gasps. “You didn’t!”
I shake my head sorrowfully.
“I did. It’s a major screw-up.”
Darla takes a deep breath.
“Okay. Well. What’s next, then? Did he say what this means about your book?”
I shrug miserably. “I don’t know. Carmichael Publishing has a strict interoffice dating policy. They might drop me.” I cry harder.
Darla rubs my back calmly. “Okay, just breathe. I’m going to give Jenny a call and see what’s going to happen next. You just keep breathing and try to calm down. You’re not their employee, so maybe the dating policy doesn’t apply to you. Besides, he’s the boss. So maybe this isn’t such a big deal?”
It just makes me cry harder, hunching over like a broken woman. Resolutely, Darla pulls her phone out and begins dialing. I hear a few “okays” and then she hangs up.
Darla sits back down next to me on the couch in her office. “All right. It’s not as bad as you think, Ali.”
I latch onto that. “Yeah?”
“They’re meeting with the board in two weeks to talk about the book, but they’re still going to work with you until then. Jenny thinks she’ll be able to convince them to let you stay on.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “That’s a good sign, right?”
Darla smiles. “It’s a good sign. Jenny is optimistic, and she’s also a senior editor there, so her word carries significant weight. But she also said something curious.”
I blink, my eyes watery.
“What?”
“She said you broke Chris’s heart.”
I sigh heavily. “I didn’t break anything except his ego.”
Darla tucks her flaming red hair behind her ears, shrugging. “Well, Jenny says he’s broken up about it. What did you say when you left?” she asks curiously.
“Um,” I mutter, gnawing on my lip. A sudden surge of guilt assaults me. “I basically told him he didn’t mean anything to me.”
“Oh, shit.” Darla looks like she’s trying not to laugh. “You and I both know that was a lie.”
I frown. “What? What are you talking about?”
Darla laughs dryly.
“Please, sweetheart. You’re like an open book. I can see it all over your face. You like him.” I try to school my features, which only makes Darla laugh more. “Oh, sweetie. You’ve got it bad. Take it from an old lady like me – I know
it when I see it.”
I briefly consider banging my head against her desk. “Okay, but I don’t think Chris noticed. He basically told me he was falling in love with me, and I blew him off.”
Darla takes my hand. “You did break the poor guy’s heart.”
But I shake my head stubbornly.
“He’ll get over it. After all, he’s been with a lot of ladies. Women go in and out of his life all the time, and I’m not going to be any different.”
“Do you think that’s really true?” Darla asks, giving me a knowing look.
I get defensive.
“Listen, I had to protect myself. It’s hard enough to be taken seriously as a woman, let alone a woman who’s slept with her boss.”
Darla shakes her head, looking a bit like a red-haired Yoda, wrinkly and wise.
“The heart wants what it wants, Ali. If you want to be with Chris, we’ll figure it out.”
I sniffle, the tears coming back again. “That’s what he said, too. But… I don’t know. I’ve never had luck with relationships, and you know how this is my first big break! I didn’t want to throw everything away so fast!”
She gives me a measured look. “I get that, Ali. I really do. But I see it in your eyes. Don’t give up on your heart just because of your career.”
