by Karen Fenech
“Anyone waiting for Faith Winston?” the doctor asked.
Ryan held up his badge. “How is she?”
The young resident gave Ryan an owl-like stare behind oversize glasses. “Someone beat the hell out of her. She hit her head during the attack. Remarkably, no concussion. The laceration from the hit was deep enough to require stitches. Most of the injury is to her upper back. She was struck numerous times and has the bruises forming to show for it.”
The knot in Ryan’s gut tightened as he asked, “Sexual assault?”
“No.”
Ryan closed his eyes, taking that in, then said, “Are you keeping her overnight?”
The doctor wrote on her clipboard. “I want to but she wants out. Like I said, she doesn’t have a concussion so she isn’t at risk, but I’m cautious by nature. Sue me.” The doctor shrugged. “I want to watch her tonight. She’s not going for it. We’re getting her discharge papers ready.”
“I’d like to see her.”
The doctor waved her arm. “Knock yourself out.”
Faith was sitting on the bed with her legs dangling over the side when Ryan entered. Seeing her, Ryan drew his first deep breath since Galbraith had charged into his office.
She was fumbling with the couple of buttons that remained on a blue blouse. Ryan glimpsed cream lace beneath the blouse that on another occasion he would have found sexy as hell, particularly since he knew exactly what that bra was covering. But Faith’s blood stained the fabric and he had a hard moment seeing it.
Her hands were scraped, the fingers closing the buttons red and raw. Her legs too. She had a necklace of bruises. The asshole had gone at her hard. Ryan’s mouth went flat and a burst of anger shot through him. The urge to pound whoever had pounded Faith filled him.
Their gazes met then Faith braced her palms on the mattress and gingerly slid off the bed. As soon as her feet touched the floor, she swayed.
Ryan moved to her and held her gently by the shoulders to keep her from toppling. “You shouldn’t be on your feet yet.”
She closed her eyes. “I just need a minute to get my legs under me.”
A minute? She was as pale as the sheets. Ryan would not downplay this. “Why don’t you sit back while you’re getting your legs under you?”
Ryan kept his hands on her arms. Faith opened her eyes and he took it as a testament to how bad she was feeling that she eased back onto the mattress. Once she was again seated, Ryan had no excuse to continue to hold her. He stroked her shoulders gently with his thumbs then reluctantly released her. “Doctor said you should spend the night here.”
Faith shook her head then hissed out a breath. She raised her hand to her brow, to the knot there swollen to the size of a golf ball being held together with stitches.
“Easy,” Ryan said, feeling her pain as if it were his own. “What happened, Faith?”
“I was leaving work,” she said slowly. “A man jumped me in the parking lot.” Her voice was hoarse from the choke-hold she’d sustained. She cleared her throat carefully as she relayed what had happened, ending with, “I locked the car doors in case he changed his mind and came back before help arrived.”
“You know for sure it was a man?”
“It was a man’s voice.”
“What did he say?”
“Bitch. Fucking bitch.”
“Did he call you by name?”
“No.”
“What about his voice? Pitch? Tone?”
“Harsh. Low. Angry.”
“Describe him for me.”
“I didn’t get a look at him. He was behind me the entire time.”
“You didn’t see him but you must have had some impression of him. Height? Build?”
She frowned, contemplating that, Ryan could see. After a moment she said, “When he picked me up off my feet, my legs reached his shins.”
Faith was about five-foot-five. That made the bastard above average height.
“He was wearing gloves,” Faith added. “I felt the leather or vinyl on my neck right before he . . . straddled me.”
She was attempting a detached, clinical tone but didn’t pull it off. Her voice trailed off and Ryan believed she was back in that moment when the bastard climbed on top of her, maybe planning to rape her. Ryan was having a hard time getting that moment out of his mind as well.
She set her shoulders. “That’s all I can tell you. He was going to rob me or steal my car but didn’t.”
“Our artist will speak with you. See if you can add anything else. We don’t know for sure the motive was to steal your purse or jack your car.” Ryan didn’t believe Faith’s assailant had been intent on either of those. The fucker could have snatched her wallet and made off with her car but he’d stayed to hurt her. “The media shone a spotlight on you. Have you had any run-ins with anyone about the Gaines case?”
Faith looked away from him. Her face tightened. Ryan could see from her expression that she didn’t want to believe tonight’s attack had anything to do with the Gaines case. Like most people, Ryan supposed, Faith preferred to think of her attack as random rather than targeted, a one-time thing.
“Chet Dooley wasn’t happy to see me yesterday.”
Faith explained about a flower delivery for Dee to Chet’s B&B. She closed her eyes and rubbed them. “I don’t see Chet lying in wait for me in the parking lot.”
Ryan gritted his teeth. “I’ll speak with Dooley. Timothy Fahey is behind bars. We can rule him out, but the fact that he didn’t make bail could be perceived by someone as another strike against you.” Galbraith had mentioned calls to the station wanting Fahey to be released. Ryan would check out those calls. Another possibility was that someone didn’t want a skilled lawyer like Faith representing Gaines. With her removed, another lawyer from the P.D.’s office would be assigned, one who didn’t have her unbroken record of acquittals. “I’ll need a list of your cases, Faith. Your clients. Past and present.” That information was a matter of public record and since Ryan wasn’t asking for anything that wasn’t documented by the court, there wasn’t a question of Faith breaching client confidentiality. “Though you’ve won every case, doesn’t mean someone you got off isn’t pissed about something anyway. And we can’t rule out the people you won against. Maybe one of the plaintiffs or a family member is holding a grudge.”
“I’m an officer of the court. I know how this works.” Her voice sharp, she said, “You might want to ask your cops where they were tonight. They’re not fans of mine.”
Ryan latched onto that. “Someone say something to you?”
Faith held up a hand. “I didn’t mean that.” She lowered her hand then linked her fingers in her lap. She lowered her gaze. “I’m just tired. I don’t have anything more to add. I’ll have that list first thing tomorrow.”
Ryan had been glad to see her spark of temper, but it faded as quickly as it had flared. She sagged a little. Her posture became less erect. Exhaustion was setting in.
A nurse joined them. “Miss Winston, your discharge papers are ready and the doctor wrote out a prescription for pain medication.”
Faith held out her hand for the papers. “I’ll be right out.”
When the nurse left them Ryan asked, “Is Dee on her way? Are you going to her house?”
“No need for that. I’m—”
Ryan cut her off. “Don’t say it. You shouldn’t be alone tonight. You may need help. You need to call Dee.”
“I don’t want to worry her.”
“She would want to be with you.”
Faith released a tired sigh. “I don’t want to involve her in this. You’re right. There’s a possibility whoever did this might come after me again. I don’t want to risk that with her kids and Hector. I need to think about them.”
“Since you’re not going home with Dee, I’ll take you home and stay with you.”
“That’s not necessary.”
Ryan pinned her with a look. Fear and worry for her made his voice harder than he intended. “Yo
u going to drive yourself? You can barely stand upright and if you could, your vehicle’s now a crime scene, remember?”
“I’ll call a cab.”
“You can’t move without pain. How are you supposed to function on your own?”
“I’ll manage.” Softly she added, “I’m not your concern anymore, Ryan.”
The sadness in her tone felt like a punch to Ryan’s gut. Worse though, was the resignation in her voice. That resignation, the finality of it, cut and left him bleeding. It also started a panic within him. He leaned forward and stared directly into her eyes, willing her to see what was in his. “You’ll always be my concern.” He heard the raw emotion in his own voice, was helpless to rein it in, tone it down, and he didn’t want to. He was open to her here and now in this hospital cubicle.
He hadn’t planned on having the talk he needed to have with her here. Not tonight with her injured and hurting. He didn’t know just when he planned to. But they’d crossed a point and now it would be.
He was to blame for hurting her. He didn’t know how they could come back from that. If she’d even give him the chance to try to make up for the pain he’d caused her. And if she did, could she ever get past that pain and open her heart to him again? Learn to trust him again? He couldn’t blame her if her answer was “no”. All he knew was that he had to try. Would go on trying. He couldn’t live the rest of his life without her.
His mouth went dry at that bleak prospect, but he had to get the next words out. He couldn’t keep them inside any longer. “I love you, Faith.” Her eyes showed no surprise. He was grateful for that. Through all that had gone down between them, she didn’t doubt his love. “I hadn’t intended to talk about us with you now, and certainly not here but we’ve opened this up and so here it will be.”
Faith swallowed before she spoke. “Ryan, there is no ‘us’. Looking back, there never was. We were on borrowed time, stolen time. We were over before we began. We just didn’t know it.”
Tears shimmered in her eyes. Ryan reached out and thumbed one as it fell onto her cheek. “I can’t go back and change the past. The truth is I couldn’t have done things differently even if I could go back, if changing things meant I wouldn’t have my son.”
“I know that.”
She spoke without rancor, without blame but self-blame weighed on him. “If I hadn’t tried again with Tina, I would always wonder if I’d been fair to Jeremy or if I’d put my own wants ahead of his. I couldn’t do that to him. I told you where I came from. That I came out of a home like that, with parents like that. I couldn’t do that to my son. But Tina and I couldn’t make it work. We would never make it work. We were never right for each other. I know now we were doomed from the start because she wasn’t you.” More tears fell onto Faith’s cheeks. Ryan framed her face between his palms. “Tina and I have filed for divorce. We’re over. You have my heart, Faith. You’ll always have it.”
She closed her eyes. “I don’t know what you expect me to say.”
“Tell me how you are. How you’ve been.” He wanted to add ‘without me’ but didn’t. He asked the question that kept him up at night. “Do you regret us?”
When she opened her eyes, they were dry, but it looked like it was sheer will that was keeping them that way and Ryan added another regret to the load he carried every day when it came to her.
“No.” She swallowed again before she spoke. “I understand why you did what you did. That little boy is the most important thing. He should be number one with you and Tina. He’s all that matters but I can’t go through this with you again. I can’t let myself love you like that again. I don’t think I’d survive you walking away from me a second time, even for all the right reasons.”
She struggled off the bed and left the cubicle, her step increasing until she was doing her best to run away from him.
* * *
Faith moved as quickly as she could but even with her best effort, Ryan caught up with her after just a few steps. It was becoming a pattern with them. Her fleeing. Him pursuing.
She didn’t want to talk about this with him. She knew he wasn’t deliberately trying to hurt her, knew that he, himself, was hurting. But she didn’t want to pick at those wounds. And worse, she didn’t want to face the futility of loving him.
Her shoulders were trembling. Her body drawn taut with fatigue and with the effort of holding in emotions that threatened to spill out onto the tile. Ryan must have seen that. He closed his eyes briefly then gently reached out to her. He took her arm softly, his thumb gently stroking the skin above her elbow, left bare by a large tear in her blouse.
The urge to take the single step separating them and rest her head on his broad shoulder rose within her. Ryan had held her more times than she could count, in passion, grief, sadness, giving her his strength and support as no one in her life ever had and she knew without doubt, ever could again. The need to feel his arms wrap around her tight and strong was so powerful the only way she could hold it off was to step back from him altogether. If he continued to touch her, she was lost. A small voice inside her taunted that rather than lost, she would be found, finally back where she belonged. Except she didn’t belong with him.
Ryan’s arm lowered to his side. He didn’t reach for her again. It felt like someone or something had just died. Silly, that. What they’d had between them had been long over. Maybe what was missing was the burial. It felt like they were doing that now. She certainly felt as if she were grieving. Her pain felt raw. She was barely holding herself together.
“After what happened tonight,” Ryan said quietly, “you shouldn’t go home alone. I’ll take you.”
She did not want to spend any more time with Ryan. The little time they had spent together had left her feeling as battered as the beating but she shuddered recalling the man’s fists striking her, his hands choking her. She was shaken and not feeling very brave. She nodded.
The drive was silent. Ryan pulled up in front of her house then came around to the passenger side and helped her out. While she’d had a final word with the doctor, Ryan had left Madsen outside the cubicle and gone to the in-hospital pharmacy to have her prescription for pain killers filled. He’d told her that he’d also picked up all manner of over the counter pain relievers, not knowing what, if anything, she had on hand at the house.
At her front door, she clutched the bag with one hand. It seemed holding the bag was taking all of her strength. Her other hand trembled as she fumbled with her keys. Ryan took them from her and inserted them in the lock himself. He gave the heavy front door a solid push then drew his weapon.
“Let me take a look inside before you go in,” he said.
The house wasn’t large and didn’t take long to search. He returned quickly then replaced his gun in the holster on his belt.
“One of my officers will be driving by your house regularly.” Ryan’s gaze landed on her and the emotion in his eyes stole her breath. “If you need anything—”
Faith found her voice. “Thank you.”
She brushed by him. Her body made contact with his and she felt the hard muscle in his chest that she knew all too well. Just that small contact only increased the longing in her for him.
Without a word she went into the house, and closed the door.
* * *
Ryan watched the door close. Heard the distinctive thud. The finality of that door closing hit him hard. He rubbed his chest, rubbed the spot above his heart. The ache, the pain that felt as if a knife had pierced him there wouldn’t go away.
Yeah, he was hurting. But so was Faith. He closed his eyes, thinking of her in pain and unable to bear it, but tonight her pain wasn’t only emotional.
It was the middle of the night. She hadn’t wanted to show that she was hurting, but Ryan had seen her careful, measured movements and knew she was in significant pain. She looked like the only thing holding her up had been the door she’d been leaning against.
She wasn’t used to leaning on anyone. From the little she
’d told him of her childhood, Ryan had concluded that her father had fallen apart after the death of Faith’s mother. She’d been just a little girl but it had sounded to Ryan that Faith had been the one to support and comfort her father during that time and after, rather than the other way around.
She’d never had anyone she could lean on. For a brief moment in time, Ryan had believed he had become that person. But she felt betrayed by him. No longer trusted him. This wasn’t a new revelation. He knew exactly what his leaving her to return to Tina had done to Faith. Walking with her from the hospital tonight, he’d had his arm around her, yet she’d held herself stiffly rather than lean on him. It had never been more apparent that she was on her own, as apart from him as if she were in another country.
He unclipped his phone from his belt and called Galbraith for an update on the crime scene and the canvassing of the area. There was nothing yet to report. The car and parking lot were being processed. He asked Galbraith to obtain the building surveillance video to see if Faith’s attacker had been caught on camera. The canvass would likely be a bust. The government building was not in a residential area and the business district was sparsely populated at night. If Madsen hadn’t been in the area to hear Faith’s car alarm, she may have gone unnoticed until people arrived for work the next morning. Ryan didn’t want to think about Faith lying there hurt and alone, or that her attacker may have returned to finish what he’d started.
Ryan also asked Galbraith to pick up Chet Dooley and let him know when he had. Galbraith would hold Dooley until Ryan could get there.
Ryan stared at the door. He wasn’t going to leave her like this—leave her at all. He walked away from her house but he didn’t go far. His vehicle was parked in her driveway. He wanted to be close in case she needed anything at night, needed to go back to the hospital, and her attacker was still at large. In the morning one of his officers would guard her and trail her until they got the bastard who’d hurt her, but for now Ryan had to be here himself. Could not not be here. He returned to his truck to spend the rest of the night.
