by Trumbo, Kari
He moved his hand to her head and relished the feeling of her against him. “You can’t get rid of me that easy.”
She laughed and sat up, running the cool cloth over his forehead again. “You’ve had a fever. We were so worried about you. You’re still so hot…”
He cupped her cheek and she closed her eyes. “I don’t want to leave you behind, Jennie. Please say you’ll come with me.”
She shook her head as she pulled back, and a wavering smile covered her lips. “We could write them a letter, Aiden. I could even write it for you, now. You don’t ever have to leave.” She waited with expectant eyes for something he could never give her. And it broke him.
He trailed his thumb in circles in the soft hair by her ear. “I’m so sorry, Jennie. It can’t be that way. I have to go. I won’t be able to sleep easy until I go back and tell my folks how sorry I am. You can’t do that in a letter.”
Her face crumpled with a swallowed sob and her eyes shut tight against her tears. “I almost lost you once, please, don’t make me lose you again.” She leaned into his hand, letting the tears drip down her cheek and onto his thin undershirt.
“You don’t have to lose anything. Don’t you see? If you come with me, we’ll always be together.”
She shook her head, dislodging his hand from her hair, and he let it drop. “No, I can’t go knowing I may never come back. And if you decide to stay, I can’t come back alone.”
“You’d do that? You’d rather be with your family forever even if it meant you wouldn’t be with me?” His chest tightened as he waited for her to meet his gaze.
“I could ask you the same question and I’d think we’d both answer that it isn’t like that. I can’t leave them. Over the last half-year, everything I’ve ever known has changed. The only thing that’s stayed the same are my sisters. Hattie has already done enough damage. I can’t leave my sisters, too. If you go and I stay, then I hope you’ll be more likely to come back.”
He closed his eyes and saw that she was right. They both needed their families for different reasons. She’d been here next to him while he’d recovered. That was something. But, what if his family didn’t understand? What if they wanted him to work to make up for leaving them? Or, it was possible they didn’t miss him at all. The pain would be great, but then he could come right back, but not as the man he hoped to be.
Fabric whispered next to him as Jennie stood. Her cool lips pressed against his head. He sighed and when he opened his eyes, he was alone. Whose bed was he in and how long had he been there? Had they found who’d shot him or was the scoundrel still on the loose? Brody came through the door and pulled up a chair.
“You’ve been down for quite a while. That little gal out there got a few gray hairs on account of you.”
Aiden rubbed his shoulder and flinched. “I didn’t sign up for this when I offered to go with Beau.”
“You surely didn’t. I got a good look at him. He didn’t even bother to hide. Pretty sure he thought you were me, since you were riding one of my horses and we’re about the same size.” He shook his head. “I rode back to Lead and got the sheriff. He didn’t want to take my word for it, but Beau was able to get a good look at him as well. He gave a description to the sheriff that closely resembled my neighbor, Jed. It was enough. Maybe we’ll find out why he took a shot at you when the circuit judge comes through.”
Aiden nodded. “So, when will I be able to get up and start earning my keep again? I have to get to Kansas so I can make good with my family. Then I can come back.”
“You sound surer of your return now than you were before.”
“I am. If I explain to my family I have a gal waiting here and she’s more precious to me than gold… I think they’ll send me back.”
“Well, just remember, if they don’t, you send a letter. Don’t leave that gal waiting on you. It wouldn’t be right.” He patted Aiden on his good shoulder then went around the bed to check the bandages on his other. He made contemplative noises as he poked around.
“Yup, all the angry red around the wound is finally turning pink and puckering. The wound has scaled over well and isn’t draining anymore. I think you’ll keep your arm.”
Aiden sat up and stared at Brody. Was he serious?
“I’m just funning with ya. There was never a question. I was an army medic with Custer. I got injured before the battle of Greasy Grass and was sent home as soon as my injury healed enough. You aren’t the first bullet wound I’ve tended.” He pulled the blanket up over Aiden and stood. “Glad to see you awake. I’ll send Jennie back in here with a little soup, then I think Beau should help you up so Ruby and Jennie can freshen this room. Then you can rest. Beau has set aside the money for you to go as soon as you’re well enough. When I see you not only awake, but walking around, we can talk about getting you a ride to town.”
Aiden nodded. Brody didn’t seem like the kind that would take well to taking orders, even in the army. He laid back against the wall as Brody left, letting his eyelids close while he waited. Unless the soup was already made, he’d have to wait a while for it anyway. The smell of old bandages, waste, and uncleanliness filled his nose. He hadn’t been aware of it until Brody mentioned cleaning the room. He’d been too full of Jennie to notice. Now that she was gone, the stench wouldn’t leave him.
Aiden shifted to get off the bed and stopped as pain tore through his arm. He held it close to his body and used his other side to pull himself to the edge of the bed. He pushed the covers off and realized they’d taken off everything but his drawers and thin undershirt. The door handle clicked and he swung the blankets back over himself wafting the stench into his face. It was enough to make his stomach curl.
“Jennie. I can’t eat in here. I’m powerful hungry, but if I eat in here, it won’t stay down.”
“I don’t blame you.” The side of her mouth slid up and a mischievous twinkle lit her eyes. “I’ll take this back out to the table and come back to help you up.”
“No!” He shook his head. “I can’t have you help me get dressed.”
She laughed and a sweet pink tinge rimmed her ears. “Fair enough. Beau is home for lunch. I’ll have him come in and help you.” She swept out of the room and Aiden sighed.
Beau laughed as he came in. “I’m not sure what’s funnier, that she just got you good or that you believed it.”
Aiden frowned. “You shouldn’t mock an injured man. Not a fair fight.”
Beau put one hand under Aiden’s right arm, the other under his elbow. “Jennie got your clothes cleaned and patched a week ago, though your coat was pretty well ruined.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. The longer I stay with you, the more clothes I lose.”
Beau led him over to the chair. Aiden sat and got to work putting on his own dungarees. He slid on a clean cotton under shirt to replace the one he’d been wearing and put his arm through one sleeve of a clean shirt and draped the other over his shoulder on the other side, leaving it open for movement.
“That’s good. Let’s get you out of this room.” Beau helped him to his feet once again and he pushed one foot in front of the other, moving his upper half as little as possible. Jennie waited at the table for him, she let her eyes roam over him possessively and he couldn’t say he minded. He sat next to her and she pushed the bowl over to him. It warmed him to know that she understood he’d want to feed himself.
He lifted the spoon to his mouth and the soup was as sweet as honey to his tongue. Being without for so long made him appreciate the richness of the meal. He let the broth and vegetables sit in his mouth for a second, enjoying every bit of the flavor, then he swallowed slowly. His throat protested and he reached for a glass of water. The cool water trickled down after the scratchy food.
Beau sat across from him. “Aiden. I’m not sure if anyone said anything yet, but my pay was more than we needed with our food included. I put the money aside for you. As soon as you can, you’ll be able to go home. There should be enough there for your r
eturn trip, too.”
Aiden nodded and set his spoon down, reaching for Jennie’s hand. “I want very much to go and do what’s right, and pray I can return.” He lifted her hand and gently kissed Jennie’s knuckles.
Chapter Nineteen
JENNIE STOOD ON THE porch as Aiden strode to the wagon and tossed his satchel in the back. A great fissure cracked her heart wide. His good arm reached for the seat of the wagon and lifted his leg to climb up. He was leaving and though he said he’d come back, what if he didn’t? Could she really live with him never knowing just how she felt?
“No!” Jennie yelled and tore away from Ruby’s grasp on her shoulder. Aiden turned and brought both feet back to the ground. He opened his arms for her. She ran to those welcoming arms and he lifted her right off the ground with his one good arm. Jennie folded herself around his neck and clung to him, her chest burning with tears. He pressed his lips to hers in a kiss that claimed her very soul, sweeping every ache into her center then exploding outward claiming all that was her as his own. His lips told her more than his words. He would return for her.
Slowly, he let her slide down until her feet touched the ground, but she didn’t let go, couldn’t let go.
“You’ll take care of Jack for me?” He rested his head against hers and cupped her cheek.
She covered his hand and let her tears stream over them. She didn’t want him to think of her as weak, but inside, the pain crushed her.
She nodded. “I will.”
“You’ll take care of my best girl?” Aiden murmured to the dog.
She raised her gaze to meet his. It immediately destroyed her resolve not to beg. “Oh, Aiden. Don’t go.”
“I promise I’ll be back, Jennie-girl. M’fhíorghrá.”
“You’d better.” She held his hands over her face for a moment longer, then let him go. He gently pulled her into another tender kiss then turned and climbed into the wagon. Brody reined the horses into a trot and Aiden turned and waved to her. She raised her arm and watched until he was out of sight, then ran into the house and up into the loft. Her insides were as empty as a rain barrel in the desert. She lay on her bed and wrapped her arms around herself, holding on as tight as she could.
Eva rushed in after her and climbed onto the bed. “He’ll come back, Jennie. He will. He promised.”
“I know. But he’s leaving… My heart is riding away from me and I wasted so much time worrying.”
Eva rubbed her arm. “Be thankful you discovered your feelings before he left. How many women gave up their men to war, thinking they’d come back? It’s okay to be sad, but if you mourn too long you’ll only make the waiting all the longer.”
Eva climbed off the bed and left the room. Jennie wiped her eyes. If she hadn’t realized what Ruby said was true, Aiden might not have cared to ever come back. If he’d thought he had no chance, he may have stayed away. She’d come so close to losing him. Jennie sat up on the bed and went to her writing desk.
Dear Ma,
I know it’s been some time since I’ve written to you, but there are things I want to talk to you about. I miss you so much. I’ve met someone who has me tied up in knots.
His name is Aiden Bradly and he’s a little older than me. He used to be a miner, but is now helping Beau on a ranch outside of Deadwood. Someone shot him and I thought I’d lose him. Until that happened, I knew I felt something for him, but it wasn’t until I thought I’d lose him that I knew—
Jennie paused, holding the pencil above her paper. Knew what? She thought she loved him, but did she really? Ruby’s words and even Eva’s were a balm, but she needed her mother.
She continued:
…that I love him. There, I said it. But I need you, so much. I’m so confused.
I miss you so very much and need your guidance. We all need you. I know Ruby told you Hattie ran off, but we feel so torn. I know I’m asking a lot, but if you could come just for a visit, I think it would help. I don’t understand what my heart’s telling me and I’m so worried I’ll make a foolish choice.
Sincerely Yours, Jennie
She read the letter over again. It was very short for the cost of a stamp, but what she really wanted, what she’d always wanted, was Ma with them. Ma had always held the family together and she could fix it now. She folded the letter and put it in an envelope, taking care to write the name and address as clearly as possible.
Ruby climbed the ladder and sat on the chair next to the bed Jennie shared with the youngest two sisters. “I’m a little surprised at you, Jennie. We’ve seen Aiden hold your hand or maybe give you a small peck, but that was quite a display for your sisters.
“Because Ma and Pa were very private, Beau and I have tried to keep our affection under wraps. We don’t always succeed, but we don’t want them feeling uncomfortable with us.”
Jennie turned to hide her discomfort. She’d felt what Ruby was hinting at when she’d caught Beau and Ruby kissing. She twisted her apron in her hands. “There’s nothing wrong with what I did, Ruby. I’ll miss him and I don’t regret one thing.”
“You didn’t let me finish. I was going to say, perhaps it would be good for the younger girls to see more affection between Beau and I, so when they reach your age we don’t have the same issues with them that you and Hattie have struggled with.”
“Hattie… I wrote to Ma about her. I even asked her to come.” She glanced at Ruby to see what she’d think. Ruby probably wouldn’t stop her, but she should have asked permission first.
“Jennie. Do you really think she will? She was so enamored with Carlton, I don’t think she’ll come out here. She raised you girls the best she could and she was worn out after protecting you from Pa and his anger for so long.”
Jennie let her shoulders fall. “I don’t know if she’ll come or not, but she won’t if we don’t ask.” Jennie knotted her hands together in her lap. “What’ll I do if he doesn’t return?”
Ruby smiled and laid her hand over Jennie’s. “You’ll go on, just as you did before you knew him. Your life will be different, for sure, but you’ll move on because you must.”
“Did Beau say how long it would take him to get to Kansas?”
“I think he said it would take about five days. It’s slow going through the hills. The rails can’t travel any faster than fifteen miles per hour, not much faster than a horse and carriage.”
Jennie sighed and tapped her pencil against her desk. “I’ve never ridden a train. I just thought it would be… better.”
“Trains will get better and faster. You’ll see. In the meantime, I wouldn’t expect Aiden back before a month. In that time, you can sew up some lovely dresses and start making things for when he returns and for the home you can make together. If he stays here, and you marry him, you may have to live with him in that tiny cabin. At least until he can buy land and build you something else.”
“I don’t care where we live as long as he doesn’t have to leave again.”
“That’s another thing you need to think about. What if he only comes back to collect you and whisk you back to Kansas? Or, like mail-order brides, perhaps he’ll just wire money for a ticket and have you meet him there.”
“I told him I don’t want to go.”
“Why ever not? You don’t even like Deadwood. You could have a fresh start.”
“A fresh start far away from anyone I’ve ever known.”
Ruby smiled. “Jennie, that’s what a woman does. In fact, the good Lord built us to do just that, to leave our father and mother and cleave unto our spouse. He equipped women with the ability to make friends in almost any situation. You’ll never be alone for long.”
“But…”
“Stop making excuses. You’d best be ready for whatever happens.”
*~*~*
Aiden watched from his seat in the third car of old #52 as the miles crawled by. He’d gone from hills and valleys, to more sharp lowlands where the railroad filled the area with rocks, gravel, and sand to make a straight path.
Now the land was flattening out into prairie. A vast green sea opened in front of him and he couldn’t quite tell where the green faded to blue to meet the sky. He sighed and slouched back into his seat. The ride had only been a little over a day, so far, and he couldn’t shake the need to see Jennie. If he could turn the train back around, he would.
A small voice whispered home in his ear, but Kansas hadn’t been home for a long time and he couldn’t even be sure what he was going back to. Would his family even still be there? There was no way to know except to go. He’d already decided, as soon as he admitted to his parents that they were right, that he’d been foolish to leave, he would ask for their forgiveness. Then he’d head right back into town and get on the train. Nothing would keep him from running straight back into Jennie’s arms.
The train squealed along the track. Just the day before, he’d gotten the worst headache of his life from that sound, but the longer he was forced to ride, the more he got used to it, as much as a man could. It was a little better if the window was closed, but only if all the windows near him were closed too, and that was rare. In the summer heat, everyone wanted the windows open for a breath of air, even if it meant the dust, smoke when they cleared the ash, and the awful whine of the wheels on the tracks came through the windows.
He thought about his older brother, Hugh. The good son. He’d always been there for Da and Mam. He’d done the work of two men when they were younger, and Aiden had always disliked him for it, holding a grudge. His brother tried to make him look bad, but now he knew that he’d just worked harder than Aiden. He’d been sure Da loved Hugh more. Now he knew that wasn’t true. Hugh hadn’t caused as much trouble as Aiden had. So, what appeared as more love was just less correction. He could see that now, looking back on his boyhood. If he’d known then what he knew now, that if he’d just minded his da, he never would’ve wanted to leave. He wouldn’t have needed to. But then, he never would’ve met Jennie.
