“I’m scared,” I admit, as I lean back against his chest. “How are we going to survive this?”
“With grace, humor and together,” Declan declares as he kisses the top of my head.
I take a deep breath as I decide that those words will become my mantra for whatever is coming.
I REMEMBER AS A KID I always wanted my life to be very exciting. Right now, I could live with a little less excitement. Okay, if I’m honest I could live with a lot less excitement. I had no idea when I first asked Jade to go out to lunch on that crazy, chaotic day that everything in my life would change so dramatically. Granted, she’s not the cause of all of it, but it’s all tangled together like a demented kite string. It’s like my life could be like one of those beautiful, artistic kites that fly in the festivals every year if I could only keep it balanced. Right now it’s as if I have not made any progress from the defeated seven-year-old I was when I first tried to learn to fly a kite. I feel like I’m dragging my life behind me through the sand and hoping it survives.
It’s a good thing that my dad sells cars because I spend an ungodly amount of time on the road between Jacksonville and Gainesville. It’s a crazy commute — but it’s not as crazy as Jade’s friend, Tristan. He actually offered to provide a helicopter for me to use. When he offered, I had to look around to make sure it wasn’t some big elaborate joke, but I’ll be damned if he wasn’t serious.
The other crazy thing is that my dad is actually paying for me to work for Stone Auto Group. With all the time that I spend going to Gainesville to be with Jade, I don’t know how he pretends to justify that. I make a few sales here and there, but nothing like Finn and Rowan. Frankly, I’m just too distracted. If I’m at work, I’m thinking about Jade and if I’m with Jade, I’m thinking about Dad and Rowan. I feel like a hamster who can’t get off the exercise wheel.
As I pull my car into the driveway, I notice that my dad is working on his favorite vintage car. As I get out of my car, my dad advises, “Time to get those brakes looked at, they squeak.”
It’s not a huge request, and he’s absolutely right — but today it’s too much. I lean back against my car and scrub my hand down my face as I fight back tears.
“You all right, son?” my dad asks, as he searches my face for clues.
I start to reflexively answer in the socially acceptable, polite manner that we all do, but I stop and decide that I can’t do this anymore. “Actually, no. I’m not all right. I need to be everywhere at once and I can’t be. I feel like I’m letting everyone down and helping no one. My girlfriend has a hole in her heart, Dad — it’s an eff’n hole. I had to listen to another specialist today tell us that if we do something, there’s a risk that she dies. If we don’t do something, there’s a bigger risk she dies of something different. How do you choose between two horrible maybes? How you choose when the doctors don’t agree? There was this one article that I read online that said that this PFO surgery might not even fix her migraines. On top of that, even if we decide to do the surgery, there are different methods to do it and they don’t agree on how to do it even. Some doctors use shunts, other doctors use patches and some doctors stitch it up. It’s like you need a medical degree to figure out what they’re even talking about or how to choose the best doctor to go with,” I confess, unloading all of my day on my dad’s shoulders.
“I know what you’re talking about, we ran into that with the options for the bypass rehab. Everybody has a slightly different philosophy. I don’t know how they expect patients to choose,” my dad commiserates.
“Dad, I don’t know how I’m going to continue to be here for you and Rowan and give enough focus to Jade. I’m so exhausted. It is a good thing that I pretty much have the roads memorized between here and Gainesville. If I had to think about it too hard, my brain would probably explode.”
“So stop,” my dad answers succinctly.
“Stop what?” I ask, embarrassed that I must’ve lost track of the conversation.
“Stop trying to be everything for everyone,” my dad clarifies. “When I first asked you to step in at Stone Auto, the doctors told me I shouldn’t be working. In case you missed it, I’m fully cleared to work now. In fact, I’ve been putting in more hours than any of my sons combined. Your excuse for hanging around here to fill in for me is pretty much gone.”
“But what about Rowan? He’s made some progress with his therapy and his medication, but if I suddenly yank myself out of the situation, won’t it make it worse?”
“Declan, you weren’t responsible for Rowan’s problem, you won’t be responsible for the fix. His doctor told us that it was some sort of imbalance in his brain chemistry and that he’s doing much better on the medication. He is going to some headshrinker to help him with all that crap that Shannon put him through. They’ve got a safety plan in place now and we are all more aware. I think he’ll be fine, but even if he’s not, you’ve got someone else you need to take care of.”
“Dad, what if she’s not fine? I just figured it all out with her. She’s what makes my life makes sense. If she’s not all right, I don’t know what I’ll do,” I blurt.
“Son, you can’t think that way. You’ve to got to plan for what if everything works out exactly the way it is supposed to.”
My dad’s words echo in my brain as I pull up to the beer pub that’s a few blocks from Jade’s place. This is an admittedly scary step on the way to having things work out the way they’re supposed to. My relationship with Jett is hard to figure out. Although there are times where I think he truly respects me, there are other times he seems to look at me like I’m the twelve-year-old kid who broke his picture window with a baseball. I just wonder which Jett I’m going to encounter today.
“You want to tell me what we’re doing here at four-thirty on a Thursday afternoon? My afternoon is pretty slammed,” Jett greets me gruffly as he pulls out a chair turns it around and sits down on it backwards.
“Do you want the practical answer or the theoretical answer?” I quip, handing him a bucket of pretzels.
One eyebrow wings up as he crosses his arms and answers, “Surprise me.”
I take a deep breath and plunge forward as I respond, “Okay, the practical reason is that Jade can’t eat anything but liquids tonight and I don’t want to eat in front of her.”
“That’s big of you, considering the fact that my only daughter is having heart surgery tomorrow. It’s a risky thing.”
“Trust me sir, I have not forgotten. I’ve thought of little else since the diagnosis. It’s the first thing that I consider when I wake up and it’s my last thought when I go to sleep. The possibility of losing your daughter terrifies me. I love her more than I can ever express in words,” I declare.
“That’s a mighty big statement for a guy who makes his living with words,” Jett observes.
I take a long sip of my beer and pop a pretzel in my mouth. After a few moments, I summon the courage to be brutally honest. “As a songwriter, I thought I had a pretty good handle on what it means to be in love. Since I met Jade, I’ve discovered that I knew absolutely nothing about love. Jade has shown me that you don’t have to change who you are to impress the person who truly loves you — you just have to be the best you can be.”
Jett blinks slowly and then warns, “You know, it’s not all rainbows and butterflies. Real love hurts. It hurts in ways you never expect.”
“I’m prepared for that. Whatever we face, we are stronger together,” I answer nervously. “Umm… I’m going to stop beating around the bush and just ask — Jett Petros, I love your daughter very much and I’m respectfully asking your permission to marry her.”
A slow grin passes over Jett’s face as he answers. “What do you know? I owe my lovely wife a dinner out because she bet me that this would be the topic of today’s little get together. I’m not sure how she knew that, but she pretty much knows everything.”
“Does she know whether you’re going to say yes?” I ask cautiously.
; “What do you think I’m going to say? My wife and daughter both believe that the sun and moon rise and fall at your feet. If I told you no, there would be hell to pay. But, mark my words. You put another hole in my daughter’s heart and I’ll put multiple holes in you.”
“Just to be clear… that’s a yes, right?” I stammer.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but yes, you have my blessing. I think I need to go to the doctor, I just gave permission for my only daughter to marry a largely unemployed musician.”
“I’ll do my best to make sure you don’t regret that decision, sir,” I promise.
I SUCK AT PRETENDING. THERE’s no two ways about it. I feel bad too because everyone is working hard to act like today isn’t a big deal and that it’s something like going to the mall. I’ve been over this decision a million times in my head and Declan and I have done so much research that we could probably become lecturers on the subject. In the moments I’m being absolutely candid with myself, I admit that I honestly don’t know with one hundred percent certainty that surgery is the best answer. On the other hand, I don’t know that it’s not the best answer either. Declan and I just factored in my family history and stuck our thumb on the scales toward doing the surgery. I hope to God that I am making the right decision.
“Jade, why does your phone keep going off every thirty seconds?” Marcus asks as he pauses his elaborate story to glare at my phone.
“Apparently, somebody stole the batteries out of both Mom and Dad’s cars overnight and he has to wait for the auto shop to bring him another one. He is fit to be tied because he’s afraid they’re going to miss me going in for surgery. I told him not to worry about it, but he’s having a conniption fit anyway.”
“Unusual. Did he have his security system on?” asks Tristan.
“I don’t know. You’re the one who put it in for him, did you make it Dad-proof?” I joke.
“If Identity Bank did it, your dad is never going to be able to accidentally turn that thing off, I’ve seen Tristan’s crew at work. They wired a security system into a house where I was housesitting. That thing was like Fort Knox and the Pentagon all wrapped up into one,” Declan comments.
Ivy smirks, “Marcus, remember that time we went to a party at Tristan’s house and we decided to get a little hot and heavy in the closet?”
Marcus blushes as he responds, “Yeah, like I’d forget anytime soon. His security detail still looks at us funny when we get on the plane. Seriously? Who puts a full color twenty-megapixel security camera in a closet? I still say it wasn’t our fault if they got an eyeful.”
Rogue laughs as she places her arm around Tristan’s waist. “You guys remember the good old days when this guy was shy? Yeah, not so much anymore. Between us and our parents, Tristan’s team has seen more than they should have in their jobs.”
“I think it’s cute that your parents are still like frisky newlyweds after all these years,” I interject.
“I know I’m a little late to the party,” Declan comments, “but aren’t they technically still newlyweds?”
“I guess it depends on how you count their years of marriage,” Ivy responds. “Rogue and I like to believe that Mama Rosa and Padre-Pop were never really ‘unmarried’ because their marriage vows really had no beginning or end — it was just that life circumstances got in the way.”
“On the other hand, if they want to play up the newlywed aspect of their marriage, more power to them—”Rogue adds, with a wink.
Inexplicably, Declan gets up and starts pacing around the room and compulsively checking the door. I know he’s probably as nervous about the surgery as I am, but he’s been relatively calm this morning; in fact, he’s been sort of my anchor during all this craziness. He’s been the voice of reason and logic. He’s also been the voice of hopefulness and faith. He doesn’t see any reason that this isn’t going to go exactly as planned so he doesn’t even seem worried — much. This behavior is really odd; it’s like a light switch has been flipped in him.
Just when I was thinking that there weren’t beds in the hospital more uncomfortable than the ones I slept on when I was here the last time, I had to spend a couple of hours on this surgery prep bed. It’s as hard as a rock. A nurse came in before to give me my IV but she was called away. We’ve just been waiting here for what seems like forever.
Finally, my dad peaks his head in the room. “I guess this is the right place,” he comments, as he looks around and sees all of my friends.
Under his breath, Declan murmurs something to my dad, I can’t catch it all but it has something to do with leaving him enough time.
I look over to my mom for clues, but she just shrugs.
Suddenly, Declan addresses everyone in the room when he says, “I’m glad you are all here to support Jade, you are some of the most important people in her life. It’s only appropriate that you’re here on this day.”
I am completely exhausted because I haven’t slept worth beans for several weeks, but for the life of me, I cannot figure out why Declan is suddenly talking like a narrator at a movie. I mean it’s not like he doesn’t see these people almost every day. I meet Rogue’s gaze across the room and she shrugs too.
By the time I look for Declan again, he’s kneeling — wait… he’s kneeling! No way! This is what happens to all my friends. This doesn’t happen to me and it especially doesn’t happen to me on the scariest day of my whole life. He is so not doing this. He better not be doing this. I’m not dressed up, I don’t have any makeup on — in fact they told me not to wear makeup. My hair is in some crazy paper hairnet and I’ve got blue booties on my feet.
I peek through my fingers to see if I’ve actually seen what I thought I saw. I did. There he is, the love of my life, kneeling on the floor of a hospital holding out a beautiful ring box. I hold my breath and wait.
Declan clears his throat before he says, “Jade, we are going to face a lot of scary times together. This may be one of the scariest, and I just can’t let you go into surgery without knowing whether you’ll marry me. I first fell in love with the person that I thought you would be. Honestly, I thought it would just be an unrequited crush from afar; you seemed to be every guy’s perfect dream, but the real you turned out to be so much better than I ever imagined you would be. I love that you don’t want to get out of bed on the weekends until you’ve completed every word game in the newspaper, including the crossword puzzles. I love that you know every Jackson Browne song ever done but when we go dancing you know more stuff that’s being played on the radio than most of the DJs. I love that you laugh at the joke that I mean to tell instead of what actually comes out of my mouth. I love that you see life in pictures and colors, phrases and poems. I love that when you look at me you see the real me — the person I am at my core and you respect me for just being me. You never tried to change who I am to suit you. For those reasons and so many more, Jade Crystal Petros, will you agree to be my wife so that our love story continues into infinity?”
I have to catch my breath as his words wash over me. For a brief second, I consider the possibility that things might not go well and that I might become some vegetable that he would have to take care of his whole life if I make this commitment. It only takes one look at the open, loving expression on his face to tell me that even if the worst were to happen, he would be by my side until the end.
I take a deep breath as I pull my hand out from under the covers and extend it for him to place the ring on. I feel cold metal slide over my ring finger and settle into place. It’s heavier than I expected and when I pull my hand back it’s all I can do not to shriek with delight. The ring is perfect. It’s a series of Celtic knots woven into a solid band. It is perfectly atypical for me and it honors Declan’s heritage. I can’t think of anything more suited for the two of us.
When I look up to thank Declan for such a perfect ring, I see an expectant look on his face. Nope, this definitely isn’t going the way I scripted it in my head for years and years.
; I flush red hot before I gather the verbal wherewithal to answer his question, “Declan Ailín, I have done enough Celtic knot tattoos to know the type of commitment you’re asking from me. When this happened to all of my friends, I watched with amused amazement — and a little green-eyed jealousy as they each found their perfect match. I was convinced that it would never happen for me because I was too guarded, complicated and layered with pain. I was certain that I would be alone and lonely forever. But, you came along and found a way past all of my walls and gave me the strength to climb over them, through them, and around them to be the real me. I love you Declan and I will be honored to wear this ring forever. Yes, I will marry you.”
I am so focused on memorizing the expressions on Declan’s face that I fail to notice the small gaggle of nurses that has formed in the doorway to my room. After Declan leans down to give me a not-so-PG kiss to celebrate our engagement, wild applause and cheers erupt. A confused looking guy in Daffy Duck scrubs wanders through the chaos with a red tray filled with needles and tubes. “I’m not sure I want to know what happened here, but I just got orders from upstairs. The other surgery went faster than they expected so they want us to package you and get you ready to go. I’ve got to get your IV in and another set of vitals before I can get you up there.”
I am a little stunned by the quick change in mood and intensity.
This is it.
Declan takes my hand and slides off my ring. It hardly seems fair, I only got wear it for a few minutes. Declan sees the tears leaking out of the corners of my eyes and my panic grow. He gently kisses me one more time and whispers, “Infinity is a very long time.”
IT’S REALLY HARD FOR ME to tiptoe through the house when what I want to be doing is triumphantly dancing and declaring victory; but that will just have to wait. You see, my fiancé — can I tell you how much I love to use that word? My beautiful fiancée has had far too much time on her hands since the doctors told her not to exert herself for a few weeks. Jade is clearly a master at online ordering and she has been using the iPad that Finn gave her to gain the upper hand in the toilet paper wars. Her latest entries were pure genius. She got me Sudoku puzzles. Practical and funny. Her next one was funnier still. After she caught me actually trying to solve the Sudoku puzzles one night, a couple days later—the new roll of toilet paper appeared on my designated dispenser. This new toilet paper looked exactly like parking tickets. I figured this expert level of humor would be hard to top, so I’ve decided to go for sentimental and I bought some that says “I love you from top to bottom.” It even has little red roses.
Hearts of Jade (A Hidden Hearts Novel Book 3) Page 19
