by J J Loraine
If you can be brave enough to fight for me and everyone else’s freedom, I can be brave enough to fight for myself.
I love you.
11
Owen
Dear Sophie,
That’s my girl.
You tell those bitches off. If your words can be anywhere near as mean as they can be sexy, then those sorority girls won’t know what hit them.
I can tell you that I feel like I’ve just been hit by a Mack Truck.
Your letter was so hot.
I know I said you didn’t have to tell me you loved me back, but I can’t tell you how much it means to me to hear those words. It’s just been so long... I’d only ever heard it from my parents.
I was more nervous waiting for your response to my last letter than I have been for any battle out here.
Luckily, I think the fighting is finally starting to die down. The boys and I have done our jobs well, it seems, and... well, I don’t want to jinx anything just yet.
As for high school...
I didn’t know. I swear.
Jennifer seemed so nice when I first met her. She was conventionally pretty and rich and popular and I was just a dumb kid. I didn’t know any better.
Of course, it became clearer as time went on that she wasn’t exactly a peach. The darker she got, the further she pushed me away. By the end of school, I wanted to be as far away from her as I possibly could. It’s part of the reason I enlisted...
I could barely fight for myself back then, let alone anyone else. Sure, I was big and strong. I was a good football player and I had lots of muscles, but my mind was weak.
I’m not weak-minded anymore.
I should have known something was up. I shouldn’t have just met your hate with more hate. I was stupid.
I’m sorry.
If I had known, I’m sure I would have done something... I hope I would have done something.
I’m doing something now.
I’ll be back. I promise, and when I am, we’ll take on the world together, starting with those mean sorority girls. I have your back in spirit now, but I can’t wait to be physically behind you every step of the way from now on.
When I dream of my future now, you’re always in it.
I’m fighting extra hard to make that a reality.
You’re not the only one who I’ve been sneaking letters out to. I have some friends in high places out there. My unit creates some very desirable citizens. We don’t hurt to get jobs when we retire from the service. I’m lining everything up so we can be happy and successful when I’m back.
I WILL be back.
I can’t say when – there’s still work to do – but I won’t let anything get in the way of my one true goal: to be with you.
I’ll see you soon, my love.
Owen.
12
Sophie
Dear Owen,
I love you.
I just want to start off with that. I haven’t been able to say those words to anyone since my parents died. It feels so amazing to not only say it (or, well, write it) but to actually MEAN it with all my heart.
It’s also so nice to hear it back.
Things are starting to get better where I am too.
I know you wanted me to wait until you returned to deal with the mean girls, but I just couldn’t wait. You’ve given me so much new confidence.
They were all blocking off one of the doorways into the lecture hall the other day. Usually, I would have just waited meekly by until they decided to go on, but I was sick of waiting on others. I decided to take control.
They were whispering to themselves when I stormed up to them. They went so quiet when they saw me that it almost looked like they were scared.
I asked them to move. My voice was firm. I expected a fight, but they just silently stepped aside.
I felt like Moses.
I know it’s a small thing, but it made me feel so good; so powerful. It’s like they didn’t know what hit them. They seemed so subdued. I thought that maybe something had happened to them to make them change for the better, but I caught them cornering one of the awkward, shy girls that I’ve been making friend’s with after class.
I overheard their mean words to her. They sounded extra venomous, like they were using up all the extra anger they would usually bestow upon me. I wasn’t going to have any of that.
I marched up to them and told them off with all the fury I could manage. I made sure my fists were clenched, in case I had to fight.
You can imagine my surprise when I was met with fear. They were actually afraid of me! They all whimpered and ran off with their tails between their legs. I’ve never felt so powerful in all my life!
I was worried, for just a second, that I was becoming a monster, until my friend thanked me for helping her. I felt more like a saint after that.
I took her to lunch and we had a great time. I think we might have started a real friendship, whereas before we were more just friendly acquaintances.
I’m finally beginning to feel so full... well, not completely.
I’m still missing you. I can’t wait to see you again. I’m sure I’ll feel even better when I actually have you by my side. Everything suddenly seems so bright.
Also,
I knew that you didn’t know what had happened with Jennifer. I’m sorry that you had to go through her shit too. You didn’t deserve it. Neither of us did. I can’t believe we let that bitch keep us apart for so long.
Oh, well. Today’s a new day, and I’ve never been happier.
I can’t wait to see you again.
Be safe.
All my love,
Sophie.
13
Owen
Dear Ms. Sophie Chase,
We are returning your letter to you, as we’ve been unable to locate it’s intended recipient.
If you have any further information that may help your letter reach it’s originally intended destination, please include it and re-send you envelop.
Thank you.
14
Sophie
Dear Owen,
What’s happening, babe?
I’m worried.
I thought you had a personal friend delivering these letters? Why am I getting a message from the post office saying they can’t find you?
I’m so confused. Please be alright. I’ve attached my last letter with this one. I don’t know what extra information they want, but I’ve tried to be as specific as possible. I hope this letter finds you well. I don’t know what I’d do if I never heard from you again.
One ghosting was enough for me, Mister!
I don’t know what else to say. I’m almost too nervous to write to you again. I don’t want another one of those responses from the post office – it makes me worried when they say they can’t find you. I don’t even know where you are. You’ve finally found a home in me; you can’t lose it already.
I’ll try not to get so hysterical. I know I have to be strong. It was probably just a stupid mistake, right? I’m sure you’ll get this letter easy enough.
Anyways, I said enough in my last letter. I don’t want to distract you for too long.
I guess I could give you an update on the sorority girls, though...
You don’t have to read it if you don’t want, but it would help me to vent. I might even cross this section out before I send the letter, I don’t know.
Well, anyways,
The mean girls have been avoiding me like the plague lately... I was wondering, did you do something?
I know how silly that sounds. You’re so far away, and beset by all kinds of much more serious and dangerous problems, but I just can’t help but entertain the thought. There’s no real reason for them to be so wary of me. I’ve seen others try to stand up to them before, and they just devoured them like a pack of jackals.
What makes me so different?
I did a little research and found out that the dean of our school is a veteran from the special f
orces. Did you work with him? Did you call in a favor?
If you did, I appreciate it, I really do, but I can fight my own fights, I swear. I don’t want you risking your location by sending out letters to anyone you think can help me for my little unimportant problems.
I hope you’re not offended by my questions... I just want you to know that I can take care of myself until you’re back. I WANT you to come back... and if you don’t, I’ll forever assume it was my fault.
Don’t you dare lay that on my feet!
I’m just joking, of course, but I’m eagerly waiting for a response.
I know you’ll come back.
I’ll be here.
All my love,
Sophie.
15
Owen
Dear Ms. Sophie Chase,
We are returning your letter to you, as we’ve been unable to locate it’s intended recipient.
If you have any further information that may help your letter reach it’s originally intended destination, please include it and re-send you envelop.
Thank you.
16
Sophie
Dear Owen,
I don’t know if you’re alive or dead. I don’t know if you’ve found someone else and decided to let me off easy. I don’t know. All I know is that I’m devastated. I can’t help it.
I’d rather find out that you’re off starting a family with some other woman, somewhere out there... I don’t care. I just hope you’re happy and well.
I can’t bear to think of anything worse. You said the fighting was going well; that you might be home soon. That was so long ago now. I’m a mess again.
The mean girls are still held at bay, but school is becoming overwhelming. I can’t focus. I shift between anger and anxiety and pure, unadulterated worry. If something happened to you, I won’t ever be able to forgive myself. I’ll forever assume I had something to do with it.
Please release me of that burden, even if it’s just to tell me that you’ve found someone else. I won’t be that mad, I promise. I just need to know you’re alright.
It seems like everything was going so well...
I even finally made a real friend at school. Her name is Ali. She’s the one I rescued from the mean girls. She’s amazing, but I still feel lonelier than ever. She’s not family. I haven’t had any real family since the car crash. I know you feel the same way...
I thought maybe we could start our own. All my intense anger and hatred towards you has dissolved completely into love. I don’t even hold any resentment towards Jennifer anymore.
Well, not currently.
I will if it turns out something bad has happened to you.
If you’re gone, and it’s because you enlisted just to get away from her, then I will find her and she will face the full wrath of my fury.
If it wasn’t for her and the other mean girls, maybe we could have gotten together all those years ago and you never would have felt like you had to go off and fight.
I don’t know if that’s true, but I can’t help but think it.
I know we weren’t even great friend’s before you started dating Jennifer, but I remember the connection we had, it was something special... and I felt it again that night under the big oak tree... and then again while reading your letters.
I think we were meant to be together. I think fate has plans for us... or, at least, I thought that.
I’m not so sure anymore.
I’m just so worried.
I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I can’t enjoy life.
I need you home, now!
I don’t care how you do it. I don’t care if we have to live in poverty or if we have to run away and live on the lam. I’ll go anywhere with you. It doesn’t matter where we are, as long as we’re together we have a home in each other.
If you don’t feel the same way, just tell me. I can take it. If I’ve gained one thing from your letters, it’s a newfound appreciation for myself.
I won’t be happy, but I will be strong.
I love you, forever and always.
Sophie.
17
Owen
Dear Sophie,
Meet me under the big oak tree.
Love,
Owen.
18
Sophie
Dear Owen,
When!?
I went to the big oak tree last night. I dropped everything. I ditched my classes and my friends and I drove until I couldn’t drive anymore, and then I drove some more. You weren’t there! I waited until dawn, alone. I think I caught a chill. I might be sick. Why have you done this to me?
I’m still in town, but I’m leaving in two days, whether I’ve recovered or not. I have to get back to school. I can’t wait around for you any longer.
Tell me when to meet you. I want to see you, but I can’t play games. I can’t afford to.
When!?
Sophie.
19
Owen
Dear Sophie,
Tonight.
Love, Owen.
20
Sophie
It’s a crisp spring evening.
The sun is low in the sky. The grass is dewy and green for the first time in the new year. I sniff in the scent of flowers and sneeze.
I’m not allergic, just a little sick.
It’s still too cold to wait another long night outside. I need to shake this fever and get back to school. Exams are starting soon and I’ve missed enough classes.
Still, I can’t help but be drawn to the big oak tree that rises up like a dream on the horizon. My feet crunch against the wet grass as I make my way through the silent park.
I can barely hear the surrounding city.
I walk until I can see the base of the tree. It’s getting dark and the trunk is shaded. I can’t see anyone waiting underneath.
I realize I’m holding my breath.
I sigh and vapor rises from my mouth.
I wipe my cherry cheeks. Tears are forming in my eyes from the chill.
I’m glad I didn’t even bother to make myself up. Mascara would be running like a waterfall right now. The other night, I had put on a dress and eyeliner and lipstick. I had even put on heels when I got to the park... but all for nothing. No one had showed up. I spent the night alone, shivering in my skimpy outfit, getting sick.
I’m wearing a baggy sweatshirt and some old sweatpants now. I have my backpack on. I brought books, just in case I had to wait. I’ll just study if no one shows up. I’m going to wait the whole night, even if it kills me.
I love Owen, but if he doesn’t show up by dawn, I’ll have no choice but to give up on him and go back to school with my tail between my legs.
This is our last chance.
I nervously approach the huge tree. Its dewy leaves rustle gently in the soft breeze. Small bouts of water droplets fall in uneven little storms all around me.
The sun is half covered by the earth now. I open my phone and use it as a flashlight. I look towards the trunk.
No one’s there.
I hold my breath.
The leaves rustle and the grass crunches beneath my still feet. I just stand there, listening for a sign.
“Owen...?” I finally whisper.
I can barely hear my own voice. It’s barely louder than the breeze that surrounds me.
Suddenly, I hear the grass crunch from the other side of the tree trunk.
My eyes go wide and I stand up straight.
I don’t know whether to feel frightened or hopeful.
“Sophie?” I hear a low voice ask.
I recognize that voice. It cuts through the soft breeze like rumbling thunder. It makes my stomach flutter and my chest heave. My pulse quickens as a figure steps out from behind the other side of the trunk.
I shine my phone towards him.
It’s Owen!
“Owen!” I gasp.
I drop my phone in the grass, completely careless, and I run to him.
I jump up int
o his big, strong arms and they wrap around me with all the love in the world. His hard muscles bulge against my baggy shirt. I push into him with all my might. My breasts rub against his hard chest. I wrap my thighs around his waist and his hunky hands cradle my ass, holding me up.
I shove my face into his shoulders and sniff in his musky scent. He smells earthy and fresh. I feel his hot breath on my neck and I pull back.
“I missed you so much,” I whisper, looking into his steely blue eyes.
I can hardly believe I’m actually seeing him again. It’s almost too intense to fathom.
“I missed you too,” he whispers, in his low, guttural boom.
I shiver against his hard body and our eyes close and our lips meet.
My body is filled with all the warmth of the most pleasant summer day. My illness fades into the dew that surrounds us.
I feel Owen’s coarse facial hair rub up again my delicate cheeks.
It doesn’t take long for our tongues to wake to each other’s presence.
Our kiss is long and passionate and filled with so much longing that we could feed the world.
I would be happy to never leave his embrace, but I have questions.
“What took you so long!?” I say, after a moment of silence fills the air when I pull away from his rugged, handsome face.
He lifts one of his hands off my ass – holding me effortlessly with just one arm -- and rubs his fingers through his facial hair.
“I had to grow back my beard – they make you shave it, you know – I didn’t forget when you said wouldn’t kiss me without it!”
“I didn’t say that!” I squeal, as I give him a playful punch to the arm.
He’s so solid my soft, little hand just bounces right off.
“I’ll love you no matter what,” I whisper.
He just smirks.
“I love you too... even if you didn’t dress up for the special occasion.”
“Only because you made me wait so long!” I insist.
“Oh, well. Let’s call it even.”
