by Ahmet Zappa
“Ohhhhhh,” said Gemma. “So does this mean you’re trying out for the band?”
“Maybe,” said Libby. “I can’t make up my mind.”
“Well, I am,” said Gemma. “I just have to figure out which instrument to bring. I play so many, you know.” She walked over to her shelf and began studying her choices: guitar, starflooty, star shakers, pluckalong, clarinet.
Better to play one well than many not so well, Libby thought. She blushed, immediately embarrassed by her unkind thought. My stars. What was getting into her these days? She carefully lifted the keytar from around her neck and placed it back in the case. Maybe she wouldn’t try out. She wasn’t feeling quite right. It was entirely possible that she was coming down with something and could use some rest.
“So are you sure you want to try out with that keyfar thing?” Gemma asked Libby. “It just seems kind of weird.” She pointed to her shelf of instruments. “Maybe borrow one of mine instead?” She had a funny look on her face, as if she was a bit surprised at the words that had come out of her mouth.
“Keytar,” said Libby between gritted teeth. “It’s called a keytar,” she repeated.
“Do what you like,” Gemma said with a shrug. She stared at the jumble of instruments, considering them. Finally, she grabbed the pair of star shakers. “See you,” she said.
That was just the motivation Libby needed. She snapped the case closed and, after a brief pause to give Gemma a head start, headed to Star Quad herself.
Libby’s mood improved as soon as she stepped outside. It was a pleasant, sunny Time of Letting Go afternoon with a slight breeze, and she was looking forward to sitting in the grass near the splashing fountain and playing music with her fellow Star Darlings. Plus, she could show Gemma just how amazing and versatile a keytar could be. Her roommate had no idea that the instrument could sound like an organ, an accordion, or an electric guitar!
Libby stopped in her tracks as she approached the band shell. She had been expecting to see a couple of the Star Darlings—Leona, of course; Sage with her guitar; Vega and her bass; Gemma; maybe even Scarlet with her drum kit; and possibly one or two others. But there were literally dozens of Starling Academy students milling about in Star Quad, singing scales and toting guitars, violins, and other instruments. They couldn’t possibly all be there to try out for Leona’s band, could they? How had they even found out about it?
She spotted Orchid, a girl from her Intro to Wishful Thinking class, practicing her starflooty.
“Hey, Orchid, what’s going on?” Libby asked her.
Orchid blew a few more notes, then lowered her starflooty. “Hey, Libby,” she said in a friendly tone. “Everyone’s here to try out for the band!” She glanced down at the pink case in Libby’s hand. “Aren’t you?”
Could there be tryouts for two bands? Libby wondered. “Who’s in charge?” she asked.
“Oh, a third-year named Leona,” the girl replied. She pointed to the band shell, where Leona stood, her hands on her hips. She was surveying the crowd, looking confused. “You know, the one with the cool golden hair.”
“I know her,” said Libby. What on Starland is going on? she wondered. Leona had apparently decided to invite the whole school to try out. But why? Libby pushed her way through the crowd to the band shell.
“Hey, Leona,” she said. “What’s happening?”
Leona spun around. Her hair looked even wilder than usual. “What’s going on? I wish I knew!” Her eyes swept the crowd. “Starf! How did all these people find out about my tryouts? I didn’t want the whole school to show up! This is going to take forever!” She stopped a girl walking by with a trumpet. “How did you hear about this?” she asked her.
The girl looked at Leona like she was crazy. “Is this a joke?” she asked. “From the holo-flyer you sent out to the school, of course.” The girl lowered her voice and leaned forward conspiratorially. “So is it true that whoever joins the band gets class credit and can drop music class?” she asked. “That’s the rumor.”
Leona narrowed her eyes. “I bet you anything Scarlet had something to do with this. This sounds exactly like something she would do to annoy me.”
There was a laugh behind them. Leona and Libby spun around to find Scarlet standing there, grinning. “I wouldn’t mind taking credit for this madhouse,” she said. “But it wasn’t me. I’m here to try out!” She pointed a drumstick at her drum kit, which was sitting on the stage. “You think I want all this competition?”
Leona groaned. “I’m going to be the most hated girl in Starling Academy when I have to turn most of these girls down,” she said, fretting. Libby nodded in sympathy. It would be awful to have to hurt the feelings of so many of her fellow students. Leona had a sudden realization. “And then no one will come to see the band. That would be terrible!”
Libby pulled her Star-Zap out of her pocket and quickly checked her messages. Oddly enough, she had not received Leona’s holo-flyer. A quick poll revealed that neither had Vega, Scarlet, or any of the other Star Darlings.
Leona grabbed the arm of a girl who stood nearby, a guitar slung around her neck. “Hey, can you show me the holo-flyer?” she asked. The girl nodded, pulled her Star-Zap from her pocket, and projected the message into the air. Leona read it out loud:
CALLING ALL ROCKERS!
Have you always wanted to play in a band?
Desperately seeking vocalists, drummers, guitarists, melodeon players, bass players, keyboard players—and more!
Meet at the band shell in Star Quad after school today.
Contact Leona for more details.
“That’s so bizarre. I totally hate melodeons! I so clearly didn’t send that,” she said, shaking her head. “But who did?”
The crowd began to shift. Someone was trying to push through. “Excuse me, pardon me,” said a loud adult voice. The crowd parted as a teacher made her way to the bandstand. She was of average height with a round, pretty face, long silver hair parted in the middle, and a sweeping red dress with huge pockets. She was a fourth-year professor, and until then, Libby had only seen her from a distance.
“Leona?” she said. “Professor Leticia Langtree here. You’re just the person I’ve been looking for. Once an invitation for any type of tryout on school property goes out to the entire school, Starling Academy rules require that it must be overseen by a school official. It’s in the Student Manual,” she added seriously. “So I’m here to make sure everything goes smoothly and fairly.” She fished around in her pocket and pulled out a small silver box. “That’s why we always use the Ranker in situations like this. You may have seen it used before in public speaking class. It’s the only truly fair way to be able to pick a winner without showing favoritism.”
Leona stared at the Ranker. Things were not going the way she had planned, and Libby could see how frustrated that was making her. “When I find out who sent out that holo-flyer, I am going to go supernova on them,” she said through gritted teeth. “Not. Funny. At. All.”
Professor Leticia Langtree ignored her comment. “So if we’re all settled, I’m going to make an announcement explaining how we’re going to proceed, and then we’ll start the tryouts so we can get out of here before breakfast tomorrow,” she told Leona.
“Fine,” sputtered Leona. She looked both furious and confused. But it was perfectly clear that she really had no choice.
The teacher stepped onto the band shell stage. “Hello, I am Professor Leticia Langtree, and I will be overseeing the band tryouts today. I will be recording you with this machine, called a Ranker, for those of you not yet familiar with it. It will ensure that choosing the band is done in a fair way, showing no favoritism to any student. This machine is able to evaluate each performance and assemble the perfect group of musicians, the group that will sound the best together. The Ranker is unbiased and incorruptible. Please remember that I will have nothing at all to do with the choosing. It is entirely up to the Ranker.” She held up the machine and moved it back and forth, sca
nning the crowd. She looked down at the machine and smiled. “The Ranker now has everyone’s names and years in its database and is randomly shuffling them. I will call you to the stage to try out in the order the Ranker determines. You will each have two starmins to perform. The Ranker will indicate when your time is up. You must stop performing immediately.”
Leona’s shoulders sagged. Though she had accepted the unexpected turn of events, that didn’t mean she was happy about it. She turned to Libby with a sigh. “This was just supposed to be a Star Darlings band!” she said. “A way for us to have fun and spend time together. I don’t want to be the lead singer of a band where I don’t know anyone!” She thought for a moment. “I guess this is the best thing to do now that everything got so messed up.” She shook her head. “But who could have sent out that flyer? And why?”
The teacher stepped down from the stage and settled herself on a bench, the Ranker set up beside her. Leona, Libby, and Sage sat on a nearby bench to watch.
“Vivica!” she called. A girl with pale blue bangs walked onstage.
Sage groaned. “Vivica is the meanest girl in school,” she whispered to Libby. Libby recognized the girl from her Astral Accounting class. Libby always thought that the permanently sour expression on Vivica’s face made her look as if she had just bitten into a bitterball fruit.
Libby watched her with interest. She had no instrument. Then Vivica opened her mouth and started to sing.
Leona immediately sprang to her feet. “Hold it right there,” she said, cutting her off.
The girl stopped singing, the look on her face more disagreeable than ever.
“Sorry,” said Leona, her voice dripping with fake sympathy. “We already have a lead singer. There won’t be any singing tryouts today.”
The girl stared venomously at Leona. “Oh, yeah?” she said, placing her hands on her hips. “Then why does it say vocalists on the holo-flyer?” she insisted.
Leona laughed and shook her head. “I didn’t send out that holo-flyer!” she answered, drawing out the words as if Vivica was a small child. “We don’t need a lead singer. End of story.”
This served to enrage the girl with the pale blue bangs further. “Well, I’m not leaving until I get a chance to try out!” she screeched.
“Next!” Leona shouted, her face red. The two girls stared angrily at each other, at an impasse.
Meanwhile, Professor Leticia Langtree was busily searching through the Student Manual. She flipped through pages in the air. Finally, she found what she was looking for and stood up. “Leona, it says right here in the Student Manual,” she said, stabbing the air for emphasis, “that if the tryouts are held on school grounds, every student has the right to audition for every position. That means that every position is up for grabs. The Ranker will decide who will be the lead singer of this band. You simply can’t choose yourself.”
Leona looked stunned. “Wait a starsec. Are you telling me I have to try out for my own band?” she asked incredulously
The teacher shrugged. “I am,” she said. She smiled at Leona. “Good luck!”
Leona’s mouth opened and closed, but no sound came out. It looked as though when she regained her power of speech, there was a very good chance she could say something she might regret. Libby grabbed Leona’s hand and pulled her down to sit on the bench. “Don’t worry,” Libby told her. “You’ll win this one fair and square.” She only hoped she was right.
Vivica smirked at Leona, then began to sing. Libby was grudgingly impressed. The girl’s voice was clear and strong. Leona tried to be nonchalant, but Libby noticed that she sat on her hands, quite possibly so she wouldn’t start biting her nails from sheer nervousness.
After two starmins, the Ranker let out a loud beep, signaling that her time was up. The tryouts began in earnest: another singer (not as good, and she forgot some words), and a guitar player and a drummer, neither of which was particularly outstanding.
“Leona!” called the teacher.
Libby glanced at Leona, certain she would be too worked up to perform. But she had underestimated Leona’s showmanship. The girl stood, smoothed her golden skirt, and made her way to the stage. She really had a great voice, though Libby recognized that her range was limited. She more than made up for that with sheer enthusiasm. The crowd began to clap along, which Leona clearly loved. She had such presence on the stage that it was almost impossible to look away. When she was done, a couple of girls in the audience gave loud whistles of approval. Libby noted with a chuckle that Leona was the only performer who took a bow—a deep one—when she was finished.
Leona walked back to the bench, a grin on her face. “And that’s how it’s done,” she said cockily, still keyed up from her brief performance. She looked around. “Well, I guess I’ll just go,” she said. “Clearly I’m not needed at my own tryouts.”
“Arista!” Professor Leticia Langtree called out. A girl staggered onto the stage, carrying a huge tuba. She could barely stand upright.
“Oh,” said Leona, clearly intrigued. “Well, maybe just one more…” She plopped down next to Libby on the bench. And there she sat for the rest of the afternoon.
As their names were called, one by one, each girl got up on the band shell stage and played her instrument or sang. Some were full of confidence but not quite so full of talent. Some were shy but good. And a couple were pretty bad, truth be told. Finally, it was Libby’s turn. She slung her keytar over her shoulder and walked to the middle of the stage. She had been intending to play a current popular song when she had a sudden flash of inspiration. She laughed out loud at her idea. Flipping the keytar switch to make her instrument sound like an old-timey organ, she began to play a simple but snappy jingle that had played on holo-billboards everywhere when she was a kid.
If you like to smile
And really hate to frown,
Then get yourself a Sparklebrush.
It’s the best toothlight in town! she sang, then launched into the chorus.
Oh, Sparklebrush! Sparklebrush!
How I love you so.
You leave my teeth so clean and white
With that special sparkle glow!
Libby grinned as everyone instantly laughed with recognition and started singing along. The audience cheered as Libby left the stage.
Leona stood up and punched her in the arm excitedly. “Hey, that was pretty cool,” she said. “A blast from the past!”
“Scarlet!” called the teacher. Scarlet made her way to the band shell and pushed her drum kit to the middle of the stage. She sat down, twirled her drumsticks in the air, and started playing. Even Leona had to admit—begrudgingly—that the Starling had talent. A lot of it, actually.
Then there were some novelty acts. A first-year held up a triangle and hit it—Ding! Ding-ding-ding! Ding!—over and over again until her two starmins was up. A third-year stepped onto the band shell stage, supporting a huge silver instrument that snaked around her body and had three large horns sprouting from it. “Is that a…google-horn?” Leona asked Libby incredulously.
“I do believe it is!” said Libby.
The girl began to play the instrument proudly. Its deep bass blare was actually pretty impressive, but Libby was doubtful that there was any way to incorporate that sound into a cohesive rock band.
Another girl was the proud owner of an ancient timpanpipe, which some of the girls had never even heard of before. The last person Libby had heard expressing admiration for the instrument was her dear departed great-grandmother. Its scratchy-whistly sound made everyone realize why the instrument had fallen out of favor. It was haunting. And not in a good way.
Then a couple of Star Darlings tried out in a row. Sage played the guitar very well. Vega played the bass, and she was quite good, too. Gemma got up and shook her star shakers enthusiastically. Libby caught Leona wincing, though she tried to pass it off as having something in her eye. Libby wasn’t fooled.
“Well, that’s it!” said Professor Leticia Langtree. She stood
, turned off the Ranker, and slipped it into her voluminous pocket. “So I’ll take this back and determine the results. I’ll post them on the holo-announcement board by Halo Hall as soon as I can.”
Leona slumped on the bench. “I’m exhausted,” she said. She pointed to the Celestial Café, where a large star above the door flashed, indicating that it was dinnertime. “Let’s go eat.”
“Okay,” said Libby. She and Leona walked over to the moving sidewalk. They stepped on and stood in silence for a moment.
“I’m still wondering who sent that holo-flyer out with my name on it,” mused Leona. “I’m not fully convinced it wasn’t Scarlet.”
“It wasn’t me, I told you,” someone behind them said wearily.
Leona jumped. “Why are you always lurking behind me?” she complained. “It’s kind of creepy, you know.”
Gemma ran up to join them. “That was so much fun! I hope I make it,” she said, rattling her star shakers for emphasis. “It would be so awesome to be in a band.” She spotted Tessa on the moving sidewalk ahead and waved wildly. “Tessa, wait up!” she called as she took off after her.
Leona leaned over and whispered in Libby’s ear. “I obviously have no idea who’s going to make it or not,” she said. “Or even if I will. But I think it’s pretty clear that Gemma is out of the running. There were so many better musicians.” She looked at Libby and shrugged. “Sorry for the bad news.”
“Good,” Libby heard herself say.
Leona’s mouth fell open. “Good?” she repeated. “You’re happy about that? I don’t get it. I thought you guys were great friends.”
Libby bit her lip. “I—I don’t get it, either,” she said. “I’ll see you later.” She stepped off the sidewalk and headed toward her dormitory on foot. She had lost her appetite. Why in the world was she pleased that her roommate most likely hadn’t made the cut? What on Starland was wrong with her?
Once in her peaceful room, Libby tried to distract herself, but she wasn’t having an easy time of it. She refolded all of her already neatly folded clothing, then pulled holo-book after holo-book off her shelves, but nothing kept her interest. She just couldn’t stop thinking about her ungracious reaction to Leona’s news. She was about to call her best friend from home for a pep talk when her Star-Zap beeped. She rolled over and picked it up. The familiar message made her heartbeat quicken.
