Gunner did seem a little distracted. He loved looking at beautiful women, admired them from a distance. He did like the color red. His Road King was cherry red. Maybe the red-haired exotic dancer got to him?
I left Gunner and Wez to their game and pulled Skully over to the bar. The Coven surrounded him to share a shot of tequila to celebrate. Then the Coven passed him around the giggling circle, planting heavy caked on red lipstick kisses on his face. By the time he got to me, he wobbled a bit but was grinning from ear to ear. Lipstick stains covered both cheeks, chin, and even a few on his forehead.
Later on after midnight, Skully couldn’t walk straight; he was stumbling around. He looked like a toddler learning to take his first steps. I led him into his room and he landed on his bed. He was out cold the moment his head hit the pillow. I took his boots off and lifted his legs onto the bed. I stripped off all my clothes, pulled on one of his t-shirts and climbed into bed next to him.
26 Tanya
I walked on clouds the next few weeks after Skully’s patch in party. I was so proud of him. He was loyal. He was faithful. Even Magnet warmed up to him a little more, to the point they tinkered with Magnet’s bike together at the clubhouse one day, talking motorcycle lingo like most bikers do. Skully stayed the night at my apartment more often too. We took lunch breaks together. Sometimes he’d pick me up at the salon on his bike and we’d ride somewhere for a bite to eat, or I would drive over to the bike shop and bring lunch to him.
It was early afternoon when I parked at the shop, bringing Italian subs to share with him. Torque was behind the sales counter talking down to someone. I couldn’t see them behind the counter, and thought he was mumbling to himself. I reached the counter and placed the bag of subs on it. “Hey Torque. I brought lunch for Skully. Is he in the garage?” I tip toed and leaned over the counter to see who he was talking to.
It was a little boy. He was talking to Torque but stopped and looked at me. His dark hair looked like it was just freshly combed. He wore a black t-shirt with a little skull in the center, blue jeans and black chucks. Both his chubby hands grasped two little toy motorcycles, a green one, and a red one. He smiled up at me. I smiled back and tilted my head. His eyes. They looked familiar. “Hey buddy! How are you? You like motorcycles?” He nodded, still smiling. “Well you came to the right place!” I kept my smile but turned to look at Torque. “Who’s your little friend Torque?”
Torque tore his eyes away from the boy and looked at me. Like a deer caught in headlights. At least he was smiling. “Hi Tanya. This is Jacob. Or Jake.”
“I like to be called Jake better.” The boy interrupted.
“Well my name is Tanya. Please to meet you Jake.” I leaned across the counter and reached out to shake his little hand. He shook mine, pumping his hand up and down a few times.
I lifted myself off the counter and back on my feet. “Where’s his parents?” He shrugged his shoulders. “I guess that’s his mother. She asked for Skully“
Just then, A woman pushed through the door to the garage. She had blond hair, slim and tall, wearing tight jeans, and sporting some very high cleavage from a tank top that fitted her a little too tight. Her brows were knitted together. She looked angry. Her eyes met mine for a brief second.
Skully came through the same door, right behind her. “Wait Brittany!” She whipped around to look at him. “At least give me some god damn info! Phone numbers, address? Things like that?” She grabbed the notepad and pen he was holding and scribbled something.
She pressed the pen and pad on his chest. “Info’s all there. It’s your turn, Owen. I need a fuckin break. Good luck.” Brittany headed to the front door with a brisk walk.
“Mom?” Jake came from around the counter, running to catch up to her. She turned around and kneeled down to look directly at him. “Stay with Skully today, sweetie. He’ll take you over to grandma’s later today ok?”
“Where are you going Mom? I don’t know him.” He turned his head to look at the three of us.
“He’s one of the good guys Jake. Your safe with him. Stay with him. But don’t go anywhere with other grown-ups though, ok?”
“Ok Mom.”
Jake wrapped his little arms around Brittany’s neck and she squeezed him back. Then she walked out the front door and was gone. He turned around, still holding the little motorcycles in his hands. His head tilted. He looked confused.
“Hey Jake, you wanna go back with me and Tanya to the garage and look at the bike I’m working on?” He walked back towards us. “OK! That would be really coo-wall!”
He reached up and took Skully’s hand, the one with the skull tat. “Come with us?”
“Sure.” My smile was gone though. I followed Skully and Jake back through the door to the first garage. A blue Harley was on a bike lift. The scent of oil and exhaust hit my nose in the closed in space.
Skully picked Jake up and planted him on a bar stool. “So, how do you like it?” Jake’s eyes were wide with wonder, looking around at tools hanging on the wall, and the bike on the lift.
He turned back to Skully. “Are you my Dad?”
Skully titled his head slightly, his eyes focused only on Jake, “Yes Jake. I’m your Dad. Is that ok with you?”
Jake’s face lit up with a wide grin. “Yeah! It’s ok with me.”
I felt a lump land in the pit of my stomach. Skully turned to me, as I just stood there, frozen. “I’m his father, Tanya.”
I didn’t know what to say or how to respond. I handed him the bag of subs. “I brought you some lunch. I’m running late. Have to get back to the salon. You share these with Jake, ok?”
He took the bag from me. “Please don’t go. Stay and share lunch with us. You bought enough for the three of us.” The three of us.
“No, I really got to get back to work. ” I smiled at Jake. He was driving his two toy motorcycles in the air in front of him. “Nice meeting you Jake. Enjoy lunch with Skully, ok?” The motorcycles froze in mid-flight. “Nice meeting you Miss Tanya. Thanks!”
I cupped Skully’s warm cheek and caressed the roughness of his stubbled beard. “Have lunch with Jake. Spend some time with him. I’ll catch up with you later this week.” I planted a quick kiss on his lips, fully aware that Jake was watching us. I had no idea how old he was. Maybe he was three or four?
I walked quickly back to my car. I couldn’t blink as I drove away. Owen had a son. He was a father. A warm sensation rose in my chest. Tears sprung from my eyes, messing up my mascara. I made sure to wipe the black streaks away and blew my nose before going back into the salon to work my next appointment.
“Got the DNA results back today. Ninety-nine percent. Jake is my son.” Owen’s deep voice came through my phone.
It took two weeks for the DNA results, swiping the inside of Jake’s mouth with a big q-tip and doing the same to Owen, he sent them in an envelope to a local DNA lab. Jake looked identical to Owen, just a miniature version. Owen didn’t have any pictures of himself when he was a child, but I had no doubt that he looked just like Jake did now.
“I met Jake’s grandmother, Brittany’s mother? Her name is Kathy. She’s a nice woman. She only wants what’s best for Jake. I met her the other day and we talked. She came to pick Jake up from the shop later that day. He’s four. Kathy has him in daycare during the afternoon while she’s at work. Brittany can’t hold a job, and when she does have one, its barely minimum wage. Kathy pretty much raises Jake. Now that it’s legit, I want to help and give her money to support Jake. I’ll go through the child support system to get all that worked out. “
“There is just so much for you to take on now, Owen.”
“I know, Tanya. I’m fucking happy, thrilled and terrified, all at the same time. I have no idea how to be a father. Kathy wants me to help her out. I can spend some time with him during the week. He’ll be starting kindergarten this fall.”
“Who is Brittany to you? Were you in a long relationship with her?” I needed to know.
“She
was a sweet-butt. Hung around the Hell Hounds. We were together only a few times. That’s why I needed to get the DNA test. I needed to make sure Jake was really my son.”
Silence. “You still there, Tanya?”
“Not sure what we do from here Owen. You have a son. You need to put him first now. “
“I will, Tanya. And I need your help. Jake likes you. So do I. I’m going to pick him up tomorrow after work and take him out for a bite to eat. I want you to come with me and meet Kathy.“
“Give me some time, Owen. Maybe we need a break. I need some time to digest all this- “
“Digest it with me and Jake. I’m scared shitless, Tanya.” His voice cracked.
My heart sank. “I have to go, Owen.”
“Wait, Tanya – “
I hung up on him.
I sat in a chair across from Dr. Platt in her office. She leaned in, her folded arms on her desk, “You don’t have to give birth to be a good mother...”
My throat hurt. It was dry and I almost chocked. Another wave of sharp pain hit me. Menstrual cramp. I had miscarried two months before. Matthew had become distant. He felt so far away. I withdrew from him too. When he looked at me, his eyes told me how he felt. It was my fault. What Dr. Platt was saying just didn’t sink in.
“It’s not your fault Tanya!”
“So who do I blame? If not myself?”
“No one, Tanya. You can’t do that to yourself.”
“That’s all I got, Dr. Platt. Guilt. And I deserve it.” I rose from the office chair and walked out of her office.
27 Skully
I hadn’t seen Tanya or heard her voice for a few weeks since she hung up on me. I felt alone again. I was grateful for Jake though. I had visited him a few times and talked with Kathy. I gave her money to help with anything Jake needed. Brittany would stop by at Kathy’s house every so often, but it became less and less frequent. I passed her once as I came to visit. I didn’t remember much about her. It was during the days I smoked too much weed on a regular basis. She’d never really been around to take care of Jake. Kathy did everything and anything she could for him. And she seemed grateful that I had stepped in to help. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. I didn’t know who my parents were, and I wanted Jake to know who his father was.
I told my Chaos brothers about Jake and they actually congratulated me with hard slaps on the back. I asked them and the women in the coven anything and everything about kids; What do they play with these days? How do you keep a four-year-old boy entertained? I didn’t know a damn thing. But even though I was aching inside, missing Tanya, I had Chaos. And Jake.
Kathy was nice enough to let me borrow her car, so I took Jake out for a sandwich at a local deli, then to Mountain Lake County Park. The same park I rode Tanya to after leaving the Crow Bar. We took a walk on the path around the small lake. Late summer air and humidity got us both breaking a sweat during the short hike. Jake wore khaki shorts and his favorite chucks. He was the spitting image of me. He had my hair color and eyes. I wore a ribbed tank and my jeans clung to me. My bike boots felt heavy as I walked alongside him. Sweat dripped from my scalp down my cheek, to my chin.
“I told all my buddies and Amanda that you ride a motorcycle, Dad. They all think it’s cool!” Jake walked alongside me, his hands in his pockets.
“Who’s Amanda?”
“She’s a friend. My buddies tell me that I shouldn’t have girls as friends cuz they don’t like the same things that us boys like. And that they smell funny.”
I chuckled at that. “Well, yeah. Girls do smell. But not funny, Jake. Someday, you and your buddies won’t think they smell funny. And I think it’s cool you have Amanda as a friend. Friends are hard to find.”
“Do you have friends, Dad?”
“I sure do. I have some very good friends. They are like my family.”
He was looking out at the lake and turned his attention back to me. He leaned his head back to look up at me. “What are their names?”
“Well. There’s Wez, Ratchet, Gunner, Magnet, Rocky, Spider. And girls too. There’s Sam, Madge, Honey, Kat and Tanya…” God I missed her.
“I like Tanya. I think she’s pretty too.” He started to blush.
“Yeah. I like her too, Jake. And we are all part of a club. Do you know what a club is?’
His brows crinkled together in thought as he looked down at his chucks. “No. What’s a club?”
“A club is like a family. Your closest friends and buddies. And even girls too. You take care of them and they take care of you.”
“Like how you, Gramma and mom take care of me?”
“Yeah buddy, like that.”
“Will I get to meet them someday?”
“How about today? You want to go meet my club?” I couldn’t ride him on the bike to the clubhouse, but since I borrowed Kathy’s car that day, it was a good idea to introduce him to the club.
Magnet and Wez stood around Shrek’s bike. I just recently installed a new set of ape hanger bars and a new set of clutch and brake cables on Shrek’s Harley Fatboy the week before.
“Wow. That’s a really cool looking bike, Dad!” Jake admired it too.
“I put those high handle bars on that bike. That guy right there with the cigar in his mouth? That’s his bike. We call him Shrek.”
“Like Shrek from the movie ‘Shrek’?”
“Yep just like the movie. Doesn’t he look like him a little?”
“Yeah, he does!” Jake giggled, his eyes wide as he gazed in wonder at Shrek’s Fatboy.
My brothers turned to watch me park a car they didn’t recognize. Jake was buckled up in the front seat, but they couldn’t see who I was talking to. We unbuckled our seat belts and got out. I walked Jake over to introduce him to Chaos.
“Jake, meet Shrek, Magnet and Wez.”
He already had his little hand out and shook theirs, replying with just. “Hi.”
Wez bent down shook Jake’s hand last. “Hey Jake. You look just like your Dad, man.” He didn’t reply. He just kept staring at Shrek’s bike. “Cool bike huh?”
“Yeah.”
“Come over and check it out. Your Dad put those bad-ass handlebars on it.” I couldn’t shield Jake from the cuss words, and there was a lot of that when you’re around Chaos.
“He said bad-ass, Dad.”
“Yeah. Well only grown-ups can say that. It wouldn’t be good if you said that around your grandma or your day care buddies. Got it?
“Got it, Dad.”
“Sorry about that man.” Magnet mumbled. “But hey, ok if Jake checks out Shrek’s ride?”
Jake’s head whipped around to look up at me, his eyes big and round. “Can I Dad?”
“Sure buddy.”
Magnet picked Jake up and planted his butt Shrek’s seat. His mouth formed the word, “Wow”.
I walked a few steps away with Wez. I lit a smoke, watching Jake grinning from ear to ear and nodding his head to the conversation he had with Shrek and Magnet.
“I’m a lucky mother fucker, Wez.” I mumbled low so that Jake couldn’t hear me curse.
“Yeah, brother. You are. He seems like a good kid.”
“I told him I had a club. A family. Thought this was a good time to bring him by and meet some of you. Glad I did.”
“Bring Jake on by anytime man. You know it’s pretty much rated PG around here during the day. It’d be way past his bed-time when all hell breaks loose here anyway.” We both chuckled. “So how are you and my pretty girl doin?”
I exhaled a drag. “Not sure. This whole Dad thing might have scared her a little. I don’t know.”
“Just give her some time. Let it all sink in. She had a hard break with that pretty boy, Matthew. I don’t know much about it, but Magnet does. It’s scary to fall hard again. Giving all of yourself to someone. To be vulnerable again.”
I dropped my half-smoked cig on the asphalt and crushed it with my boot heel. Despite his looks, Wez could get pretty deep sometimes. “Yeah.
Thanks, Wez.” It felt so new, but it felt good to talk to a friend. A brother. I was getting used to it.
Later that week, I sent pics to Tanya of Jake sitting on Shrek’s bike. She texted back that she liked them, but other than that, nothing from her. I took what Wez said as good advice and gave her time. I was crazy scared. I was doing the best I could every day for Jake. But I didn’t feel as alone anymore. I had a son, and my club. Having Tanya back in my life would make me complete. A man, a lover, a brother, a father.
The sound of rumbling pipes came through the bay door of the garage. It was mid-afternoon, and I was finished installing a new light bulb on the back fender of a sporty. I turned to the sound see Hammer and Muddy on their bikes, revving their throttles. And chuckling at me.
Hammer let off his throttle. “Hey Gimp! You really think wearing Chaos colors is gonna protect you from getting another ass beatin?”
I stalked toward them. “You want another shot at me? I’m right here. Let’s do this. Just you and me – “
They twisted their throttles and took off. A huge hand, decked out with huge silver rings landed on my shoulder. “They come back, and I’ll introduce them to my Smith and Wesson.” Torque.
“They won’t come back. At least not today.” I looked down at my clenched fists. I raked one through my hair, grabbed the pack of smokes from my back pocket and lit one.
28 Tanya
I smiled, looking at the pics of Jake on Shrek’s bike. His eyes were round with excitement, giving two thumbs up to Skully as he snapped the photos from his phone. Magnet, Wez and Shrek stood around Jake and the bike, smiles on their faces too. I had felt only sadness and loneliness lately. I missed Owen. I missed looking at him, touching him. Hearing his voice.
I felt undeserving. I shouldn’t be around children. I aborted one, and I miscarried one. It wasn’t fair to wedge myself between Owen and Jake. They needed each other. They didn’t need me.
Deep in Chaos (CKMC Book 2) Page 9
