Honor waited until he’d fastened several buttons to look at him again. “Thank you.”
Shrugging his shoulders, Cain shoved a hand through his too long hair. Since he’d come home, he hadn’t bothered cutting it. He knew it must look shaggy and unkempt, and he felt a brief moment of embarrassment. The man he used to be had taken pride in his appearance.
Of course, that man no longer existed.
Those thoughts weren’t what he wanted to dwell on, though. Pursing his lips, he muttered, “Honor, I don’t know what Abel could have said to you that got you out here, but I’m fine. You’ve done your Christian duty and checked on me. You can go.”
“What do you think he said to me?” Honor asked, wrapping her arms around herself as she faced him, ignoring his curt dismissal.
“Am I my brother’s keeper?” Cain retorted irritably, stomping to the small cooler he’d brought outside with him and extracting another beer. The logical part of his brain knew he didn’t need it, but he’d been doing a damn good job at ignoring all things rational lately. Why stop now?
“Cute, Cain.” Honor raised a brow as he began to pace anxiously in front of her, gripping the longneck he held tightly between his thumb and forefinger. “Biblical quotes won’t curry favor with me when they’re sarcastically used. I have it on good authority that God doesn’t like smartasses.”
“Sorry,” he mumbled around the lip of the bottle, quickly swallowing a pull of the bitter ale.
“Cain and I would like to speak alone, Sherriff,” Honor remarked, keeping her eyes trained on her sister’s former fiancé. “Please give us some privacy.”
Zeke offered Cain a long, assessing look before he moved slowly toward the other man. “You heard the lady, Doctor. Can I trust you not to be any more of an ass than you already have been?”
Shooting the Sheriff an irritated look, he clenched his jaw. “I’m not a doctor anymore, Zeke.” Why the hell couldn’t these two leave him alone with his misery? If he got drunk enough, he didn’t have to remember all the things he’d seen in the past year and a half. He could briefly forget how much he’d hurt the people he loved the most.
“Yeah, so I hear. Listen, I’m going to go in the house and say hello to your father. Do anything stupid out here, Cain and I have no problem hauling your ass in to jail. Public intoxication is still a crime out here in the sticks,” the Sheriff threatened gravely.
“Private property, Sheriff,” Cain retorted, gesturing around the spread. “I’m having a drink on my own land.”
“Technically, the land is still in your father’s name. You’re a guest,” Zeke corrected resolutely. “I’m pretty sure that I could get Seth to see things my way, too. He doesn’t like what you’re doing to yourself any more than Abel does. A few nights drying out in a jail cell might be just what you need, if you ask me” he added meaningfully.
“Nobody did,” Cain returned lightly, lifting his beer to his lips again and pointedly taking a drink.
“Keep a civil tongue in your head, Cain. I mean it,” the Sheriff warned, his eyes conveying the fact that if he insulted Honor in any way, a jail cell would be a great alternative to the coffin he’d put Cain’s body inside.
“Cain and I will be fine,” Honor interrupted before one man could take a swing at the other. Usually, she wouldn’t be concerned. Cain had never been particularly combative, but then, the man she’d known hadn’t ever drunk like a fish either. As for Zeke, she could see his temper was fraying. She needed to intercede quickly. “Go talk to Seth and leave us to chat. Please?” she murmured, lightly touching Zeke’s arm.
Nodding stiffly, Zeke took a step back. “All you need to do is sing out if you need me,” he told Honor gently. “I’ll be close,” he added as much for her ears as for Cain’s.
Cain’s Salvation - Chapter Six
Waiting until he heard the screen door on the porch clatter shut as Zeke walked into the house, Cain turned to look at Honor. Gesturing toward the wooden swing that his father had built for his mom decades ago, he asked, “Won’t you have a seat?”
“So, you have remembered how to use your manners. I’m impressed,” Honor murmured as she moved toward the seat. “Not all civility has been lost.”
“Not quite, but pretty close,” he muttered, his jaw flexing as he watched the petite woman settle on one side of the swing. Staring into the forest that marked the edge of one side the Turner property, he swallowed hard. “How is she, Honor?” he asked starkly, staring at the trees without really seeing them. He had to ask… to know. Ever since Abel had told him about the bar fight last night, he’d been worried about Faith.
Hell, he’d even driven out to the McKinnon place before dawn this morning. He’d known he wouldn’t see her. No, he didn’t have the courage it would take to face her. He’d just needed to be close to her for a little while. So, he’d sat there in his truck for over an hour, staring at Faith’s darkened window, wondering if she was alright. If she missed him as much as he missed her.
“Cain…”
“I need to know, Honor,” he growled, spinning on his heel to face her, his heel sharply digging into the topsoil. “Is she alright?”
“Pour out the rest of that beer, and we’ll talk,” Honor urged, nodding to the longneck in his hand. “It’s barely eleven, Cain. No one needs to be drinking this early in the day.”
Glancing at the bottle, Cain shook his head.
“I can’t stand the stench. It’s one of the only things I remember from that night,” Honor declared in a voice haunted by the past. She folded her hands tightly in her lap and looked pained. “Any time I catch a whiff of it on a man, it brings back memories I’d rather not have. I’d especially don’t want to associate those memories with you. Please get rid of it.”
Exhaling shakily at her taut admission, Cain’s shoulders slumped. Walking wordlessly to the tree line, he tipped the bottle and let the gold liquid flow to the ground before tossing the bottle down. Jesus, he was an asshole. He should have remembered that detail about Honor. The man he used to be would have remembered. Returning to where she sat on the swing, he apologized. “I’m sorry, Honor. I wasn’t thinking. Working at the bar must be hell on you.”
“I very rarely go into that area of the café. Patience and Faith primarily run the bar. Don’t worry about me,” she replied with a kind smile. “Sit down, Cain,” she ordered softly, inclining her head toward the empty place beside her. “I won’t bite.”
Cain sat...mostly because very few people denied Honor anything. Hell, the only person he could remember standing his ground against her was Zeke. Honor had told the Sheriff to go away and leave her alone repeatedly over the years, but that man just ignored her and kept coming back for more. Cain admired the other man’s stamina. Leaning back against the swing, Cain sighed. “Please tell me how she is, Honor,” he repeated. Fuck, he was close to begging here, but he didn’t give a damn. This was about Faith, and he needed to know before he lost his mind.
“If you’re talking about the bar brawl last night, Faith is fine. She ended up with three stitches in her forehead, but otherwise, she’ll be okay.”
Stitches? His gut clenched. How the fuck bad had things been if Faith needed stitches? “Did the attending do a CT scan? X-rays?” he asked, automatically shifting into doctor mode. “She could have a concussion, Honor. How’s her vision? It wasn’t blurred, was it?” he asked urgently, his shoulders stiffening as his body reacted to the thought of Faith in danger. “She didn’t see that quack, Meadows, did she? I wouldn’t trust that man with my damn dog!” he spat. “You need to get her into see Dr. Fell in town. He’s a decent guy, and if there’s any lingering pain today…”
Watching Cain react out of the corner of her eye, Honor felt relief swamp her. There might be hope for him and Faith yet, she thought privately. A man that no longer cared for a woman didn’t look ready to spit nails at the thought of her having a concussion. Covering the fist he rested against his knee with her hand, Honor squeezed gently. “Fai
th saw Doc Hibbs, who you know has been a very competent physician since God was a boy. She had no signs of concussion, and she’s going to be physically fine, Cain. Take a breath.”
Cain inhaled deeply as he let Honor’s calm words soothe him. If the youngest McKinnon had any doubt that Faith was anything but healthy and whole, she wouldn’t be here with him now, he reminded himself. Hanging his head, he closed his eyes. God, what a mess he’d made of everything. Not only had he wrecked his own life, but Faith was suffering, too. If he’d been there for her, none of this would have happened. He would have stopped the brawl before it ever happened because no man would ever touch her if he was there to protect her. When all was said and done, he was as responsible for what happened to Faith last night as the men that had done her harm.
“Who hurt her?” he asked harshly. “Which bastard laid his hands on her? I already asked Abel, but the bastard wouldn’t tell me. I couldn’t beat it out of him either. Eventually, though, I’m going to find out. Do me a favor and save me some time. Give me a name, Honor, and I’ll make sure he never puts his hands on her again.”
“Are you nuts?” Honor snorted, eyeing him like he’d grown horns. Did he really think that she was going to hand over that information to him in the mood he was currently?
“A little bit,” Cain admitted, staring down at the younger woman’s slim hand covering his. “Please tell me exactly what happened. Abel was deliberately vague on the details, and I’ve spent the night imagining the worst.”
“The men that got into a fight last night at the bar are already in custody, Cain,” Honor explained slowly. “Zeke’s deputies arrested them both last night. To clarify, neither of those men hit Faith. One of them got a little too friendly with his roving hand. She rebuffed him, and the other party took offence to the first party’s friendliness. Chaos, as you can imagine, ensued. Faith tripped over one of the men’s feet and fell during the scuffle. She hit her head against the table. That’s how she was injured.”
“One of those bastards put his hands on my Faith?” Cain growled dangerously. He was ready to kill somebody with his bare hands. The thought of someone…anyone… putting his hands on Faith without her permission was enough to send him into a killing frenzy. His woman was tiny. If she’d caught a man’s fist during that brawl, she could have been seriously hurt.
“That’s an interesting choice of words,” Honor noted mildly, turning her head to watch Cain’s clenched face. “Your Faith, hmmm? Cain, I do believe that you are still very much in love with my sister. Your own words just outted you, my friend. What I want to know now is what you intend to do about it.”
Cain’s Salvation - Chapter Seven
“Nothing, Honor. I’m going to do absolutely nothing about it,” Cain replied quietly, staring off into space. “That’s the best thing I could do for her. Believe me, I’m doing her a favor by staying out of her way.”
“That’s crap. At the very least, you owe her an apology, Cain,” Honor replied, tucking her hair behind her ear as a cool breeze blew over them. “You wrecked her.”
“No more than I wrecked myself,” he returned softly, lifting a hand to rub the faint scars that ran along his jaw.
“Does it still hurt?” Honor asked, watching his movement. “The scars, I mean? I can clearly see that losing Faith is killing you,” she added quickly when he flinched. “They look like they’ve healed well,” she murmured, eyeing the puckered skin.
“No, they’re fine,” he answered huskily, hanging his head. “I can’t be the man that Faith deserves, Honor. I’m not who I was when I left for Afghanistan,” he confided painfully. “I’m just a shadow, honey. A man that doesn’t have a soul left to lose. She needs to get on with her life without me there fucking things up for her.”
Silent for a minute, Honor finally shook her head and licked her lips. “I don’t know what you’ve been through, Cain. I’ve never been to war. I haven’t seen the things you have or done the things that you had to do. The only thing I know is that a person doesn’t get to quit on life. You can’t stay out here and will yourself to die. I can understand the desire. I truly do. I’ve felt it myself, but, you’ve got to keep going. You’ve taken time to lick your wounds, but now you’ve got to get on with things.”
“How?” he questioned faintly. “How can you say that?”
“What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, Cain.” Hearing his snort, she smiled. “I know, I know” she drawled. “I hated that statement when I heard it, too, after I was raped. I remember being so angry at y’all after you and Abel and Zeke pulled me out of that hole in the ground. I’d made my peace with God already; I was just waiting for Him to take me home. Then, I opened my eyes and you were there. I remember thinking that if you damn men had just taken a few minutes longer to show up, I’d have been released from my suffering. Is that how you felt after you survived the ambush?”
Nodding, Cain swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. “I was pinned in the Humvee. We’d wrecked during the attack. One of the opposing forces threw the IED and the back of the truck blew. There was fire everywhere. The driver had been killed instantly and I could see the men falling outside one by one.”
“What did you think about while you were waiting to die?”
“Faith,” he replied simply, blinking back tears. “I thought about Faith. I’d already sent that damn letter off to her. It was a stupid, impulsive thing to do, I know. I’d been having a rough time of it in theatre,” he explained hoarsely. “Patients were dying one after another and I just lost my faith. Afghanistan chips away at a man’s soul, Honor. War makes a man forget who he is. I could feel the man Faith fell in love with just eroding away. So, I decided to release her. I wrote that letter and mailed it before I could talk myself out of it.”
“Do you think sending that letter was a mistake now?” Honor questioned carefully.
Running a hand over his face, Cain shrugged. “I don’t know. When my vehicle blew, the only thing I could think of was Faith. Her face. Her smile. Her laugh. I hated thinking that I was going to leave this world with her hating me. I deserve her hatred. Hell, I’ve earned it. God knows, I have, but…”
“You’ve never stopped loving her.”
“Never,” Cain admitted huskily, unwilling to lie about something so important. “Not even for a second. I don’t think I ever could. The truth remains unchanged, however. Faith deserves more than I have to offer her. I’m broken inside, Honor. The things that happened over there changed me. All that death and anguish… seeing it every day… I’m not… right. Not anymore.”
“What you are is traumatized. Abel said that you won’t even consider going back to work at the hospital.”
“I can’t,” Cain denied flatly. “I can’t watch anyone else die. I won’t.”
“So, you’re just going to stay out here and drink yourself to death?” Honor asked, challenging him. “I never took you for a coward, Cain.”
“Don’t push me, Honor,” Cain bit out, the muscle in his jaw beginning to tic.
“Why?” Honor asked simply. “You pushed me. You all did. You, your brother, Zeke...each one of you bullied me into opening my eyes after those men dumped my body in that hole. After you dug me out of Earth and dragged me back into the land of the living, each one of you lined up to tell me that I couldn’t die. And I tried to just let it all go. I wanted to escape the world.”
“I remember,” Cain returned huskily. “You coded on me three times that night.”
“And you kept bringing me back. I still remember what you said when I opened my eyes in the hospital. You told me that it wasn’t time for me to go yet. You ordered me to keep breathing.”
“I couldn’t let you go. You were too important to lose.” He meant every word he said. Even then, he knew how important the younger woman was to those around her. If they’d lost Honor, it would have crippled her sisters. And Zeke…he didn’t want to think about what it would have done to that man. No, losing her light hadn’t been an
option any of them had been willing to accept that night.
“Do you think I feel any differently about you, Cain? You and Abel have been like brothers to me,” Honor reminded him quietly.
“You deserved to be saved, Honor. I don’t.” He’d lost too many lives that he should have been able to save. He’d taken too many lives, too, he thought remembering how he’d killed three of the men that had surrounded his Humvee on the day they’d been ambushed. He’d pulled the trigger on his gun without hesitation, ending three lives. And it didn’t bother him. What kind of monster did that make him?
“Excuse my language, but that’s just bullshit.”
He laughed despite the anger and aggravation behind her words. Hearing Honor curse was sort of like watching Santa smoke weed. It was just wrong.
“Everyone deserves to be saved, Cain,” Honor insisted, gripping his hand tightly in hers. “Even crotchety, ornery old you.” By God, they would save him, too, she mentally vowed. Faith needed him.
“You’re old enough to recognize that some people are lost causes, honey. I’m one of them,” Cain countered sadly. “What’s done has been done. I can’t go back and un-send a letter. I can’t be the man I used to be either. This is my new reality.”
“You have scars, Cain. Some of them you can see; some you can’t. You and I share that quality. Nothing can change what we’ve endured. It doesn’t mean that we have to let it control us. You survived Afghanistan for a reason and it wasn’t so you could come home and drink yourself to death while you waste away out here on your daddy’s farm. You can’t hide from life forever.”
Kicking the dirt, Cain grumbled under his breath, “I’m going to beat Abel’s ass for draggin’ you into my nightmare.”
“Don’t you dare fight with your brother,” Honor admonished him sternly. “He loves you. He’s worried about you. After seeing you for myself, I can see why.”
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