He walked back inside and closed the door. Kalsha was walking down the hall looking for him.
“Daddy?” Kalsha said.
“Daddy’s here, Kalsha baby.” Kal picked her up and showered her with kisses. Kisses for her and Shana. The phone ringing interrupted him.
“Hello.”
“Kal, are you alright? How’d she take it?” Sadie asked.
“She left.”
“What happened?”
“I introduced her to Kalsha.”
“And she left right away?”
“No. She held Kalsha. She seemed dazed and I could tell her thoughts were reeling. She simply sat on the couch staring at Kalsha and not saying anything.”
“And then?”
“I told her I loved her.”
“That’s a good start.”
“She said she loved me, too, but wasn’t sure she was ready to be a mother.”
“I’m sure this was a huge shock for her.”
“Said she needed time. Do you think I’ve lost her again?”
“I hope not. If she told you she loved you that’s a good sign.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t have let her go, Sadie?”
“This is a difficult situation. Give her some time.”
“Sadie, she asked who Kalsha’s mother was.”
“And?”
“I told her she wasn’t ready to be a mother at the time. I couldn’t lie to her.”
“That was a good answer. I’m assuming you didn’t feel it was the right time to confess the truth?”
“Hell, this wasn’t the way I wanted this to go down. I wanted to talk to her about everything first.”
“Well yes, that would’ve probably been better, although it’s too late now.”
“Right.”
“Remember, she has a confession to make, too. Give her time to digest this part of the relationship. Then you two need to have a serious talk, and the truth from both of you must be revealed.”
“She liked my house, Sadie.”
“Hey, that’s something, then again who wouldn’t?” Sadie teased. “Call me if you need me to watch Kalsha. No matter what time of day or night it is.”
“Thanks, Sadie.” Kal hung up the phone and turned to Kalsha.
“So that was your mommy, Shana, what do you think of her?”
“Mommy?” Kalsha asked.
“Yes, Mommy. Wasn’t she pretty?”
“Pretty Mommy,” Kalsha repeated.
“I love you, Baby,” Kal said, hugging Kalsha.
He looked at the phone, desperately wanting to pick it up and call Shana. But she’d just left and she needed time. Surely, thirty minutes didn’t count as long enough. Nonetheless how long was long enough-an hour, hours, a day, days? How long did he wait before he called her? Was there a rulebook on this? How were men supposed to know what to do if there weren’t any rules to go by? He missed her already. It was Monday, so maybe by Wednesday he could call her? He could email her though, right. That was it; he’d email her something short, tomorrow at work.
* * * *
Shana drove home. She wasn’t sure exactly how she got there because her mind was focused on Kal and his daughter. She walked into her apartment, dropped the keys on the coffee table along with her purse and sank down on the couch. What had just happened? She wasn’t sure. She’d been so happy when she’d gone to work at the hospital this morning. Then shortly after arriving at work, her world came tumbling down, all because of a small child. Shana didn’t have anything against the child. In fact, Kalsha was an adorable child. Beautiful and loving. So why was she so upset? There were many single parents around today, and she was sure the odds were high the person you dated would have children. Well, maybe not high, yet definitely a possibility. Was it really about the child, or her? So what if Kal had had a child with someone else? She and Kal could have their own children, too. It wasn’t that at all. Every time she looked at Kalsha, she was reminded of what she’d done. She had to tell him. Only she wasn’t so sure she could tell him in person now. She was scared, but it had to be done. She was drained mentally and she didn’t want to think about it anymore right now.
She reached for the TV remote control, turned it on, flipping through channel after channel until one interested her. A mindless show, she could tune out was what she needed. Her mind was still focused on how she was going to tell Kal what she’d done. She really didn’t think she could do it face to face, so she’d either have to call him, write a letter or send him an email. A letter sounded good. Once that was decided, Shana fell asleep on the couch for the night.
Sometime during the night, she must’ve moved to the bedroom, because the alarm clock was buzzing next to her head. She reached over and turned it off. It was a new day and maybe the answers to her predicament would come to her somehow.
Chapter Fourteen
Kal arrived at work the next morning, and scanned the parking lot for a glimpse of Shana. He saw her car, so he knew she must’ve already arrived. He walked in and scanned the hallways in hope of seeing her, but no such luck. She was probably already in her office. The first thing he did after sitting down at his desk was check his emails. He knew he was hoping there would be one from her, but no luck—again. He so badly wanted to send her an email right now, however he needed to show some restraint and at least wait until the end of the day. He glanced at the phone wanting to call her. He had a full schedule, so it was best to only concentrate on work and hopefully it would take his mind off Shana.
The day passed and he didn’t see her and she didn’t email him. He knew she wouldn’t be leaving for a half hour, so he sat down to email her.
Shana,
I know I need to give you time, so I’m going to send you this email. I miss you. I am sorry for not telling you about Kalsha. When you are ready to talk, call me anytime. Anytime. It’s your call. I’ll wait to hear from you.
Kal
He pressed the send button. The computer confirmed it was sent. Minutes later an email from Shana came through.
Kal,
I miss you. I’ll call you when I’m ready to
talk. Please be patient with me.
Shana
Kal leaned back in his chair and sighed. Well, at least she’d answered his email. That was good, he suspected. Patience. He needed lots of it. The radio played in the background. An advertisement for diamond rings caught his attention. Diamond rings for engagements. He got out of his chair, closed up his office and walked out of the building to his car. He was now a man on a mission. He was going to buy Shana an engagement ring. Just in case this whole thing worked out, he wanted to be prepared. He wanted to propose to her properly and make it special so she would always remember it.
* * * *
Shana received Kal’s email late in the day. She’d wanted to talk to him still she wasn’t ready for the conversation that needed to come first. She’d asked for time and now it was her call. She stood staring out her office window. Kal would be leaving about now, so she would wait a little bit before she left. Picking up a pen and paper, she sat down in her chair. This was as good a time as any to write down her confession. Actually writing it down would be the best way. Where to start?—at the beginning of course.
Dear Kal,
This is the second hardest thing I have ever had to do. If after you read this, you still want me, I am yours. However, I must tell you of the unforgiveable thing I have done. Unfortunately first I need to tell you what led up to all this.
You remember the night we met? I had just lost my job and was feeling sorry for myself. My mother, who was my best friend, had recently died and the day we met, I was laid off from my job. I know that’s no excuse, but I was at the bar trying to get drunk, which isn’t my style at all, and then you sat down next to me. You know what happened after that and how you came home with me.
What you don’t know is that I got pregnant that night. I didn’t realize it right away because I was suffering from depression. Thanks to the
pregnancy tests now available at the pharmacy stores, I found out for sure. I was forced to make an appointment at a free clinic because I had no insurance and ended up being exposed to German measles. I was so scared, Kal, for me and the baby. The nurse at the free clinic painted an ugly picture of what the chances of a healthy baby could be. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t have anyone to talk to. I waited and agonized over my decision. You have to believe me.
But what was I to do? I couldn’t support myself much less a child with major medical problems. Especially without a job or insurance. I did the unthinkable. However, at the last minute, I tried, I really did try to change my mind unfortunately it was too late. I was already sedated and when I woke up it was over. The abortion was done. I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself. I went through counseling sessions with Tara at New Beginnings Clinic during this time and hope to come to terms with my decision someday.
I don’t expect you to forgive me. Only understand that if I could undo what I did, I would. I love you and I only hope after you read this, that you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me or at least understand the circumstances surrounding that life changing day.
Love,
Shana
Shana sat back in the chair. She felt a sense of relief wash over her. There it was on paper. Once again, she read it over making sure everything was right. She thought about typing it into the computer but decided this was probably better being hand written. Then she signed it, folded it and put it in an envelope, licking it shut and putting his name on the front—Kal Paxton. She set it down on the work area counter, went to get her purse, and got her keys out. It was about six thirty when she drove home.
After a restless sleepless night, she arrived at work, extremely tired the next morning. Meg was already there when she arrived. Shana was a bit late because she’d stopped at Starbuck’s on the way to pick up a Mocha Frappuccino, hoping the caffeine in it would wake her up. She quickly looked at her calendar, realizing she’d almost forgot her nine thirty meeting, so she grabbed her files and flew out the door and down the hall.
It was the Christmas party committee meeting to finalize the party details. The party was being held mid-January so people didn’t have to worry about conflicts with everything else going on in December. The meeting was relaxed because they still had plenty of time to finish up the arrangements. Thankfully, the meeting flowed smoothly because she was struggling to stay focused.
She was tired when she walked back into her office after the meeting. She didn’t want to think about the letter, or when she’d give it or send it to Kal. The problem with the mail was you never knew when the other person would receive it and that was a problem, when technically you were dropping a bomb. Maybe handing it to him was the best approach. And then of course leave before he read it. She scanned her desk. Where was it? She’d left it there hadn’t she? No, not on her desk, but the work area counter. She looked over in that direction quickly and realized she’d left it right in front of the inter office mail basket. It wasn’t there and the basket was empty.
“Meg? Did you see an envelope for Kal?”
“Yes, it was lying in front of the inter office basket so I grabbed it when I took the rest of the inter office mail downstairs to the mail room while you were at your meeting. He’ll have it this afternoon.”
Shana didn’t respond. Her heart was pounding wildly in her chest. She wanted to hand it to him personally, not have it delivered. Her head was throbbing now, too. She didn’t think she could face him after all. Meg’s phone rang so at least she didn’t have to respond to Meg. There were only a few more things she needed to take care of before she could leave. She needed to send Kal an email before she left.
Kal,
There are some things you need to know about me before we can even think about having a life together. I felt it was best done by writing it down in a letter. You should receive it this afternoon. Please have an open mind and heart when you read it.
I love you.
Shana
Shana took a deep breath and sighed as she slowly pressed the send button. Her fate was now in God’s hands, so why was she scared to death and wanting to do nothing except run as far away as possible from Kal, the hospital and Arizona? She couldn’t wait around to hear Kal tell her how he never wanted to see her again. There was simply no way in her mind he was going to be understanding and forgive her for what she’d done. He would no longer want to marry her. Her thoughts were going crazy. At three, she walked out of the hospital early and drove home.
She tried to make sense of the scenarios going through her head as she drove. When she got home, she went directly to the computer. This was just not something she was ready to face today. She went online and booked a flight to Minneapolis for the next morning. Fortunately, she got a really low price for an air ticket, hotel and car. Thank heavens because otherwise she wouldn’t have been able to afford it. She sent Tara an email to let her know she was coming and headed into the bedroom to pack a bag. Hopefully, Kal would be so upset he wouldn’t call her tonight.
Bags packed, she slid into the bed, exhausted. She would call work in the morning before she left for the airport. Her heart was breaking into a million pieces. Even though she didn’t want to talk to Kal, the sheer reality he hadn’t even bothered to call, hurt. Really hurt! She closed her eyes and cleared her mind so she could finally fall asleep.
* * * *
Kal walked into the jewelry store. He didn’t actually look at the settings because he wanted Shana with him to pick the wedding ring. The sales person brought unset diamonds out for him to look at and explained all about the 4-C’s of diamonds. Color, clarity, cut and carat size. It was truly a learning experience. Who would’ve thought you needed to know all about diamonds to pick out a ring? After listening to the sales person’s info on diamonds and looking at many different sizes and shapes, he picked a beautiful sparkling round two carat, high quality stone and had it set in a gold solitaire.
Kal walked out of the jewelry store carrying the key to his future. This would seal the deal for his and Kalsha’s life together with Shana. A grin spread across his face. He got into his car one happy man and extremely confident this would work out.
When he arrived at his sister’s house, Sadie met Kal at the door. “Anything new happen?”
“I emailed her and she emailed me back.”
“Good, I think.”
“She needs more time but will call when she’s ready to talk.”
“Good. And then you’re going to tell her everything, right?”
“Yes, we have to talk about it.”
“You know there is a chance she may leave you after your confession, don’t you?”
“Yes, but I hope not. I plan to seal the deal first,” Kal said, smiling.
“How are you going to do that?”
“With this.” Kal pulled out the ring box from his pocket and handed it to Sadie.
She opened it. “Kal! It’s beautiful.”
“Do you think it will seal the deal?”
“This will certainly make her think twice about leaving. It will show you are willing to make a lifetime commitment to her.” Sadie put the ring back in the box and handed it to Kal. “Good job. I’m proud of you. This is a big step. Are you done working for the day?”
“No, I need to stop at the hospital to check on one of my patients. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“Daddy,” Kalsha said running to him from the other room.
He reached down for Kalsha and picked her up. “Shana accepting this ring is the key to my future and Kalsha’s.”
* * * *
Later in the day, Kal stopped back at the hospital and walked into his office to find an envelope lying in the middle of his desk. He walked slowly toward it, sensing it was from Shana. Picking up the envelope, he took his time opening it slowly and sat down in his chair to read it. His eyes watered as he read her confession. Most of what she’d wrote he already knew however some
he didn’t. He hadn’t realized how much she’d suffered and how much he’d contributed to her pain. She’d carried this pain and guilt inside her for over two years. He needed to talk to her and tell her his part in what had happened.
Kal set the letter down and leaned back in his chair, running his fingers through his hair. He glanced at the computer and saw he had an email. It was from Shana. He read it and felt her uncertainty, pain, and yet the hope in her words. He sent a return email asking if she was online. There was no response. He called her extension and got her voicemail. It was almost five so she could have left already. He was unsure of what to do next.
Maybe Sadie would have some insight as to what his next move should be. He drove up her driveway feeling hopeful.
Sadie opened her door and immediately knew something had happened. “Kal, are you okay?” she asked, concerned.
“Shana sent me her confession in a letter.”
“Oh, Kal,” she said hugging him.
“I have put her through pure Hell.”
“What?”
“I had her sedated during the procedure so she wouldn’t realize what I was doing.”
“Okay, but you knew that so what is the problem now?”
“She changed her mind right before the sedation took effect. So if I hadn’t ordered her to be sedated, she would’ve called it off and kept Kalsha.”
“You already knew that, right?” Sadie questioned.
“My nurse heard it from the nurse who stayed with Shana that night. I just was never sure if it was really true. Now I know it was,” Kal said.
“Have you talked to her?”
“No. She didn’t answer her email or phone, so I’m assuming she’d already left for the day.”
“Maybe you should wait until tomorrow to talk to her?”
“Maybe. But I think I’ll call her after Kalsha and I get home.”
Sadie handed Kalsha and her bag to Kal. “Hang in there, Kal. I have a feeling this is all going to work out.”
Taking Chances Page 16
