And I wasn’t sure what JT would say when he was alone with the judge in his chambers. I think that scared me more than anything else.
“Go home,” Nick said again, his voice gentle, but dripping with concern.
I lowered my head, pressing my hands against my face. I was tired. I hadn’t slept in days. All I could think about was this custody fight. And Harrison. Harrison was on my mind a lot more than I cared to admit. And it was tearing me apart inside. I ached for him. It was a physical ache, a need like nothing I have ever known before. But he was threatening to take away everything that mattered to me. The conflict was unbearable and it colored everything in my life right now.
I got up and grabbed my jacket, sliding it over my arms as I made my way outside. There was a little chill to the air today as though Mother Nature were sympathizing with my predicament. I walked, deciding I needed the extra time to gather my thoughts. Or maybe I just wanted to indulge in them so that I wouldn’t be obsessing when JT came home for what could be our last night alone together.
The house was quiet when I walked in. I flipped on a few lights to fight the gathering gloom and went into the kitchen, shedding my jacket as I searched through the refrigerator for something edible to make for dinner. I guess I should have gone shopping for the ingredients to JT’s favorite food. The only problem was, his favorite meal changed from day to day, depending on how he was feeling that day. He used to like Mom’s fried chicken, but announced six months ago that it was too salty and too greasy. He used to like tacos, but apparently I didn’t make them as well as Taco Bell. The only thing he seemed to like consistently was hamburgers and fries. But we’d already indulged that craving once this week.
I dragged out some salad vegetables and a couple of steaks that had been in the freezer so long they were almost unrecognizable. Who doesn’t like steak, right?
I was about to lay a thawed steak on the hot grill when the front door burst open and JT came storming into the room.
“Hey, Penny,” he said, a big smile on his face.
“Hey.”
“Harrison wants to talk to you.”
I turned around, almost expecting Harrison to be standing behind him, but there was no one there. I looked expectantly at JT. He had his head in the refrigerator, but he has the sixth sense that most teenagers have.
“He’s outside,” he mumbled as he backed up, a soda in his hands.
“Watch the steaks,” I said, wiping my hands on a towel as I headed for the door.
What could this be about?
A flash of memory rushed through my mind: Harrison pushing me back against my desk in what was once my mother’s office, his hands under my shirt.
I blushed, grateful for the rush of cool wind that immediately touched my burning skin.
He was standing by his car, his arms crossed over his chest. I could imagine what he must look like in a board room. He would be wearing an expensive suit instead of the jeans and t-shirt he was wearing now. And he would have a group of people around him, willing to do anything he asked of them at a second’s notice. But he would have this same determined look on his face despite the casual way in which he leaned back against the car.
When he saw me, he straightened, his eyes moving slowly over the length of me, from the ponytail I’d haphazardly tied my hair into to the pink blouse that was spotted with flour and the black slacks that were also a little worse for wear after hours in the bakery.
I could just imagine what he was thinking of me. The outfit was three years out of fashion, the shoes scuffed and in great need of polish. And the dark shadows under my eyes…how unprofessional.
“What can I do for you?” I asked, clipping my words to suggest annoyance I didn’t really feel.
“I was wondering if we could talk about tomorrow.”
“What about it?”
“Do we really want to put JT through this?”
My eyebrows rose as I crossed my own arms over my chest, trying to imitate his stance. “It wasn’t my idea.”
“I’m aware of that.” He inclined his head just slightly. “But we could end it. If we could come up with some sort of compromise—“
“I’m not interested in a compromise. I don’t want you coming back in a few months, dragging us through this all over again if we can bring everything to a solid bit of closure now.”
Harrison nodded, dropping his hands to slide them into his pockets. “And if it goes against you?”
Pain sliced through my chest at the thought. I didn’t know what to say to that.
“What if we worked out some sort of agreement?” he asked softly. “What if we shared custody? I would be willing to work with whatever schedule you thought was best.”
The idea was tempting. I have to admit that. But it would be an agreement that would have to be built on trust as much as legal maneuvering. And I wasn’t sure trusting Harrison was something I could do right now.
And I’d made a promise to my mom long before her death that if anything happened to them, I would do all I could to protect JT. Would making a deal with the devil constitute everything? Or was that just giving in before I’d done all I could to protect my brother?
Harrison stepped toward, perhaps aware of the war going on inside of me.
“I want what’s best for JT, Penelope,” he said quietly. “I don’t think dragging him to court is the best thing.”
And that cut through me. I can’t really say why, but his words hurt more than I thought I was capable of hurting at this point. I looked up at him, the hurt only spreading as I took in the compassion radiating from his eyes.
“You started this. I have no choice but to finish it.”
I turned away and stormed back to the house, brushing away angry tears as I slammed the door behind me.
“You okay?” JT asked as he peeked out from around the corner of the kitchen archway.
“Fine.”
He stared at me, his jaw working like he wanted to say something. But then he took a swig of his soda and stepped back as I brushed past him into the kitchen.
“I met my aunt today,” he said.
I glanced at him as I stabbed at the steaks and turned them over.
“Aunt?”
“Yeah. Harrison has a sister.”
Another thing I hadn’t known about him.
“What she like?”
“She’s really cool. Maybe you’ll meet her tomorrow.”
“Maybe.” I grabbed my own soda out of the fridge and leaned back against the counter. “Are you nervous about tomorrow?”
JT shrugged. “A little, I guess.”
“It shouldn’t take long. But Jack said we probably won’t get a decision right away.”
JT didn’t say anything. He just stood there, his crazy long legs stretched out in front of him as he leaned back against the counter across from me. I watched him sip his soda and found myself wondering why I’d never noticed the resemblance between him and Harrison. He really did look like him now that I knew what to look for. His dark hair, the curls that were so unruly when he let it grow out. The shape of his face, the lankiness of his height. It was all so subjective—each of them wore it a little different. But there was enough similarity that it was a little surreal to me.
“I know this has all been pretty crazy,” I said. “But can I ask you what you think about Harrison? As your biological father, I mean.”
JT shrugged. “I love Mom and Dad,” he said, raising those pale blues to me. “But there’s always been this thought at the back of my mind… that someone out there decided, even before I was born, that I wasn’t good enough for them.”
“That’s not what it was, JT.”
“I know.” He sighed as he ran his finger over the rim of his soda can. “But it was there anyway. And then Mom and Dad died and you came to take care of me, and I knew you weren’t happy about it. You never wanted to give up your life in New York. And that made me feel like I was some sort of burden to you.”
I shook my head, but I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to interrupt the flow of his words. I wanted to know what he thought.
“And then…”
He looked up at me, tears glistening in his eyes. “I don’t want to leave you, Penny. But I want to get to know my dad. I want to meet the rest of his family—my family—and I want to know where I fit in. I want to see what my life might have been like if I’d never been adopted.”
All I could do was nod. I didn’t want him to know the storm he’d just unleashed inside of me. I didn’t want to hurt him even a fraction of the way he just hurt me.
I turned back to the steaks and pulled them off the grill.
“Time to eat,” I said in a voice I didn’t even recognize.
Chapter 16
Harrison
Julia opened the door, her hair wet from the shower. She smiled when she saw me, her arms flying open to welcome me into her embrace.
“It’s always so good to see you, Harrison,” she said against my ear. “I just wish it was under happier circumstances.”
“Thank you for doing this.”
She stepped back and nodded, dabbing at a couple of tears that threatened to ruin her eye makeup. “Come in. Tell me about him.”
I followed her into the hotel room, recklessly thinking that it was sure a step up from the dingy little motel where my friends and I took rooms the summer I met her. There had been stains on the sheets that we joked about before we added to them with late night takeout and…well, other things.
She took a seat in a straight back chair that looked uncomfortable and crossed her legs, playing with a pen between her fingers as she watched me. I was too restless to sit, so I leaned against the wall.
“He goes by JT. And he’s…”
I hesitated, searching for the right metaphors to describe JT. But none came to mind.
“I bet he’s like you,” she said.
“Libby thinks so.”
She smiled. “I didn’t let myself think about him much over the years. But when I did, I always imagined he would be like you. Stubborn. Rebellious. Handsome.”
I inclined my head to accept her compliments. “Thank you. And, yes, he is a lot like that.”
“I can’t wait to meet him.”
She stood up and headed for the bathroom, presumably to finish getting dressed. I cleared my throat to get her attention.
“My lawyer doesn’t think it would be a good idea for you to meet him before the hearing.”
Julia paused, her face a mask of emotion.
“Why not?”
“Because it could upset him. And he’ll already be nervous about his meeting with the judge.”
Disappointment danced in her eyes even as she nodded. “That sounds reasonable.”
I went to her and rested my hands on her shoulders. “You’ll meet him. I promise you that.”
She rested her head against my chest for a long second and then took a deep breath.
“Alright. Get out of my way. Let me finish getting dressed so we won’t be late.”
*****
The courthouse was as busy as ever. We made our way through the metal detectors and headed upstairs to where our hearing would take place. We stepped off the elevator, Libby on my right, her hand in mine, Julia on my left. I automatically looked for a familiar face: Finn, JT, or Penelope. I spotted Penelope’s lawyer ducking into one of the small consultation rooms. A funny feeling worked its way through my chest as I wondered who he was talking to in there. Were they coaching JT? Were they trying to influence his testimony?
I couldn’t make myself believe that. But I still felt uneasy.
And then the elevator door opened again and Finn stepped out. My mother beside him.
“Harry,” Libby began as tension soared through me, tightening my grip on her hand.
“What is she doing here?”
“I called her.”
I jerked my hand back, staring at my sister as if I could find something there that would explain why she would stab me in the back in this way.
“I made it very clear—“
“Yeah, well, she wanted to help.”
I shook my head. “You had no right.”
I brushed past her, pushing her out of my way with a brush of my shoulder. It felt like betrayal. It felt like the one person I thought I could trust had just stabbed me in the back. I didn’t want her here. I made that very clear. I didn’t want my mother to testify to what she’d done all those years ago. It didn’t matter who did it or why. All that mattered was that it had happened.
I followed the corridor around until it ended in a solid wall. I slammed my palm against it, needing some outlet for the anger and frustration and…everything that was building up inside of me.
“I’m sorry, Harrison.”
I spun around and found my mother standing several feet away. She looked tired, frail, as she always had. Her dark hair was pulled back into a loose bun at the back of her head, her pale skin unmarked by makeup. She wore thin, gold rimmed eyeglasses that were fairly new, a simple blue dress that was both elegant and practical. Her dress, the way she stood with her hands at her sides, were the definition of who she was. Elegant, practical, pious, obedient, quiet. She was the perfect wife for a religious fanatic.
“What are you doing here?”
“Libby said you needed my testimony. She sent the jet back for me.”
I shook my head, refusing the instinct to walk to her, to protect her.
“I’m sorry you had to find out the way you did. I never imagined you would ever learn about that child’s existence, let alone discover that I was the one who hid the truth from you.”
I turned away, fighting a battle inside of myself that I didn’t know how to calm. She came up beside me and touched my arm, but I jerked away, stepping sideways so that I was just out of her reach. I saw the flash of pain on her face, but it wasn’t enough to equal the scales, not enough to take the sting out of her admission.
“I did it for you, Harrison. I did it to protect you.”
“Protect me from what? From knowing my child? From living the life I wanted?”
“To protect you from losing everything you’d always dreamed of doing.” She took my arm again, tugging me around so that I was staring down into her face even if I didn’t want to. “You were such a troubled boy. All the things you did when you were in high school. And then college. That trip to New York…do you know how infuriated your father was? He expected you to come home that summer, to spend the summer learning the business at his side. Instead, you run off to a city he considered overrun with temptation. And then to come home with a pregnant girl following you…? He would have disowned you.”
“Maybe that would have been for the best.”
“And what would you have done?” A sardonic smile twisted her lips. “As capable as you are, you were not in a position to finish school without your father’s financial help.”
“But that wasn’t your choice to make.”
“I’m your mother,” she said, steel suddenly in her voice. “It was always my choice, just like fighting for your son now was your choice.”
“It’s not the same.”
“It is the same. I was protecting you from making a mistake that would color the rest of your life.” She reached up to touch my face, but I reared back. Again that flash of hurt in her eyes. “I know you, Harrison. If you had known about this child all those years ago, you would have insisted on doing the right thing. But then what? Would you have lived in a studio apartment in New York City? Do you really think that would have been the right thing to do with a child?”
“You never gave me the chance to make that choice.”
“Because it would have been a mistake. You made a mistake, Harrison. But it didn’t have to ruin your entire life.”
I stepped back, nearly stumbling over my own feet. I couldn’t believe what I’d heard coming out of my own mother’s mouth. I had thought I knew her, that I knew her beliefs a
nd her thoughts and her morals. But I’d been wrong.
“His name is Jonathon Tyler Monroe, Mother. JT. And JT is not a mistake. He was never a mistake.”
I stormed away, bursting back into the corridor outside the courtroom just as the current case ended and the corridor was flooded with lawyers and litigants and observers. Some guy with a phone stuck to his ear happened to look up as I brushed past him, his eyes widening as he took in my expression. He grabbed my arm, tugging me back to stand in front of him.
“Are Harrison Philips?”
I wanted to squash him like he was a bug. That was not the moment for a reporter to approach me.
Julia came to the rescue, snatching my arm and saying, very seductively, “Come on, Thomas. They’re waiting for us over here.”
The reporter looked disappointed, then dubious, but he let it go. Finn was standing against the wall by the same consultation room I’d seen Penelope’s attorney disappear into earlier.
“They want to talk to us,” he said.
“Who?”
“Penelope Monroe and her lawyer.”
“Who’s Penelope Monroe?” Julia asked.
“The child’s sister,” Finn told her.
I barely heard any of this exchange. I was staring through the glass panel in the door, watching Penelope whisper with her lawyer. He was sitting much too close to her, his hand on her shoulder, saying something in her ear that made her shake her head sharply in the negative. And then she saw me and her expression softened just slightly even as her eyes filled with tears.
What the hell was going on now?
Chapter 17
Penelope
He was angry.
It didn’t take a mind reader to see the emotion that had taken up residence in Harrison’s broad jaw and wide green eyes. He was angry, and maybe a little hurt. I wanted to know why.
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