“We’ll manage somehow, Grandma. Fabien will grow up and become independent.”
Grandma smiled and used her fingers to wipe her wet eyes. “Of course, child. It’s just there is quite a lot of time until then, and I’m getting old.”
“I love you, Grandma.”
She kissed me again. “I love you too, my precious. You and Fabien are my biggest treasures. Oh, Emily… You’re the sweetest girl in the world. Thank God I have you. Without you, there’d be no one to give me strength.”
I never told my mother that I loved her, even though I did. There probably weren’t any children who didn’t love their parents, even those who didn’t deserve it. Elise definitely fell into that category.
She occasionally called us on the phone, but never came to visit. Her life in the States was more important to her than her own children. Over time, her actions, or to be more precise, her inaction—and lack of interest, made me grow to hate her.
Realizing the damage she had done to her life and to her children, I swore at a very young age to never give my heart to a man. Nobody would control my life. Nobody would try to fit me into a mold or shape me into someone I was not meant to be. I would forever remain the mistress of my own destiny.
3
Emily
Days passed as I tried to fill my time with work. I believed the busier I was, the less I’d think about him. But I could not shake my thoughts of Ryan. He repeatedly entered my mind, not allowing me a moment’s peace.
Doubts tore through me, slowly and painfully, and loneliness crept in. Ryan had gone to California on business, so I didn’t have to see him every day. That didn’t make things better because every night, after a long day of work, I fell asleep thinking of him—his powerful arms wrapped around me, his warm breath on my hair, his soft lips and deep masculine voice.
Ryan Wilder was used to getting whatever he wanted. He wasn’t giving up on me. He sent texts to my cell every day, begging me to give him a chance to prove he really loved me. He implored me not to give up on him. Whenever he left a voicemail, my heart started racing, raising my pulse and making blood throb in my ears.
I wrote him back, advising him to give himself time to think about what he needed—a life of drinking, wild parties and countless easy women—or me.
Many men preferred to live on the edge, it made them feel alive. I didn’t want to commit to Ryan, only for him to decide he missed the past after a while.
I loved him, but could I trust him?
Was it possible that he only said the words ‘I love you’ in the heat of the moment?
* * *
On Friday, instead of going home after work, I sat at the bar and ordered a whisky and Coke. I normally didn’t drink, but I needed something to calm my nerves.
“Trouble?” the barman asked.
Ron worked as a bartender at Wild Angels for five years and knew every piece of juicy gossip on the grapevine. Everybody poured out their pain while he poured their drinks. I didn’t want to confess to him. My personal life was my own business—I was the only one who could resolve my problems. I didn’t need his help.
“I’m just a bit stressed,” I replied, forcing out a smile.
He passed me the drink and I took a thirsty gulp. Not bad at all. The sweet cola neutralized the whisky’s strong taste.
“Would you like some nuts? If you’re hungry, you’ll get tipsy very quickly.” Ron knew I was a lightweight.
“I want to get drunk just enough to forget my problems, but not so much that I can’t get home.” I was just about to have another sip when Andrew, the drummer for the band Blackstone, sat on the bar stool next to me.
“Are we celebrating something?” he asked, showing off the smile that made millions of women swoon at Blackstone concerts.
“My funeral?” I mumbled and downed my drink. The alcohol warmed my throat and eased some of the tension I felt.
“I didn’t know funerals were a cause for celebration.”
Turning to him, I regarded his tousled hair. Andrew Harmon and Ryan Wilder were the hottest band members, in my opinion at least. Andrew was very attractive and extremely lecherous. I had no doubt he slept with thousands of girls.
“I’m babbling. Don’t pay attention to me,” I replied. If I continued sleeping only four to five hours a night, training until I collapsed, and eating less than a mouse, pretty soon I might end up six feet deep.
I focused on maintaining my resolve instead of letting emotions take over. All men, especially the handsome and lecherous ones, could go to hell.
“Ron, get the lady another. I’ll have the same,” Andrew called to the bartender. He turned back to me. “Why do I get the feeling that the cloud Ryan and you were walking on has turned into thundercloud?”
“Even if it brought a hurricane, it’d still be none of your business.” I raised my chin, turned my back to him and started my second drink.
“I’m no worse than Wilder.”
Yeah, right, pull the other one. “You’re a pervert, through and through.”
“If I’m a pervert, then Ryan is too. In fact, the same goes for the entire band. What of it? Men are hardwired that way. So what if we occasionally drop our pants and have fun with the same women at the same time? What’s the big deal?”
I stared fiercely into his eyes. “What’s the big deal?” I echoed.
He frowned, his perfectly shaped lips curving downward. He didn’t seem to understand that decent girls would be repulsed, rather than impressed, by such stories.
“I don’t want to know about your orgies, Andrew. That’s the last thing I want to hear. What you guys did with the women you shared does not concern me. Don’t fill my head with those juvenile Fratboy stories.”
He laughed and said, “Wow. You’re dangerous…like a tigress.”
“You’re free to think what you like.”
Andrew scratched his temple and leaned close. He whispered, “If you’re free, I think it’s only fair to give me a chance to prove to you that I’m a hundred times better than Wilder. I believe things between us would work. We’ll get married and have five or six kids.”
I was sure he said that to put me at ease yet didn’t want to reveal he succeeded. “Do I look like some sort of a breeder?”
He laughed. “Someone told me women really liked making plans for family and children.”
“That rule doesn’t apply to all women.”
“Hmm, I didn’t know that.” His warm breath tickled my neck as the pleasant scent of men’s shower gel reached my nose.
I stared at the bottles behind the bar. I’d have to be the biggest idiot in the world to get involved with him, and my heart belonged to someone else anyway.
“Andrew, you can do better than me. There must be millions of attractive women out there, ready to throw themselves at you. Don’t waste your time on me.” I felt the effect of the alcohol now. My eyes glazed over. I wasn’t quite sure how I’d get home at this point.
“Yeah, but it’s no fun having everything served on a platter. I miss the thrill of the chase. I’ve always liked a challenge.”
I didn’t expect him to go any further, but his lips started to explore my neck…
At first, I was shocked. The shock then turned to rage, which was followed by embarrassment.
What would people think?
I didn’t need to introduce more confusion into my already-confused life by getting involved with another lecher.
Before I had the chance to open my mouth and protest, Andrew flew away from me, as if by magic. Ryan knocked him to the floor. They both started trading insults, while I simply looked on, hoping the earth would open up and swallow me.
Ryan’s fist connected with Andrew’s jaw and then his stomach. Andrew tried to strike back, but his opponent swiftly dodged the blow.
“Aren’t you going to intervene? Where the hell is security?” I screamed at Ron, who simply shook his head and turned back to the fight.
“For God’s sake, do s
omething. Don’t just stand there,” I shouted even louder, but he wasn’t impressed.
I looked around—the people in the bar surrounded them and were watching the scuffle as if it were the hottest show in town. Some of them shouted encouragements at them. Others were making bets.
I looked at Ron, whose arms were crossed in front of his chest. “Forget it, Emily. I’m not risking my job over this. Mr. Wilder has decided to teach Andrew a lesson, so I’ll let him get on with it.”
I threw myself at the two men, trying to break up the fight, but someone struck my shoulder so hard that I fell on my butt. The powerful blow shook me to my core.
It wasn’t easy loving someone. All love brought was trouble. Why did I have to fall in love?
Ryan noticed I was on the floor and stopped. He stood up and shouted, “Harmon, stay away from Emily if you want to keep breathing.” The flame of anger emanating from him was powerful enough to burn to a cinder anything it touched.
He turned toward me. The sight of his sadness made my heart break.
“You’re coming with me.” Fury, offense and pain burned in his eyes as he grabbed me from the floor and dragged me to his office. He sat me on a sofa and slammed the door shut. The noise seemed to shake the walls.
“What did you think you were doing, Emily? When you see two men fighting in mindless rage, you never try to break them up. Never! You could’ve been seriously hurt,” he growled in my direction, with hands on his hips.
I wanted to stand up from the damn sofa and tell him right in his face that he had no right to shout at me, but my body was glued to the furniture. I didn’t have the strength to move. The blow to my shoulder, the fall on my ass and the drinks—I was incapacitated.
Even so, I mustered the strength to raise my chin and reply, “Don’t you dare roar at me like a lion. And don’t order me around. You don’t have the right to tell me how to live my life. Now I’m going to call a taxi to take me home.”
The entire day had been muggy and overcast, promising rain, which now started pouring down, striking the windows mercilessly. The weather seemed to align with my mood. Just like the sky, I wanted to cry—until exhaustion overtook the pain. At the same time, I couldn’t let myself fall into a state of helplessness. I’d spent my entire life proving I was stronger than a man. After everything I’d been through, I wasn’t going to buckle now.
Ryan gave me an even more frightening look. “You’re not going anywhere without me. I’ve had enough of your games.”
Adrenaline coursed through my veins. I found enough strength to jump from the sofa and head for the door. But he was fast—he caught up to me and wrapped his arms around me. The more I resisted, the tighter he held me.
I stopped thrashing around. Putting my hands on his biceps, I realized he was trembling.
Ryan nudged me back to the sofa. I sat on it and he knelt in front of me. He no longer had the strength to stand.
“Can you explain what you’re doing, Emily?” he murmured and placed his hands on my hips.
Gazing at him, I thought about how handsome he looked even when he was angry.
I didn’t know what else to say to him—he already knew what I was afraid of.
“You don’t answer my calls, you avoid me and now I find you making out with Andrew—”
“I wasn’t making out with him.”
“I’ll kill him,” he said through gritted teeth.
“Ryan, stop. Nothing happened between us.”
“Emily, you can’t leave me over some old recording. I haven’t touched another woman since we met and I don’t intend to, don’t you get it?” He gently stroked my thighs. Heat spread throughout my body and broke through my defenses. I hungered for him, for his caresses.
“I’m afraid you’ll stop loving me, that you’ll decide you never really loved me. In the end, I’ll be alone with a broken heart.”
“Never! I’ll never stop loving you. You’re all I need. I just want to be with you. Only you. You said you loved me.”
The fury that reddened my face disappeared and hot tears stung my eyes. “I do love you.”
“Then let’s be together. Otherwise, I’ll lose my mind. Whenever I’m not with you, I can’t stop thinking about you. And when I realize I may have lost you forever… I can’t fucking breathe. Tell me you want me.” His eyes were welling up too, the pain inside them a mirror image of mine.
“I want you, but it’s hard for me to imagine a future with us together.”
“Then let me prove to you that we can have a future. Let me take you home. I want to wake up next to you every day. I’ve told you this before, and you have to believe me. What we have is not just sexual. There is passion, yes, but there is much more than that too, Emily. The feelings we have for each other can’t be ignored.”
“Every day?”
He nodded. “I’m so fucking in love with you.”
“Ryan…”
He put his index finger on my lips and whispered, “I need you to save me. You’re the only one who has the power to do it.”
I heard about his problems with cocaine, but we never discussed the subject before. I didn’t think he was still using.
Guessing my suspicions, he replied, “All I’ve allowed myself to numb the pain I’ve felt over you in the past few days is alcohol. But even drinking didn’t let me stop thinking about you.”
He took my hand and started kissing my palm. He did it with such gentleness that my heart began to beat faster against my ribcage.
Leaning toward him, I ran my fingers through his hair. It was silky soft and smelled divine. Our cheeks touched momentarily and he softly kissed my face. He touched my mouth and used his tongue to trace the outline of my lower lip.
All my fears about the future shattered in all directions like broken glass, lifting a heavy load from my soul.
It stopped raining and sun rays were sneaking through the blinds on the window. The weather empathized with me.
However, today wasn’t the right time to make such big decisions. Ryan and I needed to hit the brakes and take things slowly. I decided to give our relationship a chance, but I’d go home tonight.
4
Ryan
I’d always run from love, but it eventually caught up to me and buried me like an avalanche, so deep, there was now no way of getting out. The first time those intense feelings rose up in me, I’d dismissed them as mere lust. I hoped that after I fucked Emily Delon, it’d all pass quickly like a summer storm.
But that’s not how it turned out. My feelings for her grew stronger. Emily was like a beautiful butterfly that managed to find a way into my heart, bringing along countless colors to warm my cold soul. The warmth coursed through my veins like magic.
The days without her had been like a trip to hell. I couldn’t let things go on like this any longer—I had to prove to her that we had a future together. Miss Delon was mine, only mine. No matter how selfish that sounds, I intended to ensure she remained only mine.
I paced around her room in the small apartment she shared with Misty and Travis, scanning the beautiful prints of Provence and Paris on the wall. Avenue des Champs-Élysées, the Eiffel Tower, the Basilica of Sacré-Coeur, Notre-Dame, and the Louvre—I’d visited all of those sights in the city of love, but I hadn’t yet had the chance to been to Provence. Seeing those pictures of purple lavender fields, I wanted spring to arrive, so I could visit those fairytale places with my sweet petite French girl.
“I want us to go to Paris. I want you to show me Provence. To see churches, castles, wineries, to take walks along the narrow streets of old towns,” I said, glancing at her.
Emily was lying on the bed, covered in pale pink sheets that complemented her hair. She’d dyed it blonde with a hint of pink. As much as I liked her as a redhead, she looked even sexier as a blonde.
As she considered my suggestion, the corners of her thick lips turned up. “That’d be amazing. I’ll take you to Château Juvenal. It’s a small castle, but its charming cla
ssic French architecture makes it stand out. The region is famous for its great wines. La Terre du Petit Homme is my favorite.” Framed by long curled lashes, her eyes gleamed like precious sapphires. “But you’re too busy with the release of your new album.”
I adored Emily. She managed to get deep inside my soul. That was precisely why she hurt me so much when she left me over that dumb video. Yes, the video wasn’t just some harmless fun. It was a homemade porno: plain and simple. Still, she had to trust me and believe me that I loved her more than anything. It was the truth. Period.
I decided that punishing her a little would do her good.
I sat beside her on the bed. “I’d like us to drop everything and catch a plane to Paris. But right now, that’s out of the question. So we’ll just enjoy the time we have together here. Now give me your hands.”
I grabbed her wrists with one hand. They were thin and delicate, so it was easy to fit them in my big palm. From my jeans’ back pocket, I took out the red leather handcuffs I’d bought for her and clicked them onto her wrists.
“Ryan!” Emily squealed in protest, but there was no going back. I used another pair of handcuffs to tie her to the headboard, made of beautiful wrought iron.
I was lucky she was so comfortable around me and knew I wouldn’t cause her pain. Her eyes stared at me with wonder, rather than fear.
I pulled her body down to straighten her elbows and thus prevent her arms from going numb. What I had in mind was only for pleasure—hers and mine.
“I don’t like such games. Next you’ll be putting a dog collar on me and whipping me.”
I considered her words, sliding my thumb along my lower lip.
“Ryan…don’t even think about it,” she said, raising her voice.
Amused, I grabbed her tank top and tore the cotton fabric in two. Emily squealed again, but I paid her no attention. “This thing was squashing your beautiful tits too much. Now they’re free. Don’t you think they feel much better now?”
Instead of replying to my question, she countered, “Have you gone crazy?”
Beautiful Devil: The Rockstar Duet Book 2 Page 2
