by Jessie Olson
*****
Ben laughed as Lizzie kicked her heels under the chair by the desk. “If you hate them so much why do you wear them?” he closed the door to their room.
“They look good,” Lizzie felt an urge to grab him and go immediately… he came to her side and pulled her into his arms before she could finish her thought. He kissed her lips and moved his hands to the zipper at the back of her dress.
She let him slide the straps off her shoulders and moved towards his belt when the phone rang. She pulled away from his excitement and went to her bag. She managed to answer Becca’s questions about Nora’s jewelry in spite of Ben’s continued touches and kisses. She closed the phone and turned back to face him.
“I missed you.”
“I missed you, too,” Lizzie kissed him until Becca called back looking for Nora’s stockings.
Ben took off his jacket and moved into the room. He opened the bar and found Lizzie a glass of wine. “Why don’t we wait a little bit?” he offered. “In case you get any more calls tonight.”
Lizzie readjusted her straps and zipper then took the wine. “I thought you went to the clinic,” she looked at the glass.
“I did,” he undid his tie. “But you need to relax.”
Lizzie sat herself on the couch. She could smell the salt air through the open window of their room. “Becca is a good sister. She lives too far away to be on top of all of Nora’s details.”
“I like Becca very much,” Ben sat beside her. “Because she is staying the night with the bride. Which means… when she is done calling you every five minutes, I have you to myself.”
Lizzie laughed over her first sip of wine. She hardly swallowed when the phone rang again. Nora’s mother asked about the flower delivery for the groomsmen. Lizzie took another sip after closing her phone. She looked at the color beneath Ben’s freckles and then turned her chin away as he lifted a finger to her cheek. “Who was your source today?”
Ben dropped his hand in his lap. “There is a protocol of anonymity.”
“Would I know this person?”
“It’s doubtful,” Ben answered. “Her name is Belinda. She’s a grad student.”
“You know her name?”
“Yes.”
“Do you speak to her?”
“Very briefly.”
“Have you met her before?”
“A couple months ago.”
“So she is always your source?”
“It’s a good match, so yes.”
Lizzie touched the rim of her wine glass. “Do you know the names of all your sources?”
“I try to,” Ben touched her hair gently. “There is only one whose clothes I try to take off.”
Lizzie looked up at his eyes. “But before… before we… did you try to take their clothes off?”
“Officially, I should say no. But I won’t lie, Elizabeth. I dated some of my sources before.”
“Did you sleep with them?”
“Yes.”
“Did you love them?”
“No.”
“Did they love you?”
“Probably not.”
“How do you know?”
“No one has told me… but…” he faded, looking at her sadly. “I suppose that doesn’t mean I know.”
Lizzie set the wine glass aside and turned towards Ben. “Has there been anyone… have you ever been married?”
“Not since before.”
“Before what?”
“I became vampire,” he explained quietly.
“Oh,” Lizzie heaved a great sigh. “Did you love her?”
“Marriage was different then,” Ben looked down. “I married because I thought she could help me with my farm. We had two children. Then I went to war. I came home and found she and the babies died of small pox while I was gone. It wasn’t until that point I realized I loved her.”
“Oh God,” Lizzie felt a huge amount of emotion. She spoke of Harriet Fulton losing her children on her tour all the time, but never felt any amount of sympathy. Ben didn’t seem sad, but distant… as though his mind had gone to a faraway place.
“It is sad,” he nodded coolly.
Lizzie let the silence enter the room. She looked at her phone, half expecting it to ring and disturb the conversation. “What is it like going to a wedding like this… when yours must have been so different?”
“I’ve been to a lot of weddings. The difference doesn’t shock me,” he smiled.
“It’s so much more ridiculous.”
“In some ways. There is a lot less fire and brimstone,” he smirked. “It is nice to see people who love one another get married because they want to.”
“Even though half of them get divorced?”
“Is that what you think will happen to Nora and Mark?”
“No,” Lizzie shook her head. “I hope not. I think they’ve waited for the right person and the right moment in their lives. Tomorrow isn’t just about the wedding. They truly want to spend their lives together.”
“So you aren’t a complete cynic?”
“No,” Lizzie looked up at his watchful eyes. “If you are such a romantic, Ben, why haven’t you married again?’
“I almost married,” he looked towards that distant memory again.
“For love?” Lizzie emboldened herself as the phone rang again.
Ben nodded as she picked it up off the table. She breathed out, contemplating not answering it. She turned back against the sofa and flipped open her phone. “Hello?”
“Hey Lizzie, sorry to bother you again,” Becca said sheepishly.
“That’s okay,” Lizzie turned her periphery to look at Ben’s pensive expression.
“Nora is a little worried about Meg.”
“Why?”
“Alec still hasn’t arrived.”
“Oh,” Lizzie felt a sudden drain.
“Could you go and check on her? I think it would make Nora feel much better if she knew Meg wasn’t alone right now,” Becca pleaded.
Lizzie heaved a great sigh. “Yeah, I’ll go check on her.”
“Thanks,” Becca said before hanging up.
Lizzie pursed her lips. “I have to check on Meg. Professor McCaffrey is still MIA,” Lizzie groaned.
Ben touched her hair gently and pulled her in for a kiss. “Will you be back?”
“Who knows?” Lizzie found her heels under the chair. Ben breathed out his muted irritation. Lizzie wondered if it was their aborted conversation or the possibility Lizzie wouldn’t be back to finish what they started earlier. “I’m sorry.”
Ben stood up and reached behind to pull up the rest of her zipper. “You are a good friend.”
“But apparently not a good girlfriend,” she smirked at him.
He touched her shoulders and pulled her around to kiss her again. She was tempted to stay… just for another hour… but he pulled away and enveloped her in an embrace. “Oliver is the same way.”
Lizzie pulled back to look at him. “How so?”
He shifted his eyes away briefly and then looked at her. She wondered if he meant to say that thought aloud. “She falls pretty easily for people, doesn’t she?” Lizzie nodded to his question. “Manic?”
“Yeah,” Lizzie agreed almost silently, fingering her phone.
Ben cleared his throat and turned her towards the door. “Go see Meg. Be her good friend. Tomorrow night, I’ll be good to you.” Lizzie eyed him before opening the door, her fingers ready to press send back to Becca’s number. He smiled at her quickly and held the door as she left the room.
*****
Lizzie let herself into the room quietly. She set her shoes down as she sat on the couch. Ben was already asleep. She liked to watch him sleep. She knew he slept longer after feeding. His breaths were deeper and the color under his skin made him look less like the book cover she found in Meg’s bag. His t-shirt exposed the contours of his muscular shoulders. His strong shoulders. Strong arms. She felt safe in his arms. In spite of that constant lurkin
g fear, she felt safe against the warmth of his body, a warmth that became familiar and comfortable in the past six weeks.
She thought about waking him. She wanted to know what he was about to tell her, about Oliver and his manic emotions. Was it anything like Meg’s drunken depression that flipped the second Alec texted to say he was parking his car four hours after dinner ended? Did he fall and forgive as readily as Meg did? And why… why did it bother Ben?
Did Ben fall so easily? Did he love her? Did she love him? Did she know from that first night together? She knew him before. She knew him… the wave of exhaustion leaked out with a yawn. She knew him in high school. She didn’t feel anything for him then. What changed? Was it her? Was it simply that she started to believe someone could love her?
There was something else. There was something that her mind was too tired to remember. Was it their unfinished conversation? The fact he almost married someone else? No… she wanted to know about that. But there was something she needed to think through before she could think about her feelings. She didn’t know what it was… something about Springs or Coldbrook or… it was something she knew she had to remember… but it wasn’t important now. Now she was happy. Happy to be sitting in the dark watching him sleep.
*****
Lizzie let out a sleepy breath. She could see where the water separated from the sky. The sun hinted its arrival with tiny specks of gold on the creeping waves. She relished the comfort of Ben’s arms loosely enveloped about her waist. She liked the feel of the sand drying on her legs. She laughed briefly. “I’m watching the sun rise with a vampire.”
“There is no place I’d rather be,” he said softly.
“I hope Nora and Mark are this happy,” Lizzie admired the sky’s lightening shade of lavender.
“They looked happy. It was a happy day. Even Meghan was in good spirits.”
“Yes,” Lizzie was relieved to see that Alec’s late night arrival brought Meg back to her better mood. Lizzie unfolded his hands to intertwine his fingers with hers. The marks on her left wrist faded to two subtle pink dots. “Do you remember your wedding?”
She felt his fingers loosen their grip around hers. Lizzie felt ashamed. She always avoided being obsessive about weddings and marriage. She wasn’t one of those females who only thought of men in terms of an engagement ring. She didn’t want that from him. But, as the business of Nora’s wedding slipped away with the waves, the unfinished conversation from the night before ebbed back into her mind.
“Elizabeth,” he began quietly.
“I’m sorry. That was an inappropriate question,” Lizzie let go of his hands and sat up. She looked at him quickly and saw the struggle for words in his eyes. She looked back at the horizon and began removing the pins from her flattened curls. She rested her palms on the sand and listened to the waves recede from the shore. She was tired and upset with herself. She blinked her eyes to prevent them from betraying herself too much.
Ben sat up slowly and pulled her hair behind her shoulders. “Elizabeth,” he whispered softly, making the ocean breeze chill her even more. Lizzie didn’t respond but clutched some sand in her palms. “I want you to know who I was before. But that young man is not … he is dead, Lizzie. He was impulsive and reckless and much more selfish.”
“You said you loved her. You were sad when she died,” Lizzie relaxed her hold of the sand.
Ben smoothed down the hair he held in his hands. “I imagine it is a comfort to you to know that I have had women in my life who were more to me than a source.”
Lizzie looked at him hastily. She hated that cold word. “That’s not what I meant by asking,” she looked away, annoyed with herself for ruining her happy moment. She couldn’t stop the impulse of her next question. “How many women were… more than just a source?”
“I stayed with the one who changed me for some time. It wasn’t love. She was exciting and introduced me to my new way of life. She took me to Europe. I enjoyed her company. She liked mine… until she found another distraction. But we were friends and business partners. She taught me a great deal about being what I am … and about women.”
“Do you miss her?” Lizzie swallowed nervously.
“I do. Although when she died we weren’t friendly,” Ben looked down at the sand.
“Did Oliver come between you?”
Ben looked up in surprise. “Why would you ask that?”
“I don’t know. I just assumed because you said she changed him after you… and you get so strange when you talk about him.”
“A variety of things came between us,” Ben looked towards the horizon that was slowly edging to yellow. Lizzie noticed his fingers curled tightly against his palm. “She enjoyed the power too much. She didn’t value… she did not have a pleasant end, I’m sad to say. I think she deserved it.”
“Oh.”
Ben let out a slow breath. He relaxed his fingers and turned back to Lizzie. He saw the unrelenting curiosity in her eyes. “Like you Elizabeth, I find it difficult to let myself love someone.”
Lizzie felt a chill over her bare shoulders. She never expressed that feeling to him. But anyone paying attention to her would understand that. She didn’t fight her eyes and let the tears confirm his honesty.
“That doesn’t mean that I never did or never will again,” he interrupted Lizzie from her melancholy. She lifted her palm from the sand and wiped her cheek with the back of her hand.
“You said that you almost married,” she swallowed, unable to look at him completely, “for love.”
“Before I went to Princeton, there was a woman. Her name was Maria.”
“Did you leave her to go to medical school?”
“She left me.”
“How long was she with you?”
“Twenty-five years.”
“That’s… these days that’s a long time.”
“It was a long time then.”
“The 1890’s?” Lizzie did the math in her head. “Was she a vampire?”
“No,” Lizzie saw him swallow hard.
She imagined a fair haired woman in a dark blue dress with ruffles and a tiny corseted waist. She felt a twinge of jealousy, more than the mention of the one who changed him. “Did she know you were a vampire?”
“Not at first,” he turned his gray green eyes to her suddenly, as if looking for his own answer in her reaction. “She worked in Oliver’s mill. She was his secretary.”
“Oliver’s mill?”
“He owned a wool mill in Raleigh, along the Connecticut River.”
“Did you own a mill?”
“I was dabbling in some local government, but Oliver decided to leave Raleigh. I took over the management, making Maria my secretary.”
“She fell for her boss?”
“We were under a great deal of stress when Oliver left. She was a good friend and comfort to me when I … well had to pick up his mess.”
“Oliver wasn’t a good business manager?”
“Oliver has a different set of priorities.”
Lizzie looked at her fingers in the sand. “You were grateful to Maria for helping you.”
“It was more than gratitude. She surprised me. I never expected to feel that way after…” Ben glanced briefly at her and then back towards the ocean. “Maria was so very different. She was a good worker. She had an eye for detail and worked many long hours to make certain my office ran smoothly. She was discreet.”
“She knew what you were?”
“Maria’s family was from Italy. She was a Catholic. Innocent … but clever enough to know that I was not… that there was something unusual about Oliver and me. She confronted me about it. I was already in love with her and couldn’t make myself lie. I told her. Like I told you.”
“Did she offer you her veins?” Lizzie struggled to keep the snarl out of her voice.
“She ran away,” Ben cleared his throat. “I never found out what she did in those two years. I imagine she was nursing her father, who was very ill. When he d
ied she came back. She didn’t have anyone else. There was no one left to judge her for being with me.”
“She loved you.”
“In spite of herself,” Ben said almost inaudibly. “I was too in love with her to see her sorrow.”
Lizzie felt another twinge of jealousy as the sound of the waves took the place of his conversation. “Why didn’t you marry her? Wasn’t marriage more important then?”
“She wouldn’t marry me. I asked her. We left Raleigh. I bought a house in upstate New York. We lived like man and wife. She used my name. Everyone in town thought we were married. We couldn’t have children. Sometimes I think she didn’t want to get married so she could leave.”
“When did she leave?”
“She was happy at first. We were both happy. I invested in the local store and made a modest living. She kept the house and was active in the community. After a few years, she became depressed. She stopped eating. She stayed in her room for days. She wouldn’t talk to me. She was miserable because I wasn’t growing old while she was. She was jealous of young women who came to the store. Then I found out about Coldbrook. Do you know about the springs they used to have?”
“No,” Lizzie was startled by the shift of conversation.
“There were springs where the state forest is now. They said the springs had healing powers. People came from all over the country to stay in two big hotels. I brought Maria there for a couple summers. She liked those waters. She was happy again. We talked about buying a house in Coldbrook so she could be there all year round. But the idea of living in Coldbrook didn’t make her any happier. She drowned herself on her 47th birthday.”
“Ben, I’m so sorry,” Lizzie gasped at the ending to his story she did not expect.
“That’s when I decided to become a doctor. I couldn’t help her. But I wanted to help… I wanted to stop being the cause of so much woe and injury,” he shut his eyes and opened them to look at the brilliant sky over the ocean.
Lizzie straightened out her knees and decided she needed to stand. She felt the stiffness of her joints from sitting on the sand for over an hour. Ben was at her side and took her in his arms, resting his chin on her shoulders.
