by Jessie Olson
She ran. She kept running. The music on her iPod pressed her forward in a rhythm as steady as her heartbeat. She had her back to the Museum of Science and kept running, running, running towards the Mass Ave. Bridge. The people on the path were a blur. The river faded into the gray mist of the clouds.
It started raining. Softly at first and then suddenly a downpour. Her clothes soaked through. But she kept running. She wouldn’t run on the grass. She would slip on the mud and hurt her ankle. Ben wouldn’t be there to take her home. It was a long way back to the train. A long walk back to the kitchen with its warm fire and Annie’s fresh bread. She wasn’t hungry. She wanted to keep running. She saw a path of white rose heads leading her out of the yard. There were more and more and more all the way down the path to the marsh. She ran to shelter herself from the rain, where the green eyes turned and smiled in expectation. She didn’t hesitate and kissed him. He unzipped her sweatshirt and then she was lying on top of him in the library. She felt his heartbeat slowing underneath her own. She felt the vibration of its rhythm in her bones, as it reverberated from the walls, the music in the walls…
Lizzie opened her eyes and adjusted to the sound of her walls pulsing. Her playlist ended, leaving vacancy for the iambic vibrations of Meg’s music to occupy her ears. Like the feel of a rapid heartbeat and increasing warmth of skin against her skin…
She shut her eyes again and tried to quiet the fury of her senses, but was unable to find ease to relax back to her subconscious. Lizzie opened the door into the dark and empty hallway. She went down the stairs and found her way in the blackness to the dining room. There was a half a bottle of wine left at the bar. She poured a glass and felt it immediately warm her veins.
She sat in the chair where she faced Ben and dared him to prove he could drink her blood. Where he looked at her with sincere green eyes. The green eyes that were waiting for her in the rain… the rain… the marsh… the water. The book under the water. Why did the book fall under the water?
Chapter Thirty-Two
Lizzie pulled her sweater as the board member and his wife walked away from the reception table. She knew the black cardigan hid the features of her dress, but it was cold so close to the outside door. Most of the guests arrived, allowing Lizzie to put the remaining seating cards into a neater arrangement.
“Hi Lizzie,” Dr. Chiang approached the table with Gerard Fulton.
“Good evening.”
“You know Mr. Fulton,” the blue eyes smiled at Lizzie as she indicated the familiar donor. “I have some more guests coming shortly. But I suppose we should get to our table before they start serving dinner.”
“They just began the salad course,” Lizzie felt herself fluster. Was it because of Dr. Chiang? Or was it Lily’s deference to a Fulton? “I believe you are sitting with Richard. Table 6.”
“Thank you, Lizzie,” Dr. Chiang’s smile was too warm to justify the intimidation. She watched the pair enter the reception hall, wondering if Gerard was as smitten with Dr. Chiang as Richard. Even Lizzie was awestruck by her beauty in a brilliant blue gown. It made her black sweater feel even frumpier.
Lizzie took out her phone to fill the next lull that descended into the lobby. She pulled up her text mailbox, which was cluttered since before Christmas. Her most frequent correspondent was Nora, with unrelenting invitations for dinner, to which Lizzie often found the excuse of training to decline. She deleted Nora’s most recent text, as well as Meg’s inquiries to her arrival home, all the way down to her last text from Ben, saying his flight arrived. She didn’t want to think about him. She stared at his number and wondered if she should erase that from her phone. She couldn’t bring herself to do that. Not yet.
“Lizzie,” a familiar voice lifted her attention away from the phone.
“Eric,” she managed a smile to conceal her surprise.
“How are you?” his return grin had no awkward or bitter sentiment.
“Well,” she nodded, glancing to her guest list.
“I’m sitting with Dr. Chiang,” he rested his fingers on the table. “How have you been?”
“Running lots.”
“Yeah, I heard you were training for the marathon,” he lifted a flirtatious eyebrow.
“Are you still working for Dr. Chiang?” Lizzie assumed she was the source of the piece of gossip.
“I got a residency at MGH, but I keep in touch with her. In fact, she wants me to come back and work for her when the new cardiac center opens.”
“The opening is next month,” Lizzie tried not to show apprehension of seeing him in the cafeteria.
“Well, it might be a year or so… but she is very persuasive,” he offered another knowing smirk.
“That’s very… good for you, Eric.”
“It’s good to see you, Lizzie,” he smiled. “Do you know where Kate and Mr. Fulton are sitting?”
Lizzie stopped at the familiarity with Dr. Chiang. Maybe his exuberant charm had nothing to do with Lizzie and was all about the department head trying to woo his medical talent. “Table six,” her voice quieted.
“Thanks,” he turned towards the reception hall. “I’ll probably see you at the opening.”
“Probably,” Lizzie watched him leave and wished she could avoid that event.
It wasn’t that she didn’t want to see him. There was a part of her that was glad to see her former… fling. He offered her the chance for something else. She didn’t take that chance because she wanted Ben. What if she accepted his offer a year before? Would her life be better? To have avoided all this heartache? To not know Lily. To have a somewhat normal life. Did she really have any other option than Ben and Oliver? Wasn’t it obvious that Eric had a thing for Dr. Chiang all the while? Lizzie was just a distraction.
She didn’t want a relationship with Eric. She always knew that. Even before Ben came into her life. She found him attractive. And maybe if she was in a better frame of mind, she would see how far he was willing to go to distract himself from Dr. Chiang. But she wasn’t. She was miserable. There was nothing about her life that lifted her spirits. Not her job. Not the solace of her room.
She packed up the registration table an hour later, peering in to the ballroom where the dancing already began. Eric had his arm around Dr. Chiang in an enthusiastic turn. She never realized how well he could move on the dance floor. Maybe she misjudged him. Maybe… maybe she really wasn’t who he was after in the long run. She decided not to go in and sit with the other staff to eat a cold extra meal from the caterer. She wasn’t hungry… and she wasn’t sure she could sit in that room and be pleasant.
*****
Meg was typing on her laptop when Lizzie came home. . “You’re home early,” she looked up and smiled.
“You’re home,” Lizzie sat in the chair without removing her coat.
“Did you expect I wouldn’t be?”
Lizzie wondered if she would confess the reason for the pulsing music. Maybe she didn’t want to know. Secrets were not fun, but sometimes they were easier than knowing the truth.
“I saw Eric tonight,” Lizzie sighed.
“Oh,” Meg took a sip of her wine.
“Maybe I made a bad choice.”
“Seriously?”
“I don’t know,” Lizzie sighed and looked at the muted television screen. The costume epic made her think of Lily. “Maybe I didn’t have a choice.”
“Is he still interested?”
“He’s a surgeon. I’m sure he has better options.”
“Oh Lizzie,” Meg sighed. “We’re quite a pair, aren’t we?”
Lizzie met her eyes, wondering much they knew. Did Claire… say anything to her? Why would she? Lizzie didn’t want to know. She was tired of finding things out that made life more complicated and less happy. “Well, I was thinking of a long run tomorrow. I suppose I should go to bed.”
Meg took another sip of wine. “Hey, you know my friend Didi published her book. She’s giving a reading tomorrow night. If you aren’t exhausted by your r
un, you should come.”
“It would be good to get out of the house…”
“There’s a little party at her place after. I said I would help set things up, but if you want to meet me at the book store, you can join us for some wine and cheese.”
“Okay,” Lizzie paused. “Meg, I’m sorry we… I’m sorry that we don’t talk much any more.”
“Well, we have a baby shower to help plan. So we better start talking soon.”
“Right. Tomorrow sounds good.”
*****
It wasn’t quite twelve miles, but close enough. She probably could have run more. She had so much energy that wasn’t going any place except into her running. She didn’t want to sit at home and think once again of a path she chose a year ago. A path away from a normal life – a normal life with a man who once said something to her about having a family. It was really just a suggestion for dinner. But he was interested. Maybe he wasn’t that interested if his ultimate goal was Dr. Chiang. Then again, she lost track of him after Ben came to her apartment with a bottle of wine.
It was no use dwelling. No use sitting in her apartment wondering the whatifs. She wasn’t really that enthusiastic about Didi’s book. She vaguely remembered conversation of it on Meg’s birthday. Some cheesy, oversexed novel, with a paranormal element. God. That was… she wondered if she would be able to sit through the reading without laughing outright.
She didn’t laugh outright. Because, there in the second row, was Claire. There were a couple other students Lizzie recognized from the study sessions. None of them had that hungry look in their eyes. Well, none from what Lizzie could see in the back row of added chairs where she snuck in as Didi took the podium.
Lizzie didn’t even pay attention enough to laugh. She was focused on the long dark hair of that vampire. Maybe she imagined it. She certainly had the physicality of an 18 year old. Again, from what she could tell ten rows back in the crowded reading room of the book store. Why why why why was she deciding to think about those things? She didn’t want those creatures as part of her life. She walked away from Oliver because he hurt her. She wanted to go back to Ben… but Ben didn’t want her. So she was better off.
But there was… Lizzie forced the detail of her run out of her mind. It would be too easy to get confident about her endorphins, easy to forget everything she knew she should think about. Easy to forget, as she did that winter evening on Jack’s back porch with his drummer.
She shook herself back to the present when everyone clapped at the end of Didi’s reading. Meg was seated next to Tamara in the middle row and asked a couple questions to get the crowd started. As if sensing Lizzie’s concentration, she turned around and waved quickly before returning to hear Didi’s answer about her favorite writing habits.
Lizzie didn’t want to go to the party. Especially not if the students were invited as well. She waited until the questions ended and the line started for book signing. “You made it,” Meg wended her way through the crowd.
“Yeah,” she couldn’t stop herself from looking to see if the dark hair was still in the second row.
“Are you coming to the party?”
“I intended to,” Lizzie sighed. She wished she brought her car and didn’t take the train. Oh well. She could deal with a walk. “But I’m tired. I think that run took more out of me than… I think I’ll just get a book and congratulate Didi.”
“Well, if you change your mind, you know the address, right?”
Lizzie nodded, even though she really didn’t know where Tamara and Didi lived. She watched Meg follow Tamara out of the store and bought a book. It was the least she could do. Maybe she might even read it for distraction. Didi was pleased to see her… so that was… something.
As she hastened to leave the store, her eye caught a glimpse of the New Age section, and a large, glossy book about reincarnation. She stepped in front of the shelf and scanned through the hefty volume. So many words about regression therapy and hypnosis. Too much work. She put it down and saw a whole shelf on the subject. None of them had answers about Lily or books that fell into the water. But… it was something… something to pretend had an answer. Something to occupy another lonely evening.
“That book isn’t any good,” a voice startled her so much Lizzie dropped it. “Most of these aren’t.”
Lizzie allowed herself to take in the dark hair and dark eyes and slightly olive skin. Even under the loose form of a peasant blouse, it was obvious Claire had a perfect hourglass. The right proportion to her waist, the lift to her round breasts. She smiled at Lizzie’s concentrated glance and then pulled another book from the display. “This one is all right. Mostly because the author uses personal narrative. It could be a load of crap, but I always found it insightful.”
“You’ve read it?”
“I’ve read a lot of things,” she replaced the book. “Although, truthfully, I probably won’t read that book.”
Lizzie looked at her signed copy. “Then why did you come here?”
“Professor Lewis asked the class to come support her friend.” It was odd. She almost spoke like the eighteen year old she was pretending to be. But Lizzie knew that was an act. She could see it in her dark amber eyes. “But I think I’ll skip the party. I doubt their crudités will do much for my appetite.”
Lizzie felt the scarlet on her face as those amber eyes locked with her own. She pulled her concentration away and found another book in which to feign interest. “Are you going to the party?” Claire persisted.
“Didi is a good friend,” Lizzie replaced the book and moved along the shelf, putting her in the women’s studies section.
“Hm,” Claire still looked, waiting for Lizzie’s eyes to turn. She pulled out a book about female physiology and didn’t pretend very long to look at it before taking one slow step away from Lizzie. “I might be able to tell you a thing or two myself. I don’t think my personal narrative is as compelling as that book, but I do have some experience with that sort of thing.”
Lizzie couldn’t stop herself from meeting the amber eyes or the blood rush from appearing once more across her cheeks. She knew Claire was hungry and could probably sense those twelve miles that pushed the oxygen through her bloodstream. She didn’t want to go to Didi’s party and sit around with Meg’s friends and students. She didn’t want to go home. She wanted what she knew she shouldn’t want. She… “What can you tell me?”
“Why don’t we go somewhere that’s better for this type of conversation?” Claire’s voice changed, dropping the teenager façade. Lizzie didn’t answer. She merely followed her out of the bookstore, across the parking lot towards a red Volvo coupe. Her heart accelerated as she took the passenger seat and Claire silently drove out of the parking lot.
“How do you know Alec?” Lizzie spit out after five minutes of silence made her too jumpy to sit still.
“He’s an old friend,” Claire focused on the drive.
“Is that all?”
Claire laughed and pressed her directional. “Alec and I were freshmen together many years ago.”
“How many years ago?”
“Before I changed. We are the same age – technically.”
“Oh…” Lizzie thought of how seeing Alec and Meg together made her squirm. But… Ben was no different. He was… older. And for that matter, so was Oliver. “Why are you in Meg’s class?”
“I went back to the university last semester. Thought I’d major in a different genre this time. Alec said she’s a good teacher,” Claire darted her eyes briefly to Lizzie. “I can’t deny I was slightly curious about you.”
“Me?” Lizzie clenched the book in her lap tightly. What was she doing? This couldn’t be any more sane or safe than kissing Oliver behind the store in Coldbrook.
Claire laughed again. Her laugh wasn’t youthful. It was wise and wicked. “My husband knew Ben Cottingham. They weren’t particularly friendly. Matthew never understood the point of the clinic. Neither did I for that matter. I never met him, but I k
new of him. I knew he kept to himself. I was curious about the woman who changed that. And why.”
“I don’t want to talk about Ben,” Lizzie set her jaw. She did want to talk about him. But this woman clearly didn’t like Ben. She didn’t want to cry in front of this vampire, who was eerily confident in her eighteen year old body. Lizzie felt the weakness of a five year old in her body that was twice Claire’s age.
“Fair enough,” Claire pursed her lips as she turned the car again, leaving the main road. Lizzie hadn’t paid attention to their direction or where they were going, but suddenly the number of trees increased and the sizes of homes got noticeably larger. “He wasn’t my main interest anyway, Elizabeth.”
She turned her head back at her full name. She remembered their hasty introduction at Starbucks and was certain Alec called her Lizzie. “What is?”
“I saw a picture of you in your living room,” Claire lightened her voice to admiration. “You’ve changed so much. You reversed your aging process. By sheer force of will. Not because someone bit you and infected you with a strange form of DNA. I envy that.”
“Is it the change or the endorphins?” Lizzie breathed out in annoyance. Were vampires that shallow? Was it all about athletics and youth and neurological chemicals? What about love?
“I admire the change,” Claire sighed. “I won’t ever change. I can’t get worse. I can’t get better.”
“But you are beautiful,” Lizzie said impatiently as she allowed herself another glance in the glow of the street lights.
“That gets boring, doesn’t it?” Claire turned the car into a driveway. “But I thank you for the compliment.”
