by Jessie Olson
“Mm,” Lizzie looked down at her hands. She felt better enough to feel frustrated with her limited movement.
“I’ll tell them you are awake,” he quickly left the room.
Lizzie sighed and looked up at the ceiling. She noticed an arrangement of flowers on the table next to her. She was able to reach the card with her unrestrained arm and saw they were from Richard. News traveled fast in the corridors of Mt. Elm.
Ben came back into the room with another smile. “Who is my doctor?” Lizzie wondered if anyone she saw in the cafeteria was going to come in and ask her why she had two red marks on her neck… or if for any reason they happened to notice… her thigh.
“I have a friend who works here and at the clinic,” Ben sat in the chair that was still close to her side.
“Dr. Chiang?”
Ben eyed her carefully and smiled in amusement. “She didn’t think you knew.”
“I figured it out a few weeks ago. She… a friend of mine has a thing for her,” Lizzie looked down, feeling odd with the reference to Eric as her friend. He really wasn’t, even though he knew more about her than the people whom she did label as friends.
“Eric Drummond,” Ben lost his smile.
“You know him?”
“I know that you and he…” Ben gazed at the door.
“It’s not…” Lizzie looked at her hands and then tried to make eye contact again. “What happened yesterday?”
“You lost a lot of blood.”
“I know that. But how did I get here? How did Dr. Chiang become my doctor? How did Richard find out to send me flowers?”
Ben drew his fingers into his palm and tightened a fist. Then he released it and shook it out. “I was outside your house when you called.”
“What?”
“I saw you leave with him. I came to watch you at the race. You made a better time than I thought, so I missed seeing you cross the finish line. By the time I found you, you were getting into his Jeep.”
“You came?”
“I thought you wanted me to.”
“I did… I didn’t think you would.”
“I started to go home but then I went to your house. I sat outside debating whether or not to go in and talk to you. I didn’t want to act on my anger, Elizabeth. You made a choice to be with him. You invited him in. But… I didn’t want… anything to happen to you.”
“Ben…”
“I saw him leave. I knew something was wrong. I was going to go after him but then you called. I found you on the floor of your bedroom,” he shut his eyes as if trying to stop himself from seeing. “The ambulance was there in ten minutes. They were the most terrifying ten minutes I’ve lived through in a long time.”
Lizzie saw the sadness he tried to mask with a hasty smile. “Ben, this is my fault. I shouldn’t have…”
“He should have known better,” he drew in a slow breath, almost prompting his voice to growl.
“Known what?”
“He knew you just ran 26 miles. You were dehydrated and anemic already. But he lost control again.”
Lizzie looked away from him, feeling the sensation of her head hitting the back of the country store. She let him kiss her. She let him come close to her when she knew better. When she knew her blood wasn’t good enough. “Ben, I…”
“It isn’t your fault Elizabeth,” Ben hardened his voice. “Charlotte poisoned him.”
“What? How can you poison a vampire?”
“I told you we have adverse reactions to certain elements in blood.”
“Lead,” Lizzie looked at the wires dripping liquid into her veins. She thought of Claire’s husband and all the details Ben revealed in Quechee. “But he… you said that lead poisoning causes porphyria… or whatever it is that makes you sensitive to light. How can that be when he goes hiking and… he loves the outdoors?”
“He removed most of it from his system. But it never goes away completely. There is no complete cure. So when he doesn’t keep a schedule and drinks weak blood, there is enough lead to cause symptoms to return.”
“What symptoms?”
“Aggression. Mania. Delusions.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I tried to warn you about him. You didn’t want to hear me. You thought I was keeping him from you out of spite.”
She heard the echo of all the unpleasant conversations in November and again when he saw her outside of the Fulton Center opening. He was trying to tell her something she didn’t want to hear. She kept the truth from Ben about all her encounters with Oliver. How could he warn her if she was seeing him behind his back? “How did she do it? How did Charlotte get the lead into his blood?”
“She convinced him to feed on contaminated sources,” Ben paused for another lengthy minute. “The mill girls were all exposed to lead paint.”
“Eloise Hutchins.” The energy left her as the name left her lips. She leaned her head back and gazed at the ceiling. “So it was me all along. I am responsible for making him a vampire. Then I made him crazy. So… does that mean I will destroy him in this life, too?”
“No, Elizabeth.” Ben rubbed his chin in his hand. “Eloise Hutchins was a fourteen year old girl. She didn’t paint the walls of her home. She didn’t have any choice in what happened to her. For many years I didn’t even believe she was Lily. I didn’t think you had anything to do with Eloise until you remembered she had red hair. And even if you did, it doesn’t justify what he did to her… or you.”
“He’s … when he’s like that, he’s not the Oliver of Lily’s memories. He’s not… Thomas,” Lizzie blinked her eyes, hoping her weakness wouldn’t give way to tears. How could the Oliver who was so tender, so kind, so concerned about the environment, who listened to her… how could he be a manic, deluded monster? “If he drinks good blood, he will be all right, won’t he?”
“He doesn’t always take good blood.”
“My blood wasn’t…” Lizzie looked away from him. She could feel the plastic of the wire against her neck. “It hadn’t been long enough.”
“Long enough?”
Lizzie drew in the oxygen to summon her courage to be honest. She didn’t tell Oliver her blood wasn’t good enough. He drank it and went mad. “I was a source to another vampire.”
She saw the tension harden his jaw. “Who did you feed?” The anger in his eyes was unmistakable. She never saw him bare that emotion so boldly. Not even when she told him about Oliver.
“Her name is Claire Chamberlain.”
“Matthew Chamberlain’s widow?”
Lizzie swallowed. She wanted to tell him it provoked vivid images of him and Lily. That she went there because she missed the sensation. That she wanted to be with a vampire… like him. None of that came to her mouth. The shame numbed her speech and crept down her throat. “It was…” she tried to begin a sentence when a familiar dark haired woman walked into the room.
“Hi Lizzie,” Dr. Chiang greeted as she picked up the chart at the foot of her bed. There was no pause to acknowledge their mutual truths. That Dr. Chiang was a vampire or that Lizzie was a source. “How are you feeling?”
“Better,” Lizzie couldn’t look at Ben.
“You’ve got some color back,” the doctor smiled at Ben.
“Ben says we should let you have some dinner tonight. So I think we can take this off,” she removed the IV from her arm. “But I’d like to keep the heart monitor on you for one more night.”
As she stepped back to the foot of the bed, Ben rose and whispered something to her. Lizzie couldn’t understand all the words he was speaking, but knew he was telling her about Claire. Lizzie felt Dr. Chiang’s eyes look over her again. “Actually, Elizabeth,” she startled Lizzie with the change of her name. “I would like to have you stay at the clinic for a couple days. I want to keep you under observation.”
“I don’t think that’s necessary, Kate,” Ben interjected. “She can stay with me. I can keep an eye on her.”
Dr. Chiang smiled at Li
zzie and cast a knowing glance towards Ben. “That’s all right with me. Is that okay with you, Elizabeth? No need to occupy one of our beds when you have a chance to stay at that swanky new apartment.” Lizzie forced a grin of agreement even though she felt a sting at the fact that Dr. Chiang knew more about where Ben lived presently than she did. “You’re a very lucky girl, Elizabeth. You have some very concerned doctors looking out for you.”
“I am lucky,” she sank back against her pillow as Ben whispered a few more sentences to Dr. Chiang. Her head was too clouded to understand if she should be worried about the doctor’s added concern or about Ben’s anger. Did he really want her to come to her new apartment? Or was he just protecting her from Oliver until he had a clean source of blood?
“Kate is going to have them bring you some dinner,” Ben’s voice pulled her focus back after Dr. Chiang left.
“Great,” Lizzie didn’t have an appetite for food, especially Mt. Elm food.
“You are going to be okay,” Ben rested his hand on her arm as he sat back in the chair. “I’m sorry if I was too bold saying that you would stay with me. But I can promise you that it is much more comfortable than the clinic.”
Lizzie looked at the flowers by her bed. “If you knew Oliver was dangerous, why did you go to Chicago?”
“Because you left me, Elizabeth. I thought that was what you wanted. For the first time you remembered me with Lily… and instead of staying with me, you went to him,” his eyes weakened from anger to the sorrow she had never seen.
“Why did you come back?”
“Keith told me you came to the apartment. I knew something happened. I knew it was Oliver. I wanted to be here the next time you needed me.”
She looked at his eyes, feeling shame and guilt for ever doubting him. For ever doubting he wanted anything except her wellbeing. “I… I’m sorry.”
“I’m just grateful you are okay. That he didn’t…” he reached for her hand. She wrapped her fingers around his hand and felt the comfort of his grip. It was real. Not a dream. Not a ghostly meeting in a parking lot. He was there beside her, holding her hand and looking at her with the green gray eyes.
“Ben, I…” she began as a nurse entered with her food. Ben let go of her hand and arranged the table in front of her. He went back to his laptop to cue her focus on the meal. Lizzie took a half hearted bite of spaghetti then lifted her eyes to see him looking at her. He shifted his glance quickly, but she was certain it held the intensity of the stare he gave Lily.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
“Wow,” Lizzie couldn’t contain her amazement as she followed Ben into the apartment. It was a big open space, with no walls separating the living, dining, and kitchen areas. The stylish furnishings and shiny new kitchen were lit by floor to ceiling windows revealing the Charles River below. A spiral staircase went up to a loft on the second story.
“I wanted a new place when I came back from Chicago,” he bit his lip. “I was rather self-indulgent.”
“It’s a nice space,” Lizzie walked to the windows and admired the budding leaves on the trees along Storrow Drive.
“I didn’t bring much from the old apartment,” he bit his lip. “Just a few boxes.”
“I like it,” Lizzie turned back to him, wondering what happened to Maria’s china.
“There are three bedrooms upstairs,” Ben paused. “Do you want something to eat? I’m afraid there’s nothing in the kitchen. Not even plates. But, there are a couple places that can probably deliver lunch.”
“I’m not that hungry,” she looked towards the kitchen with its polished marble counter and stainless steel appliances. “Why am I here, Ben? Is there something wrong with me?”
“You just need to take it easy,” he guided her away from the window to one of the couches.
“I could take it easy at home. What are you and Dr. Chiang afraid will happen?”
“It’s just a precaution, Elizabeth,” he brightened his eyes.
“A precaution for what?” she folded her arms across her chest.
“Sometimes when a source has a low red blood cell count, there are additional risks.”
“Additional to bleeding to death?”
“The chemical in our teeth – that anestatizes the pain of the cut – gets into the bloodstream of all sources. If there aren’t sufficient red blood cells, there is a risk of mutation.”
“Mutation?”
Ben met her eyes and nodded. “You had a lot of healthy blood pumped into you, Elizabeth. It has been well over 36 hours, when most symptoms manifest themselves.”
Lizzie unfolded her arms and touched the wound at her neck. “When you say mutation, do you mean that I could become … one of you?”
“Not entirely,” he shook his head, as if to conceal an unpleasant thought. “But often the only cure is a transfusion of blood from one of us, which means… the mutated source would…”
“Become a vampire,” Lizzie swallowed. “Does this happen often?”
“No – not with regulations for source feeding,” Ben hardened his jaw.
“Why didn’t you explain this to me before?”
“I never thought it would become an issue, Elizabeth. I didn’t think that you would… be a source for anyone else.”
Lizzie felt her cheeks flame. It was a fair remark. He made it with a very neutral tone and without a hint of nastiness. “Ben, when you came to my room on Monday and you found me… you could have saved me, couldn’t you?”
“I did save you,” he left the couch.
“Yes, but if… if the ambulance didn’t come in time, you could have given me your blood.”
“That wouldn’t be saving you.”
“You said you thought about it.”
“I did. I have. I don’t know if I could ever do it,” he faced her. “I know I would never do that without giving you a choice, Elizabeth. I would hate for it to be a choice you have to make.”
“Why did you change, Ben? Did Charlotte trick you?”
“She did… but… it was a long time ago.”
“Was there someone else – was there a Lily between you?”
“Charlotte seduced me when I was a drunk in a tavern. She fed on me for nearly a year. I had a head for money and figures that was very useful to her. I was a business investment,” Ben’s voice had the anger she heard when she mentioned the Chamberlains. “I wanted her power.”
“Is that what you were like when you were a farmer?”
“I don’t remember,” Ben shook his head. “I honestly don’t remember very much about those years before the Fulton scheme. I don’t want to remember.”
“Not even your own life? You were married and had children. You said you loved them.”
“It’s a distant dream.”
“What’s the point of living so long if you can’t remember the life you want to last forever?”
“I didn’t want to remember it when I changed.”
“But you choose to remember…”
“Yes, I choose to remember her,” Ben crossed back to entrance where he left his briefcase.
“Will you remember me?”
“I don’t… I don’t think about it that way. You are here right now.”
“You want me here?” she stood from the couch and took a hesitant step towards him.
“Yes,” he clutched his briefcase and watched her take slow steps towards him.
“I know why Lily chose him.” Ben didn’t respond. He kept his focus, but left the silence for her to fill. “I know why Oliver killed Charlotte. That’s what we were talking about before he…” Lizzie stopped moving. “Charlotte told Oliver she knew Lily was pregnant. Lily told you. She told you first… you were the only one she ever told.”
Ben took in a breath and walked away. She watched him disappear through a door under the spiral staircase. Lizzie waited a few minutes, expecting him to return. Did he go get something? Did he need to collect himself before he told her the complete truth? Several minutes passed and
Ben did not return. Did something distract him from coming back? She went through the door under the stairs and found him behind a computer at a desk. “Don’t you have anything to say?”
“What is there to say, Elizabeth?”
“That’s why – that’s why it all happened.”
“It was two hundred years ago, Elizabeth. There are more current events that have bearing on the present,” he looked at her intently.
“It has everything to do with the present, Ben. It’s why I’m here. It’s why I … it’s why I let him…” she looked down and touched the spots on her neck again. “He needed to know Lily forgave him for killing their child.”
“You aren’t Lily,” he went back to typing.
“I didn’t want this, Benjamin,” she snapped back. “Do you think I want her memories creeping into my brain at night? Or when I’m sick with a fever? Don’t you think I want to be in possession of my own feelings and make a choice based on what my heart wants and not what some poor girl who died miserably never got to have?”
“I didn’t think you wanted to have anything to do with her,” he still looked at the computer. “You were the one … you made the decision to let her make your choices.”
“But you loved Lily. Isn’t that what you wanted? Isn’t that why you were with me? So YOU could have your second chance? So you could feel as though she forgave you for taking Oliver away and making him into the creature that took her child? You didn’t spend time with Sara and me at Springs because you had any interest in Elizabeth. You were waiting for the day that I remembered Lily. You told me you wanted me to remember that you were with her. You wanted me to be Lily.”
“No,” he looked away from the computer. “I wanted you to be Elizabeth. I didn’t want to tell you about Lily and how she felt about me. I didn’t want to force that thought into your mind and make you see it that way.”
“But you told me about Lily. You told me about Oliver. Didn’t you force those thoughts into my head?”
“Did I?”Ben stood up from his chair and came in front of her. “I told you because you asked me. Because you wanted to know.”
