by Debra Webb
She shook her head. “I’m not hungry. I want to go wait outside her house for her to come home.”
“Mel, slow down.” He moved to the other chair and settled into it. “Sit. I need to know exactly what she said to you.”
Knowing she would get nowhere once he made up his mind, Mel sat down in the chair adjacent to Ryan. The small side table that separated them wasn’t nearly enough of a barrier…but it would have to do. She needed him right now…had to take the risk.
“She said she had to talk to me…just me.” Mel mentally recounted the conversation before continuing. “When I asked her if it was about my daughter, she said yes. I kind of lost it for a moment at that point, but she seemed to understand. She kept saying she was sorry. That it was a mistake and that she’d tell me everything tomorrow.”
Ryan looked thoughtful for a moment. She watched the familiar contours of his handsome face tense. “Did she give you any indication that Katlin was alive?”
Mel wet her lips then chewed the lower one for courage. “I begged her to tell me if she was all right, but she wouldn’t say. She just kept saying it was a mistake.” She swiped at another confounded tear that escaped her fierce hold on her emotions.
“Why did she call?” Ryan scrubbed a hand over his stubbled chin. The sound sent an unexpected shiver through Mel. She shook off the sensation and told herself to focus. She was tired, that’s all.
“She said that when she saw me today that she knew she couldn’t keep it to herself any longer.”
Sounded like the woman was ready to confess to whatever wrongdoing she had witnessed…or perhaps participated in. Ryan raked his fingers through his hair. Damn, he was suddenly completely exhausted. He settled his gaze on Mel, saw the hope, the desperation there. He did not want to play devil’s advocate here. But he didn’t have much choice. She had to consider both sides of this.
“Mel, she didn’t actually give you any indication of the child’s condition. This could be the break in the case we’ve hoped for, but it may not be the answer you want to hear.”
She shot to her feet. “Dammit, Braxton, don’t you get it?” She flung her arms outward and glared at him. “I know that. I’m not that dense. I’m fully aware that with the length of time my daughter has been missing, not to mention the fact that the entire medical staff at Memphis General considered her dead days ago, the odds are against me. But I have to know.” Her bottom lip quivered and something inside him twisted painfully. “I have to know for sure. I can’t just leave it like this.”
He got up without taking his eyes off hers. “I’m not asking you to leave it like this, Mel. I’m warning you not to go into this with blinders on. You want your daughter back, there’s a big chance that isn’t going to happen. But there are discrepancies. Foul play of some sort and we’re damn sure going to find out what the hell happened.”
The quiver in her lip seemed to spread until her whole body shook with a fine tremor. “Come with me, Ryan. I need to talk to her the moment she comes home. Please…I can’t wait until noon tomorrow.”
He knew he shouldn’t do this. It was likely a big mistake not to mention a colossal waste of time. But he had the time to waste if it made her happy. Who needed sleep?
“All right.” He looked around his room as if trying to decide what to do next. “Grab a pillow,” he told her. When she stared at him in confusion he said, “You’re going to get some sleep.”
Apparently too thankful for his cooperation to argue, she grabbed the pillow and hugged it to her chest. “Ready?”
He shrugged. What the hell? “Sure. We’ll have to get some coffee on the way, though.”
She thought about that and then tossed the pillow back on the bed. “In that case I’d better use your…” She pointed to the bathroom door. “Before I go.”
“Good idea.”
Mel closed the bathroom door and braced her forehead against it long enough to gather her wits. She thanked God again for the nurse’s change of heart and, then, she thanked him for Ryan. She did need him…even if she hadn’t wanted to admit it in the beginning. She needed him. He knew how to work this kind of case like no one else alive.
Summoning her resolve as well as her waning strength, she unbuttoned her slacks, shimmied them down and settled on the toilet seat. While nature took its course, she studied the toiletries that belonged to the man waiting in the other room. The same subtle aftershave he’d worn two years ago…the same brand of razor. She smiled. He’d forgotten to use it this morning. She couldn’t remember him ever forgetting anything. He was always cool and suave, meticulously dressed. But not today. Today he’d been a little off his game.
She wondered about that. She rubbed her eyes and told herself it had nothing to do with her. Maybe he was just tired. Then again, she hadn’t seen him in two years. A lot of things could have changed in two years.
When she’d finished, she flushed the toilet and washed her hands, and took some time to study her reflection in the mirror. She looked like hell, but didn’t care. Nothing really mattered to her right now…except finding Katlin. She did wonder, foolishly so, what Ryan saw when he looked at her now? She laughed at herself and turned away. That was the least of her worries at the moment.
Shoving her hair behind her ear, she opened the door and faced the man she needed so very much right now. The one she couldn’t tell the whole truth…even when he’d asked, point-blank, today.
“I should do the same,” he said and gestured to the room she’d just vacated.
She nodded and thought of all the coffee it would take to get them through the night. Thankfully she’d noted an all-night convenience store in the neighborhood less than two blocks from Helen Peterson’s house. It might just come in handy if the woman was late coming home. Mel wondered again where she would be if not at work. Visiting friends or relatives, she supposed. Or with Katlin.
Mel closed her eyes, told herself not to do this…not to get her hopes so high. Please, God, let this be good news, she prayed. She just didn’t think she could bear any more bad.
“Ready?”
She looked up and found Ryan watching her. She nodded quickly. He could always do that to her…sneak up on her like that. But then, she’d been lost in the tidal wave of agony attempting to wear down her defenses.
It took less than twenty minutes to make the trip back to Helen Peterson’s house. Ryan insisted on taking his car, which was just as well. Someone involved in all this insanity might recognize her SUV. The pink angel hanging from the rearview mirror made her vehicle hard to forget. Becoming a mother had softened her that way. Forced her to consider what was really important.
He parked across the street. Since there were several other cars parked along the curb, it didn’t seem necessary to fall back half a block. The dark sedan blended in well with the others. If Mel leaned to the right and squinted, she could see the lights of the convenience store down the street and just beyond the slight curve.
She sipped the coffee Ryan had picked up at an all night drive-thru. The bitter brew definitely kicked any thoughts of sleep right out of her head. She shuddered and took another. It was going to be a long night if Helen Peterson had decided to bunk somewhere else. And, if she was afraid for her own safety, she just might hide out.
Mel replayed the conversation over and over as the minutes ticked off, turned into an hour. Any way she played it, she had reason to hope. If Katlin were dead why would it matter to Helen whether Mel learned the truth or not? What would it accomplish?
Wishful thinking, Mel knew. She wanted to read the best in the scenario. What mother wouldn’t? She’d worked these sorts of cases herself dozens of times in her Bureau days. No one ever wanted to believe the worst until there was no other alternative. The woman might simply want to relieve her conscience.
Mel set her foam cup in the holder and relaxed into the seat. She closed her eyes to prevent them from straying to the man sitting behind the wheel. That damnable scent that was uniquely his, a mixtur
e of man and the remnants of aftershave, was driving her crazy.
He’d always smelled so good. Like pure heat and rock-solid strength. She remembered those powerful hands…capable of showing such tenderness….
Don’t go there, girl.
It was a dead-end street. A one-way ticket to regret and heartache. No place she needed to go. Even to distract herself from the perpetual hurt of needing to hold her child. She folded her arms over her middle and hugged herself. All she wanted was her baby back. Despite her best efforts, her eyes opened and she stole a sidelong glance at Ryan.
He didn’t suspect a thing.
Oh, she was sure he’d considered the idea, but he’d known she was on the Pill. Apparently he hadn’t looked at Katlin’s birth date. If he had, he would have known that she was his daughter.
The Pill had failed.
That had been the beginning of the end.
She’d been thrilled and at the same time scared to death. She’d known better than anyone how the unmovable Ryan Braxton had felt about children. He did not want any offspring, no exceptions.
Too late, she’d wanted to tell him.
Ironically he’d asked her to marry him that same week. She’d used that opportunity to push him about the issue. He’d given her an uncompromising no. Absolutely not. There would be no children in his future. He’d seen too much, wouldn’t take the risk.
So she’d done the only thing she could, she’d walked away.
From him…from the Bureau. Everything.
She wanted this child. Wanted him, desperately. But she would not choose him over their child. If she’d told him that she was pregnant and he’d went off the deep end and asked her to terminate the pregnancy, she could never have forgiven him. If he truly was that heartless she didn’t want to know. Not then, not now.
As much as she longed to tell him, to share the joy as well as the weight. She would not. Could not.
“You know, I was just thinking,” he said suddenly, startling her with the deep, resonant sound of his voice after more than an hour of silence. “Some of your things are still…there. At my place.”
She turned her head to look at him. “Really?” She couldn’t remember leaving anything, but then she’d been more than a little upset when she’d left.
He nodded once then turned to look at her. “I opened one of the boxes a few weeks ago.” He made a sound like a laugh only softer, more like a sigh. “I was looking for…” He shrugged. “I don’t know what. But I opened that box and I smelled your perfume…you.” He stared straight ahead then and lowered his voice to a whisper. “It took my breath away. Even after all this time.”
He didn’t say more and neither did she.
There was too much that needed to be said and neither of them had the courage to go there just now.
Maybe they never would.
CHAPTER NINE
She could hear her baby crying…calling for her…but she couldn’t find her no matter how hard she looked. It was so dark. The air felt thick…too thick to breathe. She pushed through the darkness, feeling her way since she couldn’t see. But the cries faded away into nothingness.
“No!” Melany cried. She couldn’t find her in the dark without some sort of guide. “No! Please!”
Another voice echoed through the murky blackness…Ryan’s voice. He was calling to her….
“Mel! Wake up. It’s only a dream.”
Her eyes flew open. She looked straight into the worried blue eyes of the only man she’d ever loved.
In the gray predawn light she could see the worry etched across the landscape of his face, could feel the tension in his strong fingers where they clamped around her arms.
“It’s okay, baby, it’s okay. It was just a dream,” he murmured.
His face was so close to hers. He’d moved into the middle of the car seat, or maybe she had. Somehow he was holding her. Watching her.
“I…couldn’t find her….” Katlin. She couldn’t find her baby. And in a single fraction of an instant it all came rushing back to her. Every harrowing moment…
Her head fell against the seat and she let the tears flow…didn’t bother trying to stop them. Sweet Jesus…where was her baby?
Ryan pulled her to his chest. Closed those warm, powerful and comfortingly familiar arms around her. Words weren’t necessary. What could he say? What could anyone say? Nothing. Her child was missing. The whole world thought she was dead, the police, the doctors, the nurses…everyone but her.
And maybe Bill and Ryan.
…the nurse.
As good as it felt to be in his arms, she pushed him away. “Did she come home?” God, how long had she been asleep? Mel glanced at the clock on the dash—5:30 a.m. She’d slept practically the whole night through and without a tranquilizer. She hadn’t had this much uninterrupted sleep since this whole nightmare began. If the dream hadn’t intruded…how long would she have slept?
Better yet, how, without the aid of something to dull her senses, had she managed it now?
Him. Her gaze tangled with the man still watching her every move. It was because of him. She knew she was safe with Ryan. He would take care of everything. She scrutinized that handsome face more closely and realized that, unlike her, he hadn’t gotten any sleep at all. He’d done that for her.
“Is she back?” she urged, needing desperately to know.
A slight shake of his head gave her the answer she didn’t want.
“She never came home, but I’m not surprised.” He eased back behind the wheel, putting some distance between them and leaving an emptiness that ached through her. “She’s running scared. If whoever she’s in this with suspects she plans to tell you what really happened, she could be in serious danger.”
She thought about Garland Hanes. Someone involved in all this had certainly put an end to his life. Then again, his murder could have nothing to do with Katlin. But she didn’t believe that for a second. This was all tied together, somehow. In a neat little package, only things were beginning to unravel one piece at a time.
The hope Helen Peterson’s call had engendered in Mel might also have something to do with her good night’s sleep, but she had a feeling that it was more likely the man at her side.
She glanced at Ryan again and wished she could read his mind. Wished she could risk telling him the truth. But the last thing she wanted was him involved in their lives out of obligation. Maybe she wasn’t being fair to him, or to Katlin, but, right now, she simply wasn’t willing to wager on it. His admission about opening a box of her things told her that he still felt something for her…but it would never be enough.
For now, she would keep her secret. The chance that the news would cause his attention to splinter was too great. He needed all of his focus right now. And so did she.
* * *
IF SHE LOOKED at him like that once more he’d be tempted to pull her back into his arms again. Ryan exhaled a heavy breath. He’d been closed up in this car all night with nothing but the sight of her—the scent of her—to keep him company. The coffee had kept him awake. That and a couple of brisk walks up and down the block. He felt immensely lucky that no one had awakened, seen a stranger on the street and called the cops.
He was even more thankful that his quick trip into the thick copse of trees at the end of the block hadn’t garnered him an indecent exposure charge. He’d managed that feat without getting spotted by an insomniac resident or a neighborhood dog.
“Did you happen to ask if Nurse Peterson would be on duty today when you called the hospital?” he inquired, deciding a change of subject was definitely in order.
“She’s not on duty again until three this afternoon,” Mel told him wearily.
She’d slept well until the end. Ryan had kept a close eye on her the whole time. But the exhaustion she felt right now was an accumulation of a whole week’s worth of sleeplessness and worry. Pepper that with disappointment that she would have to wait until noon to learn whatever the nurse had decided to t
ell her and weariness was the least one could expect.
“If she’s not here by now, she’s not coming. I should take you home. I’ll need to get back to the hotel to shower and change.” He rubbed a hand over his jaw. “And I definitely need a shave.”
Mel’s attention remained riveted to the house that had stayed dark all through the night. “I hadn’t considered it until now,” she said distractedly, “but she might hire out as a private nurse on the nights she’s not on duty at the hospital. That could explain why she hasn’t come home.”
Ryan followed her gaze. “That’s possible.” It was also possible, he didn’t add, that the nurse had gone into hiding…or that someone had shut her up already. Mel didn’t need to hear that just now.
She sighed then. “You know, I’m fully aware it’s considered breaking and entering, but for a little bit I’d go in there and see what I could find.”
“And render whatever you discovered inadmissible as evidence,” he chastised. “Don’t even think about it.” He wouldn’t mention that he’d thought about it himself a couple of times as he’d consumed three cups of coffee, alternately sat and walked his way through the night.
“It was just a thought.”
Respect prompted a smile. How many women could sit here and be this strong after all that she’d been through? Only a very few.
“My car is at your hotel,” she said thoughtfully.
“I’ll drop you off at your place and come back for you in your SUV. That okay?” He started the engine and eased away from the curb.
“Sounds okay. I’m probably not safe behind the wheel right now, anyway.”
She didn’t have to spell it out. Her thoughts were fragmented, disjointed. How could she be expected to think under the circumstances?
They made the trip to Mel’s house in a comfortable silence. He thought about last night’s admission of how he’d opened that box and inhaled her essence. It had taken his breath, and still did, now. But he wouldn’t tell her that part. He’d already admitted more than he’d intended to. The sweet fragrance that was mostly her and the vaguest hint of her perfume had tantalized him all night long. Even when he’d breathed in lungfuls of night air as he walked off the sensations she wrought in him. He had watched her sleep and thought about all those times before when he’d come home late and found her asleep on the sofa. He had watched her, amazed that such a wonderful woman could love him…in spite of his numerous faults.
