“How’s it been good for you?”
Casey was blunt. Like a New Yorker, but with an English accent that was all soft edges—and a lot more alluring.
“I was struggling. Louise had persuaded me to move to LA—said it’d be great for my career—but I just couldn’t get a break. Even though I auditioned for everything.” She emphasized the last word. “The low point was probably not getting picked to advertise this new hemorrhoid cream, because ‘I didn’t look like the kind of person’ who would suffer from hemorrhoids. I was on the point of scuttling back to Brooklyn, feeling like a complete failure, when this show came up and Louise encouraged me to go for it.”
“I guess sometimes things work out when you least expect them to.” Casey sat back a little in her chair. “And missing the hemorrhoid gig seems like a good thing.”
Olivia couldn’t tell if Casey was being nice or mocking her somehow. She decided to give her the benefit of the doubt.
“I was so happy to get the part of Susie…and then I panicked. I’d come to acting late and I’d only ever done theater before. It was a small miracle I got cast, and I felt so out of my depth when I got on set. If it wasn’t for Louise, I’d have sunk without a trace that first season I think.”
Olivia no longer felt the butterflies—performing for TV had become a routine part of her life—but she never ceased thinking that doing this for a living was somehow miraculous.
“Well, you must be doing something right. There was a lot of love for you in that room.”
Olivia liked hearing Casey say it.
“What about you? How long have you been a driver?”
“Four days.” Casey took a swig of her beer. Olivia enjoyed the rippling of her throat as she swallowed. Her shirt was open at the neck, the sleeves rolled up, showing beautifully muscled forearms. She felt the attraction more than she wanted to.
“Four days?” Olivia responded a beat too late.
“I don’t drive as a job. Not usually. It’s…” Casey waved a hand dismissively. “It’s too boring to explain.”
“Except I want to know.”
“I live in Portland. I work for a travel company there. We specialize in LGBTQ travel. City guides, safe destinations, organized tours. It’s all web based. It’s my roommate’s business. I like it even though it’s just something I fell into when I left London and needed a job.”
“Would Café Brunest and that scary old operating theater be on one of your London tours?”
“No way. Things that special, I keep to myself.” She held Olivia’s gaze as she spoke. “But I’m back here because I have some stuff to do for my mom.” She indicated the pile of papers. “And I need to be earning while I’m here, so my friend got me this driving job.”
“But it seems like you’ve done this before. Driving, being a driver. It doesn’t feel like your first job.”
“It isn’t. I did it for a while before I moved to Portland last year.” She shrugged. “And I’ve lived here my whole life, so I obviously know the city well.”
“Why the move to Portland?”
Casey reacted to the question, and Olivia got the feeling it was something she shouldn’t have asked.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrogate you. I was just curious.”
“It’s okay.” Casey took a drink of her beer and kept hold of the bottle, picking at the label. “I needed a break. I had a friend there who offered me a place to stay. And then she offered me a job. So I decided to stay.” She lifted her eyes from the bottle and Olivia saw a sadness in them.
“You said you came to acting late. What did you do before?”
Olivia let Casey change the subject. She had the feeling there was more to the Portland story, but it wasn’t her business to pry.
She told Casey about her mom and dad’s dry-cleaning store, about her dad getting sick and putting her hopes of acting on hold to help her mom run the store. She was happy to talk about her parents. She loved them. They had given her everything they could.
“When my dad was well enough to go back to work, he surprised me with acting lessons at the theater school across the road. It was a good school and I worked my ass off to be good enough to eventually get theater work. Small parts, small theaters, but it was what I’d dreamed of. And my parents were so proud of me. It was amazing the first time they came to see me perform in a proper theater. My dad gave me a standing ovation at the intermission. He didn’t know any better, but I was nothing but proud of him.”
It felt so good for them to be talking without tension, without misunderstandings. And it felt even better for Olivia to be able to tell Casey she’d had this ordinary upbringing in Brooklyn, to show that she wasn’t the privileged LA type that Casey obviously thought she was—at least not in her heart anyway. Olivia wasn’t sure if it was the beer or the fact they were both “off-duty,” but Casey seemed much more relaxed and it was nice.
“So there’s just you?”
“Yeah. My mom wanted more kids, but she couldn’t, so they got stuck with me.”
“Don’t say that. It sounds to me like the three of you make a pretty good team.”
“Do you have siblings?”
“Just one brother. Jack. He lives here. We’re not that close.” Casey seemed to hesitate. “Not just because I don’t live here. We were never that close when I did. He’s younger. And still my mom’s baby boy—even at twenty-five. We’re just very different.”
“I get the feeling you hate driving. Am I wrong?” Olivia saw the tension return to Casey’s face and shoulders. She’d said the wrong thing. “I’m not saying you’re not good at it, and I’m not talking about the fact you wanted me to walk—”
“It’s okay.” Casey cut her off, saving her embarrassment. “It’s a job I do when I need money, but it’s not a passion of mine, no.”
Again, Olivia waited. Casey was talking to her, but it seemed like she might clam up at any moment and Olivia didn’t want that, didn’t want that at all.
“I was a youth worker before I was a driver. You know, helping kids who were struggling at home, mediating with the families, helping them find somewhere to live if it didn’t work out at home. It was…” Casey looked like she was searching for a word. “It was hard sometimes. Hard, but always important. I could never understand how people could treat their kids that way. Some suffered because they were gay and couldn’t tell anyone, or they’d told someone who hadn’t taken it well. Some were being bullied, neglected, harmed.”
Casey stopped, seeming lost in her thoughts. Olivia wanted to ask Casey what it was like, how she had coped with the heartache, but talking about it seemed to have put Casey on edge.
“Do you miss your parents? Do you get back to see them a lot?” Casey again moved the conversation back to Olivia. But her gaze was serious and interested, and it made Olivia feel like they were the only two people in the room.
“Not as much as I’d like. It’s a pretty demanding schedule. I miss my mom. She’s always been so supportive about everything. I can’t even begin to tell you the number of times she’s helped me out. I’m so lucky compared to some of those kids you worked with.”
Olivia remembered every single time her mom had been there for her, every one. The care packages she’d lovingly sent when Olivia wasn’t working. The time she’d called home crying when the producer had put his hands on her shoulders and told her she’d have to undress for him if she wanted the part. Even the time she’d got the part of Susie and then got freaked out because she had to have sex on camera.
And when Kristin had cruelly dumped her, and then been disgusting enough to cash in by leaking a recording of them having sex, despite her mom being as embarrassed as hell, she was the one who had convinced Olivia to stop hiding and start fighting back.
“Maybe that’s why you give off that vibe.”
“What ‘vibe’?” Olivia m
ade speech marks around the word with her fingers. “I’m not sure I like the sound of that.”
Casey smiled. Her expression was often thoughtful, sometimes stern, but when she smiled, it was like the sun peeking out from behind a cloud. And being smiled at like that warmed Olivia. Warmed her in places it probably shouldn’t.
“You just seem like someone who has been loved. Who knows her own value.”
Olivia couldn’t stop a bitter laugh from escaping.
“What?” Casey frowned. “Did I say the wrong thing?”
Olivia shook her head. “No. Sorry. Not about that. They loved me. I’m grateful for that. I just think…” What did she think? Hadn’t she stopped thinking? Wasn’t that the point? “I just think that, apart from them, I don’t feel very loved, or very lovable. Lately, Susie seems like everything everyone wants and everything everyone likes about me. I don’t feel like Olivia gets much of a look in.” She leaned forward. “But you know what, I hate myself for saying that out loud. Please forget that I did. I know how privileged I am to have this life, this career. A lot of people don’t get to work at jobs they love. And I love acting. I wouldn’t swap this life for anything.”
It wasn’t true. Lately, she had felt more and more like she was losing herself and found herself fantasizing about just getting on a plane back to New York and trying to live an ordinary life again. She could act there for fun and leave Susie behind in LA.
“Doing a job you love is important. You have a right to want it. We all do. And you have a right to complain about not having it.”
Olivia agreed. But she had the feeling that Casey was talking about her own situation.
“If you liked being a youth worker so much, why did you give it up? Don’t you miss it?”
It felt like an obvious question, but as soon as she’d said it, Casey’s expression closed and Olivia felt the change. She had somehow asked the wrong question.
“I just couldn’t…I wasn’t able to do it anymore, and…” Casey faltered.
“Hey.” Louise’s voice rang out across the bar. She headed in their direction. “I’ve been calling, but you,” she pointed at Olivia, “are not answering your phone. I assumed you got caught up with some fans and was gonna come and rescue you. But I see it’s Casey you got caught up with.” She gave Olivia a sly smile.
“I just came by to say hello. We got to talking. I haven’t been here long.” She was annoyed with herself for feeling the need to explain things to Louise. She hadn’t done anything wrong. But she was more annoyed that Louise was interrupting them.
“Hi, Casey.” Louise sat down.
“Casey has stuff she needs to get on with. I was just leaving.” Olivia pushed her chair back a little as if to show Louise she was about to leave. She didn’t want to watch Louise flirting with Casey again.
“That’s good because I was going to see if you wanted to come out for a drink. I’m sure Liam will come too, but he’s another one who isn’t taking my calls.”
Olivia wanted to say no. It wasn’t just that she was tired. She had half a hope that she might be able to stay here and keep Casey talking.
“There’s Liam.” Louise jumped up.
Olivia looked through the etched glass panels that served to screen the bar from the rest of the reception area. Liam was crossing the reception area, toward the exit. He was dressed up. Fitted dark green shirt, faded black jeans, and shiny black shoes. He looked handsome. Louise waved at him from the entrance of the bar and he headed over.
“Hey.” He lifted a hand in greeting as he got closer to their table.
“Where are you going?” Louise asked.
“Out for something to eat.”
“Without us?” Louise sounded edgy.
“Yeah. Just meeting someone—from this morning. Remember that showrunner who looked after us? The cute Scottish one with those weird square glasses? We started talking while I was waiting for you to finish and she said there’s this bar near their studio that does these amazing cheeseburgers. I mean, I’m not saying the food here isn’t good, but I’m definitely missing good burgers.” He shuffled from one foot to the other, seeming awkward.
“You’re going on—”
“You got yourself a date—” Olivia half-squealed, speaking over Louise without meaning to. “Scottish, cute, burgers. Sounds like that could be fun.”
“I guess.” Liam looked sheepish.
“We’re going out too. I thought you’d come, but we obviously can’t compete with the promise of great burgers and a Scottish accent.” Louise sounded a little snarky.
Olivia realized that Liam abandoning Louise for his date meant she now had no choice but to leave Casey and go out with her. If she had Louise’s confidence, she’d have asked Casey to go with them so they could keep talking, but she didn’t dare.
“Uber waiting. Wish me luck.” Liam gave them a little wave and headed off. They all watched him till he passed through the revolving exit doors. They were silent for a long beat.
Olivia spoke first. “Okay, Lou. Let me grab a quick shower and change and I’ll come and explore some cozy pubs with you.”
“I’ve changed my mind. I think I’ll just have a soak in the bath and an early night.” Louise sounded glum all of a sudden.
“If you’re sure.” Olivia’s heart lifted at the idea of more time getting to know Casey.
“I think I’ll head up too.” Casey picked up her ring binder before draining her beer. “If I stay here, I’ll drink too much and be hungover. And I’ve got these demanding clients who seem to specialize in early starts.” The wry smile she offered Olivia wasn’t enough, but it was something.
“Well, my original plan had been a soak in the bath and an early night. But then I saw you here and I couldn’t resist—” Olivia stopped speaking, giving herself room for a mental face palm. “I mean I couldn’t resist having a drink.” Great. Now she was making it sound like Casey’s presence was irrelevant. She made herself slow her brain down and stood up.
“It was nice chatting with you, anyway. I hope you get done what you need to get done, and I’m sorry for disturbing you.” Her embarrassed formality was almost British.
“Same,” Casey replied. “And I didn’t mind the disturbance.” She held Olivia’s gaze and Olivia felt the pull of her attraction. She wondered what Casey would say if she knew the effect she had on her.
“Maybe I’ll get a bottle to take upstairs and drink in the bath,” Louise said.
“Good idea. Why don’t you go up? I’ll get one and we can split it.” Olivia put a hand on her shoulder. She wanted Louise to leave first because there was no way she was going upstairs and leaving Louise alone with Casey. Louise was a tour de force when she decided she liked someone, and Olivia wasn’t yet convinced she didn’t have Casey in her sights.
Olivia was relieved when Louise finally said her good-byes and left them.
“They’d be cute together, but one of them needs to make the first move, or it’s never going to happen.” Casey gathered up her papers and tucked her book under her arm.
“Louise and Liam?” Olivia looked at Casey. She didn’t seem to be joking. “It’s not like that. They’re just friends. I mean, they’re close—we all are—but it’s a friendship, nothing more.”
Casey frowned. “She got all down in the mouth about him having a date tonight and he got annoyed when Louise was flirting with me in the car. That’s a lot of jealousy for two people who are just friends.”
Olivia waited as Casey stepped around the table.
“No, you’re wrong. I’d know if that was the case. They just like spending time together. Liam was probably annoyed because Louise was being annoying. I’m sorry you had to put up with that by the way.” She felt a sliver of disloyalty calling Louise out, but it had been hard to watch her flirt with Casey with such ease.
“Oh, I didn’t mind at al
l.” Casey’s reply was not what Olivia wanted to hear.
They were standing looking at each other for a long moment.
“I’m going to pay my bill.” Casey pointed at the bar. “So I’ll see you in the morning.”
Olivia nodded. She felt a little like she was being dismissed. But when Casey waited there a beat longer without moving, chewing her bottom lip and fidgeting with her papers, it felt like maybe they both wanted to say something else.
“See you tomorrow.” Olivia was the first to blink. She gave Casey a small wave before heading over to the elevators. When she looked back, she saw Casey at the bar, wallet in hand, talking to the bartender about something. She took in a breath. Casey was a surprise, full of heart and soul she hadn’t expected. If Olivia wasn’t such a spectacularly slow mover and so horribly suspicious of everyone she ever met, her full-blown crush on Casey could get her into a lot of trouble.
“Excuse me.” The voice was close, in her ear. She spun around and found herself face-to-face with two middle-aged men.
“Are you Olivia Lang?” the taller man asked.
“That Olivia Lang.” His friend smirked as he said her name. He slurred her name slightly, sounding a little drunk.
“I’m sorry.” Olivia wasn’t sure how they knew her. They definitely didn’t seem like fans of the show. “Do I know you?”
“Nope.”
“Though we know you very well.”
They were quite the double act, but something about the way they were looking at her made her nervous. Most people who stopped her simply wanted a selfie and the chance to say hello, but this had a different feel. She didn’t like it.
“I was just going up to my room so maybe you could catch me tomorrow.” Olivia wanted to be far away from them.
“That’s not very friendly.” He smirked. “But there’s always Pornhub, so we can catch you before tomorrow if we want to. And Pornhub Olivia Lang seems a lot friendlier than this one.” He smirked again. And Olivia felt nauseous. She knew exactly what they meant. They had seen her video, seen her having sex with Kristin. She almost doubled over as the realization hit. Of course they’d seen it. According to her lawyers it had been viewed hundreds of thousands of times before the website took it down. She had tried to make herself believe that they’d managed to take down all copies of it, but she knew very well that it was still out there. And that people like the assholes in front of her still had access to it. Kristin hadn’t just betrayed her, she’d ruined her ability to trust in anyone’s interest in her.
Never Be the Same Page 9
