“Marissa,” he said, his green eyes sparkling with his good news.
“So I guess I won’t be seeing much of you around here.”
“I can still help you with stuff. This won’t change our friendship, Kate.”
I forced a laugh. “Don’t you think Marissa might not like it if you spend time with me?”
He looked thoughtful. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
“I certainly wouldn’t want to get in the way of your relationship,” I said, while wondering what I could do to make sure he didn’t forget about me. He was the only real friend I’d made since I’d moved here and I didn’t want to lose that connection.
“You won’t.”
A thought occurred to me. “How does your mom feel about you getting back together with Marissa?”
Frowning, he said, “When I told her, she tried to talk me out of it. But she has to accept the fact that I’m a big boy and I can make my own decisions. In fact, now that I’ve got this job, I’ve been looking for an apartment so I can move out of my parents’ house.”
“Oh, well that would be good, I guess.” I didn’t like the idea of him not being right next door anymore. What if he moved to the next town?
“Yeah. I found a couple of places that I’m considering.”
I didn’t want to hear anymore of his news. It was all bad news for me. “Marcus, I have some things I have to do.”
“Oh, okay.” He stood.
I stood too and we walked to the door. “I hope everything works out for you.”
“Thanks, Kate. Take care.”
I locked the door behind him, then sat on the couch and put my face in my hands. Despair swept over me as I thought about the mess I’d made with Trevor, and now Marcus was going to be disappearing from my life. All of a sudden there didn’t seem to be such a rush to get the divorce. But I still wanted to move forward with it. Who knew what was around the corner?
Chapter Thirty-One
Over the next few weeks I didn’t hear from Marcus at all and Trevor was strangely quiet as well. I considered emailing Trevor to ask how the divorce was coming along, but didn’t do it because I actually wanted to avoid all contact with him. I was certain by now he had discovered the money was missing and I hoped that somehow, if he didn’t talk to me, that he wouldn’t even consider that I might be the one who had taken it.
Someone had finally bought Dad’s house and I had deposited the proceeds in my bank account. More than ever I wished I had never found the SD card. The money sitting in the hidden room just stressed me out.
I tried to push all thoughts of Trevor and Marcus to the back of my mind and instead focused on my job, the coming of the new school year, and especially focused on my growing baby. The baby was much more active now and I was looking forward to my ultrasound. It was scheduled for later that morning and I could hardly wait.
I kept myself busy until it was time to leave for the appointment, then drove to the place where the ultrasound would be performed. I was so excited to know what I was having. Even though my main concern was to just have a healthy baby, I really was hoping for a girl.
After a short wait I was taken into an exam room. The ultrasound technician squirted some gel onto my belly and moved the wand around. As I watched the image of my baby on the screen, I was amazed by the detail.
“Do you want to know the baby’s sex?” the technician asked.
“Yes,” I said with enthusiasm.
She moved the wand around again. “It looks like it’s a girl.”
“Really? Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. Congratulations.”
“Thank you,” I said, thrilled to know I would be having a daughter.
On my way home I stopped by the nearby mall and bought a few pink baby outfits. I could hardly wait for her to get here.
There were only two weeks until my classes were going to start at the college. I used that time to get the baby’s room finished; I knew once classes started my free time would be severely limited. I ordered a dresser and changing table online.
A few days later when I came home from work, there were two large packages on my front porch. They were too heavy for me to carry in and I knew there would probably be some assembly needed. Even though I hated to bother Marcus, I knew I would need his help to get the dresser and changing table into the baby’s room.
That evening I walked over to Marcus’ house and rang the doorbell. Trish answered and seemed surprised to see me.
“How are you, Kate? I haven’t seen you in a while.”
“I’m doing fine. Keeping busy with working.”
“What can I help you with?”
“I’m sorry to bother you, but I was hoping Marcus could help me with a dresser and changing table I just had delivered.”
“Oh. I thought you knew. Marcus moved out.”
“No, I didn’t know. But the last time I talked to him he said he was looking for a place.”
“Perhaps Jeff can help you.”
“That would be wonderful, if it’s not too much trouble.”
“I’m sure he won’t mind. He should be home soon. I’ll send him over when he gets home.”
“No big hurry. Thanks, Trish.”
As I walked back to my house, I couldn’t help but feel a little sad knowing that Marcus had moved out. I wondered how much of him I would see. He’d gotten back together with Marissa and now he’d moved out. I probably wouldn’t see him at all.
A little while later Marcus’ dad came over and carried the furniture into the baby’s room and put the changing table together. When he was done I thanked him and walked him to the door.
I was glad to get the baby’s room done since I knew my time would be limited once classes started. I would still be working in the mornings and I was certain homework would take up my evenings.
Trevor had emailed me and said the divorce proceedings were under way. He had even scanned in documents and emailed them to me to prove he’d kept his word. I wondered if he suspected me in the missing money, but from the tone in his emails, it didn’t seem like it. He’d been friendly, which surprised me. Maybe he had changed.
Classes started and I was excited to immerse myself in learning. One of the classes was a web design class and I was particularly excited to create a web site.
As I went to my classes I kept to myself. I decided that the fewer people I spoke to, the lower the chance that Trevor would find me. The drawback to that though, was how lonely I felt. Now that Marcus was no longer part of my life, I didn’t really have any friends. I had hoped Billi and I could become friends, but when she was at the store she was either helping customers or working in her office. And my coworker, Maddy, worked afternoons, so I only saw her when she took over for me.
I longed for someone to talk to and confide in. I missed Alyssa, who had been my good friend in Reno. I’d avoided emailing her since I’d been in California, for fear I’d say something that would give away where I was. But now I felt a need to talk to someone and she was the only one who had any idea about what had happened.
Alyssa,
I’m so sorry I haven’t emailed you in a while. How are things for you? How are classes going? I’m going to school where I am.
Take care,
Lily
Later that week I heard back from her.
Hey, Lily!
It’s so good to hear from you! I’ve been thinking about you. My classes are going fine this semester. I have some big news though. I’m engaged! His name is Ty and I’ve known him since high school. When I came back to my parents’ house over the summer, we started hanging out and now we’re engaged.
I’ve been spending every spare moment planning the wedding. My life is so crazy!
I hope you are safe and doing well. I hope I can see you sometime.
Take care of yourself,
Alyssa
Though I wanted to be able to confide in Alyssa and tell her everything that had happened, it sounded like she alread
y had so much going on and I didn’t want to burden her with my problems. I emailed her back and told her to let me know when the wedding was and if I could, I’d try to come.
As the semester went on I mostly enjoyed my classes but the web design class quickly became my favorite. I spent hours creating mock websites until I felt ready to do the real thing. One day at work I approached Billi with the idea that I could create a website for her store.
“You wouldn’t have to pay me unless you liked it,” I said. “Then I’ll get it uploaded to the Internet and keep it updated.”
“I’ve been thinking about getting a website for the store.” Billi smiled. “Give it a try and show me what you come up with. I’m sure I’ll love it.”
She insisted on paying me for my time. We agreed on a price and as soon as I got home that night I began sketching the layout.
It took several weeks before I had a presentation to show Billi. Between going to school full-time, working part-time, and being exhausted all the time, I’d had trouble fitting this new project into my schedule.
The day I planned on showing the presentation to Billi, I brought my laptop to the boutique. When I walked into Billi’s office I was caught off-guard to find several other people in the room.
“I can come back another time if you’d like,” I told her.
She laughed. “Actually Kate, these are some friends of mine who own businesses of their own. I invited them to see what you’ve done.”
“Oh.” I hadn’t been nervous to show my work to Billi, but this was different.
“I’m sorry, Kate. I should have warned you.”
“No, that’s okay.”
One of the men spoke up. “I’ve been looking into getting a website myself, but I didn’t know who to ask.”
I was pleased to see everyone nod in agreement. I suddenly realized that if they liked my work, they could all become my clients. This had the potential of turning into a business for me. A business I could do and still be at home with my baby.
As the possibilities flowed through my head, my nervousness increased. This could be the most important meeting I’ve ever had, I thought as I booted up my laptop.
Forcing those thoughts out of my mind, I focused instead on showing Billi and the others the features I’d created. The time went quickly and I was thrilled when nearly every business person there expressed interest in my skills. Not only would I create the websites, but then I would need to maintain them as well.
I went home on a mental high as my confidence in myself and my abilities soared.
The email I found in my inbox quickly crushed those feelings.
Lily,
I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. I’ve tried dating other women, but no one is like you. I NEED you. I want you to be a part of my life. I know I made some mistakes, but I’ve changed. I realize now how much I really love you. We were meant to be together. For me, no one else will do. It’s you or no one. And I don’t want to be alone. We need to be together. You, me, and our baby. I promise I’ll be a good husband and father. We’re still married and the divorce can be stopped. You are my wife. We need to be together. It’s not fair to the baby to not be with his father. I know you want what’s best for our baby.
I know you don’t want to be alone. I can take care of you. I’ll do anything to have us be together, Lily.
I love you!
Trevor
I was surprised to find myself crying. I didn’t realize it until then just how lonely I really was. These last few months had been so difficult. Doing everything on my own had been harder than I had expected. And I hadn’t even had the baby yet. How was I going to handle being a single mother? Was it really fair to my baby to keep Trevor out of her life?
As I pictured Trevor’s face, I recalled the good memories. There had been so much potential for a good family life. But then I thought about the day I found out I was pregnant.
I’d prepared a special dinner and asked Trevor to come home on time from work. After promising he would, he hadn’t shown up until nearly one o’clock in the morning and he had smelled strongly of alcohol. When I’d confronted him, he had shoved me so hard that I’d fallen over the coffee table and onto the floor.
As I relived that moment, I knew I couldn’t live my life that way.
I hit the Reply button.
Trevor,
It’s over. As much as I loved you, I can’t be with you anymore. It’s what’s best for everyone. With your unpredictable temper, I would be afraid for our child. I’m sorry, but I believe it’s for the best.
Lily
I reread the message several times, then took a deep breath and hit Send.
My hands shook as I closed the laptop.
Over the next few days I anxiously checked my email, waiting for Trevor’s reply. When it came, I was almost afraid to open it. Finally, my heart pounding, I opened the message
Lily
I’m sorry you feel that way because I’ve changed. I know you don’t believe me, but it’s true. I’ve stopped drinking. I don’t even hang out with the same people anymore. You’d be so proud of me.
Please, just give me one more chance.
I love you more than anything. Tell me where you are and I’ll come and get you.
Love, Trevor
I bit my lip as I contemplated his words. Had he really changed or was he trying to trick me? I had a hard time believing he could change so completely. And the idea of him coming to get me frightened me. The last time he had done that, he’d isolated me from the world for weeks.
Chapter Thirty-Two
One day, towards the end of November, I was working at the boutique by myself. Billi was out of town and had left me in charge. I was feeling very pregnant and awkward - there were only a few weeks before my baby girl would arrive - and I was organizing some items on a shelf. The morning had been less busy than usual and there were no customers at that moment. I was enjoying the lull when I heard the bell over the front door jingle. I turned to ask the customer if I could help, but my words stuck in my throat when I saw Trevor standing there.
The blood drained from my face and panic engulfed me. Finally I found my voice and the words left my mouth without me thinking. “Trevor, you found me.”
He took a step in my direction, a friendly smile on his face. “Of course I found you. Did you really think you could hide from me?”
I felt shaky and I feared I might pass out. I knew I had to do everything within my power to remain conscious and in control of myself. I moved to the chair we kept in the corner for customers and after sitting, I lowered my head until the dizziness passed.
“Lily, are you okay?” Trevor asked as he hurried over to me.
I lifted my head and saw the genuine alarm on his face. Could it be that he really cared and wouldn’t harm me? My trust in him had been shattered and I knew I couldn’t take anything he said at face value.
“What are you doing here?” I choked out.
“What do you mean? I want to be with you. You’re still my wife. I want to be with you and our baby.”
“But Trevor, we’re in the middle of a divorce.”
“The divorce was your idea. I never wanted it. You left me, remember?”
Just then a customer came in.
“I can’t do this right now,” I whispered.
“That’s fine. I’ll wait outside until you’re off. One o’clock, right?”
I nodded, still in shock to see him standing in front of me. He left and I forced myself to stand and see if the customer needed help. She said she was just looking. I turned away from her and my gaze went to the window. I could see Trevor walking across the street to a diner and realized he’d probably been watching me for a while. At least long enough to know what time I usually got off work.
It was twelve thirty, so I only had thirty minutes to devise a plan.
As I watched the customer calmly look through the clothing racks, my mind raced, frantically thinking about my options.
I could call the police. But what would I tell them? My husband wants to talk to me. No officer, he hasn’t threatened me and no, I don’t have a restraining order, he just wants to talk to me.
No, that was a non-starter.
“Excuse me,” the customer said to me, startling me.
“Yes?” I asked, trying to care about what she might want.
“Do you have this in a size ten?” She held up a pair of designer jeans.
“We just have what’s out. I’m sorry,” I said, wishing she would leave me alone so I could think.
“When are you going to get more in?”
“We get a shipment every Monday.”
“Can you hold a pair of these for me in a size ten if you get some in?”
“Sure,” I said, not caring that was against store policy. I just wanted to move her along because the clock was rapidly approaching one o’clock.
“Do you want my name?” she pressed.
“Oh, yeah. Of course.”
“It’s Michele. That’s with one l.”
I went behind the counter and wrote her name. She followed me and watched. I guess to make sure I’d spelled her name right.
“Aren’t you going to write down what size I need?”
“Yeah, yeah. What size was it?”
“A ten,” she said, clearly becoming exasperated.
I wrote ten next to her name. “Got it.”
“What about the brand of the jeans?”
“Right.” I wrote that down too. At least I didn’t need to ask her what she’d been looking at.
“Okay, thank you.”
Mercifully, the woman left and I was able to focus. I only had ten minutes until my shift was over. Maddy would be there any minute and then I would need to leave.
I briefly considered calling Marcus, but he had moved on with his life. He was with his old girlfriend at his new job and in his new apartment. I didn’t fit in that equation anywhere. Plus how was he going to feel when he found out I’d lied to him about being a widow and about my name? It didn’t matter. He was out of my life.
“Hi there, Kate. Has it been busy?”
Don't Look Back: sequel to He Loves Me Not (Lily's Story, Book 2) Page 14
