He grinned. “I’ll stay as long as you want me to.”
“Really? Thank you.” Another contraction hit me and I focused on dealing with that. When it was over I looked at Marcus. “I want to explain about what happened that night.” I was certain he knew what night I was talking about.
“You can explain it to me later. Right now you need to focus on you and your baby. Okay?”
“Okay,” I said as another, even stronger contraction rolled over me. As it faded I felt tears start. “Oh, Marcus, it hurts so much. I don’t know if I can do this.”
He took my hand. “It’s okay, Kate. I’ll stay right next to you. You’re doing great.”
“Another one’s starting,” I managed to say before a powerful wave of pain nearly crushed me. “I can’t stand it,” I gasped as it began to subside.
“Do you want me to get the nurse?” he asked, looking panicked.
“Yes,” I whispered.
He raced from the room and a moment later Hailey was there.
“How are we doing, honey?” she asked, completely cheerful.
“I don’t know. It hurts so bad.”
“Okay. Let me check and see how you’re coming along.”
“I’ll wait outside,” Marcus said before stepping out of the room.
“Is that the baby’s father?” Hailey asked as she checked my dilation.
“No, he’s just a friend.”
She finished checking. “You’re nearly there. I’m going to call the doctor and let him know.”
I nodded as another contraction started. Hailey helped me through it, then left to call the doctor.
Marcus came back in. “How’s it going?”
“She said it’s almost time to push. The doctor should be here soon.”
“Good,” he said, looking as relieved as I felt.
By the time the doctor got there, I’d had several more excruciating contractions. Though I could tell Marcus was distressed by my pain, he stayed with me the whole time.
“Are you ready to have this baby, Kate?” Doctor Eggleston asked.
“Yes.”
“I think I’ll wait outside,” Marcus murmured to me.
“I’d like you to stay,” I said.
“Are you sure?”
“You’ve been here for the hard parts. You don’t want to miss the finale, do you?”
He smiled. “No.”
“What’s your name, young man?” Doctor Eggleston asked.
“Marcus.”
“Okay, I want you to help Kate sit up a bit. And Kate, on the next contraction I want you to push as hard as you can.”
With Marcus’ help I was able to partially sit up. Hailey and another nurse assisted the doctor. The doctor glanced at the monitor. “Okay, get ready, Kate. And push!”
I strained and pushed as hard as I could.
“Good,” Doctor Eggleston said. “Relax for a moment until the next one.”
Marcus helped me lay back until the next contraction came. After several pushes, Marcus began to vocally encourage me to push as well.
Finally, about thirty minutes later Doctor Eggleston said, “I see her head, Kate. She’s almost here.”
Encouraged by the progress, I pushed even harder on the next contraction.
“There’s her head,” Doctor Eggleston said. “One more push and she’ll be out.”
During the next contraction I pushed with all my might.
She was out! The pain immediately ended and relief swept over me. A moment later Natalie started wailing.
“Would you like to cut the cord, Marcus?” Doctor Eggleston asked.
Marcus looked at me and I nodded. He took the scissors from the doctor’s hand and carefully cut the cord. The nurses cleaned Natalie, cleared her nose and mouth, and wrapped her in a warm blanket before handing her to me. She continued to cry.
“Hi, baby girl,” I murmured. At the sound of my voice, she immediately stopped crying. I held her to me, falling in love instantly and completely.
“She’s beautiful, Kate,” Marcus said, visibly awed by the whole experience.
“She is, isn’t she?” I gazed at my new baby daughter. She had a mass of dark hair on her head and her eyes were the same vivid blue as Trevor’s.
Trevor, I suddenly thought. He has a right to know his baby has been born. I pushed the thought aside, wanting only to revel in the joy of my new baby girl.
I turned to Marcus. “Thank you so much for being here. You made it so much better.”
His incredible green eyes sparkled more than usual as a wide grin lit his face.
“Okay, mommy,” the nurse said. “We’re going to move you to your room.”
A short time later I was settled in my room, Natalie tucked securely in my arms.
“I’m going to take off and let you rest,” Marcus said.
“Okay.”
“If you want, I can come back later.”
I smiled. “I’d like that.”
“All right.” He leaned over and looked at Natalie. “She’s beautiful.”
“Thanks.”
I watched as he left my room. Then I allowed myself to think about Trevor. I considered when I should tell him his daughter was here.
I’ll wait until I’m back home, I decided after only a moment.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
The next day, as I nursed Natalie, I gazed at her and my love for her filled me to overflowing. I never knew I could love another person so much. Snuggling her closer to me, I gazed at her sweet face.
When I heard the door to my hospital room open, I looked up, expecting to see an orderly brining my lunch. Instead I gasped as Trevor walked in the room.
“Trevor. How did you know I was here?”
He walked toward me, his eyes on Natalie. “When you were gone all day, I figured you might be having the baby. And I was right.” His eyes met mine and he smiled. “She’s so beautiful. Can I hold her?”
Instinctively, my arms tightened around my precious baby girl. “She’s eating right now.”
“I can see that,” he said, watching Natalie nurse.
I pulled the sheet up to cover myself, feeling exposed.
“Oh come on, Lily. It’s not like I haven’t seen them before.”
Ignoring his comment, I adjusted the sheet so I could see Natalie.
Trevor sat in the empty chair next to my bed, making it clear he was in no hurry to leave.
“How did you know I had been gone all day? Have you been watching my house?”
He grinned. “I stopped by to see you and you weren’t home. I knew you’d stopped working and I knew it was getting close to your time to have the baby. It wasn’t hard to figure out.”
“Oh.” It sounded reasonable enough. I decided to be civil for all our sakes. “Were you able to find a job?”
“Yes, I was. And an apartment too.”
I nodded. “Where are you working?”
“At a shop in town. You wouldn’t know where it is.”
I wondered if he really even had a job.
Natalie pulled away from my breast and I put her to my shoulder, gently patting her back until she burped.
“Can I hold her now?” Trevor asked eagerly.
I couldn’t think of a legitimate reason to tell him no, so I handed her to him. “Make sure and support her head.” He surprised me with how comfortable he seemed with her. “Have you held a lot of babies?” I asked.
“Sure,” he said, completely confident. “Remember I have all those nieces and nephews. I held them when they were small.”
As I realized he was more experienced than me, I suddenly felt inadequate.
“We made a nice-looking kid, Lily.” He smiled at me, looking very proud of himself.
Since I agreed completely, I couldn’t help but smile back.
Natalie began fussing and I thought Trevor would want to give her back to me, but instead, he expertly placed her against his shoulder and gently bounced her until she settled back down. She snuggled against his sh
oulder, sleeping, looking totally content. I smiled at the sweet image of the two of them, but felt sad that I couldn’t trust Trevor enough to let him into my life as my husband.
Trevor shifted Natalie into his hands, held out in front of him and gazed at her. “I’m so glad I found you, Lily. Now that I’ve held my daughter, I know I have to be a part of her life.”
I stared at him, but he didn’t look at me. His gaze was locked on Natalie. Then he turned to me.
“Don’t you see now that the three of us need to be together? To be a family?”
I thought about the night a few weeks before when Trevor had come over after he’d obviously been drinking. I pictured his face when Marcus had come down the stairs. And then I recalled how he had moved toward me in a threatening way and probably would have hurt me if Greta hadn’t intervened. No, I did not agree that we needed to be a family.
As I looked at him, I tried to think how I could convince him, without upsetting him, that it wasn’t going to happen. And I didn’t want him holding Natalie while the conversation took place. I held out my hands. “Can I have her back now?”
He seemed reluctant to hand her over, but he finally did.
I laid her against my chest and she continued sleeping. “Trevor, we need to talk,” I began.
His chair was facing me and the smile he’d had disappeared. “Okay.”
“I know in your mind you’re picturing us as this perfect little family, but in reality that’s not how it is.”
“You’re just not seeing the big picture,” he interrupted. “You’re too focused on the past. You need to look at the future.”
I shook my head. “Just a few weeks ago you burst into my house uninvited and scared me with your behavior. Do you remember that?”
“I was just surprised to see your ‘friend’ there. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“But that’s just it, Trevor. You never ‘mean’ to scare me or hurt me, but it happens nonetheless. I refuse to live that way.”
“What about me?” he asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Where do I fit in to things? I want to be in Natalie’s life. I am her father, you know.”
“Of course I know that. I guess we’ll just have to work out the custody arrangements.”
He shook his head and stared at the floor for a minute, then looked back at me. “This is all wrong, Lily. You’re talking about divorce and custody like it’s nothing. I don’t think you even care.”
My heart pounded at his accusation. “You think I do this lightly? Do you have any idea how much I’ve agonized over this? How many chances I’ve given you? I wanted this to work. I guess you didn’t really understand that it was up to you. But time after time you’ve shown that you can’t be trusted to keep yourself under control. I can’t live a life where I’m constantly walking on eggshells for fear my husband will find some reason to get angry at me and hurt me.” My voice dropped to a whisper. “I just can’t do it.”
I watched Trevor’s reaction. At first he seemed shocked by what I’d said, but as I watched, his expression slowly morphed into anger.
“You act like you had nothing to do with this. Like you’re Little Miss Perfect. If only I could be as perfect as you, everything would be fine.”
I shook my head, but he ignored me.
“Well, newsflash, Lily. I’m not perfect and I never will be. But at least I’m trying. You’re not even willing to try. You’re ready to give up at the first challenge. That’s not how marriages should work. I know you never saw a marriage up close, but I did. It takes work. I guess you’re just not willing to put in the work.”
The way he had turned it all around and twisted it to make it look like it was my fault made me furious. I had done everything I knew to make our marriage work, but I wasn’t willing to live with a controlling, jealous, abusive husband. He seemed incapable of recognizing his serious faults and I didn’t have any hope that he would change. And I didn’t have the energy to help him. That was something he’d have to do on his own.
“Trevor, we see things completely differently and I don’t think that’s going to change. But you know what? That’s okay. You can live your life and I can live mine. We just are not going to be living those lives together.”
I watched Trevor’s face and it seemed like he was beginning to accept what I was saying. But then, like usual, hurt and anger crowded out reason. His eyes narrowed as he spoke.
“Fine, Lily. Have it your way. I’ll grant you the divorce. But you’d better believe that I will be in Natalie’s life whether you want me to be or not.”
For some reason, his words scared me. Even though I hoped he meant what he said about granting the divorce, I wondered what price I would have to pay. Finally he stood to leave. He reached toward Natalie and I instinctively held her tighter.
Trevor sneered at me. “I’m not going to take her. I just want to tell her good-bye.”
With trepidation, I handed her to him. He nuzzled her soft head and kissed her. Then he handed her back.
“Thank you,” I said.
Just then the door to my room opened and Marcus walked in. Trevor turned to see who had come in, then spun back toward me. “What’s he doing here?” he asked through clenched teeth.
I felt my face go pale. “He’s just a friend, Trevor,” I said quietly.
“I’m sorry,” Marcus said from the doorway. “I can come back later.”
Trevor never looked away from me as he spoke with venom in his voice. “I was just leaving.”
As soon as Trevor was gone, I collapsed into tears. Marcus was by my side in seconds.
“Kate, are you okay?”
I nodded, trying to get myself under control.
“Who is that guy?” he asked.
My tears slowed, then stopped. I set Natalie on my legs and grabbed a tissue to blow my nose. Looking at Marcus, I felt he deserved the truth. “He’s my husband.”
“Your husband?”
I could see the stunned look on his face.
“And I suppose your name really is Lily.”
I nodded.
He looked disgusted. “You lied to me?”
“Please. Let me explain.”
“You know, that’s exactly what Marissa said to me when I told her I’d had enough of her lies.”
“I understand you’re angry,” I quickly interjected. “But I have a good reason.”
“Wow. Are all women alike? You’re sounding more and more like Marissa with every word.” He stood and turned toward the door.
I couldn’t let him leave without trying to tell him the circumstances. “Wait, Marcus. You’ve got to understand. I was hiding from my husband. I couldn’t tell anyone.”
Before I could finish my explanation, he opened the door. “Yeah, sure. See you around . . . Kate, Lily, whatever.”
As the door closed behind him, sobs welled up and I couldn’t hold them back. I lifted Natalie from my legs and held her to me. “You won’t leave me, will you?” I sobbed.
Chapter Forty
When it was time to check out, I found myself with a problem. I didn’t have anyone to drive me home. I considered asking Trish, but I was embarrassed about all that had happened. I even briefly considered calling Trevor, but knew that would just encourage him.
Finally I thought of someone to ask. I grabbed my cell phone and dialed.
“Billi’s boutique,” a cheerful voice answered. “Maddy speaking.”
“Maddy,” I said, happy to hear a friendly voice. “It’s Kate.”
“Kate! How are you? Did you have that baby yet?”
“Yes,” I said, smiling despite my problems. “In fact, that’s why I was calling. The person who was supposed to bring me home from the hospital is not going to be able to do it and I was wondering if you might be available to pick me up and drive me home.”
“I’d love to,” she said. “I’m off in an hour. Can you wait until then?”
“Yes. Also, the baby’s car se
at is at home.”
“Oh, don’t worry. My sister has a baby. I’ll swing by and borrow hers.”
“Oh, Maddy. You’re a life saver. Thank you so much.”
“I’m excited to see your baby. You were having a girl, right?”
“Yes. I named her Natalie.”
“That’s a beautiful name. I can’t wait to see her.”
I told her my room number, then we hung up. Relieved to have my ride taken care of, I decided to get Natalie ready. First I changed her diaper, which took me longer than I thought it would. I knew it wouldn’t take long for me to become an expert though. Then I grabbed the new diaper bag I’d brought and pulled out the cute outfit I’d bought for the occasion. Natalie’s bright blue eyes watched me as I struggled to get her arms into the sleeves.
“We want to make sure you’re nice and warm,” I said to her. Once she was dressed, I sat on the bed and leaned against the pillows. Putting my feet on the bed so my legs were bent, I propped her against my legs so I could gaze at her. Everything she did fascinated me and I knew I could watch her for hours.
When Maddy got there I let her hold the baby while I went through the checkout process. A short time later we were all strapped into the car and on our way home.
“How have things been at the store?” I asked.
“It’s been really busy with Christmas so close,” Maddy said as she glanced at me then looked back at the road. “We’ve really missed you.”
“Ohh, thanks. That makes me feel good.”
“It’s true. A lot of the regulars have asked about you and if you’ve had your baby.” She paused. “Hey, I know. Maybe you can take a picture of her and we can put it on the register or something, so that everyone can see.” Then she laughed. “That’s really old school, isn’t it? But a lot of our customers aren’t really into Facebook.”
“I don’t have a Facebook page anyway.”
“Really?”
“Yeah,” I said, thinking how that could have led Trevor right to me, although in the end it hadn’t made a difference.
When we got to my street I directed her to Trish’s house. “I need to get my key from my neighbor. She’s been feeding my dog.”
Maddy pulled up to Trish’s house.
“Do you want me to get it?” Maddy asked.
Don't Look Back: sequel to He Loves Me Not (Lily's Story, Book 2) Page 18
