He shifted in my arms and that was my cue. I unwound myself from his limbs, biting back a whimper as we lost contact and he disappeared into the bathroom but not before giving me gentle kiss. Counting to ten, I leaned over and nabbed my panties off the floor and slid them on.
Now in my fantasy world, I grabbed his shirt lying next to my jeans and got to wrap his scent around me but in reality, I lifted my jeans and found my rumpled shirt underneath them. Deciding to go braless, I pulled my shirt down over my head. In my peripheral vision, I watched him walk out of the bathroom, still naked, still semi-erect, holding a wet washcloth in his hand.
An arm banded around my waist and I was pulled backward back down onto the couch, one leg in my jeans, my hands flailing to catch myself.
“Why are you getting dressed? I was looking forward to cleaning you up and then getting you all dirty again.” He tugged me closer, his hands pushing up under my shirt to settle just on my ribs, his thumbs caressing the sensitive skin under my breasts.
Possessive.
Firm.
As if he wanted to keep me close to him.
God, it felt nice too but I needed to get up and leave. The one and only time I’d fallen asleep in a guy’s bed had been with Greg and it ended in one of the worst mornings of my life. I’d already compromised my friendship with Ford and I didn’t want to risk anything else. If I got away now, maybe he wouldn’t see me in the way all the rest of them had seen me. Maybe he could go back to treating me like his friend and employee and I wouldn’t lose the one other person in my life who hadn’t screwed me over.
So far.
“Well, I can’t exactly go home naked.” I kept my voice light and wiggled out of his arms before resuming pulling on my jeans. “Anyway, we used a condom so there wasn’t really anything left to clean up.”
“You want me to drive you home now? But we haven’t had dinner.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s okay.” I kept my face down as I laced my shoes up, a wall of hair falling over my shoulder shielded me from him but I could feel him staring.
“Maybe I want you to stay.”
Tucking my hair behind my ear, I turned to face him. He was still naked, sitting on the edge of the couch, looking like some ridiculously handsome Greek god. Even with his glasses still perched on his nose, although slightly askew. An uber-sexy geeky god.
“You mean so we can do this again in the morning?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. I hadn’t thought that far ahead.” His eyes narrowed as he waited for me to respond.
Morning sex with Ford.
It’d probably be sweet and slow but then it would hurt all that much more when he didn’t offer me breakfast or coffee, and doing the walk of shame was so much harder in the light of day. I’d collected my moments, those gorgeous memories were stored away. It was time to get gone. It wasn’t about my rules, since I’d thrown those out the window six months ago, this was about self-preservation.
The new number one rule I’d learned in the past six month was to stop trying for more. Stop wanting more. Stop hoping for more. This was all I was going to get with a guy like him. From any guy.
Take it and leave before you get hurt, Charlie.
“I think I’d better go. You know, keep things simple, right?” I tucked in my shirt and headed towards the kitchen to grab my bag, hunching my shoulders as I heard him get up and start getting dressed. I stayed busy with the contents of my bag, avoiding eye contact him with all costs. Why was he making this difficult?
“Seriously, Charlie, I don’t like this. Spend the night, we can get breakfast in the morning and talk.”
“If you don’t want to drive me, I’ll call a cab or something.” I didn’t have a number for a cab company and there was no way I would survive walking through the woods late at night. Ford had me trapped here and he knew it. I didn’t like it. At all.
Stomping towards the front door, I decided my best tactic was to pull on Ford’s good manners. He wouldn’t call my bluff, no way.
Right when I reached the front door, he grabbed my arm and pulled me around. Grabbing my bag out of my hands, he took several steps back.
“What the hell, Ford?”
“What are you doing? Everything went well and now you’re acting like I’m kicking you out. Or is this your polite way of executing a fuck and chuck?”
I cringed at his description. “Jesus that’s crude. No, I’m just trying to get home.”
“No, I want to know why you’re not staying, for real.”
“It’s just easier this way. Really, you don’t have to invite me to stay. I’m not going to think less of you, I’m not going to tell anyone.”
“What? Why does it matter who you tell?”
“I mean, I’m not going to start telling people you’re a player or whatever. I know the routine so you don’t have to worry about me. I’m a big girl. Your reputation is safe with me, Ford.”
“Seriously, Charlie, the shit that comes out of your mouth sometimes. Why the hell won’t you just stay the night?”
“Because I already gave you everything I’ve got!” I shouted it before I even realized what I was saying. And now it was out there and I couldn’t take it back. The red heat of humiliation coursed up my neck and I looked down so he wouldn’t see how much it burned.
“Charlie, baby, what the fuck?” he whispered, stepping closer, “I don’t even know where to start with what’s wrong with what you just said.”
“Please, don’t do this. We had a good time. This was the best night. We had great sex, even though I told myself I wouldn’t do what I always do. But now I really want to go home. Can you just please take me home?” My voice came out weaker than I wanted but I was done. I couldn’t pretend any longer.
“Yeah, of course, baby. But one thing—promise me we’ll talk tomorrow. That you’ll call me and we’ll talk.”
Why did he have to call me “baby”? I liked it way too much and it blurred the lines of friendship. I mean, the sweaty sex also blurred the lines of friendship but I was rapidly trying to reestablish them again and calling me “baby” was making my heart flutter in a way it didn’t have permission to.
“Sure.” It was a lie. I wasn’t going to text him, I wasn’t going to call him. I was going to wait for my shift on Sunday to roll on and then I’d put on my brave face, the one I hadn’t had to use in so many months, and see him at work and pretend nothing had happened. I didn’t even need to go and get my car from Java. It could sit there safely for two days and I’d manage the walk to work.
The car ride home was filled with uncomfortable silence. I looked straight ahead but out of the corner of my eye I knew he kept looking at me every once in a while. Whether it was to check on me or try and catch my eye to instigate conversation, I didn’t care. My crappy day had gone from bad to beautiful and back again and the emotional whiplash had worn me out.
Pajamas, pack of cookies, Monk reruns, since The West Wing was ruined for me forever, and then bed.
In that order.
There was no way I was talking to Katy tonight, even though we’d scheduled a video call. She’d know something was up and I didn’t have the heart to tell her I’d broken my abstinence streak and with Ford of all people. Shame seeped up my spine. The one man I’d confessed my business plan to and I hadn’t even managed to keep my legs shut when he showed me a scrap of interest.
Maybe I was just full of it.
Maybe my previous approach to men had nothing to do with my stupid, useless life rules.
Maybe I was just what everyone thought I was—easy. A slut. Trailer tramp. All of the above.
Because apparently I couldn’t stop sleeping around, even when I tried.
Chapter Nine
Ford
Her call never came. But whatever had upset her last night obviously needed to be dealt with head one. I waited until twelve and then told the barista I was working with I was taking lunch.
Rocking up to her apartment building, I was disappointe
d to see how shabby it was. It was dark when I’d dropped her off and in the cold light of day, I got the full effect. Our town wasn’t big, but still big enough for me to have never had the pleasure of frequenting the laundromat she lived above. Climbing the badly lit stairwell, only accessible from the alley behind the building, I lamented the fact I had so much and Charlie so little. Because this place was a dump.
She answered on the first knock but my little speech I’d carefully grafted on the way over disappeared from my head as soon as I saw her. Her ass in a pair of tiny micro shorts and a white tank with no bra underneath was enough to send my brain into overdrive. I could barely remember why I was at her front door. All my brain was focused on was how quickly could I talk her out of that outfit.
“Hi Ford, what’s up?” she asked with a big smile as she practically bounced on her naked feet.
“We were going to talk today. Remember? And you haven’t responded to my texts.”
“I’ve just been super busy this morning. Can it wait until Sunday?”
“No, it can’t wait until Sunday. You said we’d talk today and now you’re pretending like last night never happened. Come on, Charlie, it’s me. You don’t have to pretend with me. Just let me in and we’ll talk.”
“About what, Ford? What do you really expect is going to happen here?” she stopped moving finally and dropped her fake smile. “What? Are you going to take me out? Show me off? Take me home to meet your parents at their beach house?”
“I don’t know. I mean—”
“Yeah, I didn’t think so. And I don’t think any worse of you for that. I’m not the kind of girl you take home to meet Mom and Dad. So then what? You want to talk about me being your booty call? Reliable Charlie, always up for a good time? I told you I was done with that. And that applies to you too. If I gave you the impression I would change my mind, because of last night, I guess I should apologize. But I think I was pretty straight forward.”
“Don’t I have a say in this?”
“No, it doesn’t work like that, Ford. I know you don’t have a lot of experience with women but let me give you a few starting tips. Sex is not a process of negotiation. People like to pretend it is and go through a bunch of stupid rituals, thinking that doing or not doing one or two things is going to make the difference between making a home run and not. When actually it’s all crap. The woman decides. And she’s probably decided before the date’s even begun. She gets to say yes or no. She gets to say when and where. We all go along pretending it’s this romantic erotic dance, but if she doesn’t want to put out, no matter how many moves you make, she’s not putting out. So, no Ford, you don’t get a say in whether or not I fuck you again.”
I was too stunned to respond. What she said made perfect sense. Of course it wasn’t a negotiation. But her words and actions didn’t line up. Last night she clearly thought I was going to send her home after having sex and she was just preempting it. Despite me asking her to stay, she still thought it as about the sex. All morning her strange statement had been popping into my heard—I already gave you everything I’ve got. There were so many things wrong with her statement. Not just about how she saw herself, but also how she saw me.
Now hearing her refer to our time together as a convenient fuck, I realized I’d underestimated Charlie. The walls she’d built up around her were not going to come tumbling down with an orgasm on my couch. God, I was a prick. Of course she thought it was just about convenient sex. I found her crying and descended on her like a horny vulture. Fucking her on my couch—why the hell didn’t I take her into my bed? She was a goddess who deserved to be worshipped and instead I’d treated her just like all the other men I’d seen wandering in and out of her life.
She’d asked me if I wanted her to stay so we could have morning sex. Forget cuddling, forget talking about her business plan, forget confessing to her I’d been falling in love with her for the past two years. I thought back to our evening and at no point had I given the impression I cared about her. I’d mentioned the attraction, that I’d wanted her for a long time. She’d obviously thought I just meant physically.
“Charlie, give me a chance to explain. Last night, the sex was amazing, and now—”
“Let me stop you right there, Ford. The sex was amazing. But you said it yourself, you’re not all that experienced. Don’t interpret good sex for something more than it is. I’m sure there are plenty of suitable women ready and willing to hop in your bed. I mean, I’m sure Marilyn will show up at some point in the next few days.”
“Suitable?” I couldn’t even figure out what the hell she was talking about now.
“Yeah, suitable. You didn’t even deny it. You’re not about to take me home to Mommy and Daddy and I’m done being someone’s dirty secret, no matter how hot the sex was.”
“I would never treat you like that, Charlie. I’d never hide you away.”
“Enough, Ford. Stop. Stop trying to sweet talk your way in. I’m not some stupid slut who will fall for the same lines again and again. I’ve learned the hard way and I know how easy it is for you to say the right things and for me to believe you actually mean them. We’re friends and you’re a great boss. Let’s not ruin that, okay?”
Stupid slut. The way she’d phrased it made it clear someone had called her that at some point. And she thought I was just trying to worm my way in for another quick fuck. This was going to be harder than I thought.
Chapter Ten
Charlie
Avoiding Ford was easier said than done. I’d be a liar if the fact he didn’t pursue me in the slightest, bar his initial surprise appearance on my doorstep, didn’t sting a bit.
Who was I kidding? I knew he wouldn’t want to take it any further. Over and over again I repeated it: you don’t get to have a man like Ford. Life just doesn’t work out that way.
Because there was no other alternative. There was absolutely no point setting my sights on Ford. I couldn’t even figure out a way to make more than minimum wage, let alone have a healthy relationship with a caring, sexy, funny man. Instead I called the one and only person left who I could turn to.
Derrick, my step-brother. He wouldn’t be able to give me money but I know I could always crash at his place if I needed to and considering I was about to quit my job and throw everything in the back of my tin-can car, well, beggar can’t be choosers. And I was about four hundred dollars away from begging.
The fact Derrick still lived in the trailer park where I’d grown up was a fact I was completely ignoring. None of it mattered. What mattered was getting away from Ford so I didn’t fall even more completely head over heels in love with him, finding a new place to live, and a job, any job that could get me one step closer to building up some savings. I couldn’t even deal with Serena and what she’d done. Derrick had nothing to do with his sister so I knew there was no chance he’d be able to help me.
For now I was simply ignoring the problem. Something I was getting really good at doing. After spending so much of my life trying to face reality and not shy away from the hard truths of my life, it was shocking how quickly I was able to slip things under the carpet and ignore their existence.
The letter I held in my hand couldn’t be ignored though. Wiping my sweaty hands on my jeans and trying not to crumple the piece of paper in front of me, I knocked on Ford’s office door before entering. He looked up from his pile of paperwork, almost knocking me over with the smile he gave me.
“Charlie! You’re early for your shift,” he announced as he stood up and came around his desk. I quickly took a seat, trying to maintain a feeling of professionalism that was shot out of the water when he decided to lean against the front of his desk and I had to peer up to look him in the face.
“I’m early because I wanted to give you this,” I stuck out the piece of paper, hating how it trembled in my hand. If I had any doubts I was doing the right thing, that move right there confirmed it. I was in over my head with Ford.
“What it is?” he asked
even though he’d already started to read my resignation.
“It’s my two week’s notice. I know it’s all very formal but I figured it was better than simply announcing it and honestly, I couldn’t find a copy of my contract so I couldn’t exactly remember the amount of time I’m supposed to give but I think two weeks is fair. I’m sure you’ll be able to find someone to replace me pretty quickly.”
“I don’t think I will. At all.” His jaw was clenched tight and any trace of his warm smile was gone. I hadn’t expected him to be happy about me quitting, but the waves of anger suddenly emanating from him were a bit extreme. Sure, we’d had sex but that was all. Surely he didn’t consider me such a good friend that me leaving would impact him in such a way. “Where are you going to go? Do you have another job lined up?” he asked through gritted teeth, his grip on my letter tightening until it crumpled in his fist.
“No.” I swallowed. “I’m going to visit family for a bit and then take it from there. Serena’s debt is still going to be a problem but I need a fresh start. I’m sure you can understand.”
“No, I can’t. Running from your problems is no way to fix them. You have a job here, with me. It doesn’t make any fiscal sense to become unemployed right now.”
“I’m not running from my problems. I’m trying to—you know what? It’s none of your business. I don’t need to explain myself to you. Fiscally or otherwise.” Straightening in in my chair, I tried to embody the strength and confidence I’d attempted to infuse my words with. He had no right to question me. We’d slept together, I’d gotten even more hooked on him and there was no way I was about to explain that to him. Not when he clearly wanted nothing more from besides casual friendship and a booty call.
Into the Woods (Lust in the Woods Book 2) Page 5
