by Lia Lee
She cursed herself for caring about Gerard’s feelings. It seemed that the problem lay as much with her as it did with Gerard. Why couldn’t she change? Why couldn’t she be vindictive and bitchy and hate him with her heart and soul? He certainly deserved it.
But Gerard was saying nothing. The proud, enigmatic man stood there with shoulders bowed, as if the pressure of the moment was too much to bear. As if he was heartbroken.
Tears glimmering in her eyes, she looked away and drew harsh breaths to keep from crying. Clenching her eyes shut, she turned her back to the man who had once been the most important person in her life. “Trent’s playing by the pool.”
Gerard’s sigh of relief resounded in the tensed silence. “I’ll go talk to him, then?”
He was still asking for permission, giving her the right to choose after she’d barred him from seeing Trent barely a minute ago.
“Yeah.”
She watched him stride toward the doors leading out to the back. “By the way…” She waited until he glanced at her. “He cried.”
Gerard’s jaws clenched. “He did?”
He looked stricken, and Hartford was taken aback. “Yeah. He was pretty angry.”
Gerard drew in harsh breaths, holding her gaze. Clearly, Trent’s broken heart made both of them ache.
When Gerard made his way to Trent, Mrs. Berry quickly made herself scarce, finding her way to the kitchen. Hartford spotted Gerard walking toward Trent and Trent running over and wrapping his arms around Gerard’s legs. Kids. They never hold a grudge.
Gerard lowered himself to Trent’s height and wrapped his arms around his neck to talk to him. Hartford stepped outside, wanting desperately to hear the exchange.
“What did you do today, buddy?” Gerard pushed a strand of hair off Trent’s forehead.
“I played football with Mommy.” Hartford bit back a smile. He didn’t seem very happy about it.
“Whoa, did you teach her what I taught you?”
“She can’t play very well.”
Gerard smiled and Hartford bit her lip as a laugh bubbled in her chest.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here this morning when you got ready for the game.”
Trent toyed with Gerard’s shirt collar. “Where did you go? Mommy said you told her that you had to go somewhere else but she forgot to tell me. I was so mad at her.”
“Did she tell you that?” He stole a glance toward the door and saw her. Hartford didn’t move. She crossed her arms, and his gaze lingered on hers. What she saw in them made her heart stop. Tenderness, respect, love.
The air escaped her lungs in a harsh rush, and she fought back tears. They weren’t for Trent and how upset he’d been. The tears burned their way out in mourning for what she had had with Gerard and lost.
He’d been perfect, and then he hadn’t been perfect. He’s still the same man you loved for four years. He’s still the same man who went out of his way to make you happy. He made a mistake. If you forgive him, you could have a chance at this.
For the first time since she’d landed at Gerard’s house, her subconscious didn’t argue. It too was ecstatic with the possibility. Hope flared in her heart. And that’s when Gerard pulled his gaze away from hers as if it took considerable effort and dragged Trent into his arms.
Hartford blinked back tears and turned away, giving Gerard his moment with his son. They looked beautiful together. And for Trent, he’d finally gotten to see that his father may make mistakes, but he knew when he’d done wrong.
She recalled how dejected he’d looked when she’d thrown the past in his face. He was full of remorse, and maybe, just maybe, he could step up to the plate next time. He could be a better man.
She wiped her tears furiously when she heard shuffling sounds from the dining room, and Mrs. Berry appeared to inform her that dinner was ready and served.
“Umm, did you set out a place for Gerard as well?”
“No, I’ll do that.” Mrs. Berry smiled at her, and Hartford felt like the housekeeper was already onto her.
The knowing, friendly smile made her blush. She turned back to the pool and sniffled, smiling as she opened the door wide. “Okay, boys, it’s time for dinner.”
***
Trent was full of stories to tell Gerard at the dinner table, and even though Gerard still looked incredibly guilty, it was clear that he was having a good time. Hartford served Gerard more chicken without him asking for it, and he gaped at her in confusion. Clearly, he was also surprised at how friendly she was acting. She was too.
After dinner, Hartford went through the routine that she’d managed to follow while at Gerard’s. She gave Trent a bath and put him to bed, kissing him on the forehead before she left his bedroom. When she stepped out, Gerard was waiting for her, his back against the wall, his face a picture of regret.
Hartford smiled and stepped forward, feeling nervous and giddy around him. The last time she’d felt unsure about his feelings for her and hopeful that he’d like her, the two of them had been in high school. “It’s all right, Gerard. He’ll forget. Kids are good that way.”
“I’m really, really sorry. I can’t even…”
She reached forward and clutched his forearm, her fingers tingling from the feel of his skin, every pore on her body alive and responding to the touch. “It doesn’t matter. You apologized. He’ll get over it.”
He drew in a deep breath and held her gaze. “And you? Will you forgive me too?”
She shrugged. “Well, you didn’t really wrong me, and so Trent’s forgiveness should be enough.”
“No, not that.”
She blinked repeatedly to avoid responding to his meaning. But he wasn’t letting her get away with it.
“Can you forgive me for not being an adult back then, when you told me you were pregnant?”
Hartford froze, and he reached forward, taking her hands. His forehead rested against hers, he drew in deep breaths. She was shaking, and he ran his hands along her bare shoulders, his uneven, ragged breath telling her she wasn’t the only one aroused by his nearness.
“Tell me.” His fingers digging into her arms, kneading her, he drew her closer.
She couldn’t fight it. She was melting in his arms, beneath his touch. The scent of him was around her, inside her, and she was drowning in it. She did not want to be saved.
“I don’t know…” Because she didn’t know. Half of her wanted to let go of the past, give this another shot. He clearly wanted it. But the other half of her relived every moment she’d struggled and fought to have his child, to raise him, to give him a good life to the best of her abilities.
“Please, Hart.”
His words sounded like a heartbroken plea. Hartford gasped and a sob broke free from her lips. She clenched her eyes shut and lifted her mouth. When she opened her eyes again, he looked like he was in unbearable pain. He looked utterly dejected, and his hands slid over her shoulders, up to her neck, to the sides of her face.
“Jesus…” he hissed breathily. “I’d forgotten how soft your skin was.”
Hartford curled into his touch, her body turning to jelly as she let him hold her face inches from his. His thumbs stroked away the tears that had escaped her eyes, and his gaze dropped to her mouth.
Hartford caved.
It was she who caught his lips in her mouth. She slid her hands up his chest, clutching handfuls of his shirt as she yanked him closer. A groan escaped his chest and it rumbled beneath her hands. Overcome with greed to have all of him at once, she pushed a hand through the collar of his shirt, and her palm burned from the touch. He pushed his hands through her hair, grasping it gently, and slanted his mouth over hers.
Hartford was insatiable. She wanted more, all of it at the same time. She pressed her lower body against his and parted her lips, giving him access to her tongue. He didn’t need any encouragement. He took it, sliding his tongue along hers, letting them tangle. Their breaths mingled, and he caught her lower lip between his teeth, biting softly, before su
cking the subtle sting off it.
His hands traveled down her back, reaching the hem of her top, and then his hands were sliding up. She crooned into his mouth, her legs shaking as her knees threatened to give way. The arousal was incomprehensible. She couldn’t process anything but the touch of his hands, the taste of his lips, and the eagerness of his tongue. She slid her hands up his neck to grip his nape, and his groan resounded through her senses. His head slanted determinedly as he deepened the kiss. Every slide of his lips over hers was soft, caressing, as if he were trying to form a mental mold of her lips, memorizing every crevice.
Breaking the kiss for merely a moment, his fingernails dug into her back. She gasped out his name and opened her eyes, and what she saw made her insides clench invitingly.
His face had hardened into a dark mask, a sight that she’d all but forgotten. It had been too dark to see his face the eve of the party when he’d kissed her, but now she could see his lust in all its glory. It adorned his face, a muscle moving spasmodically in his jaw. He looked like a man on a mission. Greedy, almost vicious, and then his lips slammed onto hers again.
She cried out as he slammed his teeth against her upper lip, only briefly, then dragged down the side of her cheek. Her head fell back as his lips trailed a wet path to her ear, where his tongue plunged inside. She clung to him, clutching his shoulders for balance as his moist lips marked her down her throat. His teeth gently biting, he dug his fingers into her back, holding her up.
When he shifted away from her, she clung to his shirt to keep him right where he was. Belatedly, she realized that he wasn’t going anywhere. All he meant to do was push his hands to the front of her body.
“Gerard!” she cried out, and he caught her lips in his again.
Hartford moaned into his mouth, and he swallowed the sound. His hands cupped her breasts, squeezing them tightly, before he caught the nipples between his fingers and rolled them around.
A streak of pleasure, electrified and hot, shot from her nipples, leading straight down to the wet, burning space between her legs. Her sex clenched, eager to be filled, eager to be stretched open by his shaft, which she so clearly remembered. High on the taste of him, the touch of him, she let herself be pushed against the wall. When he yanked her top higher and bent his head, her heels lifted off the floor. Her head slammed against the wall behind her. His mouth, warm and wet, closed around her nipple.
“You taste so good…” he mumbled against her nipple.
She looked down, panting and moaning. His tongue slid greedily over the hardened nipple. His face so close to her breast, his hands gleaming on her ebony skin, brought back memories of being his. In his bed. In his life.
Gerard was in her blood. She had been fooling herself when she argued that she could survive the loss of him. Fate had brought her back to the sight she’d thought she’d never see again.
He bit her breast, his free hand claiming her left breast when his mouth tended to the one on the right. Hartford pushed at his shoulders, her hand delving down between their bodies, and she closed her hand over his crotch.
He grunted but didn’t pull back, and covered her mouth with his once again.
Hartford’s lips lay stationary beneath his demanding ones. She memorized the hard, pulsating length trapped in the crotch of his pants. She squeezed it and he grunted, thrusting into her hand.
She lost all semblance of restraint. She wanted to drag him to her bedroom. She wanted to lie naked on top of the bed and wait for him to come take her swiftly. She wanted to spend all night awake, with his body pumping inside her repeatedly until the hot friction scalded her insides and she couldn’t sit without wincing for two days. She wanted his naked, large body crushing hers with his weight. She wanted his mouth between her legs so she’d reach the orgasm that had evaded her for so long and he was so skilled at giving her.
Gerard’s shaft jerked beneath her touch, and she slid her fingers higher, mindlessly trying to undo his belt, his fly, anything so she could reach the soft satiny skin covering the hard granite of his manhood. She didn’t succeed, and Gerard released her breasts, his thumbs tugging at her waistband. Forcefully, he slid his hand down her thigh and up her skirt.
She lurched and lifted onto her toes again, half of her wanting to escape the sweet assault, while the other half leaned toward it. Breaking the kiss, she shyly opened her eyes as he slid his fingers into her panties and then dragged along the drenched place between her legs.
“You’re so wet for me.”
Hartford fought the instinct to stop him. She wasn’t done. Her brain was fried and she couldn’t think. She was helplessly lost in a sea of mindless pleasure, as he made his way up along her slit and spread the lips apart wetly, before flicking across her clit brutally.
“God!” She gasped and jerked, and Gerard bit her lips unendingly. All the while, he rubbed her clit in vicious, harsh circles designed to get her off. It was clear that he wanted it to be rushed. He wanted it to be hurried and fast, and he didn’t want to wait. Even though Hartford knew this was enough, she couldn’t deal with thinking of the heartbreak if he left now.
She was falling for him again. After seeing what having a family could look like, she was completely besotted with the idea.
Her thoughts stalled and she panted, thrashing in his hold, as her clit became the only thing she felt. She could taste the waves of crazed orgasm. Almost there, a loud moan erupted past her lips, and then she came.
Gerard abandoned her mouth and clutched her shoulders with his free hand as he unashamedly watched her face as she orgasmed. Hartford was past feeling shy or ashamed for her inexcusable response to his mere touch. Her knees buckled lightly and her toes tautened, pushing into the thick carpet beneath her feet. She shuddered and shook and fell forward in his chest.
Just like she remembered, he didn’t give her any time to recover. His hands were rough, and his crotch dug into her navel as he took her hands and slammed them against the wall above her head. His fingers twined through hers, his right hand still wet from the abundant juices of her orgasm, and he plunged his tongue aggressively into her mouth.
Hartford was spent, the arousal dissipating momentarily to give her a clear head. Moaning she pushed him away.
Everything stopped. He stood two feet away like a deranged man. His eyes were wild, his hair mussed, and his arousal pushed at the front of his pants, clearly fighting to be freed and unleashed upon her. She shook her head. The urge to take his hand and drag her inside her bedroom was too great. The urge to feel his hips undulating beneath her heels as he cleaved her body with his manhood was too consuming.
“No, no… no,” she mumbled as she opened the door to her bedroom and closed it behind her. The last thing she saw was Gerard swallowing and his hands pushing through his thick hair.
She leaned her back against the closed door, her eyes clenched, still breathless, still reeling from the waves of her orgasm. He could bring her to orgasm so swiftly, it was ridiculous. On wobbly legs, she made her way to the bed, where she fell facedown.
Shutting everything out but the ache in her sex, the want to be full and hurting consumed her. She wished to be stretched wide between her legs and wrapped around Gerard’s manhood.
She was setting herself up for the perfect, most devastating heartbreak. There was no doubt in her mind that she wouldn’t be able to recover after it happened again.
Gerard Blackstone was a fantasy now, an unreal fantasy that could never give her what she wanted. He had left her once, and he’d leave her again. Gerard was never going to be hers, and she wouldn’t allow him to penetrate her life any more than he already had. She couldn’t wait for the designated time to be over, just so she could go back to Maryland and leave Gerard behind. It was survival, and to survive this man, she had to be as far away from him as possible.
But even as she planned her escape and tried to look forward to it, her heart throbbed in agony to be around him. If only for a few days, she wanted to savor the opportu
nity to have a complete family.
Chapter Nine
“Who’s ready for some football?”
Hartford turned toward the excited sound, and so did Trent.
“I am!” Trent called, and Hartford couldn’t help but smile.
“Great! ’Cause I’ve signed you up for two days of football camp.”
“Yay! Football!” Trent shot out of his chair.
Obviously Trent had no idea what a football camp was, but Gerard was his hero. He worshiped anything the man said. Hartford, for once, chose to let go of the fact that Gerard should’ve asked her before he announced the news to Trent. Besides, Trent was in the middle of breakfast, and now he would be too excited to eat. Killing the control freak in her wasn’t an easy feat, but she smothered it and kept her mouth shut about it. “What football camp?”
Gerard yanked Trent up in his arms, and Hartford tried not to notice how natural the move looked on him. Gerard somehow looked even more handsome with a mini-me in his arms. “The Seahawks started a weekend football camp thing for kids recently. It’s the perfect thing for your budding football player here.”
When Hartford narrowed her eyes at him, he backtracked.
“I mean…” He placed Trent in his chair and glanced at his plate. “Finish your eggs, please, Trent.”
Hartford drew back in shock when Trent attacked his eggs. If only he listened to her as eagerly. Her heart was pounding when she turned her attention back to Gerard.
“We can go to the camp if your mother agrees, of course.”
Hartford fought back a grin. “That’s cool. Make me the villain.”
“Sorry,” Gerard mouthed. “I got a little too excited.”
“Yeah.” Hartford looked away as memories of herself shaking and thrashing and moaning in his arms flashed across her mind. It had become quite the norm. Make out passionately, then pretend it didn’t happen. They’d managed fine once before, but this time, he’d also made her shudder and shake in orgasm. By a mere few flicks of his fingers, he’d gotten her off. She was ashamed of herself. She was embarrassed. He must think she was so attracted to him to get off so easily. Well, she was, but she didn’t want him knowing that, of course.
