by Lucy Rinaldi
“What have you got there?”
I jump out of my skin, trying my hardest not to let Aimee see the newspaper clipping in my hand, but she's too quick, she's already snatched it from my hand.
I swallow past the lump in my throat. “Aimee, I...” I don't know what to say to her. My whole body is pricked with heat and the sweat is beading on my forehead. Oh god, I'm gonna throw up!
She looks up at me and then back at the article in her hand and then back again. I can feel the tears pricking at the back of my eyes, and I'm not sure they won't spill out. “It can't be.” Her voice is barely audible. Her eyes lock with mine. “It can't be.” She repeats a little louder.
“I found that in some old things in my attic. I was curious. It sounds like a really sad story.” I swallow hard again while standing and crossing my arms over myself. I want her to believe me, but somewhere inside I just want her to make the connection so this can finally be over. After all, isn't this what I came here for? To find out who I really am?
“It's you, isn't it?” There's no hiding her tears, they're already falling from her eyes. “Isn't it?” She asks more urgently.
“Yes,” I suck back a sob. “Yes.”
“Oh, my god.” Her hand finds her mouth, her eyes are wide and scanning me wildly. The room suddenly feels very small, too small. And I'm so hot, I need to get out of here.
“All this time? All this time you've been here, making friends with her daughters. Holding her grandchildren, and you didn't say anything! You've known all this time! Oh my god, and she's right out there!”
“Please,” I urge while taking a step toward her, my hands raised. “I didn't do this to be vindictive. I just didn't know how to go about approaching her. You have no idea how hard this has been for me.”
“Hard for you?” Her eyes turn dark and hard, and I feel a little unnerved. “You think this wasn't hard for her? For her husband? For their children?!” Her tone makes me jump. This is what I didn't want.
What else did you expect, Roya? That you could walk into these people's lives and they'd open their arms and tell you everything is okay. Welcome you like one of them?
Yes, actually! I am one of them!
“Aimee, please,”
“She needs to know. You need to talk to her.”
“I can't. Not here.”
“Yes here. Right now. Jesus Christ, I should've known it was you. You look so much like him, but I thought it was my imagination. Why in the world would I think anything of it.” It wasn't a question, and I have no idea who he is. “I'll be back in a minute.” She folds the newspaper clipping, holds it in her hand, and walks away from me before I have the chance to even open my mouth to protest.
Why does everything seem so hopeless all of a sudden? It shouldn't feel like that surely? I sink down into the chair I was once sitting in. I drop my head into my hands. Please like me. Please like me. I repeat over and over in my head. That's all I want, just for once, I want something to turn out okay for me.
Eight
Roya
“Roya! Get out here!” Oh god, I'm gonna throw up. Yeah. I really am.
On shaky leg, my stomach at my feet, one hand on my belly, the other on my chest, I walk out of Aimee's office and out to the front of the shop. Everyone's gone. The only people left are Aimee and her surrogate aunt.
God, she's a beautiful woman. She's tall, slim, blonde, blue eyed. It's like looking at a vision of the future.
“Sidney, this is Roya.”
“It's very nice to finally meet you.” She grabs my hand and shakes it vigorously. “It seems we never get a moment to meet properly.”
“It's nice to meet you, too.” No sooner have the words left my mouth, she pulls her hand way from mine as though my skin were molten lava burning holes into her skin, scorching her for life. Something in my voice made her react that way. But she masks it well. She smiles while rubbing her hands together.
Aimee offers us both a seat. Each of us sits down in the comfortable waiting area of her boutique, usually used for customers waiting to be seen, or people waiting while others shop. Sidney's eyes haven't left mine yet. I feel a little uncomfortable, and hot, so damn hot.
“Roya here was interested in what happened.”
“Happened?” Sidney seems confused. I know it's my fault, she's looking at me in shock. Does she know who I really am?
“What happened almost twenty-one years ago. Roya found an old newspaper clipping. I know you don't like talking about it, but I think you should.” A look exchanges between them. She knows. I know she does. I can feel it deep inside of me.
“Yes. Well,” Sidney swallows hard before turning her attention back to me. She smiles slightly and carries on. “September 5th will be the twenty-first anniversary of the day my life changed in a way it could never be fixed.” I'm all ears. I've waited a long time to hear the truth about what happened.
“It was a beautifully hot day. My husband, Keller, had taken our two boys, Kory, who was twelve, and Greg who was ten, out to the waterfront fishing. Something they always did when Keller had a day off work. Not that he had many being a cop. He was the town deputy then. Sheriff now.” She smiles slightly.
I see so much pain inside of her, and it's taking me all that I am not to breakdown right here in front of her before she's even told me the most important part of her story.
“I stayed home with our daughters. Callie was seven at the time. Lora five, Della four, and, of course,” she closes her eyes for a moment, I think to ward off tears. She opens them a moment later and smiles. “My tiny baby girl, Abigail. My little Abi.” Abigail. I've never heard anyone say that name out loud. It didn't seem real until she said it.
“The girls were all playing while I nursed Abi. She was thirteen months old at the time, probably shouldn't have been nursing at that age, but I knew what was best for her, for all of my children. Abi and I had such a bond. She was my everything.” She smiles lovingly, her eyes far away with memories of the little girl she obviously loved more than anything.
“Anyway, she fell asleep in my arms as she often did after I nursed her. I lay her down on the picnic blanket I'd laid out on the grass for a moment while I went inside the house to get juice for the girls. I shouldn't have done it. I should have made them all come inside with me. I should have taken my baby inside with me.” God, I want to reach out and take her hand in mine. I want to comfort her. But I won't.
“What happened?” I ask, my whole body shaking in fear and anticipation. All I know is what I read in that newspaper clipping and a little online. But it's very different hearing it from the woman it happened to.
“My girls were suddenly screaming. And I mean really screaming their heads off and calling for me to help them.” She pulls at an imaginary piece of cotton on her pretty lemon colored summer skirt. “I ran out to them, of course. I thought maybe one of them was hurt. I couldn't get any sense out of them. Callie finally screamed how the lady with the dirty blonde hair and tatty clothes had taken my Abi.” She sobs a little while trying not to, and it cuts me so deeply.
How does anyone cope with something like that?
How do you go on when your child has been snatched?
I would literally die if someone took Jaxson from me, or at least, I'd never give up searching for him until he was back in my arms, no matter how long it took me to find him.
“Did you find her?”
What a fucking stupid thing to ask, Roya. Of course, she never found her!
Aimee's eyes burn into me. My heart is pounding. I know what she's thinking. She's thinking how stupid I am for asking such a ridiculous question. I didn't mean to, it just slipped out.
“No,” Sidney shakes her head. “Ten years I searched. Ten years before I finally realized she was gone. I didn't want to give up, but I had five other children who needed me.”
The emotion in her voice, it's killing me. It feels like one of those moments in a hospital when a doctors comes and tells you a loved one has
died. The pain inside is so all-consuming that it's devastating in a way that cannot be explained.
“That's not to say my husband ever closed the case. Abi was our little miracle baby. My pregnancy was hard, she was born early, too early, she was sickly. Doctors told me that she wouldn't survive.” Just like Jaxson. “But she was strong and she fought so very hard to get well. We loved her so much. After all the problems she overcame when she was born just to be taken from us... Keller couldn't deal with what happened and he threw himself into his job. Of course, he made sheriff, and he still to this day looks for her.”
“I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how that must feel.”
She doesn't answer me, she turns to Aimee. “What is this, Aimee?”
“Don't you know? Look at her, Sidney. Really look at her. I know you see what I see.”
“I can't. I can't, Aimee. This isn't real.” She jumps out of her seat, reaching for her purse, and all I can think is, why?
She walks toward the door and I have seconds to make a decision. I can either let her walk away and spend the rest of my days here being avoided, or I can stop her and make her listen to me.
Hurry up, Roya. The choice is yours now.
“Wait, please!” Decision made.
I jump out of my seat in a panic. I can't let her go like this. “I'm begging you, please.” She slowly turns to face me, eyes filled with emotion, emotion I don't understand but feel just as deeply. “I don't know what you went through when your baby was taken from you. But I know what it was like to be taken from my mother.”
Her eyes close for a second, and all I want to do is hold her against me. I want to know what it feels like to be loved by somebody, anybody.
“I didn't come here to hurt anybody. Least of all you. But I have to know who I am. I have to know that somebody loved me once.”
Her face drops a little, emotions pushed aside. Her body is stiff, she looks shocked. “What do you mean? Please tell me you had a good life. Please tell me that woman took good care of you?”
I can't lie to her. I won't lie to her. I had a horrible life filled with hate and violence. And that's why I shake my head.
Both hands come up to her face and she sobs so hard into them that her body is shaking violently. I watch with tears in my eyes as Aimee pulls Sidney into her arms to comfort her.
“I'm sorry.” I offer up because I don't know what else to say. I feel sick and cold, and I don't know what to do. Every inch of me is shaking with emotion, fear, sadness. You name it, I feel it right now. “Maybe I should go.”
“No!” Sidney pulls away from Aimee so quickly it makes me jump. “Please don't. I'm sorry, I'm just in shock.” She comes closer. My heart pounds harder. She comes closer still, and I think my legs are going to give way on me. “I can't believe you're standing in front of me. You have no idea how I have longed for this day.”
“I didn't mean to...”
“No,” She takes my face in her hands. My eyes close on me. People don't touch me like this. Hell, aside from Jaxson and Bryton, people don't touch me at all.
She strokes my face, invoking emotions I didn't even know I could feel. “Oh, my baby.” She pulls me into her arms. I rest my head on her shoulder, my arms around her waist, hers around my shoulders, holding me so tightly against her heaving body. I have never felt so at ease with anything in my life. I have finally found my mother and it is literally the best feeling in the world. “My Abi.”
“Mommy.” I have never said that word to anyone in my life, but it feels so good saying it right now.
Nine
Bryton
“You're a different man these days, little brother.”
He's right, I am. Being with my son and the woman I still love has done that for me. I never thought I could feel this way. My own little family. The family I don't want to leave even for a second, let alone the next month while I have to go away for work.
But it's not like I have a choice in the matter.
“They've changed my life, Chase. You have no idea how much.”
“Yes, I do. Emilee and Aidan changed my life too.”
I smile. “So they did.”
My brother and I are taking care of our kids for a few hours while their mothers are at work. Anybody would think I don't do shit while I'm here. It's not the case, I work at the local gym five days a week. I don't need to work if I don't want to, but I'd rather be doing something than nothing. And as I'm a qualified fitness trainer, Len, the gym's owner, hired me before he even checked out my references.
But I'm done for the day so I'm here with my brother while he has a day off to spend time with the kids.
“Daddy, look what Aidan gave me!” Jaxson waves a Batman lego figure in the air for me to see. Aidan is walking into the den behind my boy with a smile on his face.
He's just a year older than Jaxson, but he's so much bigger than my boy. Cousin's they may be, but they couldn't look more different if they tried. Aidan has dark hair like his father, Jaxson has light hair like me. Can't deny they both look like Chase and me, though. It's uncanny really.
“That's great, bud.” He giggles as I lift him in my arms. As light as air, my boy is.
“Harper fell asleep, daddy, so I covered her in her blanky. She's on the couch in the playroom. I put the pillows by the side of her so she won't fall off.”
My brother chuckles. “Thank you, my boy.”
“That's okay, I don't mind.” Aidan is a good kid, loves his little sister. Makes me wonder what it would be like to have a little one for Jaxson to love and play with.
Yeah. Where the hell did that come from?
Another kid? I only just found my son, his mother hasn't even given me a hint that she wants a relationship with me, why in the hell am I planning out our future in my mind?
Because it's all I want, that's why. I want to make Roya my wife. I want more kids with her. Hell, I want to build her the house of her dreams. I want to give Jaxson everything his mother has always wanted for him.
I can make it all happen. I know I can. I won't stop until it all comes true. I'll make the fantasy a reality. You mark my words.
I still remember the day I met Roya, the way she was sat at that bar in the tightest, shortest clothing I'd ever seen on a woman. Her blonde hair was piled on top of her head, curls falling down everywhere, a style I'm sure she'd intended to happen.
I walked over to her and asked if I could buy her a drink. She smiled and nodded her head. I had a scotch on the rocks, she asked for a white wine spritzer. We talked like we'd always known each other, danced like we were the only people in the room, and I think I fell for her a little that night.
I took her home and made love to her, shocked to find out that I was her first.
Hell, I was her first everything. First kiss, if you can believe that. I thought she was lying. I mean, at the time I thought she was older than she was. She never corrected me either. But she assured me that she wasn't lying.
I knew she wasn't lying about me being the man to take her virginity, she bled enough after. But it seemed to make it all the more special.
I had to see her again, and I did, every damn day until the day I walked away from her. I've never regretted anything more in my whole life. All these years I could have been loving her, keeping her safe, making sure she never had to do what I know in my heart she had to do to keep our son alive.
If I'm honest, it's been playing on my mind since she came back into my life and gave me a snippet of information that led me to realize what she'd done.
“What's up with you?”
I don't answer my brother right away, I wait until Jaxson and Aidan have run off to play again before I tell him, “Can I talk to you about something?”
“Sure. Anything.” We both take a seat on the couch. “What's bothering you, Bryton?”
“Just something Roya said about how she paid for Jaxson's treatments when he was sick.”
“Oh?”
I scratch my jaw with my th
umbnail. How the hell do I begin this?
“She was only seventeen when she had him. Couple months away from her eighteenth birthday. She didn't have a job, no way to pay for anything, really.”
“What are you getting at, Bry?”
“I think she may have slept with men. You know, for money.” He raises his eyebrow at me. “How else was she supposed to get the money she needed, Chase? He was in the hospital for the first four months of his life. That alone must have cost thousands. He was in and out for months. Then he was struck down with cancer, needed operation after operation. Even had half his lung removed.”
“Jesus.” He hisses.
I nod.
Jesus indeed.
He knows all about Jaxson's illness, it's the fact he's just realize how Roya must have paid for everything that's causing him to hiss.
“I saw those bills on her mantel, Chase. I saw how much she still owed. He hasn't been in remission for long. She may have had a payment plan, but I'm just wondering if she had to prostitute herself to make payments on time. And I wonder just when she stopped doing that.”
“Sounds like she wouldn't've had much choice, Bry. She's a damn good mother. Any idiot can see that little boy means everything to her. Any decent mother would do whatever it took to keep her child alive, even if that meant selling her body to do so.”
“I know.” I nod thoughtfully. I do know, and I fucking hate that fact. All I can think about is how if I'd stayed, I would have been there to help her so she wouldn't've had to do those things just to keep our son alive.
I fucking hate that she had to do anything like that. It kills me to think of her lying there why some old letch pawed her beautiful body.
When did she start doing it? Right after Jaxson's birth? A week later?
“It's killing me thinking about it, Chase. I should have been there. I should have been the one she came to when she needed something. I should have been the one to pay my son's medical bills.”
