by Lucy Rinaldi
They then tell me about how Kory, their eldest son, had to go into therapy for three years after my abduction because he couldn't cope with what happened. He'd even started losing his hair in places because of all the stress. I can't imagine what that was like for a little boy.
Hearing their heartbreak is so painful. But hearing how much they loved me and never gave up on me being found or me finding them means the world to me. I know how much these people love me, my parents. They're not shy in letting the love they feel flow into me. I've never felt love from anyone other than Jaxson and Bryton. I'm not used to it. But I know I want to be loved. I want my family back. I may not have known love but I know how to give love. And believe me, I have a lot of love in my heart to give theses people.
Many would ask how I could be so filled with love when I had a terrible childhood. The only answer I can give to that question is that the woman I believed to be my grandmother used to tell me never to close my heart, that one day I would be the most important thing in someone's life. To hold on to that thought and the day would come sooner than I thought.
The days went on and nothing came of it. But I kept her words in my head and I never lost hope. Never did I think of just myself and the pain I was in every single day. And I thank the lord above for the day I decided to go to that club. I thank him for allowing Bryton to see me as more than some dumb kid. And I thank him for Jaxson.
“Would you tell us what it was like growing up with that woman?” Sidney swallows hard. “The woman who took you from us... Your moth...”
“She was never my mother!” I cut her off. My tone may have been a little harsh. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap. It's just that woman was never my mother. I didn't even know what a mother really was until I had Jaxson.”
I rub my forehead with my fingertips. I don't really want to dwell on the past, but they have a right to know what happened to the baby they loved and lost through no fault of their own.
“You don't have to tell us, sweetheart”
“It's okay,” I smile slightly. They deserve to know. “The woman who took me. Simone. She was in her mid-twenties when she took me from your garden. She'd lost her own baby a year previous and thought in her messed up mind that I was that baby. That, someone, had lied to her and took me away just to hurt her. She took me because not only did she believe I was hers, she hadn't even told her husband that their daughter had died.
“Ryan was in the military and was, according to what I was told as I got older, due home any day. He didn't know I wasn't his, he just loved me like any father would. But he was concerned that I did nothing but cry and vomit up the milk they tried to feed me. He tried to tell Simone something was wrong with me. She wouldn't listen. He waited for her to fall asleep one night and he took me to the hospital. They told him I had...” I rub my chest subconsciously.
“A narrow windpipe?” I nod at Sidney. She smiles slightly. Of course, she'd know what was wrong with me back then, she is my mother.
“They told him that I needed an operation. Of course, he told them to do it. Apparently, he wanted it done right away. By the time Simone realized what was happening, I was already in theater.”
“You had the operation,” Sidney says more to herself than anyone else. “I'm glad. I was so scared that you wouldn't get it. You were due to have it a week after you were taken.” I didn't know that.
“After that, doctors told Ryan he couldn't be my father because the blood he donated for a transfusion I needed, proved negative against mine. He was so angry and accused Simone of cheating. She said nothing, and as soon as I had the blood transfusion, she picked me up and walked out of the hospital. We never saw Ryan again. Simone was good at hiding when she needed to.
“I'm glad I don't remember that time. But I do remember little flickers of when I was three and living with Simone's grandmother. I called her Nana. She took care of both of us until I was seven. I only saw her now and again after that. She was good to me. She died a while ago.” I lower my head a little. I do miss that old lady. “I always remember Nana asking why Simone never allowed me to call her mom.”
“She didn't allow you to call her mom?”
I shake my head no at Sidney.
“Simone would just look at me like I was vermin and tell Nana how I'd ruined her life. Nana would yell at her and tell her how she should be grateful to have me. Then she'd hold me and tell me everything would be all right. Simone grew tired of being there and we left.”
“I remember moving around a lot after that. Lots of men and lots of yelling. Little food, and always being dirty, tired and hungry.” Sidney is crying while trying not to let me see that she is. Her husband has his arm wrapped tightly around her, comforting her. I like seeing how much love they have between them. “I never had nice clothes, and the clothes I did have were rarely clean.
“By the age of nine, I knew how to walk the ten blocks to school by myself. Then to walk back by myself. There were more days when I didn't go than when I did. I even knew how to find food in places a child should never have to look for food.
“Simone was always okay when she had drugs, alcohol, men in her bed. She didn't care that I saw everything as long as I stayed quiet. When she didn't have those things I became the enemy. She would beat me, yell at me, tell me how she wished she'd never found me because I wasn't her little girl. Who was I to pretend to be her little girl?
“I was almost sixteen when I found the newspaper clippings in a shoebox under her bed. Simone had overdosed on heroin and had been taken to the hospital. I was trying to find some things for her so I could take them to her. But that shoebox caught my eye and I read them all.”
Tears are now falling from my eyes. I remember the very second it clicked in my head who I really was. I was hurt yet so excited at the same time.
“I left the tiny apartment we shared after packing the few things I owned into a bag. I wanted nothing to do with her ever again. She'd stolen me from a family that loved me all because she was selfish, sick even. I traveled around a little, staying with friends where I could here and there. Not that I had many, school was hell for me.
“I managed to find a halfway house where they took me in and let me stay for a while, no questions asked, not even my age. I guess I looked older than I actually was due to the way I'd had to grow up so fast being with Simone. I managed to find a job in a coffee shop. I saved every penny I could over the eight months I was in that halfway house. I wanted to save money so that I could come find you guys. And I did save, I saved hard.
“That's when a girl I worked with asked me if I wanted to rent a room in her apartment. It all felt too good to be true for a girl of sixteen. But I guess the fact everyone believed I was twenty helped. And I really wanted to be in a place I could call mine.” They're watching me intently, taking in every word I'm saying like sponges.
“Anyway, I moved in with her. And for the first time ever, I felt like I might be okay. I had fun, I worked while putting myself through high school without telling anyone. I needed my education. I graduated with honors.” I smile at my parents and the look of awe on their faces. “But before that, I met Bryton in a nightclub. We were together for a few months before I found out I was pregnant. He didn't want the baby so he left me.”
“Oh, sweetheart, I am so sorry.”
“He wasn't ready.” I shrug. “I thought about an abortion, but I couldn't go through with it. As you know, Jaxson was born prematurely.”
What you don't know is how I had to prostitute myself again and again in order to keep him alive.
But I won't tell them that.
But I do tell them all about Jaxson's illnesses and how hard it's been for us. I even tell them how Bryton has stepped up and paid all of Jaxson's medical bills in full. And how I still love Bryton and how I hope that he and I can work something out for us. Especially now that he's here for Jaxson one hundred percent.
“Coming here was so that I could find peace for Jaxson and me. I knew you lived
here, I knew it when I found those clippings. And even though I saved money in order to find you, that all got eaten up quickly with medical bills.
“I thought about coming here many times, but I wasn't emotionally strong enough back then to come find you, as much as I wanted to. And after Jaxson was born, I had to push it all to the back of my mind because he had to be my main priority. But when he was given the all clear, I knew I could find you, that the two of us could have a family that would love us unconditionally.
“I didn't know Bryton would be here. He was the last person I thought I would walk into. But it worked out perfectly because Jaxson got his daddy back and I got my... I never had parents. I didn't even know what parents were until I was in school. I always wondered what a mom and dad were. Why didn't I have them? Then when I found out what she'd done...” I stop and look down at my hands for a second.
Sidney is soon beside me, her arm around my shoulder. “Look at me, Roya.” I turn to look at her. “I am your mother. Me.” Tears prick her eyes and mine. “Keller is your father. We are your mommy and daddy. We always have been and we always will be. The hell we have all been through because of that selfish woman is over now, baby.” She strokes my face as tears fall from both our eyes. “You're home now, my baby girl. Home with your mommy and daddy and nothing and no one is ever going to take you away from us again. We love you so much, Roya. So much more than you will ever know.”
“I love you too, Mom.” I wrap my arms around her and let the love flow between us. This is what it feels like to be loved by a parent. This is how Jaxson feels when I tell him how much I love him before holding him close to me.
“Come here, princess.” I look up at Keller. I take his outstretched hand and let him pull me to my feet and into his arms. “I love you, Abi.”
“I love you, Dad. But I don't think I could get used to being called Abi when I've been Roya for so long.”
He takes my face in his hands and smiles. “Whatever you say, baby. Roya is it. But we'll always be Mom and Dad. If that's okay with you?”
“Of course it is.” I smile widely. “I have wanted nothing more since the day I found out who I really was.”
“Oh, that will be your brothers and sisters.” My mom clasps her hands excitedly and skips off to open the door.
Please don't hate me for keeping my true identity from you, girls. Please like me, boys.
God, I feel like my stomach is falling out of my butt!
Thirteen
Roya
The girls seem happy to see me, a little shocked maybe. But my mom still hasn't told them what I'm doing here or why our father isn't at work when he should be. Kory and Greg haven't arrived yet and Mom wants everyone here when she tells them who I really am. I'm beyond nervous. I've had weeks to get to know the girls, my sisters. Although I've never clapped eyes on my brothers.
As the door knocks my stomach drops again. The girls are happily chatting while drinking the cold lemonade our mom fetched them from her overly large top of the range kitchen as soon as they arrived. I love them so much, my big sisters and they see me as nothing but a friend. What if they turn on me for keeping the secret from them? What if they want nothing to do with me? It would break my heart.
“Greg, I would like you to meet Roya.” I swallow hard and get out of my seat. Greg is tall, handsome, has dark blond hair, a kind of mix of our mother and father. Our father used to be dark haired before the gray set in, dark haired like the girls. Our mother is blonde like Kory and me.
Greg holds his hand out to me and I take it, shaking it while saying a feeble hello.
“It's a pleasure to meet you, Roya.”
“You too, Greg.”
“Where's Maya?” He slips into easy conversation with the girls after hugging them all tightly. His new wife is back in Seattle working, even though she's heavily pregnant, and that's why Greg will only be staying overnight. He wants to get back to her. Apparently, Kory is right behind him and should be here any moment.
Ten minutes after Greg arrived Kory walks through the front door. He didn't knock like the others. My heart is literally pounding and I'm fighting so hard not to cry. I don't know why this means so much to me but it does. After hearing from my parents how much he suffered when I was taken, it really touched me, and I feel a strange, strong bond to him.
He walks in the room and is instantly attacked by our sisters running at him and hugging him followed by our mother, and then a quick one armed hug by our father.
Holy hell, he's so handsome! Handsome in a male model kind of way, tall and very well built, and my parents are right, I look just like him.
“Kory, I'd like you to meet Roya.”
His eyes lock with mine. The smile fades from his handsome face. I'm about to say something when he stumbles back into the small table behind him. “You okay, bro?” Greg laughs. Kory doesn't.
His eyes are still locked on mine and I can feel the tears falling from my eyes. I can't stop them. Something inside of me is screaming at me, telling me this is the little boy who used to play with me, rock me to sleep while singing a lullaby and telling me how much he loved me. I don't know if that's real or not, but inside my head, it is very real right now.
“Kory?” Callie takes his arm, her eyes follow his to me. All the color has drained from his face. Does he know who I am?
He gently pulls away from Callie and takes a tentative step toward me. My heart is pounding hard and fast and my mouth is suddenly very dry.
“Abigail?” He finally croaks out. Oh, my god, he does remember me! How in the hell did he recognize me after all this time, he was a little boy when I was taken? I've changed so much since I was a baby, surely?
“What did you just say?” He doesn't answer Callie, he just walks closer to me. “Mom, what's he talking about?”
“I'm right, aren't I?” He's looking at me, but I think he's asking our parents. Nevertheless, I nod my head. My lip quivers and the tears fall hard and fast. “I knew it.” He grabs me and pulls me into his arms. Shit, he's strong!
I sob against him as he holds me so close, stroking the back of my hair and kissing my head over and over. “I knew it.” He says again while grabbing my face in his hands and looking into my eyes.
I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn slightly to see Greg smiling at me. “Is it true?” I nod again.
“It's true.” Our father says with a big smile on his face. “We've taken DNA tests. They're positive. After all these years of searching and your sister found us.” I can't stop laughing as my brothers wrap me up in their big strong arms. Basically crushing me with the weight of them, but not even caring that they are. I feel so content inside.
“Abi,” I'm pulled away from them and into Lora and Della's arms. Both of them cup my face at the same time, looking at me with tears falling from their eyes. This is a little overwhelming, but I never want this feeling to end.
“I guess we shouldn't call you Abi, huh?” Della asks.
“I'm too used to Roya. But I will take Abigail as my middle name. Actually, I've used that as my middle name for as long as I've known about you all. I'm so sorry I never told you who I was before now it was ju...”
“No,” Lora shakes her head with a smile on her face. “It really doesn't matter. Having you back, our baby sister, that's all that matters.”
“You're not mad?” I look from them to my brothers. Each one is smiling at me while shaking their heads. I'm suddenly engulfed by all four of them. Our father is holding our mother tightly, their eyes on us, happy smiles on their faces. But where's Callie?
“Where's Callie?” I had to ask. It seems she's disappeared.
“This is hard for her, darling.” My mother motions for us all to take a seat, but I can't seem to let go of Kory's hand. I don't want to let him go, I feel such a bond with him. I sit next to him on the overly large couch. He smiles at me and the fact I'm holding onto him so tightly. He kisses my head gently.
Della takes a seat beside me, Greg beside her,
and Lora on the other side of Kory. Yes, that's how big the couch is. If Callie were with us I'm sure she'd fit too. Our parents take a seat on the slightly smaller couch on the opposite side of the room.
“Callie blames herself for what happened to you.”
“Why? She was a child.”
“Roya,” My father smiles, “Callie has always blamed herself because she tried to get that woman to put you down. Yes, she was a child, but she tried so very hard. Her relationship with your mother since that day was strained. Callie always believed Sidney blamed her.”
“Which is just not true. I would never have blamed her for what happened. But she took it all on her own shoulders. And then when Kory became ill and he had to see a therapist,” Kory shifts beside me, obviously uncomfortable with me knowing what he went through. I wrap my free hand around his bicep and squeeze, letting him know it's okay. “My little girl blamed herself for that too.”
“Callie believes that when she was attacked,” Lora says, “That it was God's way of finally punishing her for what happened.”
I take it our parents didn't know that little fact. Our mother is crying hard on my father's shoulder. I cannot believe my sister has taken so much blame and guilt on her shoulders over something that wasn't her fault.
“Caroline has always been the kind of...”
“Caroline?” I cut Greg off.
He smiles at me and carries on. “Callie.” He corrects. Okay, I didn't know her name was Caroline. “Caroline used to like being called Callie when she was a little girl. But Caroline became Callie permanently not long after you were taken. She hated Caroline and couldn't bear to be her any longer.” He shrugs.
“Thankfully, her relationship with mom has been good since Callie's kids came along. But she still doesn't believe what happened to you wasn't her fault.” Della's words hurt me deeply.
“Do you think it would be okay if I went to her? I need her to know something.”
