by Suzi Davis
“I’ll walk with you then,” he stated from behind me and quickly reappeared by my side. I knew I should send him away but I couldn’t seem to find the strength.
We made our way back up the hill slowly and in silence. There was so much to think about but I truly was exhausted and had little energy left to think of anything other than placing one foot in front of the other. I even stumbled a couple of times, to which Seamus immediately reached out to steady me. He eventually looped my arm through his so that I might lean upon him more heavily. Once again, I could not find my voice to object – not that he ever asked.
When we neared the temple gates, our pace slowed even more. The reluctance I felt weighing down my heart and slowing my steps apparently (and for some inexplicable reason) affecting Seamus also. His footsteps came to a complete stop, pulling me to a halt with him before the entrance to the temple’s grounds where we had met just a few hours ago.
“What you did today… I will be eternally in your debt.” His expression was earnest, his eyes full of gratitude and thanks while still shadowed with the pain of his loss.
“It is my duty to serve the Gods and the people,” I answered.
He shook his head in objection. “It was more than that.”
“It was still not enough.” He didn’t respond. I started to turn away, feeling tired and sad once more.
“Caoilinn?” he gently called after me. I froze at the sound, surprised that he would call me by my name and not my title but even more shocked by the pleasure it caused for me to hear it said so from his lips. I glanced back over my shoulder, my heart beating strangely. He looked confused himself and spoke hesitantly. “May I… may I come to visit you one day?”
“No,” I answered immediately. His expression changed ever-so-slightly. The corners of his mouth turned down, disappointment darkened his eyes. “But perhaps I will come to you,” I finished, barely thinking before I spoke.
He smiled, the expression brightening his face and emphasizing his handsome features. I allowed a small, answering smile to grace my face in response.
“Goodbye, Seamus.”
I turned and walked away, the smile lingering as my heart beat ever-more quickly. Something was happening to me, something unexpected and new and powerful – and forbidden. Something that I had never thought possible… I had finally connected with another soul. I knew I had found a friend in Seamus and with that friendship, the possibility of love. And I realized in that moment that I wanted his love more than anything else; my whole heart and soul ached for it – for him – and I would do whatever it took, to make him mine…
I AWOKE WITH a start. It was like being plunged into cold water – one moment I was Caoilinn, I was in Ireland, thousands of years in the past, living her life, thinking her thoughts, feeling what she felt – and the next I was back in the present. I was Gracelynn. I was me.
I sat bolt upright, gasping for air as I tried to calm my pounding heart.
“Gracelynn? Are you alright?” Sebastian sat up beside me. The sky above us was starting to brighten, the night stars fading away. The forest was slowly awakening, the birds beginning to chirp and call out their morning songs. The fire had died down to a pile of smoldering embers in the night, leaving Sebastian straining to make out my expression in the low light before dawn.
I tried to calm myself, taking slow and steady breaths as I rubbed the goose bumps from my arms.
“I dreamt I was… I mean, I remembered being Caoilinn.” He met my pronouncement with stunned silence, tensely waiting for me to continue. “It was the day she first met you. The day your mother…” I looked to him questioningly and watched as the strangest expression crossed over his face, a twisted combination of hope and fear and pain.
“The day my mother died,” he eventually confirmed. He squeezed his eyes shut as he strained to remember. “It was both the saddest and the happiest day of my life. I lost my mother but I found you.” I felt my jaw drop open.
“So it was real – it was true. It was all true,” I gasped. “You were really there. That was your real mother, and your sisters–”
“My sisters!” he repeated excitedly. Even in the dim light I could see his eyes brighten. “I had forgotten I had siblings. I wonder if I have relatives alive in Ireland still? Of course, it would be nearly impossible to hunt them down but still, the idea is intriguing,” he mused. “What else did you remember?”
“That was it, really. The dream ended after your mother passed away and you walked with me back to the temple. I wanted to see you again even though I knew I shouldn’t. I realized I was falling in love or… that I was about to fall in love.”
“You always said the moment you realized you loved me was the first time you had to say ‘goodbye’. I’m glad you remembered that day, it was such a sad end to my mother’s life but a beautiful new beginning for us.” He paused, his arms sliding around me and pulling me against his chest in an embrace that felt identical to how he’d held me in my dream-memory of Caoilinn. The strange familiarity melted the tension from my muscles and soothed my unsteady heart. “Did you remember anything about your magic? Did you remember how you were able to help my mother? What you did?”
“No, not really. That part of the dream was sort of… blurry. I remember chanting and praying and painting designs on her body… but mostly I remember just wanting her to survive. I had to focus and I had to strain, but it seemed like that’s all I really had to do,” I told him disappointedly. It wasn’t an amazing or exciting revelation – it was what Sebastian had been telling me all along. I just needed to want something enough to make it happen, I just needed to focus.
“I wonder if examining my tattoos triggered something within your subconscious then. Perhaps you should study the designs every night before you sleep so that you might remember more. It could be the key to understanding your magic.” Sebastian waited patiently for my answer, gently stroking my short, tangled hair. The gesture felt so bizarrely familiar, almost identical to the way he had comforted me (or Caoilinn) nearly two thousand years in the past and just moments ago, all at the same time.
“I’m not sure how much more I want to remember,” I confessed quietly. “It scares me, Sebastian. She scares me.”
Sebastian laughed out loud. “That’s ridiculous, Gracelynn. How can you be afraid of yourself?”
“I’m not Caoilinn,” I stubbornly stated, pulling away from the warmth of his arms.
“No, you’re not anymore,” he agreed patiently, “but you once were. You don’t need to be afraid of what you’ll remember, I’m sure it can only help. Caoilinn was very much like you – sweet, caring, passionate, innocent – you have nothing to fear from her.”
I didn’t answer. I wasn’t so certain that I agreed but I couldn’t see any benefit from stating so. I couldn’t help but remember the intense and possessive way Caoilinn had felt when she looked at Sebastian, when she had decided that she wanted him. I glanced up at the sky that had shifted from a black-blue on one horizon to a bright azure at the other, trying to push my dark thoughts away along with the fading night. Sebastian followed my gaze.
“The sun will be rising soon. Shall we break camp?”
“I couldn’t sleep anymore if I wanted to,” I agreed. I paused before rising, straining to get a read on the energy that clung to the air around us. I realized, with great relief, that the heavy sense of creeping, impending doom that had hung over us last night had now evaporated like midnight’s mist at dawn. “Have the Others moved any closer?”
Sebastian immediately shook his head. “No and I’m almost certain they won’t. If we make good time over the next few days we should be able to put some real distance between us – as long as we appear to be charging towards their fifth, of course,” he added with a cheeky grin. He held his hand down to me and pulled me to my feet beside him.
“Are you going to tell me about this plan of yours then?” I asked curiously and with a touch of wariness.
“Yes, but let’s get
moving first. I’m anxious to be on our way.”
I quickly tried to examine his expression before he turned away. There was a furrow between his brows that seemed to grow deeper with each passing day and a near-constant strain to his eyes that made me wonder if his headaches ever completely left him. I tried to push aside my concern or at least attempt to hide it from him. I knew that it would only add more stress to his already over-loaded mind if he realized how worried I was. All I could do for now was to want for him to be okay and I definitely did, more than anything. So why wasn’t it working?
It took us only a few minutes to break camp. I rolled up the tarpaulin and our blankets together into a tightly packed bedroll that I lashed beneath Sebastian’s backpack, then scattered the remaining firewood and carefully packed up our water bottles and supplies. While Sebastian dealt with the remnants of the fire, I jogged a short ways into the woods for some privacy to change into an only slightly-less stained shirt than the one I’d had on. When I returned to camp his pack was already on his back and the small clearing looked exactly as it had when we’d found it. There were no traces of our being there, not that it would stop the Others.
Sebastian handed me my backpack with a smile.
“Are you ready to go for a morning run?”
I groaned in response as I shrugged into my backpack and adjusted the straps so they wouldn’t slip off my shoulders. “Just do me a favor, please?” I requested as we were ready to set out.
“Anything,” he automatically agreed.
“Want us to get away from them. Want us to be safe. And… want to be able to keep up with me!” I laughed as I leapt around him and began charging through the trees, racing towards the narrow hiking trail that wove alongside the river. I could hear Sebastian laughing behind me – the sound coming closer with every passing second. I was a good runner, fast and strong, but he was better. I knew I’d be spending most of the day chasing after him.
We ran for hours, slowing to a fast-paced march when the terrain became too steep or started to turn boggy, and nearly sprinting when the ground was flat and rocky. It felt like we were flying through the forest at times, the marshes and old-growth trees blurring by, the thin grasses and rocky terrain disappearing behind us as we charged endlessly on. We stopped for lunch close to midday, both starving and tired but not as exhausted or as hungry as we should have been. Either Sebastian’s wants were becoming more effective again or perhaps my own wants were starting to influence events too. I somehow doubted it though.
We had emerged from the forest onto the sandy shores of a small lake (small enough that I could see the other side but still too large to easily swim across). The waters were still and peaceful, the glassy surface perfectly reflecting the bright blue sky and the rocky shoreline on the opposite side covered with a thick forest of ancient, towering trees. I let my eyes drink it all in, taking a moment to admire the beautiful natural surroundings as I slowly sat down on the warm, sandy beach.
Sebastian sat beside me, handing me first my water bottle and then proceeding to unpack the leftover meat skewers from the night before. My mouth began to water and my stomach rumbled just at the thought of the delicious food. We ate in companionable silence, gazing out over the beautiful lake before us without another living person or sign of civilization anywhere to be found. The moment was almost perfect.
There was a cool breeze rising up off the lake that at first had been refreshing but was now a bit too chilly for the weakening sun. I dug a sweater out of my backpack while Sebastian loosened one of our blankets from the bedroll bound to his pack and wrapped us both up in it. I relaxed into his shoulder.
“I could almost fall asleep,” I sighed happily. It was true. I hadn’t felt this peaceful and relaxed in some time now and with my tired legs and full belly, and Sebastian’s warm body so close to mine, I was sure I could fall asleep if I let myself blink for too long.
“We’ll rest for a bit,” Sebastian agreed, “but not long. We need to keep moving.”
“I know.”
I watched in wonder as the majestic silhouette of an eagle came soaring out over the trees on the far side of the lake and began slowly and gracefully circling over the water, searching for its own lunch.
“What exactly is it that we’re moving towards anyway? Besides our own demise,” I added sarcastically. Sebastian didn’t laugh at my bitter humor.
“We should reach the edge of the park tomorrow. By my calculations, it should only take us a few more days to reach Thunder Bay – a week at the most. And then…” he hesitated, glancing at me uncertainly from the corner of his eye.
“And then?” I demanded, suddenly not liking where this was going.
“And then we find a way to get to Toronto,” he concluded. I was about to ask why but then it hit me. I couldn’t believe what he was suggesting.
“You want to get my father involved in this? Are you crazy? Sebastian, the Others will guess what we’re doing. They won’t let him help us, they might even hurt him! No. Absolutely, not. This is far too dangerous. You need to come up with another plan.”
“There is no other plan, Gracelynn. This is our only option,” Sebastian told me gently but firmly. “We can’t outrun the Others much longer, the fifth is too close now. Our only hope is to get to your father before all five are there, in Toronto. The fifth can’t influence him on his or her own. You can convince your father to help us before the four Others arrive, I know you can,” he insisted.
“No,” I argued. “Even if he knew and somehow believed the whole story, what could he do to help? Besides, I’m not certain he’d even want to help us, no matter how convincing I was,” I added somewhat sadly.
“We don’t have to tell him the whole story or even the whole truth. We just have to tell him enough that he’d be willing to help get us out of the country – and fast.”
I stared at Sebastian incredulously. “Oh, sure. That’ll be easy. Dad, even though I haven’t seen or spoken to you in months now, do you think you can come up with plane tickets, passports, ID and all the correct paperwork so that Sebastian and I can run off overseas together? Oh, not to mention you’re going to have to pay for it all and there will probably be people looking for us, and by the way, we need to leave as soon as possible! Yes, I’m sure he’ll agree to that no problem,” I grumbled sarcastically. To my surprise Sebastian laughed.
“Well, not if you ask him like that. But if you said it in the right way and if we both wanted him to help us…”
“It won’t do any good unless he wants to help us,” I pointed out. “And besides, the Others will be sure to want him not to.”
“Which won’t do any good if he does want to help,” Sebastian retorted, a sparkle of blue to his gray eyes as they caught the sunlight within them.
This time it was I who scrunched up my eyes, fighting the dull ache that was beginning to pierce my temples. “But why Sebastian? What’s the point? The Others will find out where we fled to easily enough. They’ll follow, they’ll catch us and they’ll win. Why should we involve my father and risk his safety when it won’t make a difference in the long-run anyway?”
“Because we won’t just be running away from them, we’ll be running to a place with answers. We’ll be running towards our only hope, to my home, to the key to our past and hopefully, the key to fully reawakening your magic.”
I knew the answer immediately. The green rolling hills and ancient countryside hovering on the edge of my conscious mind. “Ireland,” I whispered, my words swept away on the cool breeze. A silence settled between us as the circling eagle suddenly dove towards the lake’s still surface, its golden talons ready and outstretched, swooping down upon its prey. There was a splash and a flash of silvery scales and then the eagle rose up smoothly, its prize in its claws, triumphant and proud. For a brief moment, I felt empowered.
“Do you really think we’ll find answers there?” I asked Sebastian quietly as we watched the eagle fly away with its meal.
His arm
tightened around me as he pulled me to his side once more. “We have to.”
Chapter Four – Closing In
Sebastian was right - we reached the eastern edge of Quetico Provincial Park the following day. We had miraculously made it through the entire length of the park on foot, without getting lost, without seeing any other people – or rangers, and well-ahead of the Others. The distance we’d covered in the past week or so didn’t seem possible. In fact, I was pretty sure that it wasn’t possible. I knew it must have something to do with Sebastian (or even possibly myself) but how was it happening? Had the distance been shortened? Or had time slowed down somehow? Or had the actual landscape been altered by our desires so that we could travel the most direct and easiest route possible? My head spun with all the possibilities - or impossibilities. Sebastian had once said that his influence over events was limited by what was possible, but he’d also later admitted that those limits may have been self imposed. It was all so complicated and confusing.
The terrain did not change much once we left the park’s border. We were still in a vast and dangerous wilderness crisscrossed by fast-flowing rivers, streams and waterfalls, lakes wide enough to appear to be seas, forests that never seemed to end, swampy bogs and the rocky, grass-strewn landscape of the Canadian shield. The days blended into one another as we traveled. We marched and jogged as far and as fast as we could each day, breaking only for lunch and supper, and to sip water from our packs. The weather held steady for us and each day was hot and warm, even beneath the forest’s shade. We camped each night under the stars and spent every evening ‘practicing’ different ways for me to learn to control my magic – all with limited success.
I slept deeply and soundly each night, and had no more dream-memories of Caoilinn’s life. Sometimes as I fell asleep, I could almost sense the memories hovering on the horizon of my thoughts, beckoning silently to me. I was afraid to face those memory-dreams though. I knew that there were answers hidden within them but I also felt certain that I wouldn’t like everything I learnt, and so I cowardly shied away from their beckoning call.
