by Dace Everan
Cole placed her hands on her hips. “Oatmeal, vanilla, coconut,” she ordered.
Ren went, retrieving every ingredient she ordered. When he had everything she had requested, he waited an expectant look on his face.
“I’m not having sex with you, Mr. Ren,” she spoke, measuring her ingredients.
“Why not?” he asked, taking a peek at the egg whites and making sure they were doing okay. He took a look at her. She called him Mr. Ren. Uh-oh, she only did that when the kids were near or he needed a talking to.
“Because you’re like my employer, and you never sleep with the boss. It’s bad.”
Ren harrumphed. “Okay, how about this? If we sleep together and it doesn’t work out, I move into one of the cabins and you get the house,” he offered.
Cole burst out in laughter. “That’s funny. No, not happening. You are looking to get laid. Me too, one day, not today, and not with you.”
Ren leaned against the counter. “Why?” He would not leave this alone till she gave him a good reason and it had better be one hell of a Goddamn good reason!
Cole stopped and looked at him. Her lower lip trembled. She furrowed her brows. “Because more than anything right now…I need a friend who I know I can rely on. You have not pushed yourself on me physically. Never have made any advances that would cause me alarm. I like being able to come into a room and a man be there! Not being afraid that once my children are out of earshot that you’re going to throw me down, rip my pants off, and fuck me.” Tears were in her eyes.
Ren’s whole body heated up in anger. Anger at himself for being so selfish. Why had he not thought of that! Oh, yeah, he wanted to do exactly what she had just said, minus the throw her down. She could stand. He would rip those pants off and bend her over the counter and fuck her till she came screaming.
“I’m sorry, Cole, I never thought of me being that for you.” Of course he could still be that and would be, as well as so much more.
Cole wiped the tears away. “You know when I went home it was three weeks before Billy moved out of the bedroom. I jumped every time he entered the room. Every time he moved, I jumped. Afraid he would demand things of me I couldn’t even think to give.” She mixed the dry ingredients. “I couldn’t even hug him. I was afraid. I shouldn’t have been afraid of someone I was supposed to love.”
Ren crossed his arms over his chest, mouth becoming a fine line. He couldn’t even imagine what she had gone through. Theo and Lane had told him what happened, how they had found her, but after having her in his house he tended to forget this woman had been brought down to that level of hardship. “I will not push you, Cole…If…” He clenched his jaw. This was coming out all wrong. How did she make his brain mush? He had not seen the broken part of her. He had only seen this mildly broken part and even that was strong. “I will never force myself on you. You will always be in control…” He looked at her. “Unless…you don’t want to be…That is an option.”
Cole dared look at him. He was offering her something she had wanted before. He was willing to take her pleasure into his hands and handle it all on his own. She chewed her lower lip, pushing aside the bowl in her hands, sidestepping him to check on the egg whites. “Theo and Lane told you what happened? How many men there were?”
Ren grunted. “They gave me a rundown, no specifics,” he replied casually. Not that he needed numbers. Shit, one man taking her pissed him off. Especially the way she had been taken. He watched as she tore parchment paper and lined her cookie pans, grabbed a cup of sugar and slowly added it to the egg whites.
“I felt guilty about being taken…I shouldn’t have gone to that club, should’ve been the good girl and went straight home, or taken my friend.” She scrunched up her nose. “My friend thought I was crazy for even being remotely interested in that sort of thing.”
Ren grunted. “Lots of us are into it, we just don’t acknowledge it or recognize what we want,” he assured her.
Cole snorted. “My friend thought I wanted to dominate, said there was no way I would be able to let a man dominate me, I was too headstrong.” She slumped. She had wondered about that herself. Billy had never tried to dominate her, had been on the vanilla side in everything. She had bought toys for them to experiment and they all had gone to waste. It had pissed her off, the amount of money she had spent on toys only to have them sit and collect dust.
“What was your sex life like beforehand?” he asked.
Cole furrowed her brows, shrugging. “Great?”
Ren raised a brow. “Doesn’t sound so convincing.” He hummed.
Cole shrugged. “We had issues. I had issues. Being raped at fifteen makes a girl feel a tad bit unsure.” She added more sugar.
Ren growled. “Shit’s just been dumped on you forever, hasn’t it?” he probed.
Cole shrugged. “Figured it was a part of life, not everything is simple. My mother was an alcoholic, father a workaholic, brothers a bunch of drunks, sisters…well, let’s be nice and say they got around…a lot.”
Ren scoffed. “Bundle of love you came from,” he remarked.
Cole laughed. It was short and sweet and reminded her so much of who she used to be. Of how she used to be so at ease and loved to laugh. Her heart burst with giddiness at the little accomplishment of accepting that it was okay to laugh with Ren. “Yes, it’s made me a stronger person,” she replied, turning the mixer off.
Ren watched as she gently folded the oats around the egg whites. “I want to fuck you,” he declared.
Cole nodded. “Yes, I get that,” she murmured, dropping cookies on the cookie pans.
Ren shifted to his left foot. “I want to tie you to my bed.”
Cole smiled, nodding. “That would be interesting.”
Ren smiled. “I want to make you scream.”
Cole laughed at that. “Because my children need to hear that,” she replied.
Ren grunted. “Go to a club with me,” he offered.
Cole shook her head. “I have children,” she reminded him.
Ren nodded. “I have friends who can watch them,” he shot back. Stubborn woman!
Cole shook her head. “Not people that I trust.”
Ren growled. “Stop fighting me. You know you want it as bad as I do,” he argued lightly.
Cole looked at him, considering him. After a few silent minutes, she shook her head. “Not ready for that yet, Ren,” she whispered.
Ren narrowed his eyes. She was a stubborn woman. He crossed to her, hugging a large muscled arm over her chest, hugging her back to his front. He placed a kiss on her temple. “I can do vanilla if you like…but only for so long. If you need to build up to trusting me, we will work that way. My door is always open to you, Colette.” He released her and left the kitchen.
* * * *
Cole glanced around the empty living room. Her brows furrowed. She inhaled a sniff. “I know you’re in here, Jake,” she called, creeping to the couch, peeking behind and frowning. She was sure he would have picked there. She hummed softly to herself, listening carefully.
She heard a soft giggle, the pitter-patter of small feet running down the hall. She reared down the hall, following the sounds of soft laughter abruptly stopping at the sound of glass crashing to the floor. “Aw, fuck!” snapped Ren’s deep voice from down the hall.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Ren!” squeaked her daughter’s little voice.
Cole raced into the office coming to a halt at the sight. Ren bent over on his knees, picking up pieces of shattered expensive vase, her daughter in tears next to him.
“I’m sorry, Etty, I didn’t mean to swear,” he apologized, ushering her back away from the broken vase.
Cole cringed. She was sure that vase cost a fortune. She rushed forward. “I’m so sorry, Ren. We were playing hide-and-seek,” she explained, already kneeling and picking up the bigger pieces.
Ren grabbed a wastebasket, looking at Etty. “Hey, sugar, can you go get me the little handheld vacuum?” he asked Etty. Etty wiped away her te
ars, nodding, racing from the room. “Sorry I swore, I forget little ears sometimes,” he apologized, tossing a few hunks in the wastebasket. Shit, the way Etty had come barreling around the corner, how she had grabbed the vase as leverage, the stupid thing could have crushed her tiny frame. His heart still thudded the vision of it teetering, heading straight for her.
Cole shook her head. “She shouldn’t have been in here. I told her a million times not to come in here,” she rambled, hands shaking. How was she going to replace this thing?
Ren shook his head. “I told them I didn’t mind as long as I was in here,” he admitted.
Cole looked at him. “You’re overstepping again,” she stated. Her children should never be in his office. This was his sanctuary, his space. He didn’t need her children in here.
Ren sighed. “Your kids can’t feel like I’m another entity in this house. Not going to act like a stranger to them…Ever occur to you your son has questions that he doesn’t want to talk to you about?” he asked, looking at her pointedly.
Cole’s eyes widened. “Jake has questions?” She couldn’t believe that. No way, he would come to her…right?
Ren grunted, tossing a few more pieces in. “Look, Cole, I know you’re not comfortable with me, but your children are. I will not ostracize them because of what happened to you. They still trust.” He hated to be blunt but she needed to hear it. Needed to know her children didn’t feel what she did and it wasn’t fair for them to make them hide from people. They needed to know how to interact with people.
Cole slumped, tears edging her eyes. She had never thought she was keeping her children back from exploring, feeling safe. Her shoulders slumped further. Maybe they should go to their dad? He could…she cleared the thought. No, absolutely not, her children belonged to her, and she would have the strength to help them and guide them through this life.
Ren cupped her face. “Your children trust me. I will not treat them any different than I do any other child,” he stated.
Cole nodded. She supposed it was only fair. She wanted her children treated how they should be treated. A tear slid down her cheek and he wiped it away with his callused thumb. Cole sobbed and wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in his chest. He wouldn’t turn her away sobbing in tears, would he? He would hug her and hold her, wouldn’t he? She didn’t care. She needed this, right here right now.
Ren hugged her close. “Shh, it’s okay, Cole…I know it can be hard,” he whispered, eyes darting to the door. He motioned for Etty to come in, Jake behind her. Both settled around them, gangly little arms reaching in to hug their mom.
Chapter Six
Ren relaxed into the recliner, eyebrow raised at the brutality of the show that was on his television. “You actually watch this crap?” he questioned.
Cole glanced at him, giving him a nod. “Helps me escape,” she admitted. She held up the bowl of popcorn. She had stopped the baking for now and eased back into taking the living back up in the evenings, watching some of her old favorite horror flicks.
Ren furrowed his brows. “Is it the microwave crap?” he asked. He really hated that sorry excuse for food. The house didn’t reek of the microwave stuff. He had noticed she did tend to give it to the kids once in a blue moon.
Cole shook her head. “Nope, that stuff gives me a bellyache.”
Ren grinned, rising and plopping down next to her. “What exactly is the whole purpose behind the movie?” he asked, taking a handful and watching.
Cole shrugged. “Aliens have landed and these people are fighting for their lives. The ending is my favorite. Sad but happy.”
Ren grunted. “Aliens?” he questioned. She watched fricken’ alien movies?
Cole nodded. “You would be stupid if you thought we are the only ones in the universe.”
Ren grunted. “Never really thought about it,” he replied, watching her as she bit off the ends then ate the round ball of the center. Shit, she could make popcorn last all night. He looked at the bowl. Yup, he was pretty sure she had been watching this movie at least an hour now, and it looked as though she hadn’t touched a thing.
By the end of the movie, Cole, was leaned against Ren. He was cheering for the man changed alien to save and protect his wife and unborn baby. “Shit, that was good. I like the end,” he decided.
Cole nodded, flicking through the movies. She paused on another scary one. “This one scared me, but by the end I was crying. So sad, all the lost souls,” she shared.
Ren shook his head. “I’ll believe you. I’m not into the religious stuff.”
Cole smiled. “Neither am I, but when you put the devil in there, it changes everything…funny how that works,” she pointed out, emphasizing the last thought.
Ren grunted, taking the remote from her. “Just wanna check something,” he flicked through the channels. She was right about the devil thing. You throw that bastard in and everyone would watch it. You throw in angels and all the fluffy clouds, nobody seemed as interested. It was those winged guys he worried about more than the ones downstairs. Angels did as they were told, no questions asked. When God wanted to smite a person, they would go to the ends of the earth to deliver for him.
Cole scrunched up her nose at the men grappling with each other. “Oh, ick, you like this, too?”
Ren grinned. “I think every man does, sweetheart,” he shared, watching the highlights of the latest fights.
Cole glanced at him as he watched the television, a concentrated look on his beautiful face. She bit her lip and her brow furrowed. Thoughts of yesterday when he had held her as she cried wandered her mind. He had been so patient with her, held her longer than he had to. Shit, even her kids had wondered off and entertained themselves as she sat sobbing in his arms.
“Pretty concentrated look there, sweetheart. What’s that beautiful mind of yours thinking now?” he asked, settling back, his gaze focused on her, his hand coming to rest on her thigh.
Cole shook her head, a sarcastic smile coming to her lips. She was such a chickenshit. He was handsome, a man, and more than willing to accommodate her. She knew what happened to her wasn’t her fault. She shouldn’t feel guilty about it, dirty…That was another issue she was having trouble with. Could she actually do what he wanted of her?
Ren studied her as the emotions crossed her face, as she had the internal battle she seemed to have every day. He released a breath. Someone had to take the first step. He hoped he knew what he was doing.
Cole stiffened as his hands gripped her and pulled her onto his lap, his mouth claiming hers. Butterflies fluttered in her tummy before fear could. His mouth was hot, demanding, soft, and comforting. She hummed against his mouth and he deepened the kiss.
Her hands grasped at his hair and held him in place, and her heart fluttered rapidly. She pulled away, eyes on his, her mouth a whisper from his, both of them breathing rapidly.
“When you’re ready, Cole…I will push you,” he warned.
She gave a slight nod. She understood that. “What…what if I want to then I don’t?” she stammered. She needed to know he would stop if things got crazy in her mind.
Ren smiled and it lit his whole face. “Then we stop and wait till you are,” he assured.
Cole bit her lower lip, a pained look on her face. He was experienced. He would stop. “You’re in the scene?” she asked. She had to ask after what he had discussed the other night. She needed to know what he was all about. Like her, he would have specific needs. Could she fulfill his needs?
Ren nodded, knuckle caressing her cheek. “Yes.”
She furrowed her brows. He would know how to push her, he would know to stop. “What are you into?” she asked. Did she even ask that right? She had watched people at the club that night, seen how they sat aside and talked and talked a lot. Surely they had been talking about what they wanted, what they didn’t want.
Ren chuckled, tugging her close. “Things you don’t want to hear about,” he replied. “Not yet,” he finished.
“You’re a sadist,” she probed. She felt him give a slight nod. Cole rested her head against his chest, fingers playing with the hem of his sleeve. “Wow…I wanted Billy to flog me,” she said. Her insides tingled at the thought of a flogger licking her skin, softly slapping her then slowly building up to a nice hard thud.
Ren smiled. “I will, when you’re ready.”
Cole dared peek up at him. “What’s your favorite tool?” Did she even phrase that right?
Ren chuckled. “Whip, of course. I do like to bind women up.” Ren stroked her hair waiting for more questions.
She cringed, not sure if she was okay with being tied up and whipped. “You have a dungeon?” she whispered.
Ren nodded. “In the back barn, the one your sweet little children aren’t allowed in.”
Cole giggled. She had to. Her children had tried to get into that barn so many times but Ren had it locked securely. “Jake is determined to get in there,” she whispered.
Ren nodded. “Yes, I watched him size the place up the other day. Kid will make it in there one day.” He released a breath. That could be an awkward conversation. That could scare the kid. Shit, it could scare an adult. “Cole, straddle me,” he ordered. She stiffened in his arms and held her breath. Ren waited. He had given her orders before, nothing like this, but she had followed. He was still trying to determine if she was submissive or not.
Cole settled on him, straddling his thighs. Her tummy fluttered and her hands trembled. She cursed herself at the clumsiness of climbing on him, trying to shift closer. Did she touch him? Should she grasp his shoulders? Was she allowed to? She bit her lower lip and sat on his thighs and let her hands fall to her sides.
Ren studied her as if she were a very brave girl. “Have you ever experimented?” he asked.
Cole shook her head. “I only watched that night…”
Ren nodded. “I read some of your work. How did you write that without understanding, experimenting?”
Cole shrugged. “Really good imagination, read a lot of really good books. How did you get ahold of my articles?” Goodness, that seemed a lifetime ago. She supposed it was, considering the circumstances. She reminisced how much she had loved to write the short but naughty column in one of her favorite magazines. She sighed, relaxing even more in Ren’s arms. Maybe she needed to get back to writing? Was she ready for that?
