Faith Spore was the only woman he had ever met who drank her bourbon neat. She was the reason he'd become accustomed to it. And it was only on the rarest occasions that he indulged himself in this favorite pastime.
He let the burn linger in his mouth before swallowing, wishing not for the first time, that he'd made a different choice twenty-two years ago when he'd decided to take a seat beside the dark haired beauty sitting at the bar in the Tampa Bay Downs. Then all of this could have been avoided.
Ryan's bright smile flashed into his mind and he took another thick swallow. She looked like him from head to toe, except that smile was all her mom.
He was thankful he'd overheard her conversation that day.
Dodged another messy bullet.
Somethings never change.
And the Spore family never would.
thirteen
“Your mind is sharp, be careful with its edges.”
Vinton, Louisiana
Delta Downs
Jesse's eyes went from the stop watch in his hand to the blonde at his side. The time was good. Exactly where he wanted it to be for this point on the road. But he wasn't thinking about that. Neither was Ryan.
Distracted, the both of them.
Red was doing great. If he placed in the top three this week, they would be able to go home for a month and take a break instead of racing again in eight days at Churchill. Jesse was confident his horse would do well.
But Jesse suspected that Red was going to take the race. Which would make him the most popular bachelor around. The Delta Downs Jackpot, sitting at a million dollars for the winner, was the second largest purse in the country, just behind the Juvenile Breeder's Cup — which Red had easily dominated a few weeks ago.
If he won this one too?
It made Jesse nervous.
He wanted to tell his jockey to hold Red back, let someone else have first and take the points for second place. It would be more than enough to keep them on a high points schedule. Two things were stopping him from doing that. The first, Red would fight back. He had a habit of becoming more aggressive with his strides when there was a horse in front of him. Holding him back might actually hurt him. Or make him really show that stubborn streak and stop all together. Which meant they'd have to race next week instead of getting the holiday off.
And they really needed the holiday off.
Second, Caleb had shown up for this one. He was invested, not quite the same as Jesse, but enough for Jesse to know that if he didn't win this one when he could, he'd be in more trouble than usual.
He glanced at Ryan again.
Yeah, he couldn't really handle any more trouble.
***
Red paused his chewing, his ears turning to the sound next door. Ryan was over there. He wondered if she would be spending the night again.
He liked the small blonde woman. She smelled nice and touched him with sure hands, instead of timid ones like some. Having her sleep upwind made the nights much more pleasant. Though, Red couldn't complain. Not lately.
His muscles trembled with anticipation as he took a deep breath and remembered that morning's workout. Tomorrow was race day.
He could smell it.
They all could.
The air was thick with excitement and expectation. Horses, trainers, grooms, jockeys — no one was immune to the effects of race anticipation. The ground hummed with it.
Ryan and Jesse's quiet talking began to lull Red to sleep.
He dreamed of what all champion race horses dream of — winning.
***
“I don't know, what are you doing for Thanksgiving?” Ryan asked in return as she uploaded her newest chapter online. Thank God for wi-fi upgrades at the racetrack.
“I usually go home to Aiken.”
She lifted her eyes. Jesse was scrolling through his phone but not really looking at anything. This week had proved to be difficult. For the both of them.
“I suppose I'll try to get my car out of impound. That should be holiday-ey, right?” She watched his lips twitch, pleased she could get even a small reaction. She closed her laptop, set it aside, and slid down into her sleeping bag. They had been sleeping on the stall floors for so long now, they'd “upgraded” their bedding. “So, Aiken?” she asked around a yawn. “Right there in the thick of it, huh?”
Jesse nodded, his eyes sliding from his phone to her. She stared up at him. After a moment, he turned off his phone and laid down on top of his own sleeping bag.
The dark of the stall became their chaperon. With the light of their electronics extinguished, the dark filled the empty spaces. Keeping them separate. Keeping them aware of the day ahead.
There was always something so sacred about these moments at night, where they rested in silence. Ryan couldn't help but think she was learning something profound, though she couldn't really name it. Perhaps the ability to be alone with her thoughts? Or maybe the permission to have her thoughts and not be expected to share.
It was something she tried to extend back to Jesse. She knew heavy things were on his mind, but she waited for him to say it. Knowing, somehow, that asking would cause retreat. Sort of the same way one would approach a wounded dog — or wolf.
Ryan's eyes tracked through the dark in the direction where her bag rested. She couldn't see it from her position, but her thoughts were on the book she'd stashed inside.
She'd read Call of the Wild more times than she could remember at this point. Every time it seemed more and more relevant to her and her life. And yet, she still felt like the lessons tucked into the pages weren't finished. Not for her.
The domestic dog, docile in nature, stolen from his life of comfort and thrust into the Klondike — changing his life and his spirit forever. But every step of Buck's journey held new dangers... and new discoveries. About himself and about the people that entered his life.
How did Jesse know she would need to read it? How did Triston? Was it purely coincidence? Or was there something greater at work in her life that had set these circumstance and people into motion?
It was too difficult to figure out. At least for now. She was certain she was on the cusp of discovery, finally understanding all of the lessons that permeated and reflected into her own life. Though not literally, she amended in her thoughts. She'd never been beaten into submission by a club being wielded by a man in a red sweater.
Beaten by life's unfortunate and confusing expectations, though.
Ryan had tried to look up some facts and insights into the book online, but was left with more questions. Mostly she knew she needed to read White Fang as it was a companion novel. Perhaps that would fill in the holes. Or maybe dig new ones.
Coincidentally, she'd picked it up at a bookstore in an airport a couple of weeks ago. She'd read through it once already — it being short and to the point much like Call of the Wild — and she couldn't help but think of Jesse as she read it.
Or maybe she was reading into things and had no idea what was going on. That was a definite possibility.
“I had this girlfriend once,” Jesse's deeply tired voice murmured into the darkness. Ryan stilled her body, wondering if he was awake.
“She was sweet. Beautiful in the way you just knew it was never going to leave her. Fresh, young with an old soul. God, I loved her.”
“What happened?” Ryan whispered.
“Her family moved away. To California. She went with, and I decided to let her go.”
Ryan rolled over and clutched her pillow under her head. “Was this the same...?” she wasn't sure how to finish that question. He was speaking in a decidedly different tone than he had the first time he had mentioned not having anything left.
“No,” Jesse said softly.
“Oh.”
“I don't know what made me think of her. I haven't in years. Last I heard she got married straight out of high school and had a few kids.”
Jesse shifted and rolled, propping his head against his fist and his elbow to the floor so he w
as facing her. “The other one — the one I mentioned before — was my almost fiancée.”
“How do you have an almost fiancée?”
His lips tugged up on one side, but it wasn't a smile. “I had the ring, I'd put a down payment on this little house just outside of town, and the day I was gonna ask her to marry me, she left town with my best friend.”
Ryan felt her mouth fall open. Jesse nodded like he understood her shock.
“The last time I saw her was at Belmont. She had this giant diamond on her finger, and she was with someone else.”
“Not the best friend?” Ryan asked, realization dawning. No wonder Jesse hated Belmont.
“Nope. Someone new.” He closed his eyes for a beat. “I felt so stupid. I really loved her. I had no idea who she was, though.”
“That's not your fault, Jesse.”
His mouth pulled into a flat line, clearly not believing her. “I don't misread people anymore.”
Ryan felt that straight in her gut. She wanted that. “Teach me,” she whispered.
“I am.”
***
Caleb watched Faramir's Fire fly across the finish line and the crowd roared in his ears. First place. A million dollar purse.
He should be happy.
He crushed the small slip of paper he had found earlier in his jacket pocket, focused intently on the message and meaning behind it.
Congratulations on another victory.
Enjoy it.
It will be FF's last.
He needed to speak to his racing team.
fourteen
“Trust your heart, don't be afraid of its softness.”
Vinton, Louisiana
Delta Downs
George had just led Red away to be the last horse loaded onto the trailer that would take him to the airport, where he would fly home for a few weeks of “vacation” over the holiday. A job well done. The next race wouldn't be until after the New Year in Queens, New York.
Ryan and Jesse were getting to go home too, for the first time since September, free to spend the Thanksgiving holiday how they chose. Ryan didn't have plans. Maybe she'd try her hand at making a turkey all on her own for the first time. At least no one would be around to be disappointed since Jeremiah was going to be in Texas with his family.
Should she be worried about the fact that Jeremiah hadn't invited her to join him for the holiday? Maybe. But mostly she was glad she was going to have a break. Some time in her house without other people.
Caleb appeared in the walkway, startling Ryan who squeaked slightly. Jesse heard her and turned around from rolling up his sleeping bag. Forgetting his task, he stepped over their pile of belongings and joined Caleb.
Ryan felt a churning in her stomach. It had begun the moment Red had flown across the finish line. Obviously it was going to attract attention — a purse that big with a horse that polarizing? It wasn't going to be shrugged off.
The owner of that horse should be in high spirits, not locked and guarded the way Caleb was right now. The normally put together and swanky businessman was, in a word, disheveled. His hair was mussed from fingers running through it repeatedly. Dress shirt unbuttoned at the top and his tie was missing.
Caleb pressed a slip of paper into Jesse's hand, who took and read it with a dark glower.
“When did you get this?” he asked, voice low, abrasive. Ryan cocked her head at his obvious irritation. He'd been tense before and during the race — constantly checking over his shoulder, redoubling his checks on Red, suspicious of everyone who lingered too long in the stable. But now that tension was focused and definable. He was mad.
She leaned over and read the sharp scrawl on the paper, like someone had pressed too hard with the pen, the back of the paper was rigid with lines. The words foreboding. Part of Ryan wanted to snicker at the theatrics. Who wrote threatening notes like this anyway? Little kids. People with a flair for the dramatic.
“Before the race.” Caleb's emphasis was clear. What was also clear was his intense focus on Ryan. She openly frowned at him and crossed her arms.
Jesse sucked in a breath and rubbed his chin with his thumb and forefinger. “I got one like this, too.”
Ryan jerked her head around. “What?”
His eyes slowly lifted to hers. What she saw there made her stomach curl in on itself.
Jesse had been keeping secrets.
“Right after the Breeder's Cup,” he said, his eyes tight on her face.
All of what she thought to be true presented itself in her mind as something to be questioned and re-examined. Obviously she'd missed something. Weren't they friends? Weren't they supposed to be watching each other's backs? She told Jesse everything. And in that realization, she suddenly felt foolish.
Her hands came up to cool the heat on her cheeks, unable to look away from him, unable to make her next breath steady. The pit of her stomach spasmed and shook, spreading up and into her arms. Her throat stuck together when she tried to swallow and she wondered if it would stay stuck.
Her instincts had told her to keep her mouth shut, but her heart had whispered that he was different.
But he wasn't.
Caleb, deciding they were in too public a place despite it being in an empty stable, grabbed Ryan by an elbow and steered her deeper into the back of the empty stall. The physical contact shot through her like an electrocution and she violently yanked her arm away from his grasp. Her momentum caused her to trip on her feet and sent her backwards, where she collided with the hard wall of Jesse's chest.
“Hey!” Jesse barked at Caleb, his hands curling solidly around Ryan's shoulders to steady her. She knew it was just to keep her from falling down, but she was already lurching out of his grasp.
“Don't touch me,” she hissed at both of them, clenching her fists at her side.
Caleb narrowed his gaze and pointed a single finger at her. “It's not a coincidence that my business is receiving threats, is it?”
A chill ran down her spine. “What?” she asked, trying to figure out what his exact accusation was.
“Caleb,” Jesse warned, taking a step to the side, bringing himself closer to Ryan, which she didn't understand because he'd made it clear thirty-seven seconds ago where he actually stood with her. And it wasn't with her.
Caleb's dark eyes leveled on his trainer. “Please. You're thinking it, too.”
Ryan's eyes darted to Jesse. He couldn't suspect her of being the one trying to tamper with Red. That was ridiculous.
The hard line of Jesse's jaw in profile made the bile churning in her stomach start to taste sour in the back of her mouth.
Oh, God.
“She's not involved,” Jesse said solidly. But Ryan wondered if he believed it.
“Of course I'm not involved,” Ryan jumped in. “How can I be involved when I have no idea what's going on?” Her words biting and accusatory. Jesse heard and visibly flinched, but didn't look at her.
“I'm going to ask you one more time,” Caleb said, his dark eyes endless holes of disappointment and distrust. “How much contact do you have with your mother's family?”
Goosebumps rushed along Ryan's skin as realization swept over her. “You think they're behind this?” she asked in a whisper.
Caleb grimaced at her like she was an idiot. Or like he wasn't buying that she was an idiot, it was hard to tell. The exact expression was hard to pinpoint since it was thick with sarcasm and frustration. “How much?” he repeated.
“Almost nothing,” she said honestly. “I mean, they try, but I don't answer my phone.”
“She doesn't talk to them, Caleb,” Jesse put in.
“And how would you know?” Caleb asked in disbelief.
“Because I know her!” Jesse barked. “She tells me everything.”
Ryan wanted to disappear. Because it was true. She'd trusted him, she'd told him more than she'd told her own fiancé.
She was so stupid.
Her clenched fists started to shake and she ground her teeth
together so hard, she felt a sharp pain stab through her jaw as her mouth went dry.
Caleb studied her face, a myriad of judgments sliding across his expression — none of them pleasant. Or accurate.
But there was no way for Ryan to prove that. He didn't know her. It didn't matter that she was his daughter, or that she had worked for him without real incident for six months, or that—
“How long have you thought...?” she asked, swallowing the end of her sentence as it clogged her throat. Her eyes began to burn and she bit into her cheek to keep herself straight.
Caleb rolled his eyes. “You must really think I'm an idiot. Your mother made that mistake, too. Look how well that turned out.”
The words hit her like a physical blow. Ryan lost her breath and tried to suck air in through her nose while remaining stoic.
But her insides had been pulverized.
“That's enough, Caleb!” Jesse shouted. “I told you! She's clean! She loves that fucking horse more than anyone in the world!”
Caleb advanced on Jesse, shoving a finger in his face. “Don't forget where you stand with me! The only reason you have a job is because of me!”
Jesse sucked in a breath, his eyes flashing with anger. But he didn't respond.
Caleb held his gaze for several long and thunderous heartbeats, conveying a message that was clear.
Caleb had something on Jesse.
Something huge.
“I told you to be careful,” Caleb ground out. “And look at you. Being led around by your dick.”
“That's quite enough,” Jesse said so low that Ryan almost didn't hear him over the roar of the blood in her ears.
Caleb took a step back and cast a disgusted look at his daughter. “Fucking female bullshit,” he muttered. “Your tactics don't work on me, you know. Your mother was too good of a teacher. I'm immune to your tricks.”
Ryan pulled in a stuttering breath and realized it was a sob. Her hands flew to her face to find her cheeks wet. She wiped them away with her sleeves, embarrassment causing fresh tears to push out and slide down her face. She mopped them up as quickly as she could, but was unable to stop the flow.
Stubborn Hearts Page 10
