But she saw Jesse's eyes go to Sway's hand on her hip and his lips twitched with amusement. He looked back to her, fighting a grin.
“Finally found it, huh?” he asked.
Ryan tilted her head in question.
“Your family. The place where you feel found,” Jesse supplied.
Tears flooded Ryan's eyes and she nodded.
“Happy for you, doll.”
“And you?” she asked, blinking away her tears.
“Oh, yeah,” he confirmed. “C'mon, let me introduce you to her. She's gonna be pleased as heck to meet you.”
Jesse turned and they followed him and Staples around the corner to a different stable building. He glanced over his shoulder to speak to Ryan.
“She sleeps in the stalls during race week, crazy woman. She doesn't need to, but the habit started after all of that shit went down with SimpCore and Dennis.”
“Pardon?” Ryan asked, her pulse picking up.
Jesse stopped and spun toward her. His eyes moved over her face and flicked to Sway for a second. “You don't know?”
“Know what?”
His mouth tugged up one side. “We got 'um, Ryan. It took some time, but me and Rafe got 'um. We didn't give up until Red got his justice. He can rest easy now.”
Fresh tears filled her eyes and Sway hugged her close, pressing a kiss to her temple. Jesse shook his head and smiled huge. “Seriously, my girl is gonna be so happy to meet you finally.”
Ryan took a shaky, unexpectedly happy breath and followed Jesse the rest of the way. And he wasn't wrong.
Coming home had never felt so sweet.
Jesse and Lou's story will be in Whiskey Reins. Coming soon!
Faith's last letter to Ryan
Dear Ryan,
How do I convey my love to you in a letter? How do I make sure you know how desperately and intensely I love you and how sorry I am for this letter's entire existence?
When you were four, you brought me flowers. Little white ones you'd found growing in the yard. I will never forget your perfect nose and how it was buried in the petals. You smiled that smile that I have always sworn was made of pure sunshine, handing me your fistful of treasure, and told me, “Here, mama, I'm loving you.”
The purity and selflessness of your love has always encouraged me. It encourages me now. I believe most people would be inclined to being disheartened right about now, but not me. For I know that when I leave here, you will be more than okay. You will thrive and bloom and continue becoming the beauty you have always been. The blessing of being your mother is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me.
You have so much love to give, angel girl. Don't be afraid to give it. I know after I'm gone, you'll be sad for a while. Allow yourself time to grieve. Allow yourself to make mistakes. Part of living, is knowing when it's okay to fail. After all, failure is just another lesson.
Fall in love, get your heart broken. A broken heart is evidence that you've lived. Then fall in love with someone worthy. Someone who sees the secret parts of you, to the heart of you.
And Ryan, I want you to live.
I know you're apprehensive about the drive to South Carolina. Thank you for agreeing to it anyway. It's really my last gift to you, to show you what you're capable of. It might not make sense right now, but I have hope it will in the future.
Don't worry about how long the drive is. It will take the time that it takes. It's not about the time. Enjoy the drive. Breathe the air. Be content with your thoughts — they're more beautiful than you know. You are capable of great things, daughter. Do not be afraid of how you feel. Every heartbeat is a blessing. Even the scary ones.
You're going to have questions for me after I'm gone. I am sorry that I won't be there to guide you in those areas. I have complete confidence in you, though. You have everything you need already inside of you. And what you don't know yet, you'll learn.
Keep your hands open and your touch gentle. When you lose your temper, make sure it's worth it. Your mind is sharp, be careful with its edges. Trust your heart, don't be afraid of its softness. Being soft is not a sign of weakness, but one of courage.
And, dear daughter, you are more courageous than you realize.
I know you doubt yourself, rise above it. Take heart, take the reins, take this life and make it yours. Your stubborn heart is beautifully shaped and fantastically bold. Keep a good hold on it; don't let it run away without you.
I don't know if you remember that terrible fight we had when you were seven. You did not want me to brush your hair. You wanted to be as free as a weed and I was determined to make you look like a lady. Looking back, I realize I actually prefer your hair in chaos.
I don't care if you brush your hair, but I do care very much if you brush your teeth.
You've always been more than a little precocious. It's a blessing, despite how the small minded may treat you. People will always be suspicious of things they don't understand. Try not to hold it against them. But don't get pushed around.
Like that time in high school when you went toe to toe with your science teacher. You were correct, she had no right to grade lower on your paper simply because she disagreed with you. But your reaction to it amazed even me. I don't often agree with the public confrontation approach, but you handled it well enough.
Stick to that part of you. The fiery conviction and your pragmatic approach. No, it might not always turn out great. But you have to try. I love how you never stop trying.
Please don't ever doubt the way I love you. With everything I am and everything I have. You are the most important person in the world to me.
I have many regrets with this untimely departure. I regret never being able to meet the one love who will hold your heart. Missing your wedding. Or seeing you with your first child, watching you experience motherhood.
You are brilliantly intelligent, amazing, inspiring, constant in your pursuit of life. Another regret is not being able to be with you as you figure out exactly what you're capable of. Because you will. I have no doubts that you're going to shine bright and live a life filled with adventure and love. It's just who you are. Who you've always been. Who you will always be.
I am proud of you. All of the time.
Hold fast to the hope of eternity. This is the most temporary of goodbyes.
Always Yours, Always with you,
Mama
If you enjoyed this book, or any of Heidi's other books, or perhaps you liked a photo of a hippo she posted once, or maybe you happened to notice she likes the same food as you do (this is easy because she loves all the food all the time), then please consider leaving a review expressing your enjoyment on any platform of your choosing.
**Heidi does not condone the defacing of public property, but she is otherwise flattered.
acknowledgments
Papa. Thank you for not making me turn the light out when I wanted to read one more chapter of The Black Stallion. Thank you for introducing me to James Herriott and Walter Farley. Thank you, for crying with me when I first discovered a character's death could shatter my entire nine-year old heart after I finished Bill Wallace's Beauty.
Mama. I love watching you with horses. You have a gift and a softness that I have long admired. Your voice, your touch, your heart. You're a woman of beauty and grace and it's the most evident when you think no one is watching. I'm beyond humbled to be your daughter.
Scott Colby. Without you, none of this would be possible. I'm looking forward to knowing you for probably the rest of my life. Thank you for setting bars high, thank you for believing I could hit them.
My betas. Thank you for taking this ride with me. I appreciate you more than you know.
Kati. I don't know where I'd be without our brain cuddle dates.
Jamie. You might very well be the funniest person alive. Thank you for making me laugh.
Jo. The best friend I didn't know I needed. I don't have words for how important you are to me.
Kellcie. Without you serenading
me entire Disney songs via text message, I'm not sure I would have made it through this book. You are amazing and I can't wait until you figure that out.
Bear. My undeserved blessing. My heart in human form. My every hope taking flight. Thank you for being wild and sweet all at the same time.
Charles. One more time, my love. Tell me you love me one more time. I promise to believe you. And I promise to love you more.
God. Thank you for the stories. And the people. And every single second.
about the author
Heidi Hutchinson was born in South Dakota and raised the exact right distance away from the Black Hills. She had an overactive imagination very early on, and wasted no time in getting most of her friends in trouble due to her unrealistic and completely ridiculous ideas. Seeing as she was so lazy and also afraid people would think she was bonkers, she didn't write down any of the story lines that played out in her daydreams.
During her high school years, she took pen to paper and filled more notebooks than she is proud of with angsty, depressing, self-deprecating poetry. This led to her writing down more things: notes, ideas, character bios, plot twists that had no plot yet to twist. After years of cleaning up her own scraps of imagination with nothing solid to hold on to, she sat down and wrote the story that had been in her head the longest. Fueled by coffee and her unwavering and perfectly normal devotion to Dave Grohl, she discovered a writer living inside of her.
She still lives in the Midwest, though not as close to the Black Hills as she would prefer, with her alarmingly handsome husband and their fearless child. They eat more pizza than God intended and she listens to her music the same way she lives: loudly.
Links to Author:
heidih.net
Facebook: http://facebook.com/heidirhutchinson
Blog: http://heidihutchinson.blogspot.com
Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7275775.Heidi_Hutchinson
Twitter: http://twitter.com/ChosenbyFaith
Other titles by Heidi Hutchinson
Double Blind Study Series
Learn to Fly
In Your Honor
Tectonic
Deepest Blues
The Hope That Starts
Brand New Sky
Into the Night We Shine
In Cold Mud
Stubborn Hearts
Anthologies
Naked Came the Trio (poetry)
heidih.net
Read on for a sneak peek at Like the Back of My Halo, the first book in the Soaring Bird series!
Like the Back of My Halo (Sneak Peek)
Soaring Bird Book 1
(UNEDITED)
© Heidi Hutchinson 2016
Chapter 1
Brady bit into his fourth taco and it was even more tasty than the first three. Like, delicious in the kind of way that made him tear up just a little bit and wonder if maybe this is what Heaven might be like. Just tasty tacos and early morning surf swells.
“Great tacos,” Bo, his brother and procuring of said heavenly tacos, growled with his eyes closed and mouth full.
Brady nodded, his eyes pointed to the waves crashing along the shore of their private beach that was also the backyard to their stunning home, which they'd basically fallen into.
At first, Brady had been worried that getting the lease agreement switched over to his name when Lia had taken off in the middle of the night would be a hassle. But it turned out she wasn't even paying rent. Just taking their share of things and hoarding the cash for her next big getaway. As far as he'd deduced from the detectives that had questioned them and taken what had remained of Lia's personal possessions, she was a con artist, identity thief, and all around crappy person.
She stole a bunch of stuff from Shane (who had given her a kickass job), stole someone else's husband, and Clarke's Land Rover, then skipped town.
They had all been understandably devastated. It just went to show how good Lia had been at fooling everyone. Though Brady noticed that no one really missed her... interesting.
But the beachfront property owner was so happy to not have the house empty and four people willing to actually pay their rent, he drew up a new lease agreement right away.
Brady, Bo, Kip, and Steve went back to surfing all day, building bonfires at night, and eating their weight in tacos and pizza.
Life was kind of perfect.
It was about time.
Not that Brady and Bo had had a terribly hard life. They hadn't. But the past couple of years had definitely had its ups and downs. Ever since their childhood friend Paul had died, life became more precious to the small group of friends. Life and family. They just stopped wasting moments.
“Do you work today?” Brady asked.
“Nope. Kip and Steve are on deck,” Bo answered.
Brady nodded thoughtfully. That meant he was in charge of dinner. Usually Kip did the cooking because he was damn good at it. But Clarke worked him hard at the Soaring Bird Surf and Snow Shop and he wasn't ever in the mood to cook on those days.
“I'm going to that thing tonight for dad. I won't be able to cook tonight. Maybe I'll get more tacos,” Brady said seriously.
“Well...”
Bo shifted slightly and Brady narrowed his eyes at his younger brother. They were a year a part but were mistaken for twins a lot of the time. They shared the same build, blond hair, and blue eyes. But not so much at the moment. Brady was stripped to his waist, his tanned and tattoo-free skin a sharp contrast to his brother's collection of artwork on his body. Brady had also been keeping his hair clipped shorter while Bo preferred his shaggy.
“What do I need to know about the tacos, Bo?” Brady asked quietly, his stomach pausing in its digestive efforts.
Bo took another bite of his taco and nodded, not having eye contact with his brother. “You can get tacos for dinner. But not these tacos.”
Brady closed his eyes and prayed for patience. “What does that mean?”
“I'm not sure where they came from. Exactly.”
Brady took in a slow, deep breath. He wasn't supposed to punch his brother anymore. They weren't fourteen, they were adults. They handled things like grownups now. He chose his next words carefully, saying them with as little inflection as he could handle.
“Where did you get them?”
Bo shrugged and swallowed. “I found them.”
“Found them.”
Bo bounced his head side to side as he rethought his story, still not looking at Brady. “I promised you breakfast and I slept in. So I was headed out to get some donuts or something quick and I...” He pursed his lips, took another bite of his taco. “Found a bag of tacos.”
Worst case scenarios raced through Brady's head and his stomach spasmed painfully.
“I knew it. I knew my death would ultimately be your fault.”
Bo turned to him and scoffed. “C'mon. It's not like I found them in a dumpster. They were fresh. For sure.” He held up the last bite of his taco. “See? Nothing to fear.” Then he stuffed it in his mouth, completely unconcerned with their possibly drug, botulism, and AIDS laced status.
“How can you be so sure?” Brady asked, sweat beading along his neck. Was it suddenly a lot hotter? No, it must be the fever.
Bo rolled his eyes. “Just trust me.”
Brady didn't want to trust Bo. Trusting Bo usually meant he was going to get his ass kicked or violently ill. He was just about to point that out when Bo's body stiffened and his eyes narrowed on a point over Brady's shoulder.
“Holy hell.”
“What?” Brady asked, glancing over his shoulder.
He spotted two young women walking along the shoreline, heading their direction. Bo was already standing up.
“We've got to go.”
“What? Why?” Brady asked, shooting to his feet, feeling Bo's panic and absorbing it as his own.
Bo hastily gathered their trash. “Get your shit. We have got to go!”
Brady picked up his long board, tucked it under his
arm and jogged to catch up to Bo, who was sprinting to his brand new Jeep parked in their driveway, the arms of his wet suit slapping against his legs.
“Leave the board!” Bo shouted, yanking the driver's side door open.
Brady dropped the board down like it was on fire, risking a glance at the women who were now running in their direction. “What he hell, Bo?” he asked, jumping into the passenger seat as Bo backed out of his parking spot, gravel flying.
“Remember in high school, that girl that hated me?” Bo asked.
Brady gripped the open window ledge of the Jeep and his eyes tangled with angry blue ones and amused green ones as Bo fought for control of his vehicle. A memory activated in Brady's mind.
“I remember you terrorizing a girl in your class because she had a different kind of a name,” Brady said, feeling the panic subside and heavy disappointment in his brother settle in his stomach beside the tacos.
Bo rejected that memory with a sneer. “Uh, no. She terrorized me.”
“That is not how I remember it,” Brady said, pulling at the seat belt and realizing that if the tacos didn't kill him, his brother's driving was going to.
“Whatever. She had a stupid name. Spencer Clementine? What kind of a name is that?”
Now he recognized those angry blue eyes. “Bo. Why was Spencer Clementine chasing us off our own property?”
“Because I stole her tacos.”
“Of course you did,” Brady said, no longer holding back his sarcasm. “You're a twenty-nine year old man, why wouldn't you steal tacos from a girl you hate?”
“I don't hate her!” Bo protested. “She hates me! There's a difference.”
“You stole her tacos!”
“Yes, I did.” Bo grinned and Brady (again) wanted to hit him.
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