by Sara V. Zook
I nodded, letting his words sink in. I was in agreement. Money equaled happiness.
“Now that we have the diamonds, what do you propose we do with them?” Carmine asked.
I raised my eyebrows. He was asking me this? How the hell would I know? I cleared my throat and shifted positions in the chair so I was sitting up straighter. “I mean, I don’t know. I guess I would think about selling them to local jewelers, people that would be willing to pay top dollar for something as pristine as diamonds straight from Africa.”
Carmine nodded his head in agreement. “That’s exactly what I was thinking, too. Those diamonds are perfect. They have no flaws. They haven’t been damaged in any way, and Bello has guaranteed that he can keep up with shipments and continue to deliver the product the same way every time.”
I couldn’t do anything but nod.
Carmine took a deep breath. “I want you to be part of these transactions, Nicky. Are you on board with that?”
“Absolutely, Carmine. I’m here for whatever you need me to do.”
“You have to grow a thick skin around all of these guys, including our own. Even if something bothers you, you can’t let that show. It’s how you survive, how you thrive.”
“I’m starting to believe that to be true,” I told him, staring out over Haven, too, dark gray clouds beginning to roll in.
“Most of these guys were raised in hard families. They’ve grown up knowing nothing but the streets. Not everyone is born like that, but even if you’re not, you can still adapt to it. Even if you can’t hold onto a thick skin at first, you can fake it.”
I remained silent for a few moments and then turned and looked at Carmine, into his dark eyes that seemed less stern right now and more like he was speaking to me as a friend. “I’ve been wanting to ask you something, Carmine.”
“Okay.”
I licked my lips and ran my hand through my hair before continuing on. “Why do you have an interest in me? I just don’t get it. I’m not cut out like Seton or the Triplets. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing here. You bought me a car and a house and took me in.”
Carmine sighed and looked down at his hands before raising his head up again. “Your mom is an old friend of mine. She helped me out a long time ago, and when she got a hold of me and needed a favor, I felt obliged to give a little back to her. I feel like taking care of you is helping her out. There aren’t many honest people in this world, but your mom is one of them. I respect her and my heart really felt for her when she mentioned she was having a rough time with cancer.” He paused for a moment. “How’s she doing?”
I lowered my head, going back to the last conversation I’d had with her on the phone. I hadn’t been in contact with her nearly enough recently. I had been too busy with all this stuff going on in Haven, getting wrapped up in it all and being a terrible son in return. The guilt clutched the pit of my stomach. “Not real great. I’m glad she started treatments again because the cancer has spread to her lungs, but the treatments also make her sick. She looks awful and just seems to keep wasting away. It’s hard for me to even look at her anymore. I have faith that she’ll beat this disease, but it’s hard to see her like that, you know? I want to remember her when she had more weight to her, when she had color in her cheeks. Even her eyes seem dull. Cancer really sucks.”
“That’s a shame,” Carmine admitted, seeming genuinely apathetic toward the situation. “Let’s hope this round of chemo does its job and gets rid of it.”
“Yeah.”
Carmine stared at me for a minute. “Maybe you should take some time and go see her, Nicky,” he suggested.
I nodded. “I will. Anything else for today?”
“No.” Carmine stood up and shook my hand. “Have a good one.”
“You too.” I glanced his way one last time before walking toward the elevator doors.
26
CROSS
Instant dread washed over me when I saw Mark’s truck was still parked outside of my house. I pulled my car beside it and turned it off. I knew that baby would still be in there. What I didn’t know was how I was going to react, what I’d say, but I had to get him out of there. I was done playing his games. I was done with him, period.
I swung open the front door, the back of it hitting against the wall. Not only was Mark there and the baby, but his Spanish whore, Rita, was there as well. They were sitting on my furniture in my house holding their baby. I felt the vomit work its way up my throat. My hands began to shake with an uncontrollable need to release all of this tension. It had been building for way too long. I couldn’t take it anymore. Bringing the baby here had been more than what I should’ve endured, but this—bringing her here—was the ultimate form of insult. He should’ve just slapped me across the face as hard as he could because this was equivalent to such a blow.
“You’re home,” Mark blurted out.
My facial expression must’ve been one of insanity because I saw Rita’s eyes grow two sizes larger as she clutched the baby closer to her chest at the mere sight of me.
“He said I was welcome here,” the other woman stuttered. “Mark? Were you right in telling me that?”
“Now, just calm down before you explode. Your face is turning bright red.” Mark stood and put out his hands. He started to slowly walk my way.
“Don’t!” I screamed at him. “Don’t come near me!”
“Lilah…”
But he didn’t listen. He kept coming like the worm he was.
I reached for my purse and retrieved the gun. I clicked off the safety with my finger and pointed it straight at Mark’s chest. My arms were trembling, but I didn’t care. All I cared about was seeing the look of horror that Mark now had. That was pure satisfaction at its finest.
Rita started shrieking at the top of her lungs in Spanish. She was rambling off sentence after sentence and clinging to the baby. I couldn’t understand her words, but I could certainly understand her fear. She didn’t know Mark had been married when she slept with him, when she got pregnant by him, but I couldn’t get over that he had the gall to bring her here. He thought in his twisted, fucked up mind that we could be one happy little family, that we could live under one roof and everything would be peaches and cream. Not going to happen. I didn’t care if she didn’t know about me before. The matter of the fact was that she knew about me now and yet she still walked through that door and sat on my furniture. I hated her, and I hated him. I hated them all.
“Come on, Lilah!” Mark shouted. “Where’d you get that thing? What do you think you’re going to do with it?”
I held the gun a little steadier now. It had kept Mark from coming any closer. “You promised me the world, Mark. Do you remember that?”
Mark didn’t answer. He just stood there, confused as to what to say or do next, not knowing if I was about to shoot a hole through his pathetic body. I loved every second of this power I suddenly had over him.
“Let me refresh your memory. This house was supposed to be temporary. You were going to be rich and everything you did, you did for me, for us. You never followed through with any of your promises, and I somehow lived through that for years—years, Mark. I suffered through years of me supporting you. I spent nights alone while you were out with your friends. I put up with the trash you throw around here. I cleaned it up. I put up with the stench coming from your body because you’re too lazy to even take a shower once every few days. I put up with way more than I ever should have, but this…” I pointed the gun at Rita. She squealed and turned her back to me so that her body was a shield for the baby.
“Whoa!” Mark cried out. He took a step forward.
“Don’t move!” I warned him, emphasizing I meant it with my eyes.
He stumbled back. “Okay. Okay.”
“This is too much for even me to take! You get another woman knocked up and then you bring her and the baby into our house.”
“You’re going too far with the gun, Lilah. Put it down and we’ll talk abou
t this,” Mark suggested.
I laughed. “I’ve gone too far?” My eyes flashed back to Rita who was bawling now. “You have pushed me and pushed me and pushed me some more. You’ve pushed me until I feel like this is the only way now. I don’t deserve any of this, and you certainly don’t deserve me.”
Mark licked his lips. He still had his hands up as if surrendering. “What are you going to do? Huh? Are you going to kill me in front of Rita and the baby? Would that make you feel better?”
My finger tightened around the trigger. I closed my eyes for a few seconds. My hands began to tremble again. Rita was crying and now the baby started, too. I opened the door. “Get out,” I told them. Some ounce of control still remained in me somehow as I drudged it up from the depths of my soul and tried to regain control of this rage that ensued. “Get out, all of you!”
Rita turned toward Mark. “Let’s go, Mark!” she cried out. “Grab the bag and seat and let’s get out of here!”
Mark gave me one of his pathetic apologetic looks that I had seen so many times before. “We have nowhere to go, Lilah. It’s cold tonight, and we have a newborn.”
His jabs no longer had any effect on me. I was a giant callus to him now. He was lucky I hadn’t pulled the trigger. I was still wrestling with my thoughts as I knew I still had time to do it. “I don’t care.”
Mark didn’t move as Rita scrambled to toss the bag over her shoulder and wrap the baby up in a blanket.
I lowered the gun a little, now holding it with only one hand, but it was still aimed at the piece of shit I had married.
“Can I have some money so we can get a hotel?” he asked.
Unbelievable. I should really shoot him and put myself out of this misery. “Did you really just ask me that?”
“Mark!” Rita scolded him. “Let’s go! Get the car seat.”
“I will kill you right now, and I’ll never think about you ever again. You have three seconds, Mark,” I warned him.
He gave me that look again, the one he had used to get money out of me before, the one that made me feel sorry for him. Now it only disgusted me, made me want to kill him that much more.
“Three,” I began counting down.
Rita scrambled out the door with the baby.
“Lilah…” Mark pleaded. “Think about this, please.”
“Two.”
He looked me in the eye and went sprinting to the door and outside. I slammed the door shut and locked it. I pressed my back up against it, my chest heaving up and down from the extra adrenaline running through my veins. The gun was still secure in my hand. I looked down at it and set it on the floor beside me.
27
CAIN
“Cain?”
“Out here!” I hollered out. I had been in the hot tub for at least an hour. The radio was on and I was finally able to relax for a little while.
Hagan popped his head inside the room and smiled. “Are you decent in there?”
I grinned. “Wouldn’t you love to find out?”
“Not really.” He chuckled and walked over to me. “This is the life, huh?”
I sighed as the hot steam rose up to my face. “This is the life, man. I could sit here all day.”
“You’re gonna turn into a prune.”
I shrugged.
“Listen, I have a job for you.”
I lifted my head up to look at him.
Hagan was dressed in his fancy overcoat and matching hat. “Deliver this package at this address.” He held up a piece of paper and waved it in the air. “All you have to do is drop it off, get the money, and give me a call when you’re done. Easy enough, right?”
I frowned. Sounding easy and actually being easy were two different things. “By myself?”
Hagan gave me an are-you-kidding look. “The rest of us have our own shit to do today. This was the simple one, and we gave it to you. If you don’t think you’re capable, I can say something to Carmine and see what he says.”
I groaned. “Don’t threaten me, Hagan. Give me the stupid address and package.”
“It’s gotta be done now.”
“Right now?”
“Wow, you’re such a whiner today. Wrong time of the month?”
I glared at him. “Do you talk that way to Seton?”
“Seton? No. He’d kill me.”
I got out of the water and reached for a towel.
“You are one sexy beast.” Hagan grinned.
I wrapped the towel around my wet swimming trunks. “Oh, I’m well aware. Want me to flex for you?”
Hagan rolled his eyes. “No, I’m good. Package is there. Address on top. Don’t mess this up, Cain. It’s simple, so keep it simple.” He started to head to the door.
“Hagan?”
He turned to look at me.
“What’s in the package?”
“Do you really wanna know?”
“I’m done being left in the dark, man.”
Hagan nodded. “H.”
I watched him leave and then walked over and looked at the address. Drugs. I was delivering drugs. Of course it was heroin, what else would it be?
I walked upstairs to my bedroom and finished drying off the rest of the way. I got dressed and walked into my closet. I had gotten a few things, but it was still pretty empty. I didn’t want to go make this delivery right now—or ever. I knew I had to get my feet wet though and prove to Carmine I was capable. I had to suck it up and get it done. Hagan said simple, so it couldn’t be that bad. I just needed to make sure I felt safe. Weapons made you feel safe, right? Back here is where I kept the weapons I was beginning to collect from the guys. They’d hand it to me, I’d store it up here. I grabbed a gun and stuffed it in my waistband. I grabbed a few more until the anxiety of this task eased up a little. Then I reached for the package and address and headed down to the garage to get in my car.
As the garage door opened and I put my car in reverse, my nerves began to act up. More than anything, I’d love for this nervousness to go away. It was hard to accomplish much of anything when you felt this way. I swallowed the lump forming in my throat and knew that even if I took a moment to just breathe, my nerves wouldn’t get any better. I had to do this and then I could get back to my beloved hot tub.
The part of Haven this package needed to go to actually wasn’t that far from here. I started to go down the street and turned up the rock music until I could feel the thump of bass ripping through my body in place of the anxiousness. I pressed down the accelerator and let the freedom of the road be my refuge. The houses flew by. Cars on the other side of the road flew by. I glanced at the road signs and pressed the pedal down harder. I’d be there in a few minutes.
My pounding heart felt like it skipped a beat or two as I saw the red and blue lights flash in my rearview mirror. This can’t be happening…The sirens from the police car were even louder than my music. I glanced down at my speedometer. Shit. I was speeding—really speeding. I wanted to smack myself in the forehead with how stupid I was. I had H in the car and I was driving like a madman. Hagan was going to kill me. Even more than that, Carmine was going to kill me.
I hit the brake pedal and pulled my black sports car to the side of the street. I glanced in the mirror to see the cop car pulling in behind me. I grabbed the package and shoved it in between my console and passenger seat so it was completely out of sight. I closed my eyes and gripped the steering wheel, taking a few deep breaths, then rolled down my window as the officer approached me. He had sunglasses on that he removed to get a better look at me.
“Where you headed?” he asked.
My mind was coming up blank. Okay. I just needed to be calm and get the damn ticket and then get out of here and finish the job. “The other side of the city.”
He stared at me for a few seconds. My hands began to tremble on the steering wheel, so I stuffed them in my coat pockets.
“Take your hands out of your pockets, sir.”
I pulled them out and showed him there was nothing in my
hands.
“Why are you going to the other side of the city?”
I blinked hard and continued to stare forward and not make eye contact with him.
“Business.”
“Want to be a little more specific?”
“Business…dinner. I’m meeting someone for a business dinner.”
“Huh,” he said.
I could feel his stare burning into the side of my head. “Why do you seem so nervous?”
I could feel the sweat forming at my temples. I knew the cop could see it, too.
“You feeling okay, sir?”
“Fine,” I answered, forcing myself to turn and look him in the eye. I wanted so bad to wipe the sweat from my face, but in case he didn’t see it, I knew he would if he saw me do that, so I refrained.
“You didn’t answer my question, sir.”
“What’s that?” I asked.
“Why are you so nervous?”
I shrugged. “I’m not.”
“License and registration. Keep your hands where I can see them, too.”
He didn’t trust me, and I hated the way he was badgering me. I glanced down at the package that was still shoved to the floor in between the seats as I opened up my glove box to get my registration. I handed it over to him. “My license is in my wallet which is in my pocket.”
“Go ahead and get it. Nice and slow.”
My wallet was stuck. I shifted positions to lift my butt up off of the seat more to reach it. My coat fell open slightly, revealing the handle of a gun.
“Are you carrying?” the cop yelled out.
“What?” I looked down. Shit.
“Stay right where you are!” the policeman commanded. “Don’t move!” He pulled out his own gun and aimed it at me.
This wasn’t good. This wasn’t good at all.
“Do you have a permit?” he asked, the gun in one hand as his other reached for his radio.
I didn’t answer as he began requesting backup.
“I need you out of the car. What’s your name?”
