by Luke’s Wish
“I know you won’t.”
“So.” He shook that little jar of teeth making them dance around inside the glass. “What do you say? You’d be getting me. And I don’t mean to brag, but I’m pretty useful to have around the house.” He grinned. “I’ve also got two of the greatest kids in the world.”
“I know.”
“And eight baby teeth? Is that enough?”
“It’s more than enough,” she said, drawing him back to her.
“We’ll make it work,” he promised.
“I know, and I won’t run away again, either. Promise.”
Elena sat facing her worried-looking son, a sinking feeling deep in her chest that wouldn’t go away. Her daughter didn’t even recognize her. Her ex-husband didn’t want her back at all. In fact, he was in love with someone else and supposedly getting married. Her parents had shocked her by giving her a week to be out of their house, with no offer of assistance of any kind in getting another place to live. She didn’t have any money, didn’t have a job. She didn’t really have any skills to get a good-paying job. She’d dropped out of college to follow Joe around the rodeo before getting married. And Marco, the man who’d absolutely bewitched her a year and a half ago with all the promises he’d made to her, was done with her now.
She was still shocked by how quickly that had burned out and by the way he’d just left her, as if she was nothing. It hit way too close to home, just being left like that. It was too close to what she’d done herself to Joe and the kids.
She wasn’t sure she would have come back and faced the music now, except she really had no place else to go. She’d pawned the jewelry Marco had given her to live on for a while, and then when she had just enough left to get herself home, she’d run back here, a bit afraid of what she’d find and a bit ashamed, but still thinking she could salvage something of it.
She’d been so sure she could convince them all to forgive her in time. She’d always been able to do that. She smiled and batted her eyelashes. She flattered and cried a bit and begged prettily, and people had forgiven her everything.
But now Joe hated her, and her parents were ashamed of her.
Dani didn’t even remember her, and now Luke wouldn’t even look her in the eye.
“But why did you have to go away?” Luke asked for the third time.
So far none of her answers had been good enough, and she knew…oh, she knew there was no answer good enough. But she had missed them. As hard as her life had been here, she’d missed her kids. They could be sweet at times. There’d been times when she’d really had fun with them. But, as Joe had grown so fond of telling her, life wasn’t all about fun.
And wasn’t that what she’d been after when she’d run away? A little fun? Some time to enjoy herself again. It seemed as though it had been forever before she left that she’d actually enjoyed her life.
“I…I just had to get away,” she told Luke.
He wasn’t buying it.
“I know it was wrong,” she rushed on. “And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I was…it was a mistake, Luke.”
Again, not good enough. Joe had always been after her to grow up. Her parents had said the same thing this morning. She was almost thirty years old, she thought bitterly. She supposed it was time.
“But why?” Luke insisted.
“I just thought…” She couldn’t tell him how unhappy she’d been here. She couldn’t tell her little boy she’d been unhappy with him. “I don’t know that I can explain it to you. Except to say that it was a mistake—a terrible mistake—and I am sorry.”
But sorry didn’t work anymore.
She felt panic rolling through her once again, remembered Joe telling her it was time for her to think long and hard about what she intended to do now, to make a decision and stick to it. To be a mother or not. He wouldn’t let her disappoint the kids again, and obviously she’d disappointed Luke badly. Her usual method of dealing with people who refused to be charmed by her, who refused to excuse any sort of mistakes she made, was to stay away from them or to run away. She didn’t think she could run anymore. But how in the world could she stay?
“Are you still gonna be my mommy?” Luke asked.
Oh. She stared down at his little bewildered face. Was she?
She didn’t want him to hate her, and if she kept going the way she had been, he would hate her for sure. She didn’t think she could bear that. She thought about telling him that mommies were forever. Once a mommy, always a mommy, but she’d shown him that wasn’t true. She couldn’t do it again, wasn’t sure how she’d find it within herself to stay here and face all her mistakes, all the hurt she’d caused, but…
Joe’s voice came to her again from a long time ago, from one of the last fights they’d had before she left. Grow up, Elena. It’s time. Think about somebody but yourself for a change.
She could do that, couldn’t she? She could think about Luke and the daughter who didn’t remember her.
“I am your mommy,” she told Luke. “And uh…I’m going to stay here in town.”
“But not with me and Daddy and Dani? That’s what he said. That you weren’t going to live with us anymore.”
Oh, Joe had already told Luke that? “No,” she said, that sinking feeling coming back again. “I won’t be living there. I’ll have my own place. Somewhere. And you can come visit if you like. Would you come visit me?”
Luke nodded quickly.
“Good,” she said, thinking of all she had to do. “You know what, I have to find a job, too. Or maybe finish college. I never did. I met your daddy and never went back. But maybe now I will. School is…it’s important.”
“Daddy says so. I don’t like it all that much. Just recess and lunch and seein’ my friends. It’s not so bad, bein’ able to see your friends.”
“Well, I’ll remember that. I’ll be sure to make lots of friends.” She’d always done that easily. She wondered if she could manage it now. She again thought of all she had to do and all she owed her son. And then she remembered the woman holding her daughter the day before. “Your father tells me he’s getting married again. To Samantha.”
Luke nodded.
“Do you like her?” Elena asked tentatively, not sure what she wanted the answer to be.
“Yes,” Luke said.
No doubts there, no hesitation. No fears. No disappointments, it seemed. Well, Elena supposed that answered that.
“Dani seems excited about having her as her new mommy.”
“But you’re our mommy,” Luke said.
Oh. Elena had to close her eyes, hating herself more than she ever had in her life and thinking that maybe she was about to grow up just a little bit.
“You know, Luke,” she began, “sometimes, people have more than one mommy. Sometimes you have one who’s with you every day, one you live with, and another one you don’t see as often. Maybe just on weekends or something. But they both love you, and they both help take care of you. It’s just that one’s there every day and one’s not.”
And she would not be the one who was there every day. Oh. She saw it then, saw it quickly in the blink of an eye. All that she’d lost. All that she’d so callously thrown away and come back too late to claim.
Luke was an amazing little boy, and she did love him, probably more than she’d ever loved anyone. But she’d failed him, and he was never going to forget the pain she’d caused him. He was probably always going to be wondering when she would disappear again.
“Do you think you could have two mommies?” she asked through a throat that was so tight every word hurt.
“I guess,” Luke said. “I like Samantha. She’s kinda cool. She can do magic tricks and everything. She said she could teach me how to do some of ’em.”
“Really?” Elena asked, hoping she could get through this without dissolving into tears.
“Yeah, and she’s got all these little fairy things. Statues and stuff. Of tooth fairies. She’s a dentist, and I used to think she was magic, too.”
“That’s…uh…that’s terrific.”
“She made Daddy smile again, and she knows how to braid Dani’s hair just right.”
“Well.” Elena cleared her throat twice before she could go on. “I was thinking that since you live with your father and he’s going to marry Samantha, this could all work out, this two-mommy thing. She’ll live with you and Dani and your father, and she could be your everyday mommy.”
“And you’ll be my someday mommy?”
“Yes.” Maybe, while Joe and his new wife were giving her son what he needed, she could make something of herself and her own life. Maybe someday she could be someone her son could respect and trust again. “How would you feel? If we did it like that?”
“I guess that would be okay,” Luke said, then finally looked at her again. “But you’re not goin’ away again?”
“No,” she promised. “Not again.”
“So? When and where are we getting married, darlin’?” Joe asked as he and Samantha drove back to his house.
“You don’t waste any time,” she said, smiling up at him.
“And the wedding? If we’re not going to wait that long, we need to plan the wedding,” he said.
“I was thinking we might do something really simple and small, maybe have it in my backyard.”
He frowned. “Your backyard is a mess.”
“But it won’t be for long. I’m getting a husband who’s handy, remember? The trees are budding, and everything will be blooming soon. It’ll be so pretty. You and I can stand on the deck with the minister, and everybody else can be in the backyard.”
“Your deck’s rotting,” Joe reminded her. “I suppose I should put that on my list, too.”
“You’re the one who wants to get married soon.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said. “We’ll bring in lights and work all night if we have to.”
“You always did move fast.”
She was still laughing, still so relaxed and happy she could hardly stand it when they turned the last corner and came onto Joe’s street. Samantha looked up, and she saw Elena sitting on the front porch with Luke.
“Joe,” she said tentatively. “Elena’s here.”
He frowned.
“Did you know?”
“No.”
“And she doesn’t look happy.”
“No, she doesn’t.” He gave Samantha an apologetic smile as he parked the truck, along the curb in front. “I’m sorry. Why don’t you stay here and let me take care of this.”
“No, I want to come. If we’re going to be married, she’s going to be a part of my life, too, and I don’t want us to be adversaries. For the kids’ sake, I need to find a way to get along with her.”
Joe looked very sad for a moment, and then very grateful, as he squeezed her hand. “I love you.”
“I love you, too. And I love your kids. Let’s go fix this, whatever it is.”
He pulled the truck into the driveway, and took her hand as they walked onto the porch together. Elena stood up looking uneasy, but the chip on her shoulder that had been there the first day, the defensiveness, the anger, was gone.
“I don’t think you two were actually introduced the other day,” Joe said. “Samantha, this is my ex-wife. Elena, this is Dr. Samantha Carter. We’re going to be married very soon.”
“We are?” Luke piped up, grinning.
“Yes,” Joe said. “Soon.”
“Hello,” Samantha said.
“Hi.” Elena said nodding, hardly meeting her eyes. “I’m sorry about the other day. I was just…I was so surprised by everything.”
“It’s all right,” Samantha said, and finally Elena looked up. She’d been crying, Samantha thought, but Luke looked okay.
Elena turned to Joe. “My mother took Dani into town for a few minutes so I could talk to Luke alone. I hope that’s all right.”
Joe nodded slowly, clearly having some reservations.
“And I should be going,” Elena said.
“I’ll walk you out,” Joe said.
“And I’ll take Luke inside,” Samantha said.
She took him by the hand, and he came quite willingly, showing no signs of trauma from the visit by his mother. Samantha was relieved, and while she suspected there would be a lot of challenges along the way, they could deal with them. Her and Joe and the kids. It would be all right.
“I’m hungry,” Luke said, heading for the kitchen and the refrigerator.
Samantha followed him as he stuck his head inside and started rummaging around. “Find everything okay?”
“Uh-huh,” he said, pushing a stool to the front of the refrigerator and opening the freezer next, emerging with a carton of ice cream and triumphantly announcing, “Double fudge, chocolate chunk, marshmallow, peanut butter swirl!”
“Oh,” Samantha said, trying not to make a face at the combination.
“You like ice cream, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
“I love ice cream.”
“But I think we should probably think about dinner first,” Samantha said. “It’s almost six.”
Luke looked perplexed. “Ice cream could be dinner.”
Samantha shook her head. “I don’t think so. Are you trying to tell me your father lets you have double fudge, chocolate chunk, marshmallow ice cream for dinner?”
“You forgot the peanut butter swirl,” Luke said, standing there dejectedly, still holding it in his hands. “Peanut butter’s like dinner, isn’t it? Sometimes we have peanut butter sandwiches for dinner.”
“It isn’t quite the same,” Samantha said gently. “But maybe you could have a peanut butter sandwich and then ice cream.”
He considered her suggestion for a moment, his brow wrinkling together, but agreed.
“It’s a dentist thing,” Samantha said. “We want everyone to eat good things, so they’re strong and healthy.”
“Oh. Okay,” he said, then looked very serious indeed. “It’s a mom thing, too, right? My friend Mickey Wilson said his mom hides all the really good food in the house, and he only gets a little bit of it every week.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. It’s in the back of the cabinet on the very top, but he found it and climbed up there one day to get the stuff and fell and almost broke his arm,” Luke confided. “He got in lotsa trouble, and then his mom put a lock on the cabinet.”
“Oh, no.”
“Moms are really allowed to do that? Lock up all the good food?”
“I think so,” Samantha said. “Although I’m sure it won’t come to that here. I’m sure you and I and your father could come to an agreement, and we’d all stick to the rules. We wouldn’t need to hide things or lock them up. Right?”
Luke still looked troubled. “We can still have ice cream?”
“Of course. With all the chunks and swirls you want.”
“Okay.”
“Would you like me to make you that sandwich now?”
“Okay,” he said, putting the ice cream away. “Does that mean you want to be my everyday mommy?”
Samantha stopped in the midst of looking through a cabinet for peanut butter. She turned to face Luke and said, “What?”
“The everyday mommy? You know, the one who’s here every day? My mom and I—” He broke off, looking confused again. “Am I s’pposed to still call her that? Or you?”
“We’ll have to talk about it. About what you call me,” Samantha said. “But Elena’s still your mother. It’s fine for you to call her mom.”
“She’s gonna be the someday mommy,” he said. “But I don’t guess I’d call her that. I guess I’d just call her mom.”
“Someday mommy?” Samantha asked.
Luke nodded. “She told me all about it. About how some people have two, one that they see everyday and one that they only see sometimes, and she’s gonna be the someday mommy.”
“Oh,” Samantha said, thinking that maybe Elena was going to make this easier than she expected.
“And you’ll be the everyday mommy? You still wanna, right?”
“Yes,” Samantha said. “I want that very much. That’s what you want, too, right Luke?”
He nodded, looking terribly young and tentative in the moment.
Samantha sat down in the kitchen chair, so she could be on his level, and held out her arms to him. “I love you, Luke. And I’ll be here. Every day.”
He came to her and gave her the kind of hug only little people could give. The kind that came from little, bitty arms squeezing so tight. And she savored the feeling of having a little boy in her arms.
Joe came into the kitchen and stood there looking happy and touched and so very right.
“I’m going to be the everyday mommy,” she told him.
“So I heard.”
Luke pulled away and looked up at his father. “It’s okay?”
“Sounds just right to me,” Joe said, and then he pulled both of them into his arms.
Epilogue
Joe had some trouble on a construction site and didn’t get home until dark. Samantha, his wife of six months, greeted him at the door, and after a warm kiss, he saw that she looked worried.
“What’s wrong?”
“Luke,” she said.
Joe sighed, resigned to the fact that his son was a schemer and always would be. “What’s he done now?”
“He lost a tooth today.”
“Oh?” They hadn’t had any more tooth episodes for almost a year.
“And he’s in bed already, but he wouldn’t put it under his pillow. I think he’s got the jelly jar again.”
“You’re kidding.”
“No, and I’m really worried. I thought he was happy. I thought everything was okay.”
“It is,” Joe assured her. He’d been so sure it was.
Luke couldn’t be happier with Joe and Samantha. Dani was happy. Even Elena looked remotely happy these days. She was still in town. She’d gotten an apartment with an old friend of hers from high school—a divorced woman who was starting over again, working at a temp agency during the day and going to school at night. Believe it or not, Elena was working part-time and was finishing her college degree herself.
