This was all new to Josie. She was freaking out, but she didn’t want to show it.
His lips passed over her jawline and trailed down her neck, working his way down to her chest. He ran his hand under her tank top, cupping her breast, feeling her warm, supple skin under his coolness. His thumb brushed and traced circles around her already hard nipple. A quiet moan escaped her lips as the pull intensified. Nick dipped his head down and, through her shirt, pulled her nipple into his mouth. She let out a gasp, making him smile against her breast.
Taking a chance, Josie reached down and touched him through his jeans. He closed his eyes and a breath escaped his parted lips. She unzipped him and allowed her hand to travel inside, feeling what she did to him. Unsure of what to do, but doing what felt natural, she griped him and stroked, feeling the enticing smooth skin and each protruding vein run through her fist. Her thumb ran over his tip, spreading around the moisture beading up.
His breath hitched. “Shit… Oh fuck, that feels good,” he moaned, moving his hips in time with Josie’s hand.
A sickening feeling in the pit of Nick’s stomach bloomed tenfold, stretching through the length of his whole body. Regret and guilt crept into his mind. Pressure built in his chest. Claire hadn’t been gone too long and there he was, getting ready to have sex with somebody else. He couldn’t do that to the love of his life…not yet. He wasn’t ready to push her aside.
Balanced above Josie, he went still, his forehead pressed to hers. Concerned about his reaction, Josie stopped. She took his face in her hands. “Nick? Did I do something wrong?”
When he opened his eyes, the sadness overwhelmed her to the point she gasped. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this right now. I didn’t mean to mislead you.” Nick rolled off of her and zipped his jeans.
“Okay. I can leave,” Josie muttered as she sat up to grab her hoodie.
“No. I want you to stay. Stay with me and let me hold you. Please,” he whimpered. “I need you next to me.”
Confusion struck her. “I can do that, if that’s what you want.”
He apologized again and kept saying he wasn’t emotionally ready yet. She understood, but the hurt was still there. Face-to-face, she lay with him curled around her, his arm lazily wrapped around her slim waist, face buried in the crook of her neck.
Being there with him was comfortable.
Nick’s body had steadied, and she knew he’d fallen asleep. Josie played with his black, shaggy hair while listening to him breathe.
The emotions ran rampant and she did her best to hide the tears leaking from her eyes. Even though they only just started interacting with each other, she was falling for him, but she knew he would never be able to give it back to her. He was stuck, and she felt devastated for him.
Nick’s heart was buried with Claire and Willow. It could never follow another.
Sleeping while Henry was detoxing was not an option for Elaina. Watching him go through the shakes, tremors, profuse sweating, and the endless rounds of vomiting, even when there was nothing left to give, brought new meaning to scary and painful. With all the tears and hallucinations, it was an endless unpleasant sensory onslaught on both sides of the fence.
After a full night of hell for Elaina, he finally fell asleep as the sun was peeking over the horizon. She wished she could’ve done the same, but was too worried about him to even think about it.
She still couldn’t believe he did this to himself. It killed her to see him so sick. Her greatest fear? What if she didn’t catch him before he turned? She continued to peel open his eyelids and check the color of his irises. Moaning, he would swat at her hands every time.
Feeling the need for nourishment, Elaina decided to head out to the cafeteria. As she shuffled to the door, a light knock sounded. Quinn… She was always there for everyone.
“Hey,” Elaina said, feeling an admiration for her that went far deeper than she could express. Someday, she hoped to be even half the woman Quinn was.
“I was just checking on him. How’s it going?” she asked, brushing her fingers over Elaina’s cheek.
Elaina opened the door all the way and let her in, figuring Henry wouldn’t mind.
Battling her emotions, she tried not to shatter in front of Quinn. The angry and melancholy tears rode the edges of her lids. Quinn sensed the struggle and pulled her into an embrace. “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay,” she soothed in Elaina’s ear. “You two will get through this.”
“It’s so hard to see him this way, knowing he did this to himself.”
“I understand,” Quinn murmured.
Cutting through the sniffles and choked sobs, Henry mumbled Elaina’s name. She turned and gazed at him. He was shivering, even though the blanket was pulled up to his chin.
Elaina’s voice echoed through my head.
She was talking to someone, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. The need for her to hold me was so immense, my body was wracked with tremors and cold sweats. The pain and craving for a drink stung with such intensity, I was close to losing ground.
Between that and knowing how I fucked things up between us, I wanted to curl into a ball and die. I needed to apologize for everything I had done to us. It shouldn’t have been this way.
I needed to be her hero, the love of her life, healthy enough so I could take care of her. In return, I just wanted her to fucking love me. That was all.
There was still a little hope lingering she would accept me and not just pretend to love me. Not appease me. She had to be feeling pity. I just needed her to love me like the man I used to be. I needed to get back to that…body, mind, and soul.
My throat was dry, my lips drier. My eyelids were still shut tight because there was no way I could open them. I couldn’t take the light or the look of shame and pity on her face. I tried to call for her, but she must not have heard me. Try again. I needed her to hold me because I was falling to bits.
Again, I called out to her. “L-laina…” Still no response. Maybe it was a dream, or maybe she left me for good. Knowing it was going to hurt, I belted out a scream. “Elaina!”
Two sets of feet ran toward me. Maybe they didn’t know if I was awake or having a night terror. All I needed was to feel her touch. Her warm, delicate fingertips on my drenched skin. Her heated body against the chill of mine.
“Elaina!” I bellowed once more.
“I’m here, lover,” she said, her tender words stroking my ears.
“Don’t go… Don’t leave me,” I whispered through the ache in my throat.
“I’m right here with you.”
She sat next to me and I rolled over, putting my face in her lap, clawing at her body and clutching onto her torso, trying to keep her right where she was. I used all the strength I had left.
She pushed her fingers through my dampened hair. A voice cut through, one that took me a moment to figure out. “Let me get you something to clean him up.”
Quinn… Oh god. She was witnessing me melting down. More humiliation.
“Laina…,” I whispered.
She repeated, “I’m here with you.”
From the crack in her voice, she was fighting her emotions as much as I was. The blanket, wet from my sweat, was peeled back from my body. A rush of cold hit me, sending an uncontrollable shiver coursing through my body. Then a wet cloth touched my skin, circling around my neck and upper back.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled to her.
“What, lover?” she asked, leaning down and trying to hear my muffled voice.
“I’m sorry…,” I said louder. “I’m so sorry.” Then I shattered, the sobs tearing out of my throat. “Elaina…” My whole body quaked.
“Shh… We’ll get through this.” Her voice shook. “You and me.”
Her words seemed unsure. I needed her to find more strength. It was all we had left.
“If you need anything, come and get me,” Quinn murmured as she walked out the door.
As soon as she closed it, Elaina held me. I cont
inued to cry, “I’m so sorry I did this to us. It’s me. I’m sorry.”
“Henry…” I nuzzled my face into her abdomen. After lifting my arm and wrapping it around her waist, she murmured, “It’s going to be okay.”
“Just hold me. My body hurts so badly,” I cried as tremor after tremor tormented my diseased body. “Don’t leave me. I beg you.”
“Lover, I’m right here for you. I’m not going anywhere.” Her voice hitched as she fought not to cry. That was the last thing I needed. She had to be strong, but I sucked the life right out of her, leaving her just as barren as me.
She continued to wipe the sweat that seemed to be an endless leak from my pores. “I’m sorry,” I said again.
“Let me see your eyes.” Tipping my head back, Elaina pulled open one eyelid. “You need another fix?” I nodded. “Let me go get someone to hook me up.”
I hesitated, then allowed her to help me back to the pillow. When she left the bed, I felt alone in every way possible, fearful she wouldn’t come back. If I lost Elaina, I was done with it all. Giving up and letting it all go would be the only answer.
One bullet and one pull of the trigger was all it would take. No longer would I be a burden, and the pain would no longer haunt me. The world would be better off without me running through it. The more I thought about it, the more the temptation grew.
Chapter 6
Over the course of the next couple days and nights, Henry slept on and off. Every time Elaina checked on him, he seemed to be sweating more and more. He wasn’t sleeping peacefully, either. Then again, he never had a peaceful slumber before the detox.
Knowing most, if not all, of his issues had been caused by Roger and his program, an angry fuse ignited in Elaina’s gut. When Henry started mumbling, she leaned in close, trying to figure out what he was saying. She could only make out one word, and he was repeating it over and over. “Mum.” Elaina’s heart broke.
For most of his life, he believed his mother to be dead—brutally murdered in front of him. But after Kellan’s untimely appearance at Elaina’s family home, Henry wanted to see if she was alive like Kellan had said. Gunther was clueless when Henry asked him. Supposedly, she was the guardian of Sophie’s kids and he wanted to find them and raise them, if possible. Somehow, some way, he was going to get back to England and find out the answers for himself.
His body shivered as he cried out, “No! Please, stop!”
Elaina figured he was having another nightmare about his mother’s death. The anguish in his cries tore through her and she wanted to make him feel better. Slipping under the covers to hold him, she tried her hardest to comfort him in his restless state.
While rubbing her thumb on his stubbly cheek, Henry’s body constricted and he yelled out, as if he was experiencing intense pain. She hushed him and stroked his arm, fighting the tears building in her eyes.
This was killing Elaina. He had been such a chore with all of his drunkenness, but she couldn’t blame him. He had been through so much. Her tears could no longer be contained and rolled down her cheeks.
Throwing Elaina to the side, Henry sat up and belted out a scream she never heard from him before. She jumped up, grabbed him, and made him look at her. His eyes were glazed over.
“Henry. It’s okay. You’re okay.” He was breathing fast. “He can’t hurt you anymore.” His entire body shook as he wiped the couple of tears trickling from his eyes. “You all right?”
“I think so,” he whispered between pants.
Elaina had an eerie feeling he wasn’t awake as she watched his anxious eyes looking around the room. “Lover?”
“Shh,” he commanded, a finger to his lips as he stood. His shirt clung to his sweaty torso.
“Henry?”
“I said to be quiet, Sophie!”
“Henry, it’s Elaina.” She was worried, unable tell if he was sleepwalking or having a flashback.
“Shut it, Sophie! I think he’s coming.”
Elaina stood and walked toward him. “Who? Who’s coming, Henry?”
“Why do you keep calling me by my middle name? You know my name is Liam.”
For a moment, Elaina felt like she was living in his nightmare, on the edge of reality tangling with insanity. “Okay… Liam, who’s coming?”
“Have you lost your fucking mind? Roger! I won’t let him hurt you. He’ll have to get through me first.”
Elaina grabbed his shoulders in an effort to try and shake him awake.
With all the bad timing in the world, someone knocked on the door. Henry yanked Elaina by her arm, throwing her out of the way. He bolted through the door and, without pausing, started fighting whoever it was.
“Henry!” Elaina screamed. She jumped into the mess of limbs and grunts, trying to peel him away. She watched in horror when he slammed Gunther’s head into the tiled floor. “Henry!” she yelled again, getting thrown off Henry’s back.
Quinn came running out of her and Gunther’s room. “What the hell is going on?!”
“Henry! Stop!” Elaina shouted as she tried to pull him off of Gunther again, but he was in a complete rage.
Gunther somehow managed to flip him over and punch him in the face a few times. Eventually, he was able to pin Henry’s arms down with his knees, then pulled out his Sig and pressed it to Henry’s head, holding his other hand around his throat, choking him.
A constant drip of blood was running from Gunther’s mouth onto Henry’s face. He breathed heavily through his nose, rage tremoring through his body.
“Gunther! Please don’t!” Elaina screamed as she yanked at his thick shoulders.
“Give me a reason not to!” Gunther growled, not even looking at her.
“He’s having a flashback or something. Please! Let him go. Please! I don’t know what’s wrong with him,” Elaina sobbed.
Legs flailing, Henry tried to kick Gunther off. His eyes were huge, set in his red-rimmed sockets and, judging by the purple coloring blooming on his face, shit was hitting the fan real fast.
With all the calm, cool, and collectedness in the world, Quinn knelt, putting one hand on Gunther’s shoulder. “Gun…” She ran her hand down the arm that held Henry’s throat. Her voice was soft, smoothing out his seething breaths. “Let him go. He obviously didn’t know it was you.”
Gunther looked back and forth between Quinn and Henry, then released his grip. Henry gasped and coughed.
“Do it again, you little prat,” Gunther growled, putting his Sig away. “I fucking dare you.” He stood and spat a mouthful of blood onto the floor, wiping his lips with the back of his hand.
“Come on. Let’s go get you cleaned up.” Quinn grabbed his arm and pulled him down the hall, toward the clinic.
“I was just checking on him. He’s fucking mental,” Gunther snarled.
“I know your intentions were good. He’s going through withdrawals. That, coupled with the issues he already has… It’s just not a good combination,” she murmured as they walked.
I came to while Gunther was choking me. Dazed, I had no idea what was going on. While lying on my side and rubbing my throat, Elaina leaned down and helped me up.
“Henry, are you with me now?”
“Yeah,” I groaned. “What the fuck happened?” I rubbed the side of my head, expecting it to be split open.
“I think you were sleepwalking, having a nightmare or a flashback. I don’t know. Plus, with your detox…”
Then a wave a nausea hit me again. I was fucking tired of that. “I feel like I’m going to be sick,” I mumbled.
Elaina dragged me back into our room in time for me to dry heave into the bucket. When my stomach finally stopped rolling, she wiped my face with a wet cloth and made me rinse my mouth out.
“Come on. Lie down,” she coaxed.
No problem, I thought, as she helped get me in bed. Her fingers swiped over the marks around my throat. She tried talking to me several times before I rolled over so my back was to her. I was mortified by my behavior and wasn’t
in the chatting mood.
After several attempts to get me to respond, I murmured, “I’m going to leave you alone and go check on Gunther.”
When Elaina walked out of the room, her entire body began shaking. She leaned against the wall next to the door to steady herself, but slid down it instead. Her stomach cramped, her heart pounded. Knowing it was a lie, she continued telling herself it was only temporary and he would be better once the alcohol left his system.
Henry would never be better. He would always be broken.
Feeling her world imploding, Elaina pulled her knees in and wrapped her arms around them. She couldn’t handle him anymore. She couldn’t muster the emotional strength to deal with him and his issues another second. Closing her eyes, she rested her head on her knees. Her heavy black curtain of hair fell around her body, sealing her off from the critical public eye. Exhaustion made her impossibly weaker by the minute.
As Quinn and Gunther came back down the hall, Elaina knew there was no way she could move to spare herself an interrogation. Her body felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. She heard Quinn tell Gunther to go to their room and she would be there in a minute. She sat on the floor next to Elaina and wrapped her arm around her shoulders.
“Hey, hon. Gunther feels bad about what happened. He said he would like to apologize to him once Henry is squared away.”
“I can’t do this anymore,” Elaina whispered.
“I’m sorry?” Quinn questioned, tucking Elaina’s hair behind her ear.
“This,” she hissed. “I can’t fucking do it anymore.”
“You don’t have a choice, Elaina.”
“That’s part of the problem. I have to deal with him because who else would? It’s too hard to try and survive, plus take care of someone who is so fucked up.”
“Nothing worthwhile ever comes easy, but there’s always hope.”
Fractured Hearts (Shattered Lives, Book Three) Page 6
