The moonlight filtering through the papered windows allowed him to see a shadow of himself in the mirror above the sink. He reached out and touched the heart Quinn had painted on it weeks ago, then touched the reflection of his face. He leaned in close, studying his image, and realized she was just a dream. She wasn’t with him and never would be again.
Hot rage burned through him. The adrenaline coursed right beside it, relieving his pain for a moment. He belted out a scream and punched the tiled wall, shattering several.
He stormed out of the bathroom and grabbed the first thing in his path—a chair. When it hit the wall, it left a hole the size of a small child.
He turned to the bookcase next to him, clearing a shelf in one swipe. The books laid mangled on the floor…spines broken, pages torn, covers bent. Picking up another, he screamed again and threw it at the whiteboard, leaving a dent. He stalked over to the neat pile of desks in the corner and pulled one out from the middle. The others crashed to the floor, causing the loudest racket yet. He threw the desk, crashing it into the cabinets.
He spotted his Sig. The one he should have had with him when he went outside to get Quinn. He grabbed it and held it under his chin, finger caressing the trigger. He knew Grey would be in good hands. Gunther swallowed hard and exhaled loudly. Just as he was about to make use of it, someone knocked on his door.
“He needs me… Grey needs me,” he whispered.
He set it on a chair, then stalked to the door.
“Henry… Henry, wake up!” Elaina yelled as she shook my shoulders.
After spending most of the night prowling around the building, I hadn’t been asleep for long. “I’m up. I’m up.” I sat up, rubbing my face. There was a lot of crashing and banging coming from somewhere close. “What the fuck?” I leapt out of bed, dressed, and grabbed my knife and gun.
She scrambled to her feet and hunted down her clothing. “What if it’s them? You can’t go out there alone!”
“It’s fine. Just be ready if you hear a gunshot. Don’t leave this room unless you do. Lock it up behind me.”
“But–”
I pointed at her with the hand the knife was palmed in. “No buts, Elaina. You listen to me for once and stay here! I love you.”
She sighed. “Love you, too.”
I ran out of the room, leaving Elaina alone. I stood in the hallway for a moment, knowing right away where the racket was coming from. Some of the others were filing out into the hall. After waving them back to their rooms, I headed across the way to Gunther’s.
Waiting at the door, I listened, feeling the rawness of the situation. I decided it would be better to knock instead of just barging in.
Gunther cracked open the door. On top of his injuries, his face showed rage.
“Heard some noises and was checking it out. You want to talk?” The door swung open, allowing me to pass by, then he slammed it. I walked over and sat on the desk, taking note of the trashed room. He glared at me as I scooted back. “I can move if you want me to.”
“No,” he mumbled. He sat in a chair, put his head in his hand and leaned on his knee. “How do I do it? How do I move forward for Grey? I can’t even wrap my mind around her being gone. I keep thinking she’s going to walk through that door with her amazing smile, telling me everything will be all right and that it was just a really bad fucking nightmare.”
“I don’t have the answers or any words of wisdom to share, but I will listen. I’m here for you.”
He choked a few times and it broke my heart. “I just want it to be a nightmare. She was so fucking perfect. Everything she did was perfect. Look at my lad… He’s perfect. No one could do that but her. No one. His birth was the most amazing thing I’ve ever witnessed. She handled everything with such composure, gratitude, and grace. She was so thankful she was able to birth another child. He was a gift to the both of us. There will never be someone else like her.”
As he talked, I glanced around the room, absorbing the damage he caused. There was a hole in one wall, a broken chair, and several textbooks looking the worse for wear. “I woke expecting to feel her next to me. I had the urge to make love to her right then. My body throbbed for her. It was like she was with me. I could feel her with me…near me. I saw her. I don’t know how to explain it. I opened my eyes, fully expecting to see her, but she wasn’t there and…” He strained to get his words out. “I realized she wouldn’t ever be again. Then I just got really fucking angry. Henry, I don’t know how to breathe without her.”
“I can’t tell you I understand because I don’t. But I would like to offer my deepest condolences and apologies for your loss. I know she was everything you needed to make you feel right. Elaina is that to me. I can only imagine the situation in reverse. You are faring much better than me. I would probably have drank every bottle of vodka Cora has locked up in that clinic, then go out and… Well, never mind.”
“I almost did. If you didn’t knock on that door… I decided then that Grey needed me more than I needed to end my so-called life. It’s a sobering thought… I was willing to end it all and let you all take care of Grey. I don’t know what good I can bring him. I brought this on everyone.”
“He needs his father. You love him tremendously. I can see that. He is your saving grace.”
“He’s all I have left.”
“You’ll be able to move forward. You just need to give yourself some time. Don’t beat yourself up over what happened. I’m sure you did everything in your power. I mean, look at you. They fucked you up pretty good, mate.”
“I didn’t have my gun on me. We had a fight and she left the room. I chased after her and found her outside. I finally talked her into coming back inside and that’s when they showed up.” Gunther stood and kicked the chair. “Why didn’t I grab my fucking gun?”
When I saw another explosion ready to happen, I rushed to my feet. “Hey, cool down, mate,” I said in a calm and collected voice.
“It’s my fault! I should’ve had my gun! I could’ve taken all of them out before they even moved in.”
“You can’t go back in time and change what happened. Don’t dwell on it. I know it’s not the same, but when Sophie died, I spent many nights wondering why I allowed her to be up on top of the truck. I beat myself up over that time and time again.” Gunther looked fatigued as he silently leaned against the wall. “You need to try to get some sleep.” He nodded. “She wouldn’t want you to blame yourself. She knew you did what you could.” I patted Gunther on his shoulder. “You just take care of that lad of yours, and everything else will fall into place. I think you will find he carries a piece of her with him, and you two will connect wonderfully.”
“Thanks. Uh… are we burying her tomorrow?”
“Yes. I think it’s best. It will probably happen later in the day, though. I think we should have a meeting first.” Gunther’s eyes grew wearier than before. He tried to swallow, but choked. I gave him a quick embrace. “I’m truly sorry for your loss,” I murmured. “You all right to go back to bed without help?”
“Yeah,” he croaked out. “Thanks. I appreciate you coming in and chatting with me, calming me down a bit.”
“Whenever you need to talk, please come get me. I don’t care if it’s five minutes from now. You come and get me. Even if it’s just a rant, I’ll sit and listen.” Gunther nodded at me as he carefully wiped the tears from his face. “Try to rest. Even if you just lie down for a while. You need to rest your injuries. That’s the only way they will heal.”
I walked out of Gunther’s room, feeling the burden of his sadness heavy on my shoulders.
Gunther leaned against the wall for a few minutes, deciding Henry was right. He really needed to rest. The intense physical pain was pulling him further into depression. He slowly walked back to his cold, lonely bed.
He wondered if she was watching. He was going to miss holding her at night while she slept. It was one of his favorite things to do. Sitting on the bed, he hissed while trying to lay back.
He realized one of Quinn’s shirts was on the floor. Snatching it, he held it close, smelling her. It was a divine feeling when he could inhale her intoxicating scent. He drifted back to sleep, feeling like he was hugging his love.
Chapter 45
Elaina woke as the sun rose. She rubbed her tired eyes and reached over to cuddle up to Henry, but he wasn’t there. She remembered he and Thomas were going to dig the grave in the morning.
She worried about the coming meeting and wasn’t looking forward to it in the slightest. Luckily enough, weapons were not allowed, but an all-out riot from the people might be dangerous.
After she dressed, she headed to the cafeteria. Watching from the doorway, there was a quiet buzz throughout the small community. Everyone looked up when Elaina stepped in. Gunther was nowhere to be seen, so she decided to grab a small meal for him and take it to him.
After she knocked on the door a few times, Gunther finally opened it. He was still shirtless and carefully rubbing his eyes. The swelling of his face and his dark purple coloring around the exposed areas of his torso was rather alarming.
“I brought you a bite to eat.”
“Thank you,” he said with a rough edge and reached out for the supplies Elaina offered.
“How are you doing? Physically,” she added because she knew he was a wreck mentally.
“I’m hurting rather badly.”
“Hurting for a draw?”
“No. I’m good there for a bit, but my face… I could use some ice.” She nodded, feeling bad they couldn’t properly tend to his wounds.
The sounds of a happy baby came up from behind Elaina.
“Morning,” Cora said with a soft smile.
“Come in. Excuse the mess. I had a little meltdown last night,” he said, embarrassed. “Quinn usually kept things pretty tidy, but… Fuck,” he mumbled.
“Are you up to holding Grey?” Cora asked. “I’m sure he would love some cuddles from his daddy.”
“Ah, yeah.” He scrubbed his head and looked around. “Just let me sit.”
“Why don’t you go get in bed and get yourself situated. I’ll bring him to you.”
Gunther sat and his hiss filled the room. Cora looked at Elaina with great concern over his physical condition.
She tucked a pillow under Gunther’s arm for support. Little Grey cooed and chattered when Cora placed him in his arm. He lifted his hand toward Gunther’s face.
Doing his best to smile, he said, “Hey, my little bear. How’s my little mate doing?” Grey chattered back. “Is that so? I hope you were a good lad for Ms. Cora last night.” Elaina and Cora smiled, listening to him interact with his precious boy. “How did he do with you?”
“I fed him a little snack before we went to sleep. He woke once to eat, and he just finished a feeding a couple minutes ago. He’s definitely a hungry boy.”
“He was always on Quinn.”
“I think he’s going to be a big boy like his daddy.” Cora smiled and sat with him, just in case he needed her to take Grey.
“I hope he’s like his mother, though. He’ll need a better personality than mine.”
“Don’t down yourself. You’re a great man—kind and loving. Anyway, I’m going to go back and get a few supplies and check you over really quick. Then we will tighten your support bandage. Sound good?”
“Yeah, sounds like great fucking fun,” he muttered.
Soaking in every second, Gunther chatted with Grey until Cora came back with another bottle of vodka, gauze, and tape in hand.
“Elaina, why don’t you take this adorable bundle of love for a moment so I can change the bandage on his face? Lie back and try to relax,” Cora instructed.
It was a tedious process of pulling away the gauze from his face. She tried to be as gentle as possible, but he was still hissing and groaning in pain. With a tender touch, she cleaned his wounds and taped clean gauze over them.
She helped him to a chair and tightened the bandage around his chest, making him growl in pain. It was difficult for Elaina to watch. She remembered the process very well after Kellan brutalized Henry’s body.
“Let’s try getting a shirt on you. What do you want to wear?”
“All my button-downs are long-sleeve. I don’t want to feel too constricted. Uhh… Maybe a t-shirt? I don’t know.”
Cora went to the pile of clothes and picked up a few shirts. “Any of these good?”
“Yeah,” he mumbled.
It took several minutes of slow movements to get the t-shirt on him. He shuddered and hissed several times during the process. When he finally had it on, relief was written all over his face.
Cora wiped the sweat off of his face. “You did well. Now… Pants? Or do you want to keep your shorts on?”
“Ah… Jeans are fine.”
Cora went through the piles again and held up a pair. He nodded. Elaina had a feeling it was going to get awkward really quickly, so she turned around.
“Do you want to try this on your own?”
“Not today.”
“You have any boxers?”
“No. Sorry.” He looked a little embarrassed. “I ran out ages ago.”
She helped him out of his gym shorts and slipped his jeans on to just under his hips, buttoning and zipping him up.
“There.” She smiled at him. “All set.”
“Thanks. I appreciate all of your help.”
“No problem. Elaina, Henry said you had something you wanted to do this morning?”
“Yeah, I do.” Cora reached for Grey, but she was hesitant to give him up. “I’ll see you all later.”
Humbled, Gunther said, “Thanks, Elaina. I really appreciate what you’re doing.”
“My pleasure.” She smiled at him and left to go work on a cross for Quinn.
Elaina spent the greater part of the morning sitting in the art room. She didn’t like the cross-making trend at all. It took her a while just to get started because she spent quite some time sobbing with her head on the table. It felt like just yesterday when she and Quinn sat in the very same spot to make a cross for Sophie, then for Nick. She even supported her when she and Henry placed the cross in the ground at the head of his grave.
While she was meticulously painting the lettering on the cross, Henry walked in, sweaty and filthy.
Thomas and I had finally finished digging the grave. I was sick of burying my people and didn’t want to bury another. Each one was more devastating than the next.
When I saw Elaina wasn’t in our room, I headed to the art room, figuring she was working on the cross. I cracked open the door and she was sitting at the table, a small paintbrush in her right hand, her left hand holding up her head. Even in her sadness, she was beautiful. I was so fucking grateful that I still had her in my life.
“Hey, love.” I sat on a stool next to her. “How’re you doing?”
“I’m just so sad for Gunther and Grey. That poor little boy will never know his mother. He’ll never know how amazing she was.”
She turned herself into my chest and I held her, doing my best to comfort her. Once she settled, I said, “Thomas and I are finished. How close are you?”
“Ugh, I don’t know. I’m not nearly as good an artist as she was. I keep thinking how sad this looks in comparison to the one she helped me make for Sophie and Nick.”
“Love, I am sure he will appreciate anything you’re doing for her and the…” I couldn’t finish. “Christ,” I mumbled. Elaina gazed up at me. I was trying bloody hard not to get emotional, trying to be the strong leader I promised to be.
“Henry…” My jaw trembled. “Henry, it’s okay. Let it out. Let yourself go. It’s just me and you here. No one will see.” She reached out and touched my stubbled cheek. A tear trickled down. I looked up, trying not to allow the dam of emotions to open.
“I’m worried, Elaina. They won’t stop until we kill every last one of them. We only have so much ammo left and with Gunther down, I have no one here who can fight like that. Y
ou should have seen him out there. Even with all of his injuries, he was a beast. Unstoppable. Until…” My words trailed off.
“He would do anything to protect his family…just like you, Henry.”
Then I sighed. “Thomas and I will stand guard while we bury Quinn.”
“With you at the helm, we’ll get through this.”
She did her best to sound confident, but I was relatively sure she was scared out of her fucking mind.
“How many of us will have to have a true death before we end this madness?” I asked.
“I don’t know, but I do know we won’t give up on you.”
“Thank you for having faith in me. I needed to hear that.” I kissed my love on the top of her head. “I’m going to get cleaned up, then call the meeting.”
“Okay. I’ll be in here working on this until then.”
I got up and walked out the door. Before the door was even shut, she was crying her eyes out again.
Chapter 46
The sound of my boots hitting the floor was just another murmur within the cafeteria as I paced back and forth at the front of the room. The anguish of the truth I was facing was finding its way to the surface. After fidgeting with the hem of my t-shirt, I jammed my sweaty palms into the pockets of my jeans.
Feeling overwhelmed, I had no idea what I was going to tell our group. My mind raced as I ran everything through my head time and time again, feeling uncertain that I would get my point across. Fear that they would revolt and more would get hurt just made all of my dizzying thoughts that much worse.
Gunther was the last to show. Slow and unsteady, he made his way in, Grey cradled in his arm. Everyone watched him expectantly, whispering about his injuries and the obvious duress tattooed all over his face.
Plain and simple, he looked terrible. The left side of his face was so swollen, his eye was sealed shut. Every movement was stiff and guarded. But he tried bloody hard to be strong for Grey and Josie. It killed me to see him in that state, fighting every physical desire to run and emotional strain to stay afloat.
Fractured Hearts (Shattered Lives, Book Three) Page 44
