Surrender to More

by Rachel De Lune

  “Are you going to be okay with this? Me coming to Solace with you?”

  She looks up with a start. “Yes, yes, of course.”

  “Good. Because you seem to be having a difficult time describing it to me.” This dynamic is new to our relationship. We’ve never gotten into the ins and outs of our sex lives. Not since she met Seb.

  “I’m sorry. It’s just a bit weird talking to you about it.”

  “I know hun. It’s not really a normal topic of conversation for us. How about you tell me what I need to know, and I can figure out the rest along the way. I’m a big girl. After all, you and Seb will be there.”

  “Great. Okay. Well, we’ll need to go through your wardrobe.”

  “But, I’ve already picked something.”

  “Seb made me wear next to nothing when I first went. It seems there is sort of a dress code. Revealing is number one on the criteria list.” She stands and picks up her drink. I follow as she leads us up to my room.

  “What were you going to wear?”

  I grab the silver top and skin tight trousers from the bathroom door. I show them to Izzy who scrunches her nose up.

  “No. You have great boobs. Show them off. Have you got a corset or something? Or a really low cut dress… lace…” She rummages in my wardrobe, chattering to herself. I sit on the bed and let her take the lead here. “Ooh!” She pulls out a red halter-neck dress I bought as part of a fancy dress costume but never wore. It’s low cut, thin and shows off my legs. Unfortunately, it also shows off my arse. “This is perfect. You can wear this.”

  “Are you sure?” It would be indecent to wear it out to a regular bar. Imagining Luc and the look in his eyes at what little I’m wearing convinces me the dress is the right choice.

  “I’m sure. Plus, you can wear your new shoes.” I only just avoid rolling my eyes at her. I enjoy playing dress up—that is until the shoes come out.

  “So what else do I need to know?”

  Izzy drops down on the bed where I’ve been sitting. “It’s likely you’ll see Luc with a sub, another woman. Seb also said he’s got a harsh side to him. He’s a hard core Dom.”

  “Meaning?”

  “He likely uses edge play. It’s more advanced and can include knives, fire, electricity, or he’ll mess with your head. He’ll likely inflict pain, and he’ll enjoy it.” My stomach takes a dive at the prospect of being hurt.

  “Does Seb hurt you?” My voice carries shock that Seb might hurt Izzy.

  “No! Seb’s not a sadist. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t do things that make me wince. It’s everything I want in a sexual context. If you’ve not thought about this stuff before, it might be a hard concept to grasp. I love it when Seb spanks me.”

  “Like in an ‘I’ve been naughty; you need to punish me’ way?” I offer the closest analogy to help with my confusion.

  “Yes, for now, that will work. Everything Seb does to me, I want. I trust him and he trusts me. The same will be for whoever is playing with Luc. You usually negotiate and talk about what things you like and don’t like before playing together. What your limits are and what you want to try.”

  “Okay. So I’ll have to talk about what I want to do with Luc?” I try and get the rules right. It seems there are a set of guidelines I need to follow. The thought is strangely erotic. I’d much rather show him what I’d like, but it seems that isn’t the way.

  “You still want to go and see him? He doesn’t know you’re coming.”

  “I know. I still want to go.” It wasn’t a lie, as I did want to see him. I was just a hell of a lot more concerned about exactly what I’d see, when I got there.

  Nearly an hour after getting into the car, we stand outside the entrance to Solace. The dark cloak of night has concealed the building, and only a few lights guide our steps to the door. I had to cling to Izzy as we crossed the drive. The heels she chose for me are decidedly dangerous, and I’m nowhere near stable on my feet. The dress is as minimal as I remember, barely covering my arse. To my shock, Izzy is completely without underwear, but reassured me I can keep mine on.

  A heavy oak door opens, and Izzy leads us inside. Sheer decadence springs to mind as I take in the reception. A polite ‘butler’ of sorts, takes our coats and I stay next to Izzy as Seb leads the way. He escorts us to a small bar that’s hidden behind a thick curtain of velvet. Stately manor chairs and upholstery fill the small area and Seb seats us on a Chesterfield sofa before leaving.

  “Where’s he going?” I whisper to Izzy. She’s not said a word to me since we arrived and a knot of nerves have woven themselves together in my stomach.

  “To get drinks. This will be the last alcohol for the night.”

  “Why are we in the bar? I thought you said there was a playroom?” My nerves about visiting the rest of Solace combine with anticipation at seeing Luc and have made me a jittery wreck.

  “I think Seb’s going to explain some things first.”

  “You said he wouldn’t interfere.” Having the rules explained to me by Seb makes me feel like a child.

  “And he’s not. Look,” she turns to face me, “Seb’s looking out for you, and this is his world. His and mine, now. Just… I know you’re a big girl, but you might need a few pointers here.”

  I’m embarrassed by my poor behaviour. She’s right. This is completely new to me. I should be grateful for the help they are offering. “I’m sorry, Iz.”

  “It’s great that you’re excited.” She smiles and reaches for my hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. She looks up as Seb brings three glasses and places them on the table in front of us. I gulp the fizzy liquid, thankful for one last dose of Dutch courage.

  Seb takes the seat opposite our sofa. His eyes are trained on me, and I feel the need to cower under them. My body naturally shrinks from his stare. Get a grip, Jess. I pull myself straight in my chair and meet his gaze, determination holding me in place.

  “Interesting. Jess, Isabel has told me she’s explained some of the elements pertaining to a Dominant/submissive relationship. She’s also told you about Solace.”

  “Yes.”

  “Good. For someone who hasn’t shown an interest in this type of relationship until recently, some of the things you might see will shock you. I ask that you respect that people are here of their own free will and desire. You will not interfere with anything you see, and you will observe only—no comments. Do you understand?” The depth and strength of his voice assured there would be only one answer from me.

  “Yes. I understand.”

  “Good. You are here as my guest. If anyone approaches you or you feel uncomfortable, tell me immediately. Isabel asked me not to… intervene tonight. I won’t. But likewise, I won’t let you and Isabel walk around on your own.” The heat in his eyes turns scorching as he looks over at Izzy. She lowers her head and fidgets in her seat.

  “Drink your drinks and we’ll head down.”

  My glass has numbed my palms where I’ve clutched it throughout Seb’s talk. After another large gulp, I set the glass back down and avoid wiping my hands over my thighs to dry them. Izzy is far more relaxed in her actions. Her fidgeting gives away her nervous excitement.

  A slow minute creeps by and the longer we sit, the faster my heart beats and the louder it rings in my ears. Finally, Seb stands and assists Izzy up. I stand, balance in my heels and then ease around the sofa. Seb whispers something in Izzy’s ear, and she slows down to walk with me.

  We had the bar area to ourselves, and other than the butler, I’ve not seen anyone else. We walk a few feet from the bar, and I see what Izzy meant by lots of different areas. It’s such a fun idea to have small intimate rooms to meet people. I peer in as we walk past an area filled with cushions. My steps slow to a halt. Two men are sitting on stools at the far end. They match in their dark trousers and white shirts. A woman is sprawled out in front of them. Her legs are spread wide, pegged open by the legs of the stools.

  I feel Izzy’s hand on the base of my back pushing m
e past the scene, and I tilt my head away, guilty about wanting to see what would happen next. Izzy’s hand leaves my back and wraps around my hand. She intertwines our fingers and I feel the edge of nerves rescind as her presence sings through my body.

  We approach a grand archway which opens to a spiral staircase leading down. The stone and black iron work is menacing in comparison to the previous indulgent interior and sends a shiver dancing up my exposed back. Seb continues his path down the stairs, and I force myself to calm my breathing. Izzy’s hand is firmly in mine. Our descent is steady, but I feel like I’m entering a new world. The underworld. I giggle at my own dramatics. The relief is needed. We turn left when we reach the bottom and walk along a dimly lit corridor. In front of us is a set of frosted glass doors. The atmosphere is heavy, like an invisible fog hangs in the air. Another ‘butler’ opens the doors for us, and Seb strides through without a glimpse backward. The music hits me as we step from stately home to basement of sin. Izzy has to tug my arm to get me to move my feet. One step after the other, we drift deeper into the room. Wooden and padded benches are positioned off to one side where a section of wall is decorated with what looks like whips. Izzy’s words about ‘pain’ and ‘hurting’ spring to mind, and I force my eyes to focus on anything but them.

  Seb seems to make a tour of the room. He slows as we approach a stage. In full shadow, there isn’t anything to watch. You can’t miss the imposing black crosses that tower over the floor. The two structures seem to emerge from the darkness like a threatening force. I feel small against them, vulnerable. Feeling vulnerable was something I associated with the days after Daniel left me. Ice chills my excitement and straightens my spine. I won’t feel helpless again. The resolve built over the years to protect my heart hardens in place as we walk past. With my head up, I can’t escape seeing the scattering of figures that occupy the room. A man stands next to a padded bench with a woman draped over it, her arse clearly on display. To the other side of me, a few tables and chairs are arranged in view of the stage and the massive four poster bed seems tucked away in the corner of the room.

  Seb pauses and nods to an empty chaise which Izzy immediately walks towards and sits down. From our position, I can see the man we just passed is playing with the woman’s arse. The ‘slap’ as his hand connects with her skin makes me jump, and my heart kicks up in response. The man’s attention turns to me, and I snap my head around to find Seb, embarrassed at being caught watching.

  “Where’s Seb going?” I mumble, confused by his disappearing figure. Her gaze follows him.

  “I think he’s going to see where Luc is.” At the mention of his name, I strain my neck to see if I can see him. Nothing.

  “Do we wait here?”

  “Yes. So, what do you think?” She turns and waits for my response. I look around the room we’ve circled. The thuddy beats from the music vibrate through my feet. The heavy bass thickens the air, and together with the dim lights casts shadows, transforming the room into an intimidating space.

  “It’s not the easiest place to relax in.” I lean towards her so she can hear me. “Does it get busier?” After my initial embarrassment, I tried not to look at the individuals playing around the room.

  “Yes, anytime now the floor will start to pick up. We’ve always come early. Seb doesn’t like too much attention.” She smiles as she informs me. Izzy settles back into the chaise. The splits on the side of her skirt give her plenty of movement. She reveals an expanse of creamy pale thigh as she crosses her legs. I sit back, too, and at least try to relax.

  We wait. The passage of time is marked by the repeated slap of skin on skin, and the increasing volume of lust and pleasure from the couple we saw at the bench. Her cries have been growing in line with my excitement. I’m at war with myself, desperate to turn around to see what the man is doing that has his woman sounding so vocal and so desperate. My eyes stay rooted to the corner and the bed. If I blushed, I’d be the same bright red shade Izzy so often turns. Yet here she is, relaxed and confident. She’s not fidgeting or looking around.

  More noise and more people fill the room. I can’t fight my curiosity any longer, and I glance around the room once more. The row of benches we passed when we first entered is now busy with people in various positions. A few other men sit waiting in front of the stage area.

  Two scantily clad women walk past and sit at a tall table off to one side of us. A few more people drift in and my excitement begins to sour, turning back into a tight ball of nerves. Perhaps this wasn’t such a great idea. The busier it gets, the more uneasy I feel. I’m very much out of my comfort zone.

  “Izzy, I’m… starting to feel uncomfortable. Seb’s been gone a long time, and there’s no sign of Luc.” I stand up and look around to orientate myself to make a swift exit.

  “Jess, wait.”

  I turn back towards her and catch Seb walking over to us. I abruptly sit back down, not wanting to be seen giving up. Seb stands over us and greets Izzy with a caress of her cheek. She melts, her body softening to his touch.

  “I’ll leave you two here. I’ll be nearby.” He bends and kisses Izzy and then walks off into the dim of the room. I turn and watch his back disappear. It doesn’t escape my notice the two woman sitting near us also watch him walk off. A snowball’s chance in hell, ladies. I smile to myself, happy in the confidence that Seb is it for Izzy and vice-versa. No doubts, no fears. Trust and love. At least my friend has found that.

  The stage is now lit along with the two black crosses. The sturdy wooden ‘Xs’ each hold a woman captive. Shadows creep from the stage to the few people gathered to watch. A mountain of a man paces between the two women carrying a whip-like thing in his hand. I turn away, nervous about what I will witness next.

  The couple on the bench from earlier are still there, only now, the man’s hips thrust his cock violently into her mouth. My eyes move from one sexual act to another, but I struggle to find the appeal in this environment.

  As I scan the area, my gaze falls on Luc. He stalks around the four poster bed. He pauses at the side to provide a perfect profile of his features. His hair looks slick. Wet. The arms of his shirt are turned up showing his muscled forearms. He’s gorgeous. The sight of him scatters all my anxieties like leaves in the wind. I want to go to him—to speak to him—but I follow his line of sight and see a naked woman standing, her wrists bound to the corner post of the bed. The jealously that flashed through me at Izzy’s party returns with a vengeance. This mousey little woman holds all of Luc’s attention, and I hate that it causes me to feel this much.

  I look closely at the bound woman. Her legs are wide, her arms pulled high above her head and secured to the corner post. Her body quivers, shaking slightly in her heels. Luc steps into my field of vision and gropes at her breasts. I can’t hear over the music, so my mind provides the low moans I imagine her to make under his touch. I want to look away, I don’t like the heat rising from my core. He tweaks her nipples and the low light catches the glint of something metallic in his hand.

  “He’s putting nipple clamps on her,” Izzy whispers. He steps away and I see a chain of silver running between her breasts. Luc prowls around her, his back to us, before he pulls on the chain and her face contorts in pain. I squirm in my seat, heat turns to a dull ache between my legs.

  Luc stands in front of her for several moments and blocks my view of what he’s doing. He bends his head towards her, and she tips hers back in response. My imagination fills in the blanks—Luc’s hands teasing her pussy and playing with her exposed clit. The fingers I want teasing my skin now tease hers.

  At the sight, red-tinged anger clouds my vision and mingles with jealousy, and my gut hurts. I wasn’t prepared for this sort of reaction tonight. It’s not what he’s doing to her that bothers me, but that he’s doing it to her and not me. My blood heats in my veins. My body betrays my mind as I witness this… scene.

  Izzy takes my hand again. “You okay? We don’t have to stay. I can see you’re not enjoyi
ng this.”

  “No, it’s fine. Really, I want to stay.” I grit the words out past the lump that’s formed in my throat. I can’t admit to her the full reason behind not wanting to leave. I want to see what he does to this little woman so I can imagine it’s me the next time. But, then again, Izzy would understand.

  “Izzy, I don’t think I can leave yet. I want to… see what he does with her.”

  “Okay. We can leave whenever you want.”

  Luc steps away from the woman, who now looks loose limbed and relaxed, no more quivering. He bends to pick up something by the side of the bed. He holds a thin wooden stick, swishing it next to his legs. It looks like a cane. Fear slices me. My nerves are back, and my heart beats a staccato pulse in my chest.

  “You said this was agreed, that she wants this?” I ask Izzy, scared of what he could do with the weapon.

  “Yes, Jess. Watch, you’ll see.”

  Luc has untied the woman and positioned her over the foot of the bed. Her arse provides a great target for his cane. He leans over her body and runs his free hand up and down her back. My mind is caught in a tug-of-war between fearing what will happen, and being turned on by the thought of Luc doing these things to me.

  His arm rises and his hand slaps her bum. He repeats the action a few more times before swapping his hand for the cane. He runs the wood across her skin, like a ritual, accustoming her to the feel. His gentle touch betrays his intentions. I can’t stop my flare of heat, imagining the connection he’s creating between them. I can see the trust. I want to feel that.