“Oh, fuck, yes!” I cry. He pumps his fingers in and out. My pussy contracts around him and spurs me toward release. But as soon as he starts, he stops and withdraws.
“No, I want to come, Luc.”
“You’re not begging enough, Princess, and you’re not nearly as marked as I’d like.” The wheel runs over my other nipple harder and quicker than the first time, and I cry in pain. Sharp and hot, I imagine the tiny spikes breaking through my skin to draw blood. My gasps grow loud and urgent. My cries of pain must affect Luc.
I widen my legs, indicating my desperation for some sensation to carry me over the edge. The wheel moves to the other nipple, and he increases the pressure again. The lines feel like individual slashes over my chest. My skin is alive and screaming as he runs the torture device across me again.
“Yellow… Luc, yellow.”
“Good, baby. Talk to me. How do you feel?”
“I… I liked it at first, but the pressure got too much. It feels like you’re going to make me bleed.”
“Don’t worry. I’d never intentionally break your skin. You have some beautiful track marks over your breasts, but that’s all.” His lips wrap around one nipple, and he works to soothe it with the flat of his tongue. It sends my arousal hurtling through my limbs, stiffening my muscles and coiling in my stomach ready to explode into orgasm.
“I’m going to come, I want to…. Fuck, Luc…” My mouth spits out desperate pleas as heat from Luc’s lips turns my sensitive skin red hot. I feel each slide of his tongue as if against my clit.
“I’m coming… yes!” Luc bites down on my nipple as he thrusts his fingers back into my waiting pussy to draw out every spasm. The pain morphs and I’m left only with a heady, all-encompassing pleasure that sinks bone deep. I breathe deeply and all my senses return to normal. I’m still sheltered with my blindfold offering me safety, but the darkness brings anticipation. “You still with me, Princess?” The bed dips and I feel Luc move before his body rocks next to me.
“Mmm-hmm.”
“We’re not through yet.” I smile at his words. “I want you sore and aching. I want you coming all over my cock as I bury it inside you.”
He manoeuvres around me and grips my legs. “Take your blindfold off. I want to look at you as I make you come this time.” My hands fly to the silk and push it from my face. Luc is kneeling between my legs, towering over my body. I want to look down at my chest to check it’s not, in fact, bleeding, but I stay focused on Luc.
He’s gloriously naked, his cock thick and hard. I feel like a small animal trapped by a predator. Only I want to be caught, and I want to feel the consequences of what Luc will do to me.
He grips his shaft and with a pull of my thigh, yanks me closer to him. He swipes the head of his dick through my sensitive flesh and nudges my opening. He thrusts hard and to the hilt, giving me no time to get used to him. My body tenses and I gasp. My head tilts back as I become accustomed to the intrusion.
“There you go, Princess. Look at me. Deep breath. I’m going to fuck you until you can’t walk, and you’ll be begging me to come. Watch me. I want you to watch as I fuck your gorgeous body. Don’t take your eyes off of me, understand?”
I nod and take a deep breath, but it doesn’t help. My body is wound tight, and the eye contact between us heightens that. He draws out before slamming in. A small moan jolts from my lips and Luc smiles at the sound.
“Your body is perfect for me. You’re soft and pliant, but tight as a fucking vice around my cock. Your skin marks vibrantly and sets my blood pounding in my dick. Did you know you had that effect on me? Hmm. Did you know how hard you make me, or how crazy, with your stupid behaviour?” I shake my head but keep eye contact.
He finds his rhythm, and I have no doubt he’ll be able to hold off his climax better than me. His hands lift my hips, and he pulls me even closer to him, ensuring there isn’t anything between us. The base of his cock begins to rub at my clit, and I can feel the tingling start to build, travelling down to my toes and through my body. It’s not fair. He’s barely got started, and I’m already feeling my climax whisk me up.
“Slow down, Luc. I don’t want to come yet.”
“Sorry, Princess. That’s not your call.”
“But I want you to enjoy this. I want you to be desperate to come like I’m desperate to come.” I try and grind down on his upward motion, and his fingers dig into my thighs in response.
“Do you think… that this is easy… for me?” He ensures every pause is accentuated with a slow rotation before he continues to pound into me. “I want to come just as badly, sweetheart. But you said you wanted to get lost in me. So that’s what you’re going to do. Get lost in me.” His eyes are sincere, and I focus on the pleasure he’s building in my body. I let my mind drift, and my body take over, and I prepare for the eventual lightning to hit. He doesn’t rush or race but keeps up his pace so I’m moaning out his name and desperate to close my eyes. I force them to stay open, and the parts of my soul that have remained hidden for years, finally connect to someone else.
My breath catches, and the intensity from Luc sets pleasure and emotion charging through my body. It’s not enough though, and that beautiful release is a fraction out of reach. “I… need… you...” I cry with hunger in my voice. “Please. Take me… make me come.”
Luc slams into me and releases a guttural, rugged noise that is erotic and animalistic. One hand loosens its grip, rubs my clit, and sends me flying. My orgasm rips into me. Blackness claims me once again, and I’m aware only of Luc. A few more thrusts and he stills.
The air is thick with our mingled breaths. My heart thumps in my head. Satisfaction coats me like the sheen of sweat chilling my body. I can’t compare Luc to any of my past lovers. He is more intense, more intimate, more meaningful—just more. Luc untangles his limbs from mine and lays his arm to the side in a silent invitation to cuddle up. I excuse myself to the bathroom before returning to take up my position in Luc’s arms. Before either of us had a chance to say anything, I’ve drifted into a fulfilled and contented sleep.
New Year’s Eve was over before I knew it, and I was back to struggling with figures and staffing cuts at work—that and my growing connection to Luc. It had been so long since I’d been in a proper relationship—been a proper couple—that everything we did felt new and exciting. But, I struggled with old fears. Things were still strained with Mum. With New Year and having to head back to work, I hadn’t seen them to clear the air. I take my phone out and call home.
“Hello.”
“Hello, Mum. How are you?”
“Oh Jess, good. I was hoping we’d hear from you. Did you have a good New Year? I’m surprised we didn’t see you.”
“Yes, thank you. I’ve been busy with work. I was calling to see if lunch was still on for Sunday?”
“Yes and I’m glad you weren’t keeping away. James is going to be coming for lunch on Sunday. Something about seeing us while he has the time. But I need you there. I need us to talk him out of this ridiculous decision of his.”
“Mum, it’s not ridiculous. It’s a very valid decision for him.”
“Jessica, if you ever become a mother, you’ll understand, but please believe me when I say having your son living on the other side of the world isn’t a good decision for anyone.” Her comment hurts more than I want it to. Children were far from any image of a future I had, so why did it sting?
“He’s not going to change his mind. It’s not something we can control.”
“I need you to be on our side, Jess.” I close my eyes and let out a silent sigh. She’s not going to let this go.
“And what do you expect me to say, hmm? He’s a grown man. He can do what he likes. He said he wasn’t going to change his mind.”
“Will you be there to support us or not?” Her shrill tone cuts through the line, and I know I can’t win this. On either front.
“Yes, fine. I’ll be there, but I’m going to say this. Trying to intervene isn’t g
oing to change anything. James has always done what he wants to. It would be easier all around if you accepted it. He won’t thank you for what you’re doing.”
“Jessica I can’t be fighting with both my children. I’m going to see you on Sunday and hope you’re going to be in a better frame of mind.” She hangs up, and I’m left stunned.
A year ago the only drama I had in my life consisted of how regularly I made it to the gym or what to wear out for the night. Now I have more drama than Izzy. No, perhaps not that much.
I lie on the sofa and try to focus on the rest of the week. Somehow, I needed to make it through to Saturday. Then I’d get to see Luc. At Solace. We were going to Solace. He wanted to show me off. That thought brings an elated smile to my face despite the sour conversation with my mother.
Four more days. Just four more days.
I was glad to be home. The last few days have been intense, and right now my head was split between concentrating on work and Luc. That had never happened before. It was usually so easy for me to compartmentalise. Luc broke through all the walls in my heart and my mind as if they were built with nothing other than straw. He certainly was the big bad wolf when he wanted to be.
Two more days and I could enjoy being out with Luc.
I dig out a frozen meal and put it in the oven before flopping down on the sofa. My mood allowed for nothing else tonight. I was emotionally and mentally exhausted. It was as if someone had flicked the emotion switch to “on” and now I was susceptible and vulnerable to feeling everything. It had been a couple of days since I last saw Luc, and my mind was having difficulty reconciling what my heart felt. A big part of me missed him already. I wanted to be around him, spend time with him and enjoy his company. But the longer apart, the more negative thoughts plagued me. I’d promised Luc I’d stop playing games. I’d spoken to Dr. Cross about how I wanted to move on. Neither stopped the fear, though—the uncertainty of the new and unknown.
My phone buzzes.
Thought I could take you for drinks tonight.
I’m just finishing work. Luc
Do you mind if I rain check? I’ve just got in and I’m shattered. We have Solace on Saturday to look forward to. Jess
I wait for his reply, but it doesn’t come. After the week I’ve been having, I’d be rotten company, and I don’t want to spoil things when they are going so well. The buzzer from the oven sounds and I go and dish up my not-so-homey cottage pie. I sit at the kitchen table, picking at my dinner.
A knock at the door forces my lethargic body to move. I open it to find Luc standing on my doorstep holding a bottle of wine.
“I thought I would bring drinks to you.” His simple comment makes my heart melt, and I tap down the annoyance that he turned up unannounced.
“That’s kind of you. Come in.” I walk through to the kitchen and find two wine glasses to set on the table. I must look a tired mess, but I force myself not to worry about that now.
“Have you eaten?” Luc asks as he casts his eyes on my lonely ready meal for one. I shrug and tilt my head to the side. I didn’t want to explain my poor cooking habits.
“So not a great day then?” He opens the wine and pours two glasses of chilled white. “Cheers.”
“Cheers.” We clink and I sit back at the kitchen table. Luc joins me. I sit, waiting to relax but I can’t.
“Not a great day. Thank you for the wine. I did plan on a quiet night in.”
“And that means alone?” His brows knit together as if I just said something offensive to him
“Well, yes, I’m sorry. I am used to being alone. It’s not in my nature to think of company. I have missed you, though.” I hide the defensive retort with honesty, but wish I’d led with the missing you part. I wanted to enjoy Luc’s visit, but there was something in the way he held himself that told me I wasn’t going to be too happy with him. “I wanted to see you. You know I get my own way. I’m glad you missed me.”
“Not in everything, Luc.” I counter, far from willing to indulge his belief.
“Well, no. You do like to challenge a man.” He smiles, but it doesn’t have the usual effect on me.
“I’m sorry, but can you cut to it. I thought you’d come for a drink, but I have a feeling you have an ulterior motive.” I take a large sip of the wine, ignoring my dinner completely.
“I wanted to see how you reacted to me coming over.”
“And I thought we weren’t playing games anymore?”
“We’re not.”
“I didn’t realise it was against the rules to have a bad day and want to have a quiet evening.” I snatch up my wine and walk off to the front room.
I knew my bad mood was souring everything that came out of my mouth.
“Jess, is it too much to ask you might be pleased to see me? Glad I thought about popping over to see you? I’m demanding and controlling and dominant, yes, but I also want to make sure my sub is happy and doesn’t need anything. You’ve had a bad day, and I want to be there for you.”
“It was nice of you to come over, and I did miss you,” I say, feeling like the ultimate bitch. I sit on the sofa feeling the weight of the situation push me down into the cushions.
“Right. Now we’ve got that cleared up…” He sits down next to me. “I want you to enjoy my company. I want you to look forward to seeing me.” He pulls me towards him. My body is rigid with tension. Luc’s right. I shouldn’t be so cross he’s dropped in. Just earlier, I was thinking how much I wanted to give this a go and enjoy him. Now he’s here. We spend more time arguing than anything else. Apart from sex. We argue and have sex. Head and heart.
“You’re still fighting. You haven’t let me in. You need to cut that shit out. Trust and honesty. Both are going to be needed on Saturday, Princess. Think about it.” He kisses the top of my head in a soft gesture—a complete contrast to his words. I snuggle into him, scared of what my voice will betray if I try to speak. Guilt and fear lodge themselves in my throat, closing in around me like shadows at dusk. I concentrate on Luc’s chest rising and falling until calm begins to sweep over me. He reaches for the end of the sofa and picks up the remote control to switch on the television.
“Just so we’re clear, I’m not prepared to make an appointment to see you. If you want that, you can find someone else. We’re way past that, and I thought you’d admitted that.” He keeps his eyes on the rugby game he’s flicked on.
“Okay,” I whisper, trying to bury deeper into his side.
Tonight was a wake-up call. Luc was getting tired of pandering to my insecurities and issues. Time to let my heart rule and really, truly let him in. If that meant on his terms rather than mine, I guess I needed to get used to it.
The knock at the door pulls me away from my computer, and I answer it. Luc’s standing on the doorstep looking expectantly at me. Deja vu hits me, leaving me startled.
“I’m sorry, did I get the days wrong?” I ask, confused he’s turned up here. Again.
“No. I thought we’d agreed I didn’t have to schedule every time we saw each other.”
“Hey, if you’re going to be like that again, you can turn around, and we’ll pick up tomorrow.” My arms cross over my chest defensively.
“Easy, Princess. I didn’t come here to fight. I thought it would be a good idea to talk about tomorrow. About some of the expectations. Can I come in?” I open the door and let him in.
Yesterday had taught me not to lead with my initial reactions so heavily. They were the ones that got me in trouble, and I needed to take an extra five seconds to think my first words over before letting them fly from my mouth.
I lead him into the front room and take a seat on the sofa. I shake off the frosty reception and think about Solace.
“Before we go to Solace, we need to talk about your preferences. Your limits.”
“Limits? What do you mean?” I ask, suddenly out of my depth in a conversation that only started two seconds ago.
“They are a set of boundaries you give to me. As you
r Dominant, they will guide me in how we play. Things you don’t want to try are hard limits. Things you might be open to but are unsure of are soft. Do you have anything you’d like to add as a hard or soft limit?” His voice is clinical, cool, as if we’re discussing where we’re going for dinner, not what sexual activities I’ll allow him to explore with me or not.
“Honestly? I’m not sure about what options could be on the list. I mean I know what we’ve already done together, but I’m sure there are things I’ve never considered before that could both appeal or disgust. I’m sort of in your hands. Just… please don’t be nasty to me, humiliate me or treat me like some slut. That would be a hard limit.” My mind pictures a flash of scenarios where Luc is picking on me, calling me names, degrading me in front of a room full of people and it turns my stomach.
“Okay then. We’ll stick to the red, yellow and green system. Anything you saw at Solace that you didn’t like?”
“Solace was intimidating. It wasn’t a place I wanted to stay. Until I saw you, that is. I know that sounds like a cliché, but it’s true.”
“That’s good to know. I won’t let you out of my sight. Understand?”
“Yes.”
“Wear the red dress. The one you wore the first night. You looked utterly sexy. That’s how I want you to feel being my sub walking into Solace. I’ll pick you up at 8:00 p.m. and we’ll eat there.” His finger traces the side of my face offering reassurance.
“Eat?” How is he going to expect me to concentrate on food before going to Solace? Just talking to him has turned my knickers damp.
“Yes. Why?”
“Can we skip the eating part? I know I’ll be too nervous for food.”
“Nervous? Or excited?”
“Both.”
“That’s better. Yes, we can skip the food.” He smiles and I get back to going over all of the possibilities in my mind.
“You know I’ve got the whole of tomorrow to anticipate what will happen. It’s going to be hard to concentrate.”
Surrender to More Page 18
