by Jayne Blue
“Right. Well, I’m going to suggest you start trying to figure that out. I don’t know what the deal is about this ex of hers. The fact that he showed up here worries me. But I spent some time with her. That girl isn’t like the others you’ve been with, Ben. I think she might be the one. If she is, and you screw it up, you need to understand that I may have to actually kill you. You get that right?”
“Oh don’t worry,” Joey chimed in. “I’ll take care of that. I mean it, bro.”
I threw up my hands and leaned against the counter. “So what do you suggest I do?”
Janet smiled. She put a light hand on my chest and went up on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek. It was hard to stay mad at her when she did that. Hard, but not impossible. She caught the fire in my eyes and backed off a little.
“First, I think you need to call her and apologize.”
“For what?”
“Doesn’t matter,” Joey shouted. “Just get used to it. You’ll save yourself a hell of a lot of aggravation.”
“You just zip it,” Janet countered. “No. I mean sincerely apologize. I love you to pieces, but you have a bad habit of flying off the handle and blowing shit out of proportion. She maybe didn’t need you beating on her ex right off the bat. Now, if she kicked him to the curb after you left, he might not have any reason left not to head straight to police headquarters and report you. Jesus and Mary, what a mess. You should have let her handle the guy, Benny. Best-case scenario: she’s gonna have to sweet talk this asshole.”
“He put his hands on her!” Joey shouted to my defense.
“Fine,” Janet said. “Still, you probably scared the hell out of her. Apologize for that and make sure she’s okay.”
“Then what?”
“Then ask her out, you dope. And do yourself a favor and try to spend some time with her in a vertical position!”
Joey laughed. “You know Jan, there’s a lot …”
This time, she threw a plate warmer at him. He dodged just in time.
“Ask. Her. Out.” Janet turned back to me. “If she says no, well, then just leave it. At least it’ll be her making the choice and not you. You’re less likely to catch trouble at work that way. Then, if things progress, you’re going to have to figure out a way to deal with her father. I’m going to strongly suggest you look to her for guidance on that. Don’t just go charging into the man’s office and stake your claim.”
My head started to throb. I pressed my thumb to my brow. “You’re killing me with this.”
Janet’s soft laughter against my shoulder had a calming effect. I gave her a quick hug. “I love you, Benny,” she said. “This is progress. You know that, right?”
“Hmm. Don’t get used to it.”
That night, I slept in my old room above the kitchen. I hadn’t done that for years. I had a lot to think about and being here with the smell of Janet’s cooking and the commotion of the kids when they all started to stir soothed me somehow. But as good as that all felt, Charlotte wouldn’t leave my mind.
Did I love her? Is that why she made me so miserable? God help us both if I did. A cross hung over my bed and I reached up and fingered it. A small, white plastic statue sat perched on my nightstand just like it had been since my Confirmation. I picked it up.
“I suppose you have something to say too, don’t you?”
Saint Christopher’s hollow eyes stared straight forward. His nose was cracked from when I threw him at Michael. Remembering it now made a bitter laugh bubble up in my chest. Fucking Janet. Just like my mom’s did, her observations about my soul skewered me every time. I said a prayer I hadn’t uttered in over twenty years. I figured it couldn’t hurt. Then I turned out the lights. I meant to wait until the morning to call her. Janet and Joey were right. Giving Charlotte a chance to cool off would have been the safe, sensible thing. But the minute I’d made up my mind about her, I couldn’t wait another second. The moon still hung high and bright when I threw off the covers, grabbed my clothes, and headed back out into the rain.
I just hoped I hadn’t screwed things up beyond repair.
Chapter Fifteen
Charlotte
It took more than an hour to get the bleeding to stop on the bad cut above Craig’s eye. It needed stitches, but he refused to go. To some degree, that made things easier. If he went to the hospital, they might be compelled to report it. Then it would get back to my father in a hot minute. At the moment, handling the temper of two men was all I could deal with; I didn’t need to add Dad’s to the mix.
“That’s who you’re spending your time with?” Craig asked as he held a bag of frozen peas to his eye. His voice had a honking, nasal quality on account of the swelling at the bridge of his nose. The good news was, I was fairly certain it wasn’t broken.
“You don’t get to ask me that, Craig. In fact, you pretty much lost all right to interfere in my life the second you decided to fuck half the waitresses at every truck stop along I-75. Do you have any idea how humiliating it was to have your little video sent to everyone I work with?”
Craig pulled the bag away from his face and tried to smile at me. With his eye nearly swollen shut his attempt at charm just looked pathetic. “Baby, I’ve been trying to tell you. That was nothing. It happened over a year ago. Since we got engaged there’s been nobody but you in my life. I swear to God.”
“You might want to watch that,” I said, smashing the bag back to his face. “He’s already got lightning whipped up outside.”
Craig reached for me and I pulled away. My anger toward Ben simmered just below the surface. If he hadn’t escalated this, I would have made Craig leave right away. Now I had to sit here and find a diplomatic way to get him to cool off and head back to Florida without doing any more damage to me or Ben’s career. So far, he’d agreed. I had to promise to hear him out, but he said he wouldn’t try to file charges.
“Aren’t you ever going to forgive me? I’ve said I’m sorry a thousand times. You’re being a child. Even your mother agrees with me.”
I slammed my fist against the kitchen table. “My mother doesn’t know the whole story. I didn’t tell her because I’m so damn sick of talking or thinking about it I didn’t see the point. She also has a bad habit of not keeping her mouth shut. Anyone who didn’t hear about how you humiliated me with the email blast she’d likely make up for on social media. But you have to stop this, Craig. It’s over. Permanently.”
Craig dropped the bag and took my hand. “I don’t believe that. You’re angry. You’re hurt. You’re entitled. But when you get some distance from that, you’ll see this is something we can overcome. It’s just a little speed bump. That’s all.”
I had a vision of running over Craig as though he were a speed bump. But that wasn’t helpful. I slid my hands out of his and squared my shoulders. “Craig, this isn’t what I want, okay? You aren’t what I want anymore. I have a life here; that is, I’m trying to build a life here. Coming out to Ohio has been good for me. I hadn’t realized how much time and effort I spent managing my mother or managing you for the sake of what I needed. If you ever cared about me, then I need you to respect that and move on with your life.”
I gave him what I thought was a reasonable, heartfelt answer. His face turned red and he slid his chair back hard enough that it knocked against the wall. “You’re so full of shit, Charlotte. This is about that guy, that fucking punk-ass maniac with a badge. I know you. You’re still trying to handle me because you don’t want me to make trouble for your boy toy. Did you fuck him? Did you tell your mother about that? I’m sure she’d have an earful for you. He’s a cop, Charlotte. You want to lower yourself for that knuckle dragger?”
“Craig, go home.” My jaw hardened and I had to focus on breathing before I lost my temper altogether. It was in me to remind him that my father was a cop. How had I never seen what an asshole this guy was before? I was beginning to think his side piece did me the biggest favor of my life when she sent out that email.
He got up. Craig had
never been violent or physically aggressive with me. His behavior in the living room when Ben was here had been an anomaly. But now, as he stood over me and planted his hands on either side of the table, caging me between them, I realized he had a deep, dark side that chilled me to my soul.
“You’re mine, Charlotte. You need to get that through your head.”
Just a year ago, I thought I loved this man. I’d been planning to spend the rest of my life with him and make him the father of my children. Now, as Craig stood over me with pure possessive hatred in his eyes, I realized just how big a mistake that would have been. I kept his stare. As my heart finally and completely hardened against him strength rose up where the smarter emotion might have been fear.
“Get out,” I said. My voice sounded so cold and distant. “Lose my number. Don’t come here. Don’t go anywhere near my mother again either. If you’re thinking of laying a hand on me, remember this. What happened with Ben was just the beginning. My father is the Chief of Police in this town. Head knuckle dragger, you might say. You won’t make it past the county line before something very bad happens to you. So choose your next actions wisely, Craig.”
He blinked. Seeing something in my eyes, his head jerked back and he straightened, taking his hands off the table. My heart thundered in my chest. Yes, I felt bold. But fear came roaring back in as Craig took a step back.
“Get out,” I said, pushing past that fear and rising to my feet. “The next time you try to contact me, I’ll assume you have bad intentions, Craig. You were lucky that your little truck-stop fling didn’t send that video to your senior partners. You come near me again, you so much as even think about dialing my number, I’ll make sure to ruin your career the same way she tried to ruin mine. They’re going to be voting on making you a partner this year, aren’t they? I’m sure your performance with, who was it, Therese, will make a great impression. Are we clear?”
All color drained from his face. He curled his fists to his side but didn’t make a move toward me. He believed me. Thank God, he finally believed me. My heart thundered behind my rib cage. We had the table and chairs between us; if he so much as breathed heavy, I could push them toward him, but I needed to be ready to run like hell. I saw him working it all out behind his eyes. His lips formed a thin, bloodless line.
Then my heart stopped as my cell phone rang. I’d left it on the kitchen table. It vibrated and Ben’s name popped up on the caller ID. Craig’s eyes flicked to it then widened.
“If I don’t answer that, you can expect two patrol cars here in about thirty seconds,” I said. Whether that was true or not, it only mattered that Craig believed it. The phone rang a second time.
Craig’s upper lip curled. “You’re making the biggest mistake of your life,” he said.
“Just go.”
I held myself steady for a second longer and it was enough. Craig grabbed his coat and stormed toward the front door. As he slammed it shut behind him, all the tension drained from my body and my knees went weak. Gripping the back of the chair, I held myself up and willed my breathing to slow. I stood there long after I heard Craig back out of the driveway and speed off down the street. He was gone. I’d called his bluff. If he was smart, he’d do exactly what I said and keep on driving. I kept my hands gripped on that chair back until my heart finally beat normally again. Then the doorbell rang and my stomach churned so fast I nearly threw up.
I went to the door and looked through the small grate at the top. Ben stood there, still wearing his SWAT shirt. Rain dripped down his face and plastered his dark hair to his forehead in jagged peaks.
My hands trembling, I opened the door. We stood there for a moment staring at each other. I had twin urges to kiss him and curse him. I didn’t get the chance to do either. Ben opened his mouth to say something, but seeing me, his face changed. He let out a hard breath and pain came into his eyes. Then he dropped to his knees and grabbed me around the waist, pulling me to him.
My breath left me. He clung to me so hard, his shoulders shook. I put my hands on his head, trying to wipe away the rain.
We stayed that way for at least a full minute before Ben finally rose. His red-rimmed eyes searched my face and the pain etched behind them gutted me. My lost boy. The thought ran through my head along with everything Janet had told me about him. He’d spent the last twenty years trying to save a woman beyond saving. My heart broke for him and I couldn’t bring myself to be mad at him.
“I’m sorry,” he finally said. “But when that asshole touched you like that, I lost it.”
Reaching up, I smoothed my fingers along his jaw. The muscle went hard and it took everything in me not to tilt my head up to kiss him. I wanted to save him. I wanted to take away that pained look in his eyes and be the safe harbor I knew he needed and damn the cost to myself.
“I know.”
The hint of a smile played at the corners of his mouth. It took me aback so I said so. “Is something funny?”
Ben reached up and closed his fingers around mine, kissing my hand before he pulled them away from his face. “No. It’s only I thought Joey was out of his mind when he said that would work.”
I slid my hands out of his and put them on my hips. Ben came fully into the living room and gently shut my front door. “Joey said what would work?”
Ben ran a hand through his soaked hair. Goosebumps covered his bare arms and I remembered he’d left his coat hanging on a hook near my back door before he stormed out of here.
“Don’t me mad,” he said. “I went to Joey and Janet’s to … well … lick my wounds. He told me I needed to apologize. When I asked him what for, he said it wouldn’t matter.”
I snorted a laugh. I didn’t know whether I still wanted to kiss him or throttle him. His answer to my next question might be the decider. “You don’t even know what you’re apologizing for? That kind of negates it, you know.”
Ben put his hands up in surrender. “Shit. No. I mean, I know. Dammit, I should have just kept my mouth shut. I told you, a bunch of people have reminded me this week about how bad I am at this. They were right. I am sorry. I’m sorry I scared you. I’m not entirely sorry I thumped your ex. I’ll do the same to anybody who ever tries to lay a hand on you or any woman like that. But like I said, I get that I might have fucked this up beyond repair.”
I had a thousand things I wanted to say to him. All of my reservations about who he was and what he did swirled in my head. None of it had changed. But I was weak. Craig had shaken me, badly. I hated needing Ben as much as I did then. It probably wasn’t fair to either of us because my doubts wouldn’t go away with just a kiss. But as he stood before me, dripping on my floor, looking vulnerable like he did, I found I wasn’t strong enough to send him away.
I went to him. Ben’s eyes widened as I slid my hands up his chest and went up on my tiptoes. “This is the worst idea I’ve probably ever had. But it’s been a very long day and right now I need a moment of weakness. If you don’t mind very much, I’d like to kiss you. If I do that, I’ll want the rest of it right after. It’s selfish of me. I’d kind of like to do something selfish though.”
Ben silenced me with the kiss I so desperately wanted. It was everything I needed and then some. My bones seemed to melt as he circled his arms around my waist and pulled me off my feet. He was so different from Craig and I hated that my mind made the comparison. It was as if everything that happened tonight cleared the last of the cobwebs in my mind about the choices I’d made. I’d tried to do the safe and logical things thinking that would spare me the heartaches my parents suffered.
There was nothing safe or logical about the way Ben made me feel. Heat shot straight through me, turning my insides molten as his kisses grew more urgent. His skin seared mine and I felt that familiar tug between my legs. I wrapped them around his waist as he took a halting step forward and had me pinned against the wall.
“Charlotte, God.” He whispered my name over and over as his hands roved beneath my shirt. My nipples peaked and he s
lid his fingers beneath my bra cups and rolled them. I groaned. Ben unfastened the front clasp and pushed my shirt up over my breasts, exposing them to the cold air and the soaked fabric of his own shirt. He tore his off and his flesh warmed mine.
With a skillful tug, Ben loosened the button on my pants. I dropped my legs long enough to wriggle out of them, then wound my legs around his waist again. He kept me off the ground with my back braced against the wall as he worked to open his jeans. I clawed at his waistband, desperate for the feel of him in my deepest places. He tore my panties aside. When his fingers found the hot cleft between my legs, I gasped. He worked my sensitive bud, commanding my arousal.
I reached for him, letting my fingers close around the pulsing steel shaft of his cock. I wanted him. God. I ached for him. He wrecked me for him to the point I couldn’t think straight. I didn’t want to think at all. When Ben opened me with two fingers I threw my head back and begged for more.
“Fuck,” he whispered against my cheek. “Why do I want you so bad?”
“Please!”
Ben slid inside of me, impaling me on him as I kept myself braced against the wall. I clawed at his back as he started his punishing, delicious rhythm. Desperate need poured out of me and I threw my head back, rutting with total abandon. With every thrust, he drove away all doubt. I wanted this. I wanted him. He was everything.
Ben tightened his arms around my waist and pulled me away from the wall. I clenched my thighs to keep myself seated as he carried me up the stairs and into my bedroom. Gasping, I told him which way to go. I laced my fingers through his hair and devoured him with hungry kisses, biting his bottom lip as he crashed through the door and we landed in a heap on the bed.
Somehow, we flipped and I ended up on top of him. Ben reached up and played with my nipples. I still had my shirt thrust up and my bra dangled but I didn’t care. This was dirty, raw, and just what we both needed. Ben let me ride him hard and deep. I clawed at him and threw my head back as I felt the first crashing waves of ecstasy. It consumed me, setting fire to my nerve endings. I bucked and writhed, riding him hard. I felt him twitch inside of me, his own desire rising to match mine.
