*improperly packed (not having adequate clothing, toiletries, etc); junk food wrapped in saran wrap, dirty clothes, suitcase stinking of cat urine
*you are a very serious alcoholic, drinking yourself to the point of passing out daily, with Manny in the home; Manny talks about it quite often, and it’s a sad thing for this kid to be in a home with an alcoholic father
*you're underemployed and you can't meet his basic needs
*you’ve admitted you weren’t giving the child proper care, and feeling guilty about your alcohol abuse
*your home has a pungent odor of urine and feces
*you have an unruly dog inside the home that is hyperactive, jumps, and bites
*you were dog-sitting when a dog squatted and urinated directly in front of Vince, his daughter, and yourself and you did absolutely nothing about it, no clean up
*you have torn up & soiled (animal urine & food stains) furniture and pieces of furniture lying about
*your floor is literally covered in animal dander
*you have food and dirty dishes all over the kitchen, and some dishes are covered in thick mold
*you yourself are typically unbathed, and wearing obviously dirty clothing on a regular basis which sends the wrong message to Manny
Additionally, when Vince and I picked up Manny at your home on June 9th Manny had defecated himself hours prior to us picking him up. When we got Manny in the car, we immediately smelled it. When we arrived to our hotel we changed his underwear. It was full of feces, and had already started to dry. It was obvious that he had been in that state for a long time. You were either completely unaware of Manny's state, or unconcerned. This is extremely unacceptable behavior. Also, you were very drunk when we arrived at your home (slurring words, unable to stand up straight, alcohol on your breath and coming out of your pores).
Apparently wetting/defecating himself is something that has been happening frequently. Manny told us that he does it sometimes, and sometimes you care, and sometimes you don’t. Since he has been in my care this has no longer been a problem.
A few more problems:
*you have told Manny that I am a "bad person that hurts people"
*you have told Manny that I am an "unsafe driver and need to go to school to learn to drive"
*you call me from time to time while drunk. You yell at me and call me vulgar names while Manny is in your home
*you are required to maintain health and dental insurance for Manny. You do not. Manny's only coverage is Medicaid, provided by the state of Utah and only effective in Utah. Anytime this child travels out of state, he has no health coverage whatsoever.
I knew something like this was going to happen. A feeling of panic came over me as I continued reading.
Manny also tells me that he prefers living with me and his step-dad. I am a stay-at-home mom, and here he has:
*structure, age appropriate chores and responsibilities, bedtime, etc…
*he eats nutritious home cooked meals every meal
*we buy him clothes, shoes, and toys
*he is groomed, provided with proper toiletries, and gets haircuts
*constant interaction, love, and attention.
*stimulation- we go swimming on a regular basis, take him to museums, outdoor activities, (nature walks, river, etc), play games, reading time
*extracurricular activities (Soccer- Vince will be coaching his team)
Matt, we’ve retained Counsel in Utah and are filing to modify the decree based on the sheer level of neglect we’ve observed. There is no doubt Manny is better off in Alabama with two parents who have the time, means, and energy to devote to him in every possible way. We can try to work things out between you and I so it saves us the time, heartache, and money that a custody challenge will cost. I will tell you that we are willing to see this through to the end no matter the cost; whether we hire a Guardian ad Litem (which you will most likely have to pay for half), travel back and forth from Utah, or anything in between I can assure you Manny‘s well-being is my primary concern and I will do what it takes to ensure he is no longer neglected. Any court will not look at the issues you have with Vince and I, but will focus on Manny’s welfare. I’m confident that an unbiased Judge will compare our two situations and adjudicate favorably for Manny, which is here in my care.
As a reminder, you have stated on multiple occasions that Vince is a great parent, and you trust him. He has been through a custody battle before, and understands the process (the time, money, and energy needed). He supports me because he truly believes Manny is better off under our care.
Any questions or issues that may arise from this email can be directed to my lawyer who is Cc’d. Unless, and I can't emphasize this enough, you have anything to say that is directly related to the day-to-day parenting of Manny do not address it with me or Vince; contact my lawyer.
- Jessica Jacobs
I was at a loss for words. Some of her points were valid, sort of. They had a basis in truth. My house was torn up. Manny did still have issues with potty training. I did tell Manny his mom needed to learn how to drive, but anyone who looked at her driving record could have told him that. Then there were her claims that I was a pass-out alcoholic. The woman with the DUI was accusing me of being an alcoholic.
Jessica suddenly went from being a drunken cheating whore (Vince’s words, not mine) to a standup caring parent. She also said that she was now living in a household without alcohol, and she continued on to say that Manny had nutritious meals every day and went on nature walks all of the time. I didn’t know who this person was, but it wasn’t Jessica. Jessica wouldn’t even know how to spell “adjudicate,” let alone put it in a proper sentence.
I went into martial arts that night furious. I needed to break something. My instructor gave me the hardest board possible to break. “Break it, Matt." Veteran members of the class looked on as a white belt was stepping up to break a board that some of them couldn’t break. “Matt has something to prove. Break it, with a punch." I didn’t break it. I hurt my knuckles instead. I tried again and succeeded. I didn’t feel any better though. Now my knuckles just hurt and I was still pissed off.
I would like to call it good timing, but it was really a result of months of work. I found another job. I went in for the interview and aced it. When would I be able to start? Immediately. The job offer came in and I cleaned up my desk, ready to abandon my life as a recruiter. I composed a scathing email to my boss citing the sexual harassment and other blatant violations of basic laws to protect employees. I put my things in my bag. I hit the “send” button and then walked out. I was to start my new job after the weekend.
I collected all of the coins I had in my coin jar and paid for gas so I could drive to work. This new place was six miles away from my house, much further than the two miles I was used to. I couldn’t ride my bike any more. Life was changing again, but at least I was making more money again. My new salary was still not as much as I was making when I was married to Jessica, but as least I was moving up in the world.
On Father’s Day I checked my mail. I was hoping to find something from Manny. There was nothing from him. There was a card from my mother and a card from Courtney. This was our first contact in months since I had dropped her off at the airport. I first tried calling Manny to talk to him for Father’s Day. Jessica had shut her phone off. I tried again later and it was still the same. That bitch.
I hate Father’s Day. Since becoming a father, all I had thought about was my own dead father. I thought about how he failed at his job and how much my brother and I would be better off if he would just be alive. I started drinking that night. I was alone, and I had no one to worry about except myself. I called Courtney to thank her for her card. I wasn’t in a good place. I was seriously considering Jessica’s proposal of Manny living with her. I felt I couldn’t go on the way I had been. It wouldn’t be fair to Manny and myself. My ability to be a good father for him was directly related to my emotional health. I was reaching the end of my
rope. I cried to Courtney on the phone saying that I was considering just letting Jessica keep Manny.
“Okay, are you done now?" Her question was sincere albeit direct.
“Yes.”
“Alright, stop it. You are the best thing that has ever happened to that boy. To question your ability to parent him is a disservice to you and to Manny. He is much better off with you than with her.”
She believed in me. Even after I screwed things up with her so badly, she believed in me. We continued talking on the phone, glad to reconnect. Our emotions were still there. We discounted the idea of us and tried to make it just friends. We started to speak on the phone every night just as before. Courtney believed in me when no one else would. My mother believed in me, but hated seeing me in such pain. She agreed it might be better for Manny to go live with Jessica for a while. Courtney grounded me and gave me motivation.
I was running out of pocket change to pay for gas. I had two dollars left in quarters which would probably last me a few days. I had no idea how I would ever pay for my gasoline, even with the promise of more money from my new job. Most of my paycheck went directly into my mortgage, which was over three months past due. I couldn’t lose the house.
A knock came on the door one day after work. It was the middle of July. As I peeked through the peephole I saw a man I had never seen before. I was convinced Jessica had called DCFS again and would want to tour my house. I imagined saying, “Come on in! I know the drill." He didn’t want to come in. He was serving me with court papers. Jessica was trying to gain custody of Manny. The complaints in the court document were almost identical to her email.
A court date was set on the paperwork and I needed to do something. I needed to find a way to get a lawyer. I eyed my beat down car in the driveway and figured that selling it might be the only way I could afford to get someone to help, but then how would I get to work? What else could I sell? The only thing worth anything that was still available to sell was my television, and I couldn’t fathom Manny being raised without annoying children’s shows. Selling my car seemed like the only option at the time, but I would have to register my car in order to sell it, something I had been avoiding for six months because of my inability to afford the sixty dollar registration. It didn’t seem like a good idea.
Jessica informed me that she had scrapped her plans to send Manny back to Utah. She suddenly had plans that weekend and called it a “scheduling conflict." I’m certain she was confident the court date would happen before the travel dates and everything would work out in her favor. Unfortunately for her the court date was scheduled after our agreed upon return date. Her refusal to send him back left me with no other option than to go and get my son myself.
Just a few weeks into a new job, with no money to get my son, I started fantasizing about driving my clunker to Alabama to pick up Manny. Perhaps a rental car would work. My mother called me offering her frequent flier miles. I was saved. My mother believed in me.
Courtney, always a believer in me, sent me the money needed to retain a lawyer. The heavens aligned that week and I was going to be able to do this. I was terrified of Jessica’s talk about her “seeing this through to the end no matter the cost." I couldn’t afford to do that.
I sent an email off to my new boss telling him that I had to leave unexpectedly to pick up my son. I boarded the plane alone and hoped for the best, knowing that Jessica would not give up Manny without a fight. I started planning ahead just in case.
| FORTY TWO |
Backup Plan
July 2010
I found a reporter at Huntsville Times who mainly reported on the Army base, where Jessica and Vince lived. After calling the police on the Army base and telling them about my situation, I sent an email to the reporter, as advised by my lawyer.
Hi Ken,
I just left you a voicemail and hope that we are able to talk today.
Brief rundown of my situation.
I live in Utah, have physical custody of my son. My ex-wife lives on Redstone Arsenal with her husband (Vince Jacobs, who I understand is the 1st Sgt of the Army base).
I am flying into Huntsville to pick up my son after his parent-time with my ex-wife (6 weeks of summer break).
She is being reluctant about returning my son at the time I have requested, and has been changing the time to within 2 hours of my flight back to Utah.
I have already talked with police on the arsenal, and they will assist me when I arrive.
The potential story is if the arsenal police are not willing to enforce/uphold an existing court order and allow me the return of my child. Of course if the military are not able to uphold existing court orders, this is an issue.
I am to pick up my son tomorrow (friday) at 11am at the Redstone Arsenal visitors center. This time has been agreed upon previously by my ex-wife. My suspicion is that she will not return him, and I am afraid that the arsenal police would not enforce the existing court order.
Of course your presence would be great, but I know that might be asking too much.
Either way, please call me and we can discuss the situation further. I will be leaving in a little over an hour for the airport so please leave a voicemail if I miss you. I will attempt to get on the Internet tonight from my hotel in Huntsville.
Matthew Timion
I hit the send button. Part of me wanted a showdown. I wanted her to refuse to give Manny up and have it turn into some sort of press event where the military police would refuse to uphold a court order. I wanted her to break the law and make it so much easier for her case to die.
Crazy people are unpredictable, however, and unfortunately sometimes even crazy people can act sane. Although I kept checking my phone, I never heard back from the reporter.
I landed at ten o’clock at night. Lynyrd Skynyrd’s Sweet Home Alabama played on a constant loop in the airport. Mannequins in space suits decorated every part of the building to remind everyone NASA was just a stone’s throw away. I acquired my baby blue rental car and went to the hotel. I brought my laptop with me and checked my email. I asked Jessica to have Manny ready at eleven o’clock the next morning. “Absolutely not,” she replied. Vince chimed in saying that they had a family lunch planned as some sort of farewell. They were trying as hard as they could to keep Manny as long as humanly possible. I had all of the emails she sent stating that she would have Manny at the base’s visitor’s center at three thirty the next afternoon, just two hours before our flight. If it came to it I would have to get the police involved.
I drove around Huntsville with nothing to do so to pass time I watched a movie. I would like to say I went sight-seeing, but there wasn’t much to see there other than run-down houses and numerous Popeye’s Chickens. I just wanted out of that place. I wanted to get my son and leave.
As three thirty came around, I waited at the visitor’s center. A red car pulled up with the license plate “JESSICA." It was her. Manny was with her. Vince was nowhere to be seen. She got on her phone and called someone, “Yes, he’s here." I told Manny to give his mom a hug. She had gained weight since I saw her last. Her extreme diet of exercise and alcohol appeared to be something of the past. “I will text you when we land,” I said. Manny was happy to see me, but he was more entertained by the baby blue car. “Cool car, dad,” he said.
He had a suitcase that was mostly empty. He had one pair of clothes and a handful of toys. The majority of the things I had sent with him were not returned. Jessica wasn’t planning on Manny staying with me very long. Her light packing was a clear message that she thought Manny returning to Utah with me was just a temporary trip.
“Manny, I’m so glad to see you!” We talked in the car. “How was your farewell lunch with your mom and Vince?”
“Oh, we didn’t have a lunch. Vince isn’t in town.”
“Really? Where is he?”
“Washington D.C.”
It figured. Vince had emailed me that very morning about their family farewell lunch. He lied too. I had to
stop believing everything those two people said. It was getting ridiculous. Vince had definitely been sucked back into Jessica’s crazy web. I wondered if he had decided that fighting her influence was a futile effort. I pictured their house filled with stolen mementoes from restaurants and dive bars, each one with an associated story about some guy they had killed that night.
Manny showed me the picture book his mom made for him. It had pictures from the entire summer. There were pictures of Manny with Vince, Manny with Jessica, and Manny with other kids. It appeared that he had had a great time. I had to battle with the fact that Manny enjoyed himself and was groomed and clean. I was certain Jessica would be able to take care of his physical needs. Knowing she was completely unable to act rationally for the entire time I knew her, I was afraid of her effect on Manny’s emotional well-being. I had to stay strong, even if it meant losing my house to pay for the court battle, which was quickly approaching.
We landed in Salt Lake City. I wish I had been happy to be home, but my house represented everything wrong in my life. It was dirty. My dog was a nightmare sometimes. It was the house Jessica and I lived in. It was the house Jessica and Vince had sex in while she was in the basement. It was the house Courtney stayed in when she was in town, and also the house where she had found out about my inability to stay cyber-faithful. I looked at my gnawed-on coffee table and prepared Manny some food. He wouldn’t stop hugging me or his dog. He would rotate between the two of us. Happy to be home, he fell asleep on the couch watching television.
It was time to prepare for my court hearing. This turned into another instance of why keeping all of my emails was so great. I responded to every one of her claims. She said that Manny had not had a haircut since she last saw him. I reminded the court that the last time she saw Manny was a year prior so therefore her claim was ridiculous. This was also a dig at her infrequent visits to see Manny. She claimed I was a pass out drunk alcoholic. I submitted her background check showing her recent DUI and domestic violence dispute with Vince. She claimed I was unable to provide for Manny’s basic needs. I included a letter from Manny’s vice principal saying that I was one of the most involved parents he had ever seen. I included all of Vince’s emails from just four months before where he had called her a sociopath, a liar, a cheater, a drunk, a crazy person, and where he recommended I order supervised visitations. Their being together so soon after his emails only added fuel to the Jessica is unstable fire. My lawyer assured me I had nothing to worry about.
Leaving Salt Lake City Page 22
