by John Saul
But there was no respirator, and even from beyond the window they could see his chest rising and falling in the deep, even rhythm of sleep. A glance at one of the monitors told Marsh that Alex’s pulse was now as strong and regular as his breathing.
“He’s going to come out of it,” he said softly. Next to him, Ellen squeezed his hand tightly.
“I know,” she replied. “I can feel it. He did it, Marsh. Raymond gave us back our son.” Then: “But what’s he going to be like? He won’t be the same, will he?”
“No,” Marsh said slowly, “he won’t be. But he’ll still be Alex.”
There was a soft beeping sound, and the nurse whose sole duty was to watch Alex Lonsdale glanced quickly up, scanning the monitors with a practiced eye, then noting the exact time.
Nine-forty-six A.M.
She pressed the buzzer on the control panel, then went to the bed to lean over Alex, concentrating on his eyes.
The beeping sounded again, and this time she saw its cause. She picked up the phone and pressed two buttons. On the first ring, someone picked it up.
“Torres. What is it?”
“Rapid-eye movement, doctor. He may be dreaming, or—”
“Or he may be waking up. I’ll be right down.” The phone went dead in her hand and the nurse’s attention went back to Alex.
Once more, the beeping began, and the occasional faint twitching in Alex Lonsdale’s eyelids increased to an erratic flutter.
Hazily he became vaguely aware of himself. Things were happening around him.
There were sounds, and faint images, but none of it meant anything.
Like watching a movie, but run so fast you couldn’t see any of it.
And darkness. Darkness all around him, and no sense of being at all. Then, slowly, he began to feel himself. There was more than the darkness, more than the indistinct sounds and images.
A dream.
He was having a dream.
But what was it about? He tried to focus his mind. If it was a dream, where was he? Why wasn’t he part of it?
The darkness began to recede a little, and the sounds and images faded away.
Not a dream. Real. He was real.
He.
What did “he” mean?
“He” was a word, and he should know what it meant. There should be a name attached to it, but there wasn’t.
The word had no meaning.
Then slowly “he” faded into “me.”
“Me.”
“Me” became “I.”
I am me. He is me.
Who?
Alexander James Lonsdale.
The meaning of those little words came back into his mind.
He began to remember.
But there were only fragments, and most of them didn’t make any sense. He was going somewhere. Where? A dance. There had been a dance. Picture it.
If you want to remember something, picture it.
Nothing.
Going somewhere.
Car. He was in a car, and he was driving. But where?
Nothing. No image came to mind, no street name.
Picture something—anything.
But nothing came, and for a moment he was sure that all he would ever know was his name. There was nothing else in his mind. Nothing but that great dark void. Then more names came into his mind.
Marshall Lonsdale.
Ellen Smith Lonsdale.
Parents. They were his parents. Then, very slowly, the blackness surrounding him faded into a faint glow.
He opened his eyes to blinding brightness, then closed them again.
“He’s awake.” The words meant something, and he understood what they meant.
He opened his eyes again. The brightness faded, and blurred images began to form. Then, slowly, his eyes focused.
Certain images clicked in his mind, things he’d seen before, and suddenly he knew where he was. He was in a hospital.
A hospital was where his father worked. His father was a doctor. His eyes moved again, and he saw a face.
His father?
He didn’t know. He opened his mouth.
“Wh-who … are … you?”
“Dr. Torres,” a voice said. “Dr. Raymond Torres.” There was a silence, then the voice spoke again. “Who are you?”
He lay quiet for a few seconds, then, once more, spoke, the words distorted, but clear enough to be understood. “Lonsdale. Alexander James Lonsdale.”
“Good,” the man whose name was Dr. Torres told him. “That’s very good. Now, do you know where you are?”
“H-hob …” Alex fell silent, then carefully tried it again. “Hos … pi … tal,” he said.
“That’s right. Do you know why you’re in the hospital?”
Alex lapsed into silence again, his mind trying to grasp the meaning of the question. Then, in a rush, it came to him.
“Ha-hacienda,” he whispered. “Car.”
“Good,” Dr. Torres said softly. “Don’t try to say anything else right now. Just lie there. Everything’s going to be all right. Do you understand?”
“Y-yes.”
The image of the doctor disappeared from his vision, and was replaced by another face that he didn’t recognize. He closed his eyes.
Ellen and Marsh rose anxiously to their feet as Torres walked into his office a few minutes later.
“He’s awake,” he told them. “And he can speak.”
“He … he actually said something?” Ellen asked, her voice alive with hope for the first time since the accident. “It wasn’t just sounds?”
Torres seated himself at his desk, his demeanor, as always, perfectly composed. “Better than just saying something. The first thing he did was ask me who I was. Then he told me his name. And he knows what happened.”
Marshall Lonsdale felt his heart pounding, and suddenly a vision leapt into his mind. It was the chart of probabilities he’d seen two days earlier. Partial recovery had been only a twenty-percent chance. Full recovery had been zero percent. But Alex could hear, and he could speak, and apparently he could think. Then he realized that Torres was still speaking, and forced himself to concentrate on the doctor’s words.
“… but you have to realize that he might not recognize you.”
“Why not?” Ellen asked. Then: “Oh, God. He … he isn’t blind, is he?”
“Absolutely not,” Torres assured her. His eyes fixed on her, and Ellen felt a small shiver run through her. There was a quality of strength in his eyes that had not been there twenty years ago. Where once his eyes had smoldered in a way that she used to find frightening, now they burned with a reassuring self-confidence. Whatever Raymond Torres told her, she was suddenly certain, would be the absolute truth. And if Alex could be healed, Raymond Torres was the one man who could heal him. In his presence, the overriding fear she had fallen victim to since the moment she heard of Alex’s accident began to ebb away. She found herself concentrating on his words with an intensity she had never felt before.
“At this point there’s no way of knowing what he will remember and what he won’t. He could remember your names, but have no memory at all of what you look like. Or just the opposite. You might be familiar to him, but he won’t remember exactly who you are. So when you see him, be very careful. If he doesn’t recognize you, don’t be upset, or at least try not to let him know that you’re upset.”
“The fact that he’s alive, and that he’s conscious, is enough,” Ellen breathed. Then, though she knew she could never truly express what she was feeling, she went on. “How can I thank you?” she asked. “How can I ever thank you for what you’ve done?”
“By accepting Alex in whatever condition he is now in,” Torres replied, ignoring the emotion in Ellen’s words.
“But you said—”
“I know what I said. You must understand that Alex will undoubtedly have a lot of limitations from now on, and you must learn to deal with them. That may not be a simple task.”
“I know,�
� Ellen said. “I don’t expect it to be. But whatever Alex’s needs are, I know we’ll be able to meet them. You’ve given us back Alex’s life, Raymond. You … well, you’ve worked a miracle.”
Torres rose to his feet. “Let’s go see him. I’ll take you in myself, and I’d like to do it one at a time. I don’t want to give him too much to cope with.”
“Of course,” Marsh agreed. They started toward the west wing and paused outside Alex’s room. Through the window, nothing seemed to have changed. “Does it matter which of us goes in first?” he asked.
“I’d rather you went first,” Torres replied. “You’re a doctor, and you’ll be less likely to have any kind of reaction to whatever might happen.”
The Lonsdales exchanged a glance, and Ellen managed to conceal her disappointment. “Go on,” she said. “I’ll be fine.”
Torres opened the door, and the two men stepped inside. Ellen watched as Marsh approached the bed, stopping when he was next to Alex.
Alex’s eyes opened again, and he recognized Dr. Torres. On the other side of him was someone else.
“Who … are … you?”
There was a slight pause, and then the stranger spoke. “I’m your father, Alex.”
“Father?” Alex echoed. His eyes fixed on the man, and he searched his memory. Suddenly the face that had been strange was familiar. “Dad,” he said. Then, again: “Dad.”
He saw his father’s eyes fill with tears, then heard him say, “How are you, son?”
Alex searched his mind for the right word. “H-hurt,” he whispered: “I hurt, but not … not too bad.” A phrase leapt into his mind. “Looks like we’re going to live after all.”
He watched as his father and Dr. Torres glanced at each other, then back down at him. His father was smiling now. “Of course you are, son,” he heard his father say in an oddly choked voice. “Of course you are.”
Alex closed his eyes and listened to the sound of footsteps moving away from the bed. The room was silent; then there were more footsteps, and he knew people were once again standing by the bed. Dr. Torres, and someone else. He opened his eyes and peered upward. A face seemed to hang in the air, framed by dark wavy hair.
“Hello … Mom,” he whispered.
“Alex,” she whispered back. “Oh, Alex, you’re going to be fine. You’re going to be just fine.”
“Fine,” he echoed. “Just fine.” Then, exhausted, he let himself drift back into sleep.
“You can spend the day here if you want to,” Torres told them when they were back in his office. “But you won’t be allowed to see Alex again until tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?” Marsh asked. “But why? What if he wakes up? What if he asks for us?”
“He won’t wake up again,” Torres replied. “I’m going to look at him once more, and then give him a sedative.”
Marsh’s eyes suddenly clouded. “A sedative? He just came out of a coma. You don’t give that kind of patient a sedative—you try to keep them awake.”
Torres’s face seemed cut from stone. “I don’t believe I asked for your advice or your opinions, Dr. Lonsdale,” he said.
“But—”
“Nor am I interested in hearing them,” Torres went on, ignoring the interruption. “Frankly, I don’t have time to listen to what you have to say, and I’d just as soon you kept whatever thoughts you might have to yourself. Alex is my patient, and I have my own methods. I made that clear day before yesterday. Now, if you’ll excuse me.” He opened the door in his habitual gesture of dismissal.
“But he’s our son,” Marsh protested. “Surely we can—”
“No, Marsh,” Ellen interrupted. “We’ll do whatever Raymond wants us to do.”
Marsh gazed at his wife in silence for a moment, his jaw tightening with anger. But her obvious anguish washed his rage away, and when he turned back to Torres, he had regained his composure. “I’m sorry—I was out of line.” He offered Raymond Torres a crooked smile. “From now on I’ll try to remember that I’m not the doctor here. I’ve dealt with enough worried parents to know how difficult they can be.”
Torres’s demeanor thawed only slightly. “Thank you,” he replied. “I’m afraid I have few patients, and no patience, but I do know what I’m doing. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I want to get back to Alex.”
But as Ellen led him toward the lounge, Marsh’s anger surged back. “I’ve never heard of such a thing—he as much as told us he doesn’t want us around!”
“Apparently he doesn’t,” Ellen agreed.
“But I’m Alex’s father, dammit!”
Exhaustion threatening to overwhelm her, Ellen regarded her husband with oddly detached curiosity. Wasn’t he even pleased with what Raymond Torres had accomplished? “He’s Alex’s doctor,” she said. “And without him, we wouldn’t even have Alex anymore. We owe Raymond Alex’s life, Marsh, and I don’t intend to forget that.”
“Raymond,” Marsh repeated. “Since when are you on a first-name basis with him?”
Ellen gazed at him in puzzlement. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I’m not,” Marsh countered.
Her confusion deepened. What on earth was the matter with him? And suddenly the answer came to her. “Marsh, are you jealous of him?”
“Of course not,” Marsh replied, too quickly. “I just don’t like the man, that’s all.”
“Well, I’m sorry,” Ellen said, a distinct chill in her voice. “But he did save our son’s life, and even if you don’t like him, you should be grateful to him.”
Her words struck home, and once again Marsh’s anger evaporated. “I am,” he said quietly. “And you were right back there. He did perform a miracle, and it’s one I couldn’t have performed myself. Maybe I am a little jealous.” He slipped his arms around her. “Promise me you won’t fall in love with him?”
For just a moment, Ellen wasn’t sure if he was joking or not, but then she smiled and gave him a quick kiss. “I promise. Now, let’s tell everyone the good news.”
They stepped into the lounge to find Carol and Lisa Cochran pacing anxiously. “Is it true?” Lisa asked eagerly. “Is he really awake?”
Ellen gathered Lisa into her arms and hugged her. “It’s true,” she said. “He woke up, and he can talk, and he recognized me.”
“Thank God,” Carol breathed. “The girl at the desk told us, but we could hardly believe it.”
“And,” Marsh told her, “we’ve just been thrown out. Don’t ask me why, but Torres wants to put him to sleep again, and says we can’t see him until tomorrow.”
Carol stared at him with incredulous eyes. “You’re kidding, of course.”
“I wish I were,” Marsh replied. “I think it’s crazy, but around here, I’m not the doctor. Let’s get out of here and go home. I don’t know about you, but I didn’t get much sleep last night, and I don’t think Ellen got any.”
As they stepped out into the bright sunlight of the May morning, Ellen paused and looked around as if seeing her surroundings for the first time. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” she asked. “The grounds, and the building—it’s just lovely!”
Carol Cochran grinned at her. “This morning, anything would look lovely to you!”
For the first time since Alex’s accident, a truly happy smile covered Ellen’s face. “And why shouldn’t it?” she asked. “Everything’s going to be fine. I just know it!” Impulsively she hugged Lisa close. “We’ve got him back!” she cried. “We’ve got him back, and he’s going to be all right.”
“Alex?” Raymond Torres waited for a moment, then spoke again. “Alex, can you hear me?”
Alex’s eyes fluttered for a second, then opened, but he said nothing.
“Alex, do you think you can answer a couple of questions?”
Alex struggled for the right words, then spoke carefully: “I don’t know. I’ll try.”
“Good. That’s all I want you to do. Now, try to think, Alex. Do you know why you didn’t recognize your father?”
The
re was a long silence; then: “After he told me he was my father, I knew who he was.”
“But when you first saw him, Alex, did he look familiar?”
“No.”
“Not at all?”
“I … I don’t know.”
“But you recognized your mother, didn’t you?”
“Yes.”
“So she did look familiar?”
“No.”
Torres frowned. “Then how did you recognize her?”
Alex fell silent for a moment, then spoke again, his words strained, as if he weren’t sure he was using the right ones.
“I … I thought she had to be my mother if he was my father. I thought about it, and decided that if my father was here, then my mother was here too. After I decided she was my mother, she started to look familiar.”
“So you didn’t recognize either of them until you knew who they were?”
“No.”
“All right. Now, I’m going to give you something that’s going to put you to sleep, and when you wake up again, I’ll come to see you.” He slid a hypodermic needle under the skin of Alex’s right arm and pressed the plunger. As he swabbed the puncture with a wad of cotton soaked with alcohol, he asked Alex if the needle had hurt.
“No.”
“Did you feel it at all?”
“Yes.”
“What did it feel like?”
“I … I don’t know,” Alex said.
“All right,” Torres told him. “Go to sleep now, Alex, and I’ll see you later.”
Alex closed his eyes, and Torres watched him for a moment, then stepped to the monitors at the head of the bed and made some adjustments. Before leaving the room, he checked Alex once more.
Alex’s eyelids were twitching rapidly. Torres wished there were a way to know exactly what was happening inside the boy’s mind.
But there were still some mysteries that even he hadn’t yet unraveled.
PART TWO
CHAPTER EIGHT
Alex glanced at the clock on Raymond Torres’s desk, and, as he always did, Torres took careful note of the action.
“Two more hours,” he said. “Getting excited?”
Alex shrugged. “Curious, I guess.”
